90-Day NoFap Reboot !

[TheAvatarState]

Day 11:

Energy: 4

Awareness: 5

Sexual thoughts/urges: 4

Self-esteem: 5

Social confidence: 4

 

Wow. I can start to feel my energy subtly changing. The way I look at women is different. Even women I consider a 7/10 physically are starting to look more beautiful. But it's not like a little boy fantasy or craving. It's like a lower, deeper, and fully mascline frequency that I'm becoming more aware of. Like I want to sit and appreciate the fuck out of women. Not at a shallow level. They have so many new perspectives and emotions to share, and I haven't been getting any of it. 

I understand the need to integrate the masculine and the feminine. I've been trying this over the last couple of weeks, so this isn't just something that popped out of the blue. I watched Leo's video on understanding the opposite sex, and man, I admittedly don't know anything about women. But because of my radically open mind and stage yellow outlook, I was easily able to follow Leo's guided visualization exercise of picturing myself as a women getting fucked in the bedroom: surrendering. That actually really opened me up, and I saw the beauty in that. I saw the beauty of the Taijitsu reflected in masculinity and feminity. It is the S shape, the curve, the asymmetry, that really make it what it is. It was really a new experience to feel that surrender is a valid mode through life, and it really reminded me of what I've been learning about spirituality. I feel like women should naturally better at spirituality than men because they are so open to surrender and intuition. The more ingrained left-brain of a man gets in the way too much. Ekhart Tollé talks about this in The Power of Now, and I think he's correct here. 

[Leonid]

@TheAvatarState Created it today buddy, really like how Leo did the forume. It has so many cool features. Yeah I agree man, porn or enticing women are everywhere. Our mind is always being exploited to make money. I deleted Instagram, quited Twitter, almost quitted YouTube and so on, there is always some asses, sexy content and so on. For the time being I'll shunt from it. 

At least for me when I watch porn and do not jerk off I will do it during the day or in the next day. But do as you like, let's see how it goes. Yeah I'm sure unleashing semen every day hurts your body systems phisically. 

[Wisebaxter]

@TheAvatarState I think that watching porn without jerking it was a really intelligent move. What you're basically doing there is learning to look at it and detach it from the feeling of desire. It's the association you have between the two that might have made things hard (no pun intended). 

If you happen to do it again, maybe use deep mindfulness to watch your body state along with your mental perceptions to see what's there. Observing the machine as it were, Ouspensky style. Consider why it is that watching the stuff actually makes you horny. One think I heard a monk say once when asked about avoiding sexual desires was that he views the human body as essentially quite grotesque, lol, which is true when you think about it. All those dangly bits, holes surrounded by flaps of skin and hair, most of it smelling a bit pungent. Try switching up perspectives whilst watching it and see where that takes you. This will be the law of attraction at work. Well done for getting this far by the way

Edited December 28, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[TheAvatarState]

@Wisebaxter Thanks! Yeah, I'm so glad I did it. So many men are focused on avoiding all types of triggers, and associating the trigger with the act of masturbating. The fact is that the world is full of triggers way outside the confines of your computer screen. Watching porn occasionally without touching yourself can help disassociate the trigger from the act, and thus subtly rewire your brain. Like, if you can watch your favorite, most triggering and boner-inducing media WITHOUT feeling the need to jerk off, then what the fuck is going to stop you? NOTHING! It's liberating. It's facing the beast head-on and coming out victorious... I like how I related it to a threshold guardian of the Hero's journey.

I don't necessarily share the same sentiment as the monk. That may be a valid and potent perspective if you're trying to be celibate, but that's not my goal in the end. I want to be more intimate, and try moving into solid green. I want to have more engaging and passionate sex. I love my body and this human experience, and to deny and label those parts of me and women as "grotesque" is quite a shame, in my opinion. That in itself is an ideology built up to avoid the human experience. Not saying there isn't power in that... but there's also great sacrifice. I don't like denying my body, I'm interested in self-love and acceptance of who I am.

Edited December 28, 2018 by TheAvatarState

[Wisebaxter]

@TheAvatarState Ah yeah for sure man, you wouldn't want to go to an extreme with that philosophy. I find It's more just a tool you can use to bring yourself back from already existing extremes of behaviour or desire, to bring you back to the middle road a bit. If you're overly aroused by the opposite sex it could help, especially as porn objectifies the female body. My porn habit causes me to stare at women a lot in the street and think about banging them, because I'm so used to seeing them naked and in that light. So when I started saying to myself 'remember, they're just lumps of flesh,' this helped me to mentally put their clothes back on them and stop being so distracted. But we're all different so this approach might not be for you. You'll never get rid of your sexual desire through this technique anyway as it can't rewrite your biology. It just puts things in a bit more perspective and helps with obsessive behaviour. Maybe I made it sound too extreme at first. Maybe its not about seeing the human body as vile, more about seeing it for what it is, not just as a sexual amusement park. 

