Human sexuality

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Yousef said:

@Emerald Such a smart girl..deep analysis .
..I don't know why you try to analyze mey intentions and what's going on on my mind and how do you know that ?
 . .but I got news for you. .none of that is actually true. .at least for me.  I respect all women and I consider them equal to men..neither inferior nor superior.  And my heart ofcourse tend to put women a little bit above men cuz I'm sexualiy and emotionally attracted to women.  And btw the deepest desire of any men is to wake up one day to find all men died and there's only him with all the women in the world. Men love women more than women love men.  But actually. .women need men more because the reason I mentioned before.  However a man can be celibate his whole life and all is fine.  And this is just a fact. .it has nothing to do with me saying we are superior than you.    And don't forget to analyze my deep subconscious intentions beyond my words. 

The reason why is because I like to call people on when they're engaging in self-deception, projection, and transference since it is a huge burden to carry around. And it is ultimately a way to avoid feelings of self-hatred that the individual harbors toward themselves, more than anyone else the projection is projected onto.

Also, on a personal level, it is uncomfortable and upsetting to be the projection screen for so many insecure men's inner turmoil. So, it becomes my business. So, it's not really about you particularly, as I've seen this pattern in quite a few men many many times before. And it does still salt a lot of wounds for me, as a woman in the process of working through many conditionings that I've been afflicted by that are designed to keep women in a state of internal discord and out of alignment with their libidinal energy and authentic feminine power. So, I'm still slightly hurt by this projection, but I'm working through it.

Plus it's a huge block to personal growth for you. So, I see you as someone who is afflicted with an issue as opposed to someone who truly is acting of your own compunctions. 

But people need people. So, there is no particular thing about men that women need beyond the need for companionship and community that is needed by all people. There are plenty of women who survive without a male partner. For example, I'm sure lesbian couples are just fine without a man in the picture because they have companionship and support from eachother. Also, as long as a single woman (or man for that matter) has a strong support system and many rich platonic relationships, they don't necessarily need a spouse even though that may not be ideal to go without a romantic partner. 

Of course, people survive being lonely too, even though sustained loneliness can be very unhealthy. And people get lonely without having someone there for them, whether that be romantic or platonic.

So, even though most will survive this, you could certainly say that having someone there is an emotional need shared by all people... especially since our ancestors relied heavily on the group for survival. So, those who were exiled and shunned were pretty much doomed to death, regardless of gender.

Plus, who really wants to married to a person that you need who doesn't need you back? That sounds like hell to me, as it would be a relationship based in an imbalance of power... and therefore not a relationship at all. You'd be lonelier in that dynamic than if you were actually alone.

At present, my husband and I literally need eachother for practical reasons. Without one another, we'd both be in poverty but together we are lower middle class. Also, if we were separated then we would not be able to see our kids everyday, because we'd have to share them separately.

So, we do have some genuine mutual needs for eachother. But otherwise, our relationship is based upon mutually wanting to be together, so there is no power imbalance. And it makes the difference between being in a marriage versus being imprisoned in a power play where you will lose every single time.

And if you ever have the choice to be in a relationship based in an imbalance of power or staying single, it's best to choose single every time.

[Aquarius]

On 12/19/2018 at 11:49 PM, sarapr said:

It can be so true for some people. Old women who don't have husbands are always crazy.

Generally speaking though, I don't know anything about Aquarius. Didnt even read the post so... 

I'm 20 years old, I don't think that's old. You're right, next time I'll keep my post short and straight to the point. 

Edit: I just feel old deep inside for some reason.

On 12/20/2018 at 5:59 PM, Emerald said:

I made the original post more-so as a response to what Yousef said about women needing men and men not needing women. I really don't think there is much of an imbalance in terms of need. It's more like people need people to live fulfilling lives as relationships are very important to humans as a social species. 

I tend to think of this, "Men don't need women but women need men." to be an idea proliferated by insecure men who try to imagine themselves in a position of greater power relative to women, because they are compensating for feelings of powerless in relation to women. And this is probably why it's such a popular sentiment because it works as an effective self-soothing mechanism for men who feel powerless relative to women.

