Non-dual dating

[Aquarius]

@Yousef Very kind of you, this made me smile. I don't have self esteem issues though, and I look pretty ok (in my opinion). And I didn't mean to brag about my achievements, but we are on a self development forum. In real life I wouldn't be this open about my thoughts/achievements. I know I sounded arrogant, but if I'm humble, people think I'm unintelligent and will walk over me. I think it's better if I leave this forum soon and go on with my life because I don't feel like I have a place here anymore.

[Aquarius]

@Yousef OH MY GOD THANK YOU! <333

YOU FINALLY UNDERSTOOD ME!

I was wanting to leave the site because I felt guilty for whining. All I wanted is female compassion, because I'm a female. When people give me male compassion (aka trying to fix things in me), I literally act like a male and I distance myself and go in my cave to work on some crafts e.g. (I think my father will teach me to repair his cars one day, I'm so excited!!!!). 

Some of you gave me the love I needed and it was so good, it felt just right. That's all. Thank you. I'm staying right here.  

 

[ajasatya]

@Aquarius you're still incapable of spreading unconditional love. actually, you sound needy and desperate.

lying to yourself will hinder the process.

[Charlotte]

@Aquarius A lot of what he said was about him... Actually all of it was. If your looking to date authentic people start by looking in the right places lovely ❤️

[Galyna]

@Aquarius Your post is very contradictional by nature. If you ever grasped the meaning of unconditional love, you would not say things like you wanted to kill yourself or you were hurt. You are not being honest with yourself. 

[ivory]

On 12/15/2018 at 7:12 PM, Aquarius said:

I wanted to make a fragile human being happier and teach him techniques because that's my life purpose

LOL, no it's not. Find someone with similar values who's at the same stage of development as you. Not a fixer upper so you can prop up your ego.

[Aquarius]

On 12/17/2018 at 5:55 PM, ajasatya said:

@Aquarius you're still incapable of spreading unconditional love. actually, you sound needy and desperate.

lying to yourself will hinder the process.

I wonder why I sounded that way. But thank you, I appreciate you trying to help. I have no hard addictions but I may have had soft addictions in the past, or perhaps I just had what I like to call normal human physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. 

On 12/17/2018 at 11:22 PM, Charlotte said:

@Aquarius A lot of what he said was about him... Actually all of it was. If your looking to date authentic people start by looking in the right places lovely ❤️

Wasn't looking to date him, he messaged me and I simply replied to him. He triggered some insecurities in me though and I simply responded because I was lonely and it felt good to chat with someone, anyone. Wasn't strong enough back then. Was at a different stage in both SD and Enlightenment. And at a different place in my life. 

On 12/28/2018 at 3:55 AM, Galyna said:

@Aquarius Your post is very contradictional by nature. If you ever grasped the meaning of unconditional love, you would not say things like you wanted to kill yourself or you were hurt. You are not being honest with yourself. 

Sometimes we fall apart, sometimes we come together. Human nature. Reality is enigmatic. I have had emotional problems, but I like to believe my heart is pure.

On 12/28/2018 at 4:10 AM, ivory said:

LOL, no it's not. Find someone with similar values who's at the same stage of development as you. Not a fixer upper so you can prop up your ego.

Ok, thank you. Wasn't trying to prop up my ego. I'm just weird. 

[zambize]

@Aquarius hope you're feeling better now! We all fall apart a bit

[Aquarius]

@zambize Yeah. Thank you.  

[Water]

This thread resonates with me. I've been away from this site for a while but I've been feeling this constant urge to connect. It's hard to put into words because it's a complicated feelings that's intertwined with other thoughts/feelings. I feel like I have to constantly suppress it because when I put myself out there I never seem to feel that "connection". I've had moments where it seems to feel like I've grasped it through experiences with friends, sex, or specific instances in intimate relationships. But none of it has been sustainable. I chaulk it up to maybe I'm just not in the right place right now and I that I just have to be patient but sometimes it can be a little overwhelming. Anything like that? 

