Social skills

[ivory]

First of all, I'm highly introverted and not a very social guy. Second of all, I find very few people interesting and don't enjoy social interactions that much. Lastly, I'm also a bit awkward and would consider my social skills to be pretty low.

 

One of the things I've been curious about lately is whether or not it's worth learning social skills. Experience tells me the more skilled I am at something the more enjoyable that thing. So I thought that by learning social skills I may enjoy my social interactions more. However, I'm not sure that's true in the realm of relationships. Maybe, I'm just not really that into people. This has been an ongoing inquiry for some time and all I can really say at this point is I'm not really sure.

 

I welcome any advice but I'm really curious to hear about your experiences. What do you guys think?

[Bluebird]

Social skills will serve you very well in life.

Social skills based on authenticity are even better. 

You seem to have some beliefs to justify your introversion, building an identity to avoid the real work of changing yourself. You can reframe them with enough questioning and practice. 

[ajasatya]

@ivory i don't know exactly what you mean by "developing social skills", but learning to open my heart, listen deeply and make eye contact were three fundamental aspects for my growth. feeling good around people is part of feeling good about Life in general.

[Hellspeed]

40 minutes ago, ivory said:

First of all, I'm highly introverted and not a very social guy. Second of all, I find very few people interesting and don't enjoy social interactions that much. Lastly, I'm also a bit awkward and would consider my social skills to be pretty low.

 

One of the things I've been curious about lately is whether or not it's worth learning social skills. Experience tells me the more skilled I am at something the more enjoyable that thing. So I thought that by learning social skills I may enjoy my social interactions more. However, I'm not sure that's true in the realm of relationships. Maybe, I'm just not really that into people. This has been an ongoing inquiry for some time and all I can really say at this point is I'm not really sure.

 

I welcome any advice but I'm really curious to hear about your experiences. What do you guys think?

Just project the Heart unto anyone, practice this until you feel comfy. Social skills will come to you natural. 

[ivory]

16 minutes ago, Bluebird said:

You seem to have some beliefs to justify your introversion, building an identity to avoid the real work of changing yourself

I don't see introversion as some kind of flaw. That said, I do believe that I can work on social skills without sacrificing who I am.

 

14 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

i don't know exactly what you mean by "developing social skills"

Often times I don't know what to say. I'd like to learn how to be able to converse more skillfully. That's basically what I mean. I agree with you though, listening skills seem very important in relationship.

[ajasatya]

@ivory you don't need to say anything if there's nothing to say. instead, ask questions... be truly interested on the other person.

[brugluiz]

I had a hard time learning social skills after my psychosis (I'm still learning and, God, I have a lot to learn and let go). Social skills are indeed crucial for your development. There is no formula for better social skills, but just getting out of your comfort zone to approach people.

NoFap may also help you with social anxiety (if it's your case).

[aurum]

@ivory

If I had to choose, I would take social skills over any other skill that I have. I can’t understate how important it is.

Your entire life is going to revolve around people. Dating, friendship, family, business. Even in the social media age, there’s no way to get around it.

[Zigzag Idiot]

If I had been born 20 years later, I would have been diagnosed as having aspergers.

Arrested development also as a teenager by staying altered on alcohol and drugs 90% of the time.

I have the tendency to be an introverted recluse who finds comfort in solitude.

[VioletFlame]

@ivory Alone = All one. ♥

Introversion & solitude are invaluable for spiritual growth and for the process of individuation. Personally, I've found that the more content you are within yourself when you're in solitude, the more content and comfortable you will feel within yourself wherever you may be, whether alone or shuffling through the cacophonous crowds as a microscopic creature in this big scary world.

But of course anything that is being overused or too radical or extreme, is an imbalance. Excessive solitude can lead to unhealthy isolation and at worse, agoraphobia, which we'd rather not attain since there is too many magical possibilities in the outside world to miss, fear or ignore.

Spirituality is about how we love & connect with ourselves but it's also about how we connect & interact with others in the world and how we can share and give our love to the world. Yes, through the use of communication and eye contact is important, but also through creative consciousness and passion (and compassion) and even silence. Through doing what you're passionate about, is being true and authentic to your heart and to the heart of the world, which is a true pursuit of spirituality. So within, so without. Some of my best conversations with people were the ones in complete silence, just taking in the present experience we'd be sharing. However, it's rare to encounter people who are comfortable enough in their nature to achieve this, similar to the rarity of how long a person can stand to gaze into someone's eyes without looking away.

What I can say is that through total acceptance of everyone and of the way people irrevocably are and through practicing acceptance of myself helped me with my social skills and the social anxiety I experienced throughout my life.

