Human sexuality

[Aquarius]

I tried masturbating yesterday night, only to see if I could ever feel arousal again. I kept getting orgasms on my own without masturbating so I realised something is not right, I thought maybe I was repressing something. It was possible to masturbate, from what I observed, and I did reach an orgasm. It was the same way as it used to be always, it was all fine, no extreme Kundalini and whatever. 

The insight I got right before falling asleep: I was in tears. I cried so much and so hard. I felt pain, but it was so liberating. Pain is liberation, liberation is pain. It was the same pain I felt after every sex I had with my ex, the same crying, the same tears.

I never wanted to be successful with men, I only wanted 1 loyal partner who would love me. I made so many mistakes by trying to apply non-dual to dual. But after this experience I felt so human. It was hard to channel my Kundalini back into its place, but I'm fine now. I think going outside and dating people will be nice. Maybe it's what I need. Maybe it isn't. I will choose nice guys anyway, not "nice guys" and fuccbois. :3 I know how to be safe now. 

Everything is fine now. My family is supportive of me and helps me to fight withdrawal symptoms of medication that I'm NOT TAKING SINCE YESTERDAY BECAUSE I'M HALLUCINATING FROM IT IF I TAKE IT!  I will heal soon. I'm an adult now. I hope you guys are supportive as well.

[Cortex]

You should take lots of medications if they make you hallucinate, disconnection from reality is one of the most importand thinks 

Edited December 19, 2018 by Cortex
Lots Of Medications

[Aquarius]

@Cortex I get what you mean, but I can disconnect even without them. Hallucinations are an illusion. Reality is not. Imaginary and imaginaly are distinct. I appreciate your reply though, thank you! :* 

[Aquarius]

Made peace with my partner. He is a Coral psychonaut, I shouldn't have treated him in an Orange-ish way.

We both went through the same shit so we both are even now. Not sure if he accepts me back, but our love is deeper than the chains to reality. All is well.  

[Aquarius]

30 minutes ago, Yousef said:

I've been following your recent posts and trying to analyze your proplems.  All you need is a husband.  Period. 

A husband??? That's extremely Blue-ish for my taste.  

Edited December 19, 2018 by Aquarius

[ajasatya]

19 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

A husband??? That's extremely Blue-ish for my taste.  

you certainly have no idea what you're saying.

human beings become capable of taking higher and higher responsibilities as they grow and mature. a harmonious, peaceful, joyful and constructive marriage is for highly developed human beings, only.

[Gabriel Antonio]

6 hours ago, Aquarius said:

But after this experience I felt so human.

Good! 

6 hours ago, Aquarius said:

I think going outside and dating people will be nice. Maybe it's what I need.

Yes! Forget about nonduality and spiral dynamics for a while, and just live life... 

[Aquarius]

1 hour ago, ajasatya said:

you certainly have no idea what you're saying.

human beings become capable of taking higher and higher responsibilities as they grow and mature. a harmonious, peaceful, joyful and constructive marriage is for highly developed human beings, only.

I do have an idea about what I speak, but thank you very much for your concern. And I said for my taste ! I didn't say marriage is wrong, but that's not how certain people work. I have different carreer, alright? Stop acting like you know me! (or anyone else for that matter)

I never told you what to do, and if I did, it was out of delusion or offering a perspective, so I'm sorry if I projected myself onto you. All is well, much respect to you!  

32 minutes ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

Good! 

Yes! Forget about nonduality and spiral dynamics for a while, and just live life... 

That's exactly what my partner tells me as well. But that's something men need, not women. Women need love, not party and sex. I mean, most women. I can only speak from my perspective.  Much respect for all the bad girls out there reading this, stay awesome!  

Edited December 19, 2018 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

28 minutes ago, Yousef said:

We don't "need " sex.  We are not animals.  Women need men because they need providence.  But  men don't need women at all.  Correct me if I'm wrong ..but I guess you hate men or something. ?

I love men, but they hate me.  Most of them, that is. I'm not a feminist. I actually was a misogyne pretty much my whole life because of how girls and women treated me, but now I simply love women. I have my loyal friends who are girls and I'm sticking with them. I'm not sexually attracted to women, but I'd gladly date one if she loved me truly. Maybe even sexual love would develop. 

Women need love and care (that can manifest in protection, a home, etc.), men need love and sex (male version of care). Males give and females receive. Yin and yang. Push and pull. Give and take. Positive and negative. Fire and water. Everybody needs love. Both unconditional love and earthly, "selfish" love. People want to feel wanted. 

The only thing I hate is when men are secretive and not open, not vulnerable, and when they punish me for being myself or not wanting them (aka being agressive, abusing me).

All the tumors and scars that I had were on the left side of my body (feminine side). I was too masculine because I was never allowed to cry and express emotions. I balanced both sides now so i feel complete. Everyone could try healing both their femininity and masculinity. 