[Aquarius]

9 hours ago, Water said:

This thread resonates with me. I've been away from this site for a while but I've been feeling this constant urge to connect. It's hard to put into words because it's a complicated feelings that's intertwined with other thoughts/feelings. I feel like I have to constantly suppress it because when I put myself out there I never seem to feel that "connection". I've had moments where it seems to feel like I've grasped it through experiences with friends, sex, or specific instances in intimate relationships. But none of it has been sustainable. I chaulk it up to maybe I'm just not in the right place right now and I that I just have to be patient but sometimes it can be a little overwhelming. Anything like that? 

I don't think it matters where you are at in life, but most people outside of self-help communities (friends and lovers alike) are usually looking for someone to make them feel good. If you cannot provide that, they won't stay for too long, but it's not like it's your fault or theirs, because there is really no one to blame for being themselves.

It's rare to find people nowadays that are caring and strong at the same time. It requires a level of maturity to be that way. And even people who are caring and strong can have hard times sometimes, because we are human and you cannot expect everyone to shower you with love all the time.

If you feel good, you can spread that love and it will come back to you, and you will feel even better, and you will be able to give even more love, and then receive even more love back, and the cycle goes on and on.

However, if you feel bad, it's not the smartest option to suppress anything, but why not try to invest that "negative" emotion into art? You will get more love and admiration in the long run from people who enjoy that type of art, if love and admiration is what you are looking for. Perhaps making a side-project, if that's not something you usually do (assuming you're an artist by your signature).

From my experience, on the internet it can be very difficult to maintain relationships, and friendships even! I deleted all my internet friends from my Facebook and I only keep it for family and close friends and people whom I trust and know personally / whom I met face to face, like teachers from school. And I'm not visiting chat sites and dating sites anymore. I feel like this was the smartest choice of my life and I feel so much better since then. Internet addiction is a real thing!

If you feel like you're not in the "right place" in life, invest more in yourself. It doesn't even have to cost you money, because there are so many great sites, like wikihow, openculture or guttenberg project, to name a few. You just have to do the work. 

[Water]

The love is definitely there and it's a 2 way street with the people that are close to me. But it's becoming harder to remain relevant when I'm constantly growing and they're more or less staying the same. So in conversation, the gap seems to only get bigger.

I've norrowed it down to like 1/5 of the friends and this feels sooo much better, a lot less wasted time. 

Art is a huge part of my life, I feel like a zombie if I don't get a creative outlet. 

I'm currently saving up and working on my getaway plan. After that I'm leaving the "land of the free", and starting my adventure. I'm sure it'll be different after I get out of this sick society

Not to hijack your thread. 

P. S. "This is the clock song we're setting all the clocks wrong hehe hehe" lol anyone? 

[ajasatya]

@Aquarius from suffering to wisdom. i'm happy for you

keep it up

[Aquarius]

@Water Try listening more than you talk (of course this isn't written in stone, just an advice). Try asking people questions about them and what they love to do and such and such. People love to talk about themselves and about what they love. And if you really are a full of love they will sense it and will gladly share their stories and conversations spark up out of sweet nothings. It doesn't always have to be complicated philosophy, just ask them about their day, how they are, tell them about your projects and talk with passion in your voice. That's all I know about people so far from experience. I hope it helps.  

p.s.: Look up active listening and non-violent communication. If you master those two skills, man, it will be so much easier to connect with anyone!

@ajasatya Thanks, much love to you!  

[Wisebaxter]

Most men will be put off if you fly staight in talking about lofty concepts like love. The way to a man's heart is through his loins. My honest advice is to drop all the intense stuff as it will never attract a male. If you want a loving relationship, jump their bones and make some fireworks happen, you'll soon see them switch on the romance after that, trust me. I know women who stay stuck with this issue for years. It's tough because they start getting cynical and thinking of men as shallow. Theyre not, they're just wired a bit differently. Have some fun, get laid, forget about love for now. That shit comes later, when a good physical connection is established. Women put the cart before the horse with love. Love is built on physical intimacy, not words. I understand that women feel they need an emotional connection first, that's their biology and it's a bit of a cruel trick on natures part. All of my long term relationships have come after having sex very early. Become a maneater, get in touch with your sexuality. Men will be queuing up to romance you then. 