I know what you mean about not knowing what to say to people or how to speak. From my experience, I learned to deal with being alone at an early age simply because I had no other choice, which eventually led me to love it and rely on it. I grew up through a series of traumatic events which caused me to repress so much and feel extremely disturbed, uncomfortable and alienated around the human species for a long time, which also made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt like I never truly "belonged" anywhere in society and I felt separate yet at the same time, not to sound too solipsistic, but whenever I was alone as a child, away from perpetrators, when humans were not harassing or tormenting me, whether in nature, connecting with earth & the elements, or within the elemental realm of my imagination, or through deep emotional release (much needed for my soul at this time), I felt this intense, deep connection to the earth and to the Universe and to Divine. On an intuitive soul level, in soulitude, was where the magic was and I would assume everything I was experiencing must be God. Through simply sitting and listening and actively observing everything..the sounds, shapes & colors and the colors & the music of silence as well, directed me to the totality of God and I would feel okay again. Perhaps simply because it brought me peace as well.

People around me were terribly invasive, abusive and dysfunctional so I grew up seeking as much space and privacy as possible, and resorting to multiple creative outlets and sources which would transcend me from the physical, help me surrender to pain, and get me through the battle and noise around me. Through many years of ups and downs and oscillation, ultimately, this would heal me and lead me to many personal awakenings that changed my life. My gratitude for this I cannot express through words.

If I was alone, I was safe where no one could touch me. I wasn't disrupted or disturbed or harmed by external influences around me but instead I felt entirely free. And I could just be. I was also able to channel my trauma through creativity and as quiet as I was as a child, I eventually found my only "voice" through poetry and singing but it was the only way I could express myself for a long time. You can and will find your voice. ♥ As I got older, I was no longer afraid or avoidant of confronting the things around me, but rather intrigued. I wanted to get to know the darkness of my childhood and of the world and of myself. It was like a natural force that pulled me in and I wanted to greet it and face it and understand it and find the light within it, and now I can happily say I did. Perhaps years of solitude led me to this? ? Who knows.

Thank you for your post, I empathize and it much resonated with me. Never force anything just let yourself be naturally. If you feel you must speak, speak. If you don't feel like it, just listen and don't speak at all. ♥ So much love to you. ♥

P.s. Your inner voice may just be telling you to say some stuff though ?

Edited December 23, 2018 by VioletFlame

[VioletFlame]

@ivory I hope this was somewhat helpful. ♥

[ivory]

21 hours ago, Bluebird said:

Social skills based on authenticity are even better

I totally agree with this. I have no intention of changing myself, or even denying my introversion, I would just like to have more skills in the relationship department.

18 hours ago, brugluiz said:

Social skills are indeed crucial for your development.

I totally believe this.

17 hours ago, aurum said:

If I had to choose, I would take social skills over any other skill that I have. I can’t understate how important it is.

This is what I suspect. I guess I'lll have to find out for myself.

4 hours ago, VioletFlame said:

I hope this was somewhat helpful

Thanks for the lovely post Violet.

 

The thing that confuses me is that I don't seem to have much interest in other people. I find very few people interesting. So, who am I developing social skills for?

[Chase Ellfeldt]

Social skills will serve you well in life! Make a game out of it. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People and then see how well you can do when you interact with people. 

I'm an introvert too but I find people fascinating but draining so I turn it into a game. 

[ivory]

I think what I'm going to do is seek out some green communities and learn to connect better with people who are into deep topics. Like I said, I find very few people interesting. So I'm just going to seek out the interesting ones for now. Maybe I'll do better socially with those who are more like myself.

[VioletFlame]

On 12/23/2018 at 3:01 PM, ivory said:

Thanks for the lovely post Violet.

The thing that confuses me is that I don't seem to have much interest in other people. I find very few people interesting. So, who am I developing social skills for?

@ivory You're very welcome!

Well my dude, you do it for you, because it is simply a healthy challenge which could help you overcome this dilemma you are having among others. Soulitude is great and it's okay to not have interest in people but in the long run, when you put yourself out there and meet like-minded people, you will gain more authentic connections to others which is certainly worthwhile.

The quality of your relationships over the quantity is super important. Choosing the people you surround yourself wisely and gently is best because of course, you don't want to fall into a crowd of low-consciousness energy vampires who carry selfish agendas, simply stay away from this kind. Just let your intuition guide you, you'll know what's best for you. ♥

[Privet]

What do you mean by social skills?

There's a lot in this word:

• Intimate relationships
• Friendships
• Teaching
• Dating
• Teamwork
• Small-talk
• Storytelling
• Corporate environment
• etc.

You can decide what domains are important for you, it can't be the case that you don't need all of them.