 

Edited December 19, 2018 by Aquarius

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, Yousef said:

We don't "need " sex.  We are not animals.  Women need men because they need providence.  But  men don't need women at all.  Correct me if I'm wrong ..but I guess you hate men or something. ?

Actually, they did a study of older single men and women who never married. They found that the unmarried men tended to die very young compared to married men, where the single women lived about the same amount of time as compared to married women. 

The study posited that this was perhaps because single men didn't take very good care of themselves when they were living alone and being engaged in self-destructive behaviors that they would perhaps not have partaken in had they been in a relationship. 

So, I would argue, of course, that people need people to live a fulfilling life, regardless of gender.

But scientifically, in terms of which gender benefits more from being in a committed relationship in terms of health and longevity, it's men. So, even though men don't need to be married, they are more likely to live longer healthier lives if they are married, where unmarried and widowed little old ladies are like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going and going. 

I have one grandma whose husband died 31 years ago, and the other whose husband died 42 years ago (and the man she married after my grandpa died, also died over 20 years ago), and they're both still kicking. One of my grandma's turns 90 in a few days. She lives alone too. 

[zambize]

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Actually, they did a study of older single men and women who never married. They found that the unmarried men tended to die very young compared to married men, where the single women lived about the same amount of time as compared to married women. 

The study posited that this was perhaps because single men didn't take very good care of themselves when they were living alone and being engaged in self-destructive behaviors that they would perhaps not have partaken in had they been in a relationship. 

So, I would argue, of course, that people need people to live a fulfilling life, regardless of gender.

But scientifically, in terms of which gender benefits more from being in a committed relationship in terms of health and longevity, it's men. So, even though men don't need to be married, they are more likely to live longer healthier lives if they are married, where unmarried and widowed little old ladies are like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going and going. 

I have one grandma whose husband died 31 years ago, and the other whose husband died 42 years ago (and the man she married after my grandpa died, also died over 20 years ago), and they're both still kicking. One of my grandma's turns 90 in a few days. She lives alone too. 

I'm hesitant to come to these same conclusions although it seems tempting, maybe these unmarried men tended to die younger because they had more stress or some other lifestyle choices.  I think this is a kind of correlation vs. causation issue because it's highly possible (in my mind) that there is a third unknown factor that is causing both men to die younger and to be unmarried.  I think there is an important distinction because it might push unhappy men to think that they might need to get married or have meaningful relationships to be fulfilled, when in fact it's actually a seperate related factor. 

[Emerald]

9 hours ago, zambize said:

I'm hesitant to come to these same conclusions although it seems tempting, maybe these unmarried men tended to die younger because they had more stress or some other lifestyle choices.  I think this is a kind of correlation vs. causation issue because it's highly possible (in my mind) that there is a third unknown factor that is causing both men to die younger and to be unmarried.  I think there is an important distinction because it might push unhappy men to think that they might need to get married or have meaningful relationships to be fulfilled, when in fact it's actually a seperate related factor. 

I agree. I think it's probably akin to what the people who conducted the study posited about being unmarried making it more likely for men who live the bachelor lifestyle to engage in self-destructive behaviors like excessive drinking and partying. Where married men may not have the degree of freedom to engage in self-destructive behaviors that bachelors can because of a responsibility to their wife/children/grand-children. So, it's more about lifestyle and self-care than about marriage itself. Though loneliness could itself be an issue.

Also, to be noted, this study was done on men from the older generation who might not have been taught or encouraged to cook or clean for themselves like men are expected to in contemporary society. So, these men may not have very healthy lifestyles in these ways either and really struggle with these domestic things that make a home livable.

Women from older generations also have issues like this where, when their husband dies, they have to learn how to write a check, pay bills, and do other tasks that in their generation were the sole responsibility of me. So, they either weren't taught or were actively discouraged from. But these tasks absolutely have to be done, where cooking and cleaning could be neglected without immediate consequences. So, the learning curve happens more rapidly due to necessity.

[zambize]

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

I agree. I think it's probably akin to what the people who conducted the study posited about being unmarried making it more likely for men who live the bachelor lifestyle to engage in self-destructive behaviors like excessive drinking and partying. Where married men may not have the degree of freedom to engage in self-destructive behaviors that bachelors can because of a responsibility to their wife/children/grand-children. So, it's more about lifestyle and self-care than about marriage itself. Though loneliness could itself be an issue.

Also, to be noted, this study was done on men from the older generation who might not have been taught or encouraged to cook or clean for themselves like men are expected to in contemporary society. So, these men may not have very healthy lifestyles in these ways either and really struggle with these domestic things that make a home livable.

