When she really piss you off

[Annoynymous]

37 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Well, it just depends on who you're around and if they're really a match to you. 

Also, my husband and I had been together for a few months before we settled into our life together. So, that's when we started being more open and the relationship became more about connection than about the initial attraction dynamic.

That's why I said that, "if it's a real relationship" then your concerns won't be an issue. A relationship is basically a really deep friendship once it gets past the initial attraction dynamic. So, authenticity is 100% necessary. Otherwise, you can't relax into the situation. You're always going to be performing a facade.

Prior to this settling in period, everything is just for fun and it's all about forging the heat of an attraction. So, a lot of times getting too emotional in the initial phases can be a red flag because it can reveal too much attachment and clinginess. Women are also attracted to more stoic men who can hold their emotions and are not controlled by them. So, it may douse the flames that are forging you together. So, timing is important too.

So, it could be that you started being too emotional too soon before the initial stage was over. Now, authenticity is still necessary in the initial stage, but you still want to put your best foot forward as it's all about courtship. 

Now, of course, there can just be women out there that are toxic or dysfunctional who would perceive a man having emotions as a weakness. But you don't want to be with them anyway, as they will drag your life down. You should be with someone who accepts you and sees you having feelings as normal. Otherwise, you're way better off alone than with someone you have to constantly pretend around. 

I have a question regarding this topic. in initial stage, what we do in the name of courtship, isn't it authentic? And according to you, how much time does this "initial stage" take? And how to recoznise if a woman is dysfunctional emotionally?

[Emerald]

34 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Emerald yeah i was mixing attraction stage and relationship faze..."problem" is that i think that the girl i want is not attracted to the man i am now so im trying to change...

I mean, you could probably do some self-improvement. There is always potential to be developed. That will give you more mass appeal in general.

But think of a person as being like a flower. If a Tulip develops, it just develops into a more awesome Tulip. But it never transforms into a Daisy or Chrysanthemum or Rose. It can only develop what is actual in it to develop.

So, if you have a girlfriend that only like Poinsettias, then you as a Tulip shouldn't try to be that for that person. You should find someone who prefers Tulips. Otherwise, you'll live your life pretending to be something you're not.

[Emerald]

6 minutes ago, Annoynymous said:

I have a question regarding this topic. in initial stage, what we do in the name of courtship, isn't it authentic? And according to you, how much time does this "initial stage" take? And how to recoznise if a woman is dysfunctional emotionally?

The courtship is authentic too, but it's a lot about putting your best foot forward and drawing attention to the positive. It's a similar idea to dressing up when you go on the first date. You're going as yourself but your presenting yourself in a more idealized way. That's the nature of courtship. It involves drawing attention to the positive while minimizing the negative for a fun time and good impression. So, courtship is authentic, but it's kind of like an art. So, it's also very calculated and meant to illicit certain feeling in the other person.

Normally, the initial stage lasts 2-3 months. It's linked to our hormones. In the initial stage there is a hormone (I forget the name of it) that causes us to feel a lot of lust, excitement, and infatuation relative to the other person. So, it's that initial hunger for the other person and the giddiness to be with them. And that person is always on your mind and you want to spend as much time as possible with them. So, it's like a crush that's been realized by both individuals.

But then, after the first few months pass, this exciting hormone diminishes, and it gives way to a different hormone called Oxytocin. And this is what bonds us. And the feeling is not as exciting but it is incredibly comforting and creates a deeper bond between the two people based in more than just attraction.

It's hard to explain how to tell if someone is emotionally dysfunctional. It's an intuitive thing that comes along with self-development. You'll become attracted to whoever most mirrors yourself. So, the best way to avoid emotionally dysfunctional women is to resolve your own emotional dysfunction. But some red flags are flakiness, abusive language, talking poorly about her exes, callousness, bitterness, pushiness, etc. But the best way is to develop yourself and your self-esteem and self-respect, and you will be attracted to and attract women who have done the same. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Emerald yeah thats some good points...for example i was an extrovert turned into an introvert now i want to be more social have good vibe...be more confident etc...its like i want to turn into other kind of flower than im now so in the end i dont know what flower i am...and how to change it(another story) hope this makes sense

[Shin]

When she pisses me off,

I switch hand.

Edited December 24, 2018 by Shin

[F A B]

On 23/12/2018 at 10:48 PM, Emerald said:

But think of a person as being like a flower. If a Tulip develops, it just develops into a more awesome Tulip. But it never transforms into a Daisy or Chrysanthemum or Rose. It can only develop what is actual in it to develop.

So, if you have a girlfriend that only like Poinsettias, then you as a Tulip shouldn't try to be that for that person. You should find someone who prefers Tulips. Otherwise, you'll live your life pretending to be something you're not.

Wow! Amazing!

You are always really helpful, thank you 

[F A B]

We met a few days ago.

We talked, we talked a lot. She said “I no longer feel the same...I don’t think I can go on”.

She has loved me, but now that love seems faded away.

I was shocked, but I kept calm, I kept listening to her carefully, and then I hug her while expressing my feelings “I love you and I will love you forever, but I must accept and respect your choice”

Long kiss “goodbye”.

 

It’s so hard, I’ve cried a lot these days, but I feel it was the right thing to do.