Why am I so painful?what else can I really trust if I can't trust my mind?

[Jeff Zhang]

Yesterday afternoon when I meditated on bed, I feel a bit of weird. Almost in all of the 30minutes My mind just like a monkey, wandering one thought after another thought, many miserable memories came up running on its own, especially things like a woman I loved so much this year didn't love me, and left me without any response , I felt so painful,bitter and regret in my heart. and also things like in job career very less help I received from friends which caused my failure. I felt a resentment and angst to them.SO many negative emotions. So then I tried to shut down my mind, finally it's a bit of calm.
In retrospect, I more realize so often I really can't trust my mind which is a preprogrammed machine running on its own without me being aware of it most of the time. 
In fact, I would rather say it's a mental prison/cage for me.  Because so often I am completely drowned and trapped in the trains of thoughts and memories produced by this machine. I feel so miserable and bitter in it. The thoughts and memories are so sad.
Nevertheless, With this rude awakening,it seems now  I sometimes can free myself from some sufferings.
but the question is, 
if I am not my mind and I can't trust my mind, what else can I really trust? And who am I really? And Why am I so painful?

Thank you ,friends. Hope my experience doesn't disturb you.  Advises are welcomed.

Edited December 18, 2018 by Jeff Zhang

[Matt8800]

Suffering is caused by thoughts. There is no suffering without thoughts. This is why we train our minds with meditation.....to live in the present moment without self referential thoughts. When a painful thought arises, a trained mind will simply let it float away without any pain.

I used to suffer immensely. Now I dont. When I started I meditated only 20 minutes a day and it helped a lot. I should also say that I combined psychedelics with meditation often and it was critical to my growth.

[TheAvatarState]

I have good news: you CAN end your suffering, and you CAN learn to stop identifying with your thoughts. It will take a lot of practice, however. You can't just flip the switch right now, and that's ok. Just practice bringing awareness to your every day life, and you WILL improve.

Best of luck, and feel free to DM me if you have other questions!

[Jeff Zhang]

@Matt8800 Thank you for your kind. I also would like to try psychedelic, however in China it's illegal, people who take it would be arrested. 

So, I am wondering does it have alternative way to substitute psychedelic so that I can have a taste of the sudden enlightenment ?    Is Shamanic Breathing an alternative one that Leo had introduced in a video? But I saw some people say this kind of breathing could shorten for life expectancy and harm health. 

Also, can you share some meditation skills, I find my mind wandering so often,so hard to calm down to gain peace and bliss during meditation.

Thank you so much .

[Hellspeed]

Heart, Breath. 

[Jeff Zhang]

@Hellspeed sorry, can you elaborate on it?thanks

[Zigzag Idiot]

In the meantime,

I can relate to having non-stop internal dialogue or as some call it, being 'stuck in the head'. 

A quick and simple exercise for this is -sensing the feet-

By focusing attention on the physical sensation on the feet, with all of the nerve endings there, spaces of inner quiet can be brought about by this grounding into the body. Helps break the worry cycle,,, Puts us more into Being and less in narrative consciousness.

Hope this helps.

 

[Jeff Zhang]

@Zigzag Idiot Thank you. I would have a try.

[ground]

8 hours ago, Jeff Zhang said:

but the question is, 
if I am not my mind and I can't trust my mind, what else can I really trust? And who am I really? And Why am I so painful?

Painfulness may arise through identifying with what arises in one's mind. But the 'I' is not the thoughts/recollections arising. And the 'I' is not feelings or emotions arising due to thoughts. If you could spontaneously remove the sentiment of 'I' then thoughts where 'I' occurs would still arise. So just let thoughts be just thoughts. 'I' actually is like space because no substance of 'I' can be found, neither in thoughts nor feelings/emotions. So since 'I' is like space let thoughts arise, don't follow them, don't identify with them and they will simply dissolve in that space leaving no trace.

you can trust in that space that you are. Space cannot be hurt. Space is imperturbable. Space has neither center nor periphery. Space is unbounded openness. Relax into that space that you are.

Meditate according to these lines.

Edited December 18, 2018 by ground

[Jeff Zhang]

Thank you@ground

[Jeff Zhang]

@TheAvatarState thank you, I love this video

[Robert]

@Jeff Zhang You can trust your mind, but only if it's well-trained/developed. You need to train your mind to not overthink, to have good judgement, etc.

Learn and contemplate what the mind is and how it works so eventually you become familiar with all of its aspects. From there it will be easier to train and develop.

Don't fall into the trap of believing the mind is evil. Don't fall into the trap of trying to never have any thoughts. Mindlessness is not a virtue. You have a mind for a good reason just like you have a body. The mind is there to help you.

Be mindful and master your mind, then you'll be able to trust it!

[ajasatya]

12 hours ago, Jeff Zhang said:

if I am not my mind and I can't trust my mind, what else can I really trust? And who am I really? And Why am I so painful?

good questions.

you can't trust an untrained mind. but you can trust a trained, focused, steady and disciplined mind.

[Jeff Zhang]

@Robert Thank you, your comment relieves me so much

[Sahil Pandit]

On 12/18/2018 at 5:57 AM, ajasatya said:

 

you can't trust an untrained mind. but you can trust a trained, focused, steady and disciplined mind.

Str8 Facts