Should you transcend fear or work on yourself to get rid of it?

[LoveandPurpose]

Should you get rid of fear (of doing a presentation or rejection from girls in my case) through strenghening yourself, your ego, by working on your self-esteem etc.

Or should you try to not identify with it and just be aware of it, trying to transcend it.

 

This paradox of self-improvement and enlightenment often causes me to be unsure of which approach the best one is.

[winterknight]

Neither. Feel it deeply and fully, and try to listen to its concerns. What is it saying? Be compassionate with yourself; see if you can help this fearful voice with love and attention. Address its concerns by talking to it, or see if you can manage the situation and make it less scary, maybe more gradual.

In short: respect the fear.

Edited December 18, 2018 by winterknight

[ground]

2 hours ago, LoveandPurpose said:

Should you get rid of fear (of doing a presentation or rejection from girls in my case) through strenghening yourself, your ego, by working on your self-esteem etc.

Or should you try to not identify with it and just be aware of it, trying to transcend it.

It is impossible not to identify with fear because fear arises exactly because of deceptive identification(s).  In your case it is obviously social fear, fear of others and their judgement. The reason is low self esteem. Funnily a big ego actually would be helpful in case of such social fears. But this of course contradicts the spiritual intention to undermine ego.
On the other hand seeing self as that what it is goes hand in hand with seeing others as that what they are and the result is also loss of fear. But be aware that the result of egolessness is not only loss of fear of judgement by others but also loss of erotic interest in girls.
So maybe not get involved in egolessness too deeply?

Edited December 18, 2018 by ground

[Jack River]

Are we aware of all subtle forms of fear and how they are all actually one movement of away from what is? 

Can we see that any arising of fear is reisistance to what is? 

Can we observe this movement from moment to moment very clearly/easily? The self/thought will see fear in fragments(distinct  ions). The self doesn’t see holistically that fear manifest itself as any psychological continuity of becoming or not becoming. 

Can we see that the movement of desire in pursuit of pleasure, satisfaction, contentment, etc. to come to a state of psychological security implies attachment to what has been, and a projection of what should be. And that this itself implies resistance to what is. Any movement away from what-is is fear(reaction) born of psychological time. 

Can we see all the subtle ways we escape what is?

If you look closely this takes place literally every second of the selfs daily life. The movement of self in its very structure depends of time(resistance to what is-fear). 

 

Edited December 18, 2018 by Jack River

[Forestluv]

@LoveandPurpose I don’t think awakening and personal development are mutually exclusive. For example, one could do meditative practice, sit and observe the fear. Notice fear comes and goes. Allow it to enter, listen/feel and allow it to leave. 

As well, one could do a personal fear inventory. Journal about various fears. What do the fears have in common? Was the mind-body conditioned by it’s environment to fear certain things? What is the source of the fear? What does it boil down to? What if the presentation goes over poorly? What is the underlying fear of what will happen? Is the fear about feeling uncomfortable? Fear of rejection that leads to being alone and unloved? Fear of failing school, being poor and hungry? 

I’ve found it helpful to increase awareness of the underlying personality dynamic of fear. As if I am an observer. For example, I had various fragments of fears that arose from a central fear of not being smart enough. Then, I dug deeper and found a collection of fears about not being ______ enough. Not being funny enough, not enough confidence, not tall enough, not handsome enough - and on and on. Collectively, it all boils down to an insecurity of not being good enough which would lead to being alone, unloved and unhappy. It took a long time to deconstruct the inner fear construct. It is complex and multi-layered. During this process, I became better at accepting fear when it arose. I had a better understanding of it’s source and I could just allow it to exist in my mind-body. I didn’t have to spiral into anxiety and panic. I didn’t have to subconsciously, seek relief from the fear through people pleasing and seeking approval/validation. This allowed for a more genuine personality to arise. More genuine with myself and others. 

For me, I needed to balance solo work on fear with sharing it with others that were at a higher conscious level and could mirror back to me input from this higher conscious perspective.

[Jack River]

We may also find that fear only arises when we feel the experiencer of fear to be distinct from the experience of fear. As in a separate entity that stands outside and observes “its” fear).  

The conflict between two opposing images (experiencer and “its” experience; fear, anger, anxiety, etc.) = reaction/resistance to what-is.

If that apparent divison between me and my experience is seen actually/factually (holistically) as not divided at all, but one single unit in movement thought, you will see that fear (resistance to what is) itself comes to an end instantaneously. 

Edited December 18, 2018 by Jack River

[Nahm]

@LoveandPurpose You just forgot who you really are again. Relax though, you’re fine, it happens all of the time. Look into yourself. All the love & purpose you could imagine will unfold. Perhaps it already is. ♥️

[LoveandPurpose]

@Nahm @Jack River @Serotoninluv @ground @winterknight Thank you all very much for your insights, it is really appreciated that you take time to help others!

[Jack River]

@LoveandPurpose ?

[Aaron p]

5 hours ago, LoveandPurpose said:

Should you get rid of fear (of doing a presentation or rejection from girls in my case) through strenghening yourself, your ego, by working on your self-esteem etc.

Or should you try to not identify with it and just be aware of it, trying to transcend it.

 

This paradox of self-improvement and enlightenment often causes me to be unsure of which approach the best one is.

@LoveandPurpose do not try to get rid of fear, fully allow the experience of fear to take place. Do not try to develop yourself or strengthen anything. Fully embrace fear and ask "who is the one who observes this?" And look at your direct experience and for whatever you locate that you think is "you" just ask "is this being observed?" If the answer is yes who is the one observing it? You are the observer, but even the idea that you are the observer, is being observed is it not? This is where you really need to get good at noticing when your looking at an idea (one trick, everything is an idea...including what you will have in your head as a result of what I'm saying right now so don't believe me AT ALL)

 

Do not "try not to identify" with anything. Who is the one who is observing the person who wants to disassociate himself with certain ideas? You'll notice, that even the ideas of your own existence (i.e. what you are) are being observed to! You must come to the realisation that you are the unspeakable observer. As soon as you create the idea that you are the observer, you are observing this idea. So be careful, the only true way to becoming aware of the observer is the observation itself....and no ideas about it

[Jack River]

50 minutes ago, Aaron p said:

So be careful, the only true way to becoming aware of the observer is the observation itself....and no ideas about it

The obsever is the ideas/concepts (desire) that looks upon “its own” contents/experience (desire/ideas)..

So if that observer(desire) is looking at the content, that which is being observed, the observation is inherently distorted by desire itself. Which brings incoherent action to control/change/alter what-is. 

If there is any motive to change what is, that is desire-fear-effort in movement..

Even “the I” who says I am not these ideas/desire because I am the one observing ‘them’ is still very subtly desire/fear/effort in movement(an illusion of psychological time).