[book] Running on Empty, Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglet, Jonice Webb (8/10)

[Theta]

Quote

This book is not about what happened to you as a child; it's about what failed to happen for you as a child. It's an extremely subtle, almost invisible factor called Emotional Neglect, and it disrupts one's life in untold ways.

Emotional Neglect basically happens when your parents don't meet your emotional needs enough throughout childhood. When they don't pay enough attention to your unique emotional nature, and don't respond competently.

 

There was one paragraph I especially liked:

Quote

Children are like sponges, absorbing their parents love, care and help. A sponge too long away from water will go dry, and eventually harden. So too, a child too long away from love, care and help will harden and wall off, and will have trouble receiving and giving nurturance.

 

In the first part of the book there is a description of 12 types of parents, which was quite helpful for me:

1. The Narcissistic Parent
2. The Authoritarian Parent
3. The Permissive Parent
4. The Bereaved Parent: Divorced or Widowed
5. The Addicted Parent
6. The Depressed Parent
7. The Workaholic Parent
8. The Parent with a Special Needs Family Member
9. The Achievement/Perfection Focused Parent
10. The Sociopathic Parent
11. Child as Parent
12. The Well-Meaning-but-Neglected-Themselves Parent

 

The second part is about signs and signals of emotional neglect with a list so that you can identify them yourself.

1. Emptiness
2. Counter-Dependence
3. Unrealistic Self-Appraisal
4. Inadequate Compassion for Self
5. Guilt and Shame
6. Self-Directed Anger and Blame
7. The Fatal Flaw (If people really know me they won't like me)
8. Difficulty Nurturing Self and Others
9. Poor Self-Discipline
10. Alexithymia

 

Then in the third part its about what you can do to heal your emotional neglect. There is also a chapter on suicidal feelings, how to give your child what you have never got, or how therapists can apply this concept of emotional neglect.

 

The book was helpful for me, because the "usual kind of shadow-work" has not been working for me so well. But through this book I could finally recognize these patterns within me. I have not been able to see them before, because no particularly bad things happened throughout my childhood.

The section about how to heal the emotional neglect was not that helpful for me. Its more about common knowledge, which some emotionally neglected people might not have.

[martins name]

I think i really need to read this one. thanks!

 

[Matt23]

Dido. 

@ThetaWhat have been your most effective techniques in dealing with this issue for you? 

I find it very difficult to pinpoint exactly what the cause of an emotional or psychological issue really is since lots of these symptoms are so general and are attributed to many other issues.  How do you know it's this issue specifically?  What process led you to believe or know it's this issue for you?

I don't doubt that myself and many people suffer from being emotionally neglected to one degree or another. 

Thanks

[Theta]

@Matt23

My most effective "technique" up until now has been to sit alone, journal, and release emotions through crying. I wrote about my memories, my family members, and tried to understand why it happened the way it happened. But this was not mentioned in the book.

I cannot know what the specific cause for the emotional issues are. I have been searching for answers through different ways. I have been doing different kinds of shadow work and always get a certain direction, but nothing specific. Then eventually you can combine everything you have learned to get a sort of clearer picture.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I had to laugh in recognition when Dispicable Me came out and I watched the kind of relationship Gru had with his mother. This dynamic can definitely take on many forms. Being turned into a situation of humor actually helped me to approach this thing with fresh insight which is a cause of very real emotional pain for many.

 

[Rilles]

Listening to this right now! Thank you for the recommendation! ??