So, an insecure man, when a woman rebuffs their affections or they aren't successful with women in general, it can be cathartic to be misogynistic and say, "Yeah well... I don't need you! I don't need any of you! You need me! Without me, you won't survive!" That way the negative feelings toward one's self can be projected out onto women as a whole group.

So, if you're familiar with Harry Potter, in the third book in Defense Against the Dark Arts class, they learned about a creature called a Boggart. And the Boggart's power is to transform into whatever the person is most terrified of. And the way to fight the Boggart is to use the spell "Ridiculous", which turns that terrifying thing into something funny... which makes the Boggart lose its power.

So, this is the thing that insecure men do when they are feeling powerless and scared of women. They try to paint women as people that have less power than they do. So, they'll say, "Women need men. But men don't need women." or "Women are emotional and men are rational." and they'll say a ton of misogynistic things to themselves (and sometimes others) to self-soothe and transfer their feelings of low-self-worth and powerlessness onto women. 

And they perceive this not as an aggression committed against women, but as a righteous evening of the playing field. Like giving those all-powerful women a taste of their own medicine. Since they put women up on a pedestal and project that out onto reality, they also feel the need to drag women down off of their pedestal. Where women are mostly oblivious to this projection happening until they're dealing with an insecure man's feelings coming to a head with them as the target... which sucks.

So, I don't really think it's good advice to feel compelled to get married. It's not for everyone. And marriage won't solve anything. And I don't think marriage itself, is the thing that creates longevity in a man. But it was my very scientific way of telling Yourself the equivalence of, "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." Gotta keep the projectors in check.

A lot of truth in this post, thank you. Not a fan of Harry Potter because I don't watch movies and don't really read books of that category, kinda feels like a brainwash for me, that specific book series I mean. Just a personal opinion, because I started reading it but lost interest quickly. Even had a t-shirt cause I thought it looked cool, but that's about it, not a fan. But from what you described, I myself might be that "Boggart" you talk about, but not with bad intentions and not out of insecurity. Again, not sure what the HP books are about, I have never read them. 

 

Edited January 5, 2019 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

On 12/20/2018 at 7:35 PM, Yousef said:

@Emerald Such a smart girl..deep analysis .
..I don't know why you try to analyze mey intentions and what's going on on my mind and how do you know that ?
 . .but I got news for you. .none of that is actually true. .at least for me.  I respect all women and I consider them equal to men..neither inferior nor superior.  And my heart ofcourse tend to put women a little bit above men cuz I'm sexualiy and emotionally attracted to women.  And btw the deepest desire of any men is to wake up one day to find all men died and there's only him with all the women in the world. Men love women more than women love men.  But actually. .women need men more because the reason I mentioned before.  However a man can be celibate his whole life and all is fine.  And this is just a fact. .it has nothing to do with me saying we are superior than you.    And don't forget to analyze my deep subconscious intentions beyond my words. 

That's interesting. We think alike. I usually tend to think of everyone as equals and do respect every single being, but I consider men more superior.

Sorry, let me correct myself: I have the tendency to consider men more superior for the exact same reason you mentioned.

You're making generalizations. That's fine, I also made that mistake pretty often in the past. I understand what you mean.

Edited January 5, 2019 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

On 12/21/2018 at 0:14 AM, Emerald said:

The reason why is because I like to call people on when they're engaging in self-deception, projection, and transference since it is a huge burden to carry around. And it is ultimately a way to avoid feelings of self-hatred that the individual harbors toward themselves, more than anyone else the projection is projected onto.

Also, on a personal level, it is uncomfortable and upsetting to be the projection screen for so many insecure men's inner turmoil. So, it becomes my business. So, it's not really about you particularly, as I've seen this pattern in quite a few men many many times before. And it does still salt a lot of wounds for me, as a woman in the process of working through many conditionings that I've been afflicted by that are designed to keep women in a state of internal discord and out of alignment with their libidinal energy and authentic feminine power. So, I'm still slightly hurt by this projection, but I'm working through it.

Plus it's a huge block to personal growth for you. So, I see you as someone who is afflicted with an issue as opposed to someone who truly is acting of your own compunctions. 

But people need people. So, there is no particular thing about men that women need beyond the need for companionship and community that is needed by all people. There are plenty of women who survive without a male partner. For example, I'm sure lesbian couples are just fine without a man in the picture because they have companionship and support from eachother. Also, as long as a single woman (or man for that matter) has a strong support system and many rich platonic relationships, they don't necessarily need a spouse even though that may not be ideal to go without a romantic partner. 

