My meditation journal

[Thittato]

5th session of kayaking this year

Wow. So awesome. I'm totally getting into a very decent 4th season with this activity.

2021: 20 sessions

2022: 30 sessions

2023: 11 sessions

2024: 5 sessions so far.

So kayaking really peaked in the 2nd season I was doing it. Then I was a bit lukewarm about it in the 3rd season. And this year I thought was maybe going to be my last year, but now I'm really enjoying it again.

Edited July 10 by Thittato

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today. Really, really nice. Deep concentration.

Been inconsistent with my meditation suddenly. I think something has been triggered. Been a lot of resistance. But I do meditate with my girlfriend over videochat occasionally. In order to work on our relationship we have started to study the buddhist meditation teacher Thich Nhat Hanh together, and having this as a common ground has really improved our relationship. It has given us some tools to stear our relationship in the right direction, and a conceptual framework we can both agree on when it comes to having an understanding of what kind of climate we wish to have in our relationship. Also work has been really demanding lately. Or I guess both work and the relationship has required quite some focus and energy, and I've been having quite some resistance towards my formal meditation practice. But suddenly my relationship feels much more like a safe haven with a loving and supportive girlfriend who is there for me. She is very fun and nice, when she is not dissatisfied with the relationship hehe.... Anyways. We have been exploring walking meditation together. We read Thich Nhat Hanh together, and then we do walking meditation, and then we share about our experiences with the meditation and buddhist studies in general. A very nice format seems to have emerged. And I'm super-happy I can have someone there to study buddhism together with. She is also a nerd, like me, so it is pretty cool.

Edited July 13 by Thittato

[Thittato]

6th session of kayaking this year

Wow. This is the longest and most demanding trip I've ever done. I paddled around 3 islands, one of them really big. Distance is approximately 25 to 30 km. It took me 4 hours and 40 min. Almost didn't stop. There was open ocean coming in towards one of the sides of the biggest island, so it was a challenge to cross that stretch, especially since this was my first time around this island.

In total it was really, really awesome.

Edited July 14 by Thittato

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today. Very nice concentration today as well.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Really deep and nice concentration. I'm very tired these days, so this helps a lot.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice. Not the same depth of concentration as yesterday, but still very nice.

[Thittato]

7th session of kayaking this year

On sunday 4th of August. 2 hours, including training with my girlfriends dog to join me for a 1 hour trip around an island. It was so fun to train and paddle with the company of a dog. So besides that I have been all over the place. Doing yoga, weight-lifting, sometimes meditating, guitar-practice, etc, but my daily routine has dissolved.

[Thittato]

8th session of kayaking this year

Paddled for 8 km with my girlfriend yesterday. This was her first time kayaking. It was really nice, she really enjoyed it.

I took a break from my meditation practice for a while. Somehow my focus shifted to exercise when I started kayaking again. Didn't kayak an awful lot this summer, only 8 times so far, but the kayaking triggered an interest in weight-lifting again, and I've been working with kettlebells for some time now.

However my girllfriend and I went on a buddhist seminar 31st of August to 1st of September (saturday and sunday) in the tradition she has been practicing in - Nichirin Buddhism in the SGI tradition. They chant the Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo there, which is a celebration of and reflection on the Lotus Sutra.

I felt really inspired about this practice, so I have been chanting this chant for at least 30 min per day since this seminar. Yesterday I discussed this practice with ChatGPT and I got some really interesting answers.

This is what I asked:

So I'm experimenting with SGI buddhism these days. Chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo. What benefits could this give me compared to the normal breath awareness / vipassana practice I usually do?

This is what ChatGPT answered:

Chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo, as practiced in SGI Buddhism, is centered around connecting with your inner potential and manifesting positive changes in life through vocalizing the chant. It’s a form of active meditation that can offer different benefits compared to breath awareness or Vipassana meditation. Here are some key distinctions and potential benefits:

Focus on Transformation: Chanting in SGI Buddhism is seen as a practice of shifting your inner state and bringing about external change. The idea is that by chanting, you align with the fundamental law of life and activate the ability to overcome challenges. This could complement your breath awareness practice by introducing a more vocal, outwardly expressive form of cultivating inner change.

Energy and Vibration: Chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo is rhythmic and vocal, which can generate a powerful energetic experience. The vibration of chanting might lead to a different kind of emotional release and stimulation compared to the silent, contemplative nature of Vipassana, where the emphasis is on observing sensations and thoughts without interference.