Women from older generations also have issues like this where, when their husband dies, they have to learn how to write a check, pay bills, and do other tasks that in their generation were the sole responsibility of me. So, they either weren't taught or were actively discouraged from. But these tasks absolutely have to be done, where cooking and cleaning could be neglected without immediate consequences. So, the learning curve happens more rapidly due to necessity.

I feel slightly unresolved on the exact mechanism, although I'm kind of leaning towards thinking it's probably just this huge fucking mess of reasons ranging from loneliness, life purpose, types of choices made inside/outside of relationships and probably many more individual factors that range from person to person in their contribution to life expectancy.  There is probably room for follow up studies to root the actual mechanisms behind this out. 

That's a really interesting point about the necessity of cooking and cleaning vs. financial stuff that is really in your face important, but it's still an idea to me to be tested even though it sounds good in my head.  I think there is definitely the notion that women need men more than men need women at least when it comes to relationships, and I'm interested personally to know how true that is, although it definitely doesn't seem to have much truth to it.  I also think this is kind of a hard study to unpack for a guy, what can we take away from this study.  Even if it's true in general that married men live longer/happier lives, doesn't mean an unmarried man should force himself into a marriage to try and reap these benefits.  Maybe there's a separate desire and kind of life that people want to live that involves wanting to get married, among other things that increase life expectancy.   I don't even feel like this is nit picky as I can be,   I think it's important to be able to pull something away from a study, otherwise it's just another set of words I have remembered, and I'm kind of curious if you consider this knowledge for knowledge's sake, or how you processed this study in terms of what does this mean to you and/or how you live your life.

[Aquarius]

13 hours ago, Yousef said:

Why ?

I'm half Coral, half Teal.  Find balance in the chaos, Ohmmm. ^^ lmfao  

Edited December 20, 2018 by Aquarius

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, zambize said:

I feel slightly unresolved on the exact mechanism, although I'm kind of leaning towards thinking it's probably just this huge fucking mess of reasons ranging from loneliness, life purpose, types of choices made inside/outside of relationships and probably many more individual factors that range from person to person in their contribution to life expectancy.  There is probably room for follow up studies to root the actual mechanisms behind this out. 

That's a really interesting point about the necessity of cooking and cleaning vs. financial stuff that is really in your face important, but it's still an idea to me to be tested even though it sounds good in my head.  I think there is definitely the notion that women need men more than men need women at least when it comes to relationships, and I'm interested personally to know how true that is, although it definitely doesn't seem to have much truth to it.  I also think this is kind of a hard study to unpack for a guy, what can we take away from this study.  Even if it's true in general that married men live longer/happier lives, doesn't mean an unmarried man should force himself into a marriage to try and reap these benefits.  Maybe there's a separate desire and kind of life that people want to live that involves wanting to get married, among other things that increase life expectancy.   I don't even feel like this is nit picky as I can be,   I think it's important to be able to pull something away from a study, otherwise it's just another set of words I have remembered, and I'm kind of curious if you consider this knowledge for knowledge's sake, or how you processed this study in terms of what does this mean to you and/or how you live your life.

I made the original post more-so as a response to what Yousef said about women needing men and men not needing women. I really don't think there is much of an imbalance in terms of need. It's more like people need people to live fulfilling lives as relationships are very important to humans as a social species. 

I tend to think of this, "Men don't need women but women need men." to be an idea proliferated by insecure men who try to imagine themselves in a position of greater power relative to women, because they are compensating for feelings of powerless in relation to women. And this is probably why it's such a popular sentiment because it works as an effective self-soothing mechanism for men who feel powerless relative to women.

So, an insecure man, when a woman rebuffs their affections or they aren't successful with women in general, it can be cathartic to be misogynistic and say, "Yeah well... I don't need you! I don't need any of you! You need me! Without me, you won't survive!" That way the negative feelings toward one's self can be projected out onto women as a whole group.

So, if you're familiar with Harry Potter, in the third book in Defense Against the Dark Arts class, they learned about a creature called a Boggart. And the Boggart's power is to transform into whatever the person is most terrified of. And the way to fight the Boggart is to use the spell "Ridiculous", which turns that terrifying thing into something funny... which makes the Boggart lose its power.

So, this is the thing that insecure men do when they are feeling powerless and scared of women. They try to paint women as people that have less power than they do. So, they'll say, "Women need men. But men don't need women." or "Women are emotional and men are rational." and they'll say a ton of misogynistic things to themselves (and sometimes others) to self-soothe and transfer their feelings of low-self-worth and powerlessness onto women. 

And they perceive this not as an aggression committed against women, but as a righteous evening of the playing field. Like giving those all-powerful women a taste of their own medicine. Since they put women up on a pedestal and project that out onto reality, they also feel the need to drag women down off of their pedestal. Where women are mostly oblivious to this projection happening until they're dealing with an insecure man's feelings coming to a head with them as the target... which sucks.