Of course, people survive being lonely too, even though sustained loneliness can be very unhealthy. And people get lonely without having someone there for them, whether that be romantic or platonic.

So, even though most will survive this, you could certainly say that having someone there is an emotional need shared by all people... especially since our ancestors relied heavily on the group for survival. So, those who were exiled and shunned were pretty much doomed to death, regardless of gender.

Plus, who really wants to married to a person that you need who doesn't need you back? That sounds like hell to me, as it would be a relationship based in an imbalance of power... and therefore not a relationship at all. You'd be lonelier in that dynamic than if you were actually alone.

At present, my husband and I literally need eachother for practical reasons. Without one another, we'd both be in poverty but together we are lower middle class. Also, if we were separated then we would not be able to see our kids everyday, because we'd have to share them separately.

So, we do have some genuine mutual needs for eachother. But otherwise, our relationship is based upon mutually wanting to be together, so there is no power imbalance. And it makes the difference between being in a marriage versus being imprisoned in a power play where you will lose every single time.

And if you ever have the choice to be in a relationship based in an imbalance of power or staying single, it's best to choose single every time.

The rise of the internet really propulsated our cognitive development, didn't it? Not long ago we were cavemen and now here we are. It's sad and funny in the same time, but real life doesn't always work by our own models and expectations. Reality is really strange and you cannot outsmart or box reality. Your life is literally what you make it though. With enough belief in yourself, and depending on your resources and good luck you could achieve anything, as long as you don't lose sight of the vision. There are indeed a lot of factors interplaying, both external and internal in literally everyone's life. I think what you tried to say is that a healthy relationship is based on collaboration, if I understood correctly.

On 12/21/2018 at 1:01 AM, Yousef said:

@Emerald well. .you seem to know what you are talking about. And I don't disagree with all of that. ..you seem to have a point anyway.  But this theory of projection you take it as ultimate explanation to any human behavior  .which is very silly. .

"Oh this guy says he hates  gay people. .and that's because secretly he is gay and he hates  himself and he can't accept himself so he project this on other people to make himself  feel good about himself "

"Oh this guy says men are better than women. .and that's because deep down he feel powerless and inferior and he is just lying to himself to make himself feel good about himself ".

"Oh this guy says he hate chickens. .and that's because one day he was a chicken  and he hated himself back then  and now  he is. ..............bla bla bla 

I mean. .this silly.  What if I'm actually authentic and honest about my opininos..which is the case. 

So please stop playing the psychiatrist role. .and stop telling me my hidden proplems that Im not aware of.  Thanks and good luck with your personal life.  I think you're really smart but you can  use your intelligence to help yourself first rather than helping some random dude on a Internet forum. 

It's good to be radically honest with others. People who don't like you won't stay long in your life either way. You don't have to take anything too personally though. Especially not on a forum, because you know well she doesn't know anything about your life or what you've been through. Perhaps she just tried to help, or share an opinion of hers that she thought would help others. I myself think it's great that you can be both honest and authentic. Not everyone will agree with you, or with her, or with me, but no need to be rude.  It's your choice though, who am I to interfere with your free will. 

Edited January 5, 2019 by Aquarius

[sarapr]

14 hours ago, Aquarius said:

I'm 20 years old, I don't think that's old. You're right, next time I'll keep my post short and straight to the point. 

Edit: I just feel old deep inside for some reason.

A lot of truth in this post, thank you. Not a fan of Harry Potter because I don't watch movies and don't really read books of that category, kinda feels like a brainwash for me, that specific book series I mean. Just a personal opinion, because I started reading it but lost interest quickly. Even had a t-shirt cause I thought it looked cool, but that's about it, not a fan. But from what you described, I myself might be that "Boggart" you talk about, but not with bad intentions and not out of insecurity. Again, not sure what the HP books are about, I have never read them. 

 

20 ?? That's just one year after teenage years  You're all good ma dear   

[Aquarius]

3 hours ago, sarapr said:

20 ?? That's just one year after teenage years  You're all good ma dear   

Oh, alright.  Thank you.