How To Stop Judging

[littleBIG]

I just watched the "How to stop judging yourself" video. I completely resonate with the message in the video. For example, I constantly judge my parents for wasting their lives doing useless things, but I judge myself just as harshly when I watch TV or play video games. I also judge them for yelling at each other and fighting constantly. That made me a passive person who never speaks for himself.

While it's definitely a big step to be able to recognize all these judgments I make, I want to know what I can do instead of judging. I can't help but think someone is fat when I see that someone is fat. I also can't help but to think that yelling doesn't solve anything when my parents fight again. What can I think instead??

[Henri]

@littleBIG When you do meditation, you make the subject the object. Meaning you observe your thoughts rather than being the thoughts.

With continued practice the same will happen in ordinary life. When someone is fat, you`ll notice, but without the judging. It will be a natural tendency as a result of continued practice of your spiritual work.

[vizual]

The very act of thinking is just a form of judgment. Whether you think a person is kind, loving, beautiful, ugly, nice, not so nice. It's impossible to not judge someone(and something) while using language/symbols. By trying to stop judging the only thing you will accomplish is judging your own judgment - and thus will get you nowhere.

The only thing you can do is to try to expand awareness. You judge because you see and feel too much separation in reality, you are too invested in the illusion. A good, simple yet practical approach is too start practicing love and compassion more. Both toward yourself and others. When you can sense that you and other are on a level playing field the judgment automatically stops(at least lessens). Your thoughts are only a reflection of how you see the world, you can not change your thoughts, only how you perceive the world. When you become more aware of love - both inside and outside - then the judgmental thoughts will stop.

You say you judge people as fat. You probably mean that in a negative connotation. Fat people are lazy, ugly, sick, unattractive, stupid etc. The reason this judgment happens is because the ego is always trying to give order to things. The ego always tries to size up people in relation to itself. You judge people as fat so you can feel that you are higher in the human hierarchy than the fat person. When the ego judges the situation as being higher in hierarchy the ego feels safe. In turn, when your ego judges people as being higher that its own it feel threatened. 

Your only job is to see that this whole higher/lower hierarchy of people is a sham, an illusion. When you can do that your relationship with people will change for the better.

[littleBIG]

@Henri @vizual Thank you. I think I understand now. I will become aware of things (i.e. someone's weight) but without any negative or positive connotations attached. I simply observe. 

[Anicko]

There are a lot of little things too consider in your own mind when you want to stop being so judgmental. 

Put yourself in their shoes. 

Consider that what works for you doesn't work for everyone else. 

Remind yourself people are acting from their own unique perspective, and you don't have any idea what they are thinking. 

Remember, too, that everyone just wants to be happy. We all do the best we can with what we know and have learned. It doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it makes it easier to let go of your own judgments. 

It takes time. Keep an open mind! 

[Nic]

If you dissect a thought, or a judgment there are a few things happening. In the judgement that for exemple, you are fat.

-You have an honest assessment like, it might true or not: "I'm fat", you could be actually neutral about it, but 99% of the time you are not.

-Then there is the attitude in witch you say that. You are happy about it, sad about it often heard in the tone of your inner voice because the assessment implies so many things at the same time, that you are beautiful or not, that you'll never find a partner, but it basically comes back to that:  that you're worth loving or not worth loving.

-Then you bite into the assessment that you are fat. You agree on the assessment  "oh yes, I'm so fat", you agree on the assessment but also in the tone in which you said that, with the implied assumptions about what it is to be fat.

This all happens in a split second and you don't notice that.

The trick is not to stop judging for now. The trick is to stop biting into the assessment, to become aware of the judgment, to observe the dialogue like girls gossiping in your head that you kindly ignore, to see all what is implied underneath that assessment by noticing that you are being  judgmental  and just say thank you very much man, I heard you. Thank you for your assessment, but it was attached by many lies that I came aware of. I don't bite into it. Thank you.

For a judgment towards yourself or anybody to have effect on you, a part of you has to agree, this is the one part you can take control of and say no. I don't bite into it.

After that you can practice being neutral about your assessments! But for now try to see in yourself the part that agrees with judgments. You actually have a dialogue not a monologue going on in your head.

Take care and good luck!

Edited April 13, 2016 by Nic