THERE IS NOBODY HOME.

[Akuma]

Okay, I was contemplating for the past 2 weeks whether I should share this and whether the "need to share it" is ego driven in it of itself.

But also I realized that the "need NOT to share it" might be ego driven as well. So fuck it here it goes.

In the past 6 months, I've been going through tremendous hardships that were literally life/survival related.

2 weeks ago, I was meditating around evening time. I was doing a 1hr Active Detachment session and I was having a really turbulent day prior to sitting down and meditating.

Somewhere midway through the meditation, I was experiencing a lot of quietness, headspace and gaps between the thoughts. But I've always had this problem where the moment I have some quietness, the mind jumps in and tells me "Ooh this must be your real self, the quietness is your real self".

So therefore, I have programmed myself in situations like this to tell myself " You must die and there it is" or "All that ever is, is now".

The next part I will try to describe the best that I can. We all know that language is symbolic and dualistic in nature so bare with me, please.

Suddenly as I was meditating and shortly after repeating the aforementioned phrases to myself, my mind became increasingly quieter. My heart started beating faster, I started sweating and suddenly it felt like I saw the " EGO AS A FUNDAMENTAL PROCESS". I had a direct experience of the ego trying to attach itself to everything it can, but at that moment I realized "there is no one here", "there is nobody home", "there never was anyone here and there never will be".

So, I bursted out in tears and couldn't stop. I kept whispering to myself "there is no one here" for about 10mins until "I came to my senses".

I have no idea what this was, I don't want to label it and I don't want to know it. However, it was the most beautiful, joyful experience I have ever had.

It has been 2 weeks since and my life is different. I was always comparing myself to others and was very jealous because I came from a really rough part of the world and was subscribing to the "lie of lack" for my entire life, even though I tried every day to remove that jealousy and envy and to love myself, I couldn't, because I was trying to "think my way out of thought"

However, 2 weeks have passed I don't feel jealousy and envy anymore nor do I feel threatened because there is no one here to "be threatened". 

Probably it will wear off and I will have egoic backlash, backsliding etc.. but I hope this makes at least partial sense.

Thank you ?

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

That was a little glimpse of no-self. A little glimpse of Truth.

There's much more. So keep digging.

[Akuma]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That was a little glimpse of no-self. A little glimpse of Truth.

There's much more. So keep digging.

Thank you, Leo ?❤ My biggest shovel stays by my side and I'm always ready and will never stop digging deeper. ?❤

[Sahil Pandit]

@Akuma No self, No Problem 

Edited December 18, 2018 by Sahil Pandit

[Akuma]

Thank you all for replying. Much appreciated ???