Immediate Engagement: Chanting may help when you’re feeling distracted or agitated, as it provides an active focal point, making it easier to engage the mind compared to breath awareness practices that can feel more passive. The repetition can create a strong, immediate sense of concentration.

Community Connection: SGI Buddhism often involves group chanting, which can provide a sense of community and collective support. This could be a contrast to the more solitary nature of Vipassana and might introduce a feeling of being part of something larger, which could influence your spiritual development differently.

Affirmation of Goals and Desires: SGI Buddhism encourages chanting with a focus on manifesting concrete goals in life. This can be appealing if you’re looking to reinforce intentions or desires more explicitly, whereas Vipassana tends to focus on insight and acceptance without striving toward specific outcomes.

Each approach offers unique paths toward personal growth. Experimenting with both might provide you with a balance of active, transformative energy through chanting and the grounded, mindful awareness from Vipassana.

[Thittato]

Back to my normal meditation it seems like. 45 min on saturday, none yesterday, and 45 min today (monday). Me and my girlfriend did approximately 10 days of her meditation together after the course we did in SGI buddhism. It was pretty cool to try it out. I learned a lot more about her background.

[Thittato]

9th session of kayaking this year

Another session of kayaking with my girlfriend yesterday. 2 hours. Approximately 7km. It was really nice. So even though I've been reluctant about kayaking this year, it seems to turn into one 4th pretty ok year of doing this thing. So at least I will do one more session so I get 10 sessions this year. These 4 years of kayaking has been creating a nice support structure within my meditation practice and this meditation journal. Like "Zen and the Art of Kayaking" or something like that.

[Thittato]

Ayahuasca retreat 5th and 6th of October

Before and after that I've been more consistent about my daily meditation practice again. This was a very strong retreat for me. I didn't drink ayahuasca since the end of January when I was still in Brazil, so this was very strongly reconnecting with my teachers in this tradition. The message was very clear. I need to continue with my daily meditation practice, but most importantly I need to take my guitar studies much more seriously. Fortunately I have experienced a lot of progress with guitar lately, so I'm just going to continue to build on that momentum.

45 min meditation today.

Edited October 23 by Thittato

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice.

[Thittato]

Friday: 45 min meditation

Saturday: 1 hour meditation

Sunday (today): 45 min meditation

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation yesterday, and 45 min today. I feel I'm acknowledging the extent to which anger, fear, anxiety, judgments and lack of understanding is still many times dominating my consciousness. Wanting to be a "clever spiritual practitioner" it can be difficult to fully acknowledge what needs to be worked on. I'm still not someone who has softened into peace, warmth, forgiveness and understanding.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice. Feels like I'm getting into a nice groove again with my meditation practice. The process that was leading up to my last ayahuasca ceremony, and the after-process after that lead to a lot of changes in my life so that I can sharpen up my focus around my priorities, and it has required quite some emotional processing, which might now start to get cleared out.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. It felt amazing and powerful.

[Thittato]

Zen and the Art of Kayaking

Saturday: 45 min meditation

Sunday: 45 min meditation

So I've been speaking a lot about my explorations of kayaking in this journal, and trying to make it into this theme of "zen and the art of kayaking," which is a theme I really like. I made a goal of doing 10 sessions of kayaking this year, but I'm going to abandon that goal. The season has almost ended and I'm simply not up for it. I'm too busy with working on my more important goals. But anyways, I completed my biggest goal in kayaking this summer, which was to round a big island outside of my city. It is 25 to 30 kilometers to paddle there and around the island and back to the kayak club I'm a member of, and it took me 4 hours and 40 min. I also paddled 11 sessions least season, and I like round numbers, so alltogether these 4 years that I've been paddling I've paddled 70 solid sessions.

2021: 20 sessions

2022: 30 sessions

2023: 11 sessions

2024: 9 sessions

In total = 70 sessions

So this might be my last year of paddling. I think I feel done with it. I've explored everything I've wanted to explore through it, and I think my focus will go to other things, but these paddling sessions have been a really great framework here in this journal to build my meditation and self-development project around.

This year was also really great regarding paddling contributing to physical exercise, because it really kick-started my interest in physical exercise again, and now I've been flowing with kettlebells already for several months. Most likely I will cover my physical exercise needs from now on with something that is very low-profile and quick, so that I can just do it in my home and get it done with and then spend my time and focus on my real goals.

So anyways, this kayaking project has been really awesome, and I'm very grateful for having had this experience.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice flow. Lots of peace, silence, but also refreshing and balanced energy.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Even better concentration than yesterday. That is really nice since I'm a bit squeezed on time and sleep, so I get some solid rest in my meditation these days.