Getting Invested More Than Her

[Shroomdoctor]

If I am seeing a girl and I am seeing that I am getting more invested than her, should I lie about it to keep her interested or show my true feelings and live with the rejection if it happens? 

I often have this battle between these "dating principles" and my feelings and old habits. 

[Spiral]

Get rejected and try again.

[NoSelfSelf]

Never express feeling of liking her before she is in love with you and by more investing you mean texting her or what?

[aurum]

7 hours ago, Shroomdoctor said:

should I lie about it to keep her interested or show my true feelings and live with the rejection if it happens? 

Ideally the answer is neither.

If you're invested, you're invested. Even if you try and hide it the reality is that girls aren't that dumb.

You need to get to a place where you don't end up in this situation to begin with.

[Hello from Russia]

What is your situation\intentions? What stage of "seeing" are you on? What do you want? You want to pickup and fuck bunch of girls or you're trying to meet a long term partner? a wife?

Sometimes it's okay to invest, but you should do it from a relatively "secure" place, not because you're desperate to have sex\girlfriend or whatever

Edited December 22, 2018 by Hello from Russia

[Pav]

Be honest and open about it. Inauthenticity leads to neurosis, if you are rejected it'll be a lot less of a burden on you than maintaining a falsehood.

[universe]

Well, what is more important to you. Being with her or being honest?

No one can tell you what you "should" find more important.

[Shroomdoctor]

@aurum Yes, that would be the ideal case. But I know I am not there yet. I have decided to go with the truthful route tho. Better to get rejected for who I actually am at the moment and later authentically embrace these principles than trying to put on an act and deep inside feel wrong and like a scam, even if it would bring immediate results. Would you say one needs the results to get to this place or can the mindsets be accomplished, I guess I would say, "outside of women". 

@NoSelfSelf These "rules" feel so constraining tho. If I have a feeling of liking her, not expressing it seems so wrong. Yes texting is one factor for it.

 

@Hello from Russia I am not quite sure what I would like more, a long term gf or some open relationships. The sexond one seems so unattainable righ now.

@Mathew Pav Yes, thats true.

@universe Thank You, That helped.

[aurum]

15 hours ago, Shroomdoctor said:

Better to get rejected for who I actually am at the moment and later authentically embrace these principles than trying to put on an act and deep inside feel wrong and like a scam, even if it would bring immediate results

Do it if you want, it will probably be a good lesson either way. I'm all for fucking up if you learn from it.

But notice from this comment that you're still identified with your old way of behavior. You think it's "who I actually am" and that doing something different feels fake.

That's completely normal when you're making an identity level shift. But don't get it twisted, your current way of behavior is already inauthentic. It's simply conditioning that you've identified as "you". It's your ego structure.

15 hours ago, Shroomdoctor said:

Would you say one needs the results to get to this place or can the mindsets be accomplished, I guess I would say, "outside of women"

Why make it either or? The winning formula is to do both.

Yeah you can do inner work like meditation and what not. And that's awesome.

But real results also can create shifts. At first it will seem impossible, but then you'll do it and your mind will normalize the experience.

[Dan Arnautu]

@Shroomdoctor Create more options for yourself. Having only her will make you clingy. 

[Hello from Russia]

@aurum

How do you define being authentic?

Edited December 23, 2018 by Hello from Russia

[aurum]

27 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

@aurum

How do you define being authentic?

Authenticity occurs when you integrate the shadow aspects of yourself. Those parts of you that you’ve been denying, repressing and were conditioned to believe were unacceptable.

Essentially it’s coming to embody God. 

It’s a real concept, but unfortunately the ego twists it as a means to simply stay the same and not evolve. 

[iGhost]

Be authentic = you will fuck this shit up //bad shortterm

Be inauthentic = you will fake it and possibly get her //bad longterm

It doesn't matter which one you do. You need to understand women and learn this whole topic. Greatest starting point in my opinion is Alpha Male Strategies from youtube.

I know you feel shit, I've been there. Now I am trying to outgrow this.

Main longterm goal is to achieve:

Being authentic + getting the women you want

 

 

[d0ornokey]

13 hours ago, aurum said:

Authenticity occurs when you integrate the shadow aspects of yourself. Those parts of you that you’ve been denying, repressing and were conditioned to believe were unacceptable.

 

can you make a video on how to be authentic

[aurum]

17 hours ago, d0ornokey said:

can you make a video on how to be authentic

Already did. It's an older one but it's still good:

 

[Sahil Pandit]

@aurum This was my favorite episode of yours