Lovelight&luck

[Yukise99]

Monday April 11, 2016.

 

I am sick in the head, 

But they seem to think I can be read

Like a book with spirals for pages

Words and letters that include love

The light was shone on me,

but I cannot see. 

My love for God can't be replace with my love for money

But I need money to show my family a good life,

A life filled with excessive spending

towards the materialistic things 

and travels that we have yet to experience. 

Our experience on this earth can never be limited 

to the computation of what is and what is not

nor what can or cannot be.

Because to see is to believe what you see is the thing it is to be. 

Sight is a belief just as much as faith is a belief of the things that cannot be seen 

Yet others tries to justify their sight as right

when clearly, their sight fights their own intuition of what is right. 

 

 

But there's clearly no wrong in a universe filled with rights. 

Right... 

 

 

 

 

[Yukise99]

Wed, April 13, 2016  

6:03PM 

New music always heal me, just take it line by line.

Precept upon precept

For this life of mine

is the noble prize

that I have been given/received and won. 

God is with me, 

so I can't be wrong

I never knew my heart 

could ever grow to be this strong.

They say I got a weak mind,

and I broke down 

several times, couldn't think about how I'm going to live this life. 

I can't keep thinking

because the thinking that got me here.

Has left me in nowhere,

I got nothing at all. 

But like we say grace, expect nothing at all. 

And Gain everything, it's God's fortune that we were told. 

So we justly live our faith. 

Even though they accuse us of new age,

But time doesn't exist

That's why nothing has really changed. 

They say

Nothing is new under the sun,

Riding on a golden chariot

flowing towards the stream of hope

We ride, we ride, we ride 

Just forget it all,

it's easier if you do,

why can't I forget?

If it was someone else, I wouldn't have mind. 

But our little group grew and

detached each other from our senses.

Loving the sky was a hobby of mine. 

This felt like it was meant to be,

yet I still wish you all

could be here with me. 

Though I sound like a hypocrite 

I will not quit on anyone of you. 

Though I've cut of the cords.

Just know that my hands

will always be reachable 

As the unbeatable ocean sweeps us away.

From our past, present and future. 

Smiles, smiles, smiles is all I ever ask 

We can't be dreamers forever. 

But as long as I can dream of your smile

I know my dream was a dream come true. 

 

[I love you all, my classroom friends. Though time has separated us all, I believe this is for the best. Until next time when I see you again. I hope we can all greet each other with a smile. Even if that smile is fake, I will make it real.] 

 

Note to self: I recently received a letter back! Yes! Thank you God!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Yukise99]

Sat, April 16, 2016 

11:59am 

Today I write down my goals for the year. I feel like nothing, that sense of void but that void itself contains something within it. I gotta make better reading youtube videos. I got a few things I want to focus on. 

1. Drop down to 180-160-145lbs to get my cosplay body. 

2. Make spectacular youtube theme videos. 

3. Learn how to manage my finances. 

Side goals: 

Have $78,000 in the bank. Right now I have $80 in the bank, $300+ credit card debt. 

Get 50,000 subscribers on youtube. 

Draw a little bit once a day. 

Read the bible once a day. 

Primary Focus: 

Drawing at the Master's level 

Martial Arts 

 

 

[Yukise99]

April 19, 2016

2:37 PM

                How long has it been since I've written down my own thoughts. Not too many days that I cannot count them. My head is adjusting well, I sometimes question my own recovery but it is coming along nicely. I just gotta remind myself to take it day by day, line by line and precept upon precept. Spring is often a resemblance of a rebirth in nature. As such for my life, it'll be reflected towards that nature and I establish a new beginning for myself. A beginning of joy and semblance of love, peace and luck. I've been away for quite a long time and it appears that a lot has changed since I was here. My friendships, the battles that I have fought so hard to keep them. It is now realized. I pray that our whole heart felt emotions will guide us to our next adventure in life. For this year, I pray and requested that God the father helps me with my financial skills and knowledge as a whole. And he has already provided those lessons over these past couple of days, hallelujah the lord has spoken. God be praised, for I was lost and now I am found. 

