Overprotective mom restraining me

[Alex14]

I’ve been having a lot of confrontations against my mom and her overprotectiveness. Also she’s very neurotic. I feel like the overprotectiveness and the anger issues she has is really stunning my personal growth.

of course the more internal stuff like meditation and self inquiry, etc is not as affected but the more external (and maybe superficial) stuff, mainly  socializing (therefore dating too) and activities of that nature. Also talking about anything is very difficult. She is sooo closeminded.  And the worst part is that I’m already 18! I mean it is extrémalo difficult to get her to let me go to the movies or to a party with friends. She expects for me to have perfect grades, to read a lot (novels, which I don’t like, i like more self help type of books), forced me to play instruments, I also had to watch my clothe style (as she is very judgmental). She is the typical divorced crazy mom.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I totally understand why she is like that and I appreciate, because on the bottom she does this to protect me. But she’s going over board.

So, I ask you on some ideas, insight, advice on how do I get her to relax a little, loosen up a little, and to trust me more, I’m not that stupid.

[xoxoxwillxoxox]

Always remind yourself of the things she does for you, and the gratitude you have for her. This can help you look past the things about her that bother you. However, that being said, don't let her stunt your growth, either. Just because she is your mother, you still don't need to attach yourself to what she thinks of you. If you were younger, say 10 or 11, it would be a little different, but if you're 18, you're old enough to make your own decisions. If she truly loves you, she won't force you to do anything, because she'll recognize that you have to figure things out yourself at this point. She probably loves you anyway, but if she's still forcing you to do things, she might not be a very conscious parent. The best way to get her to relax, is to be relaxed yourself. She might be addicted or in the habit of attracting / creating hectic, chaotic, negative, argumentative energy. When you notice her trying to start a battle with you, don't react to it. Instead, stay calm, talk with poise and tranquility, stay true to yourself, don't let your ego try to be loud or right or judgmental. Recognize her unconscious mind patterns and see them with compassion. She's your mother after all, so you ought to love her, even when you disagree with her actions. And if she recognizes that love (which she probably will; if she doesn't then I would just move on from her, which is sad because she's your mother but luckily there are many other people out there) then she will calm down. My mother was overprotective, but when I showed her that I'm intelligent and responsible, and when I stood my ground, she eventually realized that I’m an autonomous adult and gave up trying to control me.

[d0ornokey]

Arguments wont solve anything and progress cant be had

You cant change her. Her consciousness is too low 

Fighting for her approval when she wont give it to you is a losing battle 

Just do what you gotta do and drown out the noise. Like gary vee says, just smile and nod. 

Try to explain calmly and gently 

Observe your own triggeredness and how you stoop to her level, insults, anger etc. 

Recognize shes a human being with emotions too 

 go to a psychologist who can explain to her that you need space 

 

These were my lessons

Edited December 20, 2018 by d0ornokey

[Matt8800]

12 hours ago, Alex14 said:

I’ve been having a lot of confrontations against my mom and her overprotectiveness. Also she’s very neurotic. I feel like the overprotectiveness and the anger issues she has is really stunning my personal growth.

of course the more internal stuff like meditation and self inquiry, etc is not as affected but the more external (and maybe superficial) stuff, mainly  socializing (therefore dating too) and activities of that nature. Also talking about anything is very difficult. She is sooo closeminded.  And the worst part is that I’m already 18! I mean it is extrémalo difficult to get her to let me go to the movies or to a party with friends. She expects for me to have perfect grades, to read a lot (novels, which I don’t like, i like more self help type of books), forced me to play instruments, I also had to watch my clothe style (as she is very judgmental). She is the typical divorced crazy mom.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I totally understand why she is like that and I appreciate, because on the bottom she does this to protect me. But she’s going over board.

So, I ask you on some ideas, insight, advice on how do I get her to relax a little, loosen up a little, and to trust me more, I’m not that stupid.

What would the Buddha, or other enlightened people, do if they had a mom that nagged them?

The passage into adulthood is not complete if mommy still has that kind of power.

[ajasatya]

@Alex14 ask her how she thinks that you're going to become a grown up man and learn how to take care of your own life.

[Hellspeed]

Project the heart. She will be harmless to you,  in every aspect

Edited December 22, 2018 by Hellspeed

[ivory]

@ajasatya had some good advice. I would start there. But, if your mom is anything like mine was it's not going to make a difference. In hind sight I would have told my mom that I was setting boundaries and that she was no longer going to dictate how I lived my life. And then I would have done whatever the hell I wanted regardless of what she did or said. Take care of yourself man.

Edited December 22, 2018 by ivory

[Dan Arnautu]

@Alex14 You can't change much honestly. She's way too immersed in her beliefs. 

Bounce as soon as possible from the house.

Don't expect to be able to change her. She won't unless she wants to.