If I read you wrong I apologise. My advice still stands for anyone else though. 

Edited January 27, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Girzo]

2 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

Most men will be put off if you fly staight in talking about lofty concepts like love.

I would love to randomly get bombarded with quotes from OSHO's "Love, Freedom, Aloneness" or Rumi's poetry by some chick. 

 

Edited January 27, 2019 by Girzo

[Wisebaxter]

@Girzo Well of course we can make exceptions for Osho and Rumi....that goes without saying. Nothing gets me harder and ready to bone than a Ruminator quote. If the chick is versed in that shit then that will appeal to a man's intellect and he'll get horny - but we're still talking about sex here. His heart won't start swooning or anything and he won't turn up at her place with a dozen red roses reciting more Rumi loudly at her window in between marriage proposals. 

Edited January 27, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Enizeo]

@Wisebaxter Had to scroll way to far for that

[Aquarius]

@Wisebaxter I remember when I was 12 I randomly drew a fake tattoo with ink pen on my arm, that said "maneater" hahahaha I'm laughing so hard right now. Fun times, indeed. Also Blood On The Dance Floor was my favourite band so I'm not a sexually repressed feminist, in case I gave that impression.

Much respect to sexually repressed feminists though. No shame in being yourself in my opinion. 

So much nostalgia with this song. ^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xe1ZDH9j9m8

Don't worry, I know how to handle men and I love sex. I'm the loyal type of girl though and I sometimes will have casual sex with my best friend, but only him. I am not able to have sex with more men, I usually just pick one man and I work on our connection.

One man is more than enough shit to handle, why would I need 10? Omg.  Just kiddin haha. I don't judge people who have sex with more men simultaneously, but your approach is really... orange. I don't have other words to describe it, sorry, English isn't my native language.  

Your advice is good, but it's just a point of view. Not all men are like that, and I met many asexual men, and I met men that would have sacrificed their sexual life just so they could have my heart, a thing that I didn't expect from them but they somehow were expecting from themselves for whatever reason, perhaps upbringing or indoctrination or delusion. They know themselves best, and my clairsentience won't always tell me everything about someone.

Most men like hard-to-get chicks, you're basically telling me to become a nasty slut just to keep a man next to me. Been there, done that, got hurt and abused emotionally.  Meh. I'm not into playing hard to get, I'm into being myself. Men seem to enjoy my humor. I'm ok. 

By looks, I'm being told by some men that I'm 8.5 or 9, I'm also almost 6'0 and very athletic. I also spent my whole life developing myself spiritually, do you really think such person would shame itself in such ways in a highly Blue society? I'm very content with my life right now and I'm a busy person with a lot of responsibilities on my hands.

I'm not ashamed of being attracted to men and I'm very authentic and honest about my feelings of both unconditional love and dirty lust alike.  Just in case I gave a different impression that might have stemmed from your experience with women in general. Also please note that I'm only 21 years old, I'm not that experienced with dating yet. 

Right now I'm attracted to some autistic guy, but I'm not showing it because I wouldn't want to spoil our friendship this early, so I'm keeping my feelings to myself, playing it smart. I might even consider letting go of the whole idea of dating him, if it's the case. I really don't want to use him, because I don't know much about him, he is an older friend my age, from adolescence that I reconnected with recently. Plus he seems sexually repressed, he seems to have some major sexual wounds for whatever reason, maybe religious parents or something similar, or maybe it's his autism, I don't know? He seems really into me, but I will see. If I was his girlfriend (one can dream..), I would be fine without sex, I have two hands if you know what I mean.

Thanks for trying to help though, I really appreciate it, truly. It really feels to me like you're just trying to help, but you made too many assumptions about me, based on your