              As for my mental conditions, my health has been improving at a very nice and enjoyable pace. I used to want to take things to extreme speed but now I realized that there is no need for such things. It is a nice skill to have but perhaps it should only be activated in dire situations. And daily living disqualifies such skill as needed. The days passes by and I realized what it is that I truly want to focus on; Martial Arts, Drawing, School and Financial Skills. 

       I have faith that all will be provided for me and that I simply grateful for such things. Thank you God for being who you are, it matters not who I am but who you are God. I don't quite understand your generosity but I truly appreciate it. It has been a humbling experience to learn about your love, O creator of the Universe. Your sweet grace has been the desert to the lavish meals that you have greatly provided O Glory to God, you are an astounding and supreme Creator. For you have created me and taken care of me, I applaud and am humbled by your generosity and grace towards us all. God, I do not want to say good bye to you. For I know that your ways are higher than my ways, and yet I appreciate your benevolence mercy to listen to someone like me.

                         I never want to say good bye to you God, for you are my savior, my God, my lord, my king above all kings. I have realized that I have had a false understanding of you my entire life and I am sorry for it. I have blamed you, cursed you, and yelled at you over the past years of my life. But no more shall be the amount of my toil in foolishness. I apologize if my ignorance is blatant, God I do not know your ways. Please show me the way to life. To live life in abundance and to experience joy each day. My God, I do not know why I have a stronger bond in you then Jesus. I ask for forgiveness on my part I just don't quite understand it yet. I will find my way, please believe me. Is it foolish to ask you to believe in me father? I don't quite know for I am young.  I pray my God is that you'll remind me that you are a loving Father when I have lost my ways. I pray that you do not take offense in what I have written, if so I apologize greatly. I simply pray for my own happiness and chooses it accordingly. God I pray that you would be able to smile everyday thinking of me, I know I have disappointed you in the past. But that never stopped you from loving me. Really I do love you, I am just confused about what is right and what is wrong. 

                     Do you ever smile thinking about me God? For you know when I rise and fall, so I imagine you must care a lot about me. I am confused about my feelings for you. I don't quite know who you are God, but I am quite infatuated with your love. It is like a taste of sweet candy liquor on Christmas day. You have shown me what life could be all about and I really really appreciate it! I am on my way to living a better life, I hope you can accept me as I am.  I find it hard enough to accept myself as I am, I truly appreciate your kindness and love towards myself and others. God, I smile everyday thinking of how you took care of me these past few years. But it turns out you have been looking out for me before I was even born. 

 

                I'm sorry for telling you this, but I am more of a girl within me then I am male. I'm trying my best to live life as a girl because that's one of my many sides that I have. I only know my male and female sides at the moment, but yes I attuned myself as a female more than male. I don't think there are any significant changes in myself other than that I am more accepting of myself as a female than male. It's not that I feel uncomfortable with my current gender, it's moreso that I have two genders/side instead of just one. I don't think anyone else needs to know about my female side other than you God. I would like to eventually draw out my female side more. But for now my recovery is top priority. 

I just hope you can accept me as I go through life and become more of true self, rather than who I think I have to be to live this life. 

With love, as always 

Your daughter/son 

   

 

[Yukise99]

4/20/16 

11:16 PM 

Hi God, it's me your beloved son/daughter here. How are you tonight? I am feeling a lot better from making up with my friends. My life is going to change for the better right? I hope so Lord, I trust in you and your divine plans for me to prosper and grow from it. I, am quite thankful for the noble life that you have given me O Lord, hallelujah, my God you are so good to me I cannot fathom your love nor thoughts. But I appreciate that you took the time to take care of me. I have a question right now O Lord of the highest order, there is no denying your love for us and that your ways are higher than my ways, I remember during a service I had glimpse into your true nature and I asked you why there are so many religion in the world and you replied "why do you think I put them there in the first place? " I'm searching for you O Lord, I would like to know your ways and how you view the intricacies of life. I requested assistance back into daily life, and you have answered my prayers so thank you my Lord. I'll do my best to remember to take life one day at a time. 