So, I don't really think it's good advice to feel compelled to get married. It's not for everyone. And marriage won't solve anything. And I don't think marriage itself, is the thing that creates longevity in a man. But it was my very scientific way of telling Yourself the equivalence of, "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." Gotta keep the projectors in check.

[zambize]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

I made the original post more-so as a response to what Yousef said about women needing men and men not needing women. I really don't think there is much of an imbalance in terms of need. It's more like people need people to live fulfilling lives as relationships are very important to humans as a social species. 

I tend to think of this, "Men don't need women but women need men." to be an idea proliferated by insecure men who try to imagine themselves in a position of greater power relative to women, because they are compensating for feelings of powerless in relation to women. And this is probably why it's such a popular sentiment because it works as an effective self-soothing mechanism for men who feel powerless relative to women.

So, an insecure man, when a woman rebuffs their affections or they aren't successful with women in general, it can be cathartic to be misogynistic and say, "Yeah well... I don't need you! I don't need any of you! You need me! Without me, you won't survive!" That way the negative feelings toward one's self can be projected out onto women as a whole group.

So, if you're familiar with Harry Potter, in the third book in Defense Against the Dark Arts class, they learned about a creature called a Boggart. And the Boggart's power is to transform into whatever the person is most terrified of. And the way to fight the Boggart is to use the spell "Ridiculous", which turns that terrifying thing into something funny... which makes the Boggart lose its power.

So, this is the thing that insecure men do when they are feeling powerless and scared of women. They try to paint women as people that have less power than they do. So, they'll say, "Women need men. But men don't need women." or "Women are emotional and men are rational." and they'll say a ton of misogynistic things to themselves (and sometimes others) to self-soothe and transfer their feelings of low-self-worth and powerlessness onto women. 

And they perceive this not as an aggression committed against women, but as a righteous evening of the playing field. Like giving those all-powerful women a taste of their own medicine. Since they put women up on a pedestal and project that out onto reality, they also feel the need to drag women down off of their pedestal. Where women are mostly oblivious to this projection happening until they're dealing with an insecure man's feelings coming to a head with them as the target... which sucks.

So, I don't really think it's good advice to feel compelled to get married. It's not for everyone. And marriage won't solve anything. And I don't think marriage itself, is the thing that creates longevity in a man. But it was my very scientific way of telling Yourself the equivalence of, "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones." Gotta keep the projectors in check.

Wow thank you for that, I usually fangirl your responses but the Harry Potter reference really sold me.  I'll be expecting you to explain everything to me in terms of Harry Potter whenever possible.  But seriously thanks for the thoughtful response, I wouldn't ask you for one if I didnt value it

[zambize]

22 minutes ago, Yousef said:

@Emerald Such a smart girl..deep analysis .
..I don't know why you try to analyze mey intentions and what's going on on my mind and how do you know that ?
 . .but I got news for you. .none of that is actually true. .at least for me.  I respect all women and I consider them equal to men..neither inferior nor superior.  And my heart ofcourse tend to put women a little bit above men cuz I'm sexualiy and emotionally attracted to women.  And btw the deepest desire of any men is to wake up one day to find all men died and there's only him with all the women in the world. Men love women more than women love men.  But actually. .women need men more because the reason I mentioned before.  However a man can be celibate his whole life and all is fine.  And this is just a fact. .it has nothing to do with me saying we are superior than you.    And don't forget to analyze my deep subconscious intentions beyond my words. 

You need to send her a comprehensive list of Disney movies you've seen so she can make the right analogies to explain, but uh oh, my deepest desire is that every man in my life died sounds harsh.  I think what you're getting at is that we kinda wish we had everyone woman to ourselves sexually, at least I had that desire as a kid, and I'm not going to pretend like that would be a bad thing now if it were consensual, but I don't want anyone to die for that to happen haha

[zambize]

23 minutes ago, Yousef said:

Come on Nigga ..what is the purpose of those stinky creatures called "men " but to compete you on the women you like? ..we must kill them all!

Haha  just kidding...now Emerald will call me a sadistic repressed  alien 

Well if you were gay they could suck your dick, but my best friend is a guy and a lot of people I value are men,  I wouldn't want them dead so I could fuck their wives haha.  Maybe we can just kill the men with good looking dates, make a compromise.   

We can be sadistic repressed aliens together

[zambize]

20 minutes ago, Yousef said:

Don't take this whole thing seriously. 

I was just expressing some manly nonsense  out of my stuffy subconscious. 

Okay, I just didn't want you to kill me, I'm just fucking myself right now single lifeing it up so I'm not going to get in your way 

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, zambize said:

Wow thank you for that, I usually fangirl your responses but the Harry Potter reference really sold me.  I'll be expecting you to explain everything to me in terms of Harry Potter whenever possible.  But seriously thanks for the thoughtful response, I wouldn't ask you for one if I didnt value it

Haha! Thank you.