Edited December 28, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[TheAvatarState]

@Wisebaxter Ah, I see where you're coming from now.  It did sound pretty extreme at first, lol. If that works for you, great!

However, women are beautiful to me, and in my opinion, it would be a shame to reduce them to lumps of flesh. After reading The Alabaster Girl (fantastic book!), it became apparent to me how beautiful and graceful women actually are. You'll start seeing women in a whole new, healthier light.

[Wisebaxter]

@TheAvatarState Yeah definitely, I think seeing women in a different light, appreciating how beautiful they are in all regards, not just physically, is a really good move. In a way porn just reduces them to lumps of flesh so admitting this is maybe what I was getting at without knowing it. They are the givers of life, such caring, loving creatures. Falling in love with their minds is the way forward. This might help you avoid the porn as it would almost seem disrespectful to reduce them to that. That's a good book huh? I'll check it out

[TheAvatarState]

@Wisebaxter

Can't recommend it enough. Author is Zan Perrion.

[TheAvatarState]

Day 12:

Energy: 4

Awareness: 4

Sexual thoughts/urges: 4

Self-esteem: 4

Social confidence: 3

 

Off day, didn't do much.

[Wisebaxter]

Are you feeling any different energy wise? Or in any other sense? Some say that forgoing ejaculation strengthens your life force. 

[TheAvatarState]

Day 13:

Energy: 3

Awareness: 3

Sexual thoughts/urges: 6

Self-esteem: 3

Social confidence: 3

 

Oof. Definitely an off day. Against my better judgment, I got baked last night and today, for the first time in 2 months. It's OK, but definitely made me tired. I know some people are the opposite, but for me perhaps it's not the right substance. Also it made me horny, which isn't a good thing now... Oh well, life goes on. I let my mindfulness during the day slip because I felt so tired. All of today just felt like an ego backlash.  

@Wisebaxter I was yesterday, but today was a backslide.

Edited December 30, 2018 by TheAvatarState

[Wisebaxter]

@TheAvatarState I feel ya brother. I got baked a couple of weeks ago after giving up for 5 months and now I'm back on it again. Computer games are my trigger. I noticed there was a new Assassins creed installment out and I couldn't resist. But hey, the important thing is to not beat ourselves up (or off) too much. It's that self loathing that's a killer. The universe wanted to smoke, simple as. Remember what Leo said about the ego backlash oscillations. It's all completely natural. Be kind to yourself 

Edited December 30, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[TheAvatarState]

Day 14:

Energy: 3

Awareness: 4

Sexual thoughts/urges: 5

Self-esteem: 4

Social confidence: 4

 

Feeling a little better today. I'm still practicing mindful awareness everywhere I can. I'm already starting to see some benefits, but I know those will build and skyrocket pretty soon!

[Leonid]

Hi man keep it up! What started to happening after 7 nofap days? Were the urges becoming stronger? I'm on my 7th and pretty much does not feel any urges nor desire to watch porn or masturbate.

[TheAvatarState]

@Leonid not to scare you or anything, but the first week was a breeze. This week has been a lot more difficult, and I’ll still have more tough times ahead. Still going strong though!

[TheAvatarState]

Day 15:

Energy: 3

Awareness: 4

Sexual thoughts/urges: 4

Self-esteem: 4

Social confidence: 4

 

Tripping into the new year with a friend tonight, so posting early xD. Kiss 2018 goodbye! Way to jump into the new year with the longest nofap streak I've ever pulled off (out?)!!

Edited January 1, 2019 by TheAvatarState

[TheAvatarState]

Day 16... and Back to Square One.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Did I gain anything from it? No, it was pretty unfulfilling. Fuck that. BUT, I have momentum going with me. I did pull off 15 consecutive days, my biggest streak ever! Let's just roll on the wave.

 

[TheAvatarState]

Day 1:

Energy: 3

Awareness: 3

Sexual thoughts/urges: 2

Self-esteem: 3

Social confidence: 3

[Leonid]

Man my condolences! What was the reason behind relapse?

[TheAvatarState]

@Leonid lapse in consciousness. Partying. New Years shit. It's totally fine, I'm back on track