 

 https://www.pinterest.com/pin/346214290083141934/

 

[Yukise99]

I think just caring about yourself, can go a long way. Keep up the good work! 

 

[Yukise99]

Just go at your own pace, life will always find a way to make you happy. There is no need to worry about the afterlife, just this life is all you need. We have a lot of materials to read so just take your time and go at a pace that makes sense to you. There is no need to go 120mph if you can only handle 45. Remember that steering takes a lot of skills, especially in life as well as other pursuits in the future. Worry not about the thoughts of other, while you are living this life. Do not compare the gentle flowing stream to a high rapid geyser; they both have their purposes and functionalities within nature. Don't let a few sediments clog up your flow, it'll take time for you to find a suitable pace. If it will come it is not now; if it is now then it will not come. But it must come, it will come. Believe it. Yes things might not be precisely where you want them to be, but don't you feel like this is a higher calling entirely? How many people can recover like you do for something like this? Not many, I assure you. How many people can keep on marching day to day and live a life where you believe you are more than what you currently are? Not many, I assure you. 

      Just hush hush and cry a little more, I promise things will get better day to day. You just haven't realized it yet. Go at your own pace, there is no need to rush. The work has already been done for you, you just need to be gentle and flow on each day. Go at your own pace, go at your own pace, won't life be more enjoyable going at your own pace? I plead with you to consider living day by day, smile each and every second of the day. No matter how unrealistic this is, life was meant to bring a smile to your face. Remember life and then smile once more. Choose to love each and every second, for tomorrow is promise to no one. You know this is true, what is more important to you? Living a life where you can smile each day knowing that you did your best, or a life where you constantly scrutinize yourself and lower your self each and everyday because of what you fail today? I rather choose the first life, because if I did my best...there is nothing more I could have done. And only I can accept that for myself. Because this is the noble life that has been given to me. 

 

11:06AM 

4/23/2016

Hey it seems like you had a lot on your mind last night. Is everything OK? I don't want you to over push yourself, despite whatever your original instinct is telling you. Telling you to take it easy is easier said than done. But hey, keep in mind that there are people that cares about you. Things are adjusting themselves nicely, you just need to go at your own pace. No matter what they tell, your pace is the best pace FOR YOU. I could careless about what the others are doing with their lives and you should as well. You don't need to keep looking for a way out or a way in, just live day by day and have goals that you want to accomplish and tread day by day. If it's slow, so be it. I know you're doing the best you can and no one else can take that away from you. 

" Don’t spend your time trying to live someone else’s life, the life that people think you should live, or the life that you think you should live. What you really should do is to start following your heart, curiosity and intuition and see where it leads you." - Corey Wayne

You have also told others the same thing, and I know you are on that path! Have faith in yourself as well, trust that you are where you are is the best case scenario. This is it mate, just trust in yourself and go forward with your plans. 

May love and peace light up your ways. 

Sincerely,

You 

 

[Yukise99]

Sun, April 26, 2016

Keep your mind sharp. Do daily meditations and follow your heart. 

[Yukise99]

I want a love that's as free as the air we breath. A love so blissful that it awakens our sense of longing. A longing for a new life with what we make of it. I want you to know that no matter what,  I will always love you. It might not seem much, but love is all you need. So love, love and love till forever and more. I know you will make it. Bless your big heart young ones, your sky is unlimited and your love overflows. This year, I said I wanted to focus on my financial matters. It seems that God is helping me with restarting my life over again. I am thankful for the wonderful parents and friends that he has blessed me with. I am so grateful and gracious for your abundance kindness, wisdom, knowledge and love God. I pray, I pray, I pray for blessings in this life and the next. For those that are in it to win it, I pray I pray I pray for your victory and salvation. Believe in me. Your endless love will rekindle the flames of life, hope and love. Is it not wonderful to feel joy and love each day? I believe so, so keep on loving life and life will love you back! It is that simple my love. You must pause for a moment, and realized that we're all here because of love. The interesting thing is that sometimes we need to be reminded of this fact. So here is your daily reminder, God loves you. The Universe loves you. I love you. Your family loves you. Your friends loves you. Through it all, the biggest lesson this life has to give is, love. Be easy, be brave, be diligent. Be all you can be. What I need you to be, is to love yourself as well as you possibly can. And remember, whatever the mind can conceive it can achieve. 

 

 

[Yukise99]

4/28/2016 

2:44PM 

Hey did you forget? It's almost Christmas time. You didn't forget did you? Or did you gave up hope on it already? Hey listen up, Christmas is not about you at all. It's about the other person. The other person that you truly care about in this world. I know that things are very puzzling right now, but believe me when I tell you that it doesn't have to make sense. Life does not ever have to make sense. You don't need to worry about the rest, just go on living life doing what it is that you think is right. Sometimes I need to play music to understand my own emotions, and that's okay. Sometimes I just need to cry on the inside, to find out what it is that I was looking for. My determination has been made up, I will go for my dreams. It has not been so long since I've made up my mind. But day by day I will get there. Like the songs said, "I'm not as good as I'm going to be, but I'm a lot better than yesterday" . Each new day is a lesson for me to learn and experience about myself and to see if I really do want the things that I say I do. I know it is a lot to handle but you can pick yourself up one day at a time. We don't have to go full throttle, but 10mph is a lot better than 0 mph. There are always questions that you will have about life and your experiences and that's okay to have them. I just ask that you keep going, no matter what. These songs that play helps me understand what my heart is saying the most. 

  It is telling me that it is okay to slow down, and that life will accommodate you if you so ask it to. So today, I ask that life understands me and have patience with me on my own behalf. I ask that it does not criticize or mock my inner self. I'm still discovering life day by day. And it has been the most wonderful thing I could ever experience. Thank you, everyone and everything for your grace. The sweet melody of the electric guitar help express what my heart feels when my abilities to use words is unsuitable for such purpose. Just once more, once more. Remember again what it was like to fall in love again. Remember what it was like to love life. Everything was so precious when I did fall in love. I want to capture that feeling once more. I'm wondering, if it is possible to love again. Most important, can I love myself again? 

Everything will be okay if you let it, so do just that. I will, don't forget it. 

 

[Yukise99]

12:57pm

Saturday, April 30 2016

There's a new system of self-improvement. It goes 

"What mistakes did I make that time?"

"What did I do that was right-and in what way could I have improved my performance?" 

"What lessons can I learn from that experience?"

- straight from the How to Influence People and Win Friends 

 

[Yukise99]

It's quite amazing how much life has given us all, and me especially! I have wondered why these unexplained coincidences have been showing up now and not earlier. But like Prince EA says "not all flowers bloom at the same time". And wow I have seen this at work today. One of my dreams was to attend a tuition-free college and lo and behold; my dream was granted!  http://www.theweu.com/learn/mod/page/view.php?id=15 

I would like to humbly express my gratitude and love towards your cause. You have done greatly and you all should be proud of your endeavors to provide free and accessible education towards this world. I suppose others have different purposes in their life, and mine is no different. While one of my friend's department is environmental conservation, mine happens to be education for life. It seems like the two of us are now on our separate path and it was for the best after all. I praise and pray to God for his divine timing and purpose and order. I didn't understand all of the reoccurring events, until now. Thank you God, your divine timing and mercy have always been there for me when I need it the most. I've found my way through education, now I pray that you keep me connected with people that can enjoy life with me. I'll do my best to enjoy life with them as well. God, I pray that you will grant me countless opportunities to move forward to the ideal life that I see myself living. A life where I am a Master Illustrator, Expert Storyteller, a pioneer storyboard director. Let's keep this up, we are moving forward one step at a time. I fee like there are a lot of talents and possibilities within myself, and at times I feel overwhelm because I am not where I want to be. But I'm better than I was yesterday. I pray that I can keep going with my life. 

I am sad at times but that's normal right? I pray for a life of happiness and joy. And I am working towards that point. No matter what, let's keep going. 

 

[Yukise99]

5/6/2016 10:40PM

It's okay to be happy you know? No need to be serious all the time. Today I moved forward by showing up for a job interview. It's a decent gig at a place moving boxes, I'm hoping to eventually move to their art department once my skills are in order. At times it feels overwhelming but I realized that if I take it one day at a time, then everything will go well. I can feel inside me that an adventure is brewing up but I just don't know what it is yet. Some great opportunity will come up in the near future, but it is up to me to push myself to that level. Right now let's get an assessment check 

Things to do:

School: 1. Get paperwork for art class / 2. Find registration time / 3. Find artists assignment 

Professional work: 1. Find passport and show up on Monday for part time job. 

Scholarships: 5 scholarships, the latest one being due on Monday. 

Art: Remember to draw as well! 

Exercise: Keep going to the gym everyday and you will be good. 

Things to improve: Slowly focus on taking one task at a time. Things are stabilizing now so you should have a pretty good idea of how things will go from now on. Perhaps try getting your feet wet in a business venture? 

p.s: Try and try again, living is just like a muscle. It can get stronger the more you exercise it. Just keep that in mind and you will be fine. 

 

[Yukise99]

5/10/16 

2:59PM

Let's keep it up, slowly, day by day. 

[Yukise99]

5/26/16 

It seems like everyone has moved on with their life, while mine is just starting to begin again. I don't know how many times I've restarted my life, but no one's counting anyways. Let's just keep living life, and enjoy it day by day by moving towards my goals and dreams. Everything is going to be alright. I believe it. 

[Yukise99]

6:49PM 

I'm going to take the advice of Mastering 5 things and getting really good at it and one secret skill, instead of being okay or decent at a lot of things. Let's try this approach. 

1. Master Illustration Skills

2. Master video editing skills

3. Master Graphic Design 

4. Master Business Skills

5. 3% man skill -> aka Master Communication skills. 

There's no backing off now. Make sure everything in your life revolves around these five points. Slowly but surely, it will be done with the help of God. 

Edited May 27, 2016 by Yukise99

[Yukise99]

I will figure out this thing, but for now let's enjoy summer vacation!

[Yukise99]

 I got insanely productive for a period today and I just had a realization that I could make so much more progress if I lived day to day in that insanely focus and productive mentality, I will progress a lot more. It's all about the journey, so let's enjoy the smooth sailing  

[Yukise99]

Sundays are meant for reflections and recollections. And then planning. Always more planning. 

[charlie2dogs]

On 4/12/2016 at 1:54 AM, Yukise99 said:

Monday April 11, 2016.

 

I am sick in the head, 

But they seem to think I can be read

Like a book with spirals for pages

Words and letters that include love

The light was shone on me,

but I cannot see. 

My love for God can't be replace with my love for money

But I need money to show my family a good life,

A life filled with excessive spending

towards the materialistic things 

and travels that we have yet to experience. 

Our experience on this earth can never be limited 

to the computation of what is and what is not

nor what can or cannot be.

Because to see is to believe what you see is the thing it is to be. 

Sight is a belief just as much as faith is a belief of the things that cannot be seen 

Yet others tries to justify their sight as right

when clearly, their sight fights their own intuition of what is right. 

 

 

But there's clearly no wrong in a universe filled with rights. 

Right... 

 

 

 

 

your limitations in life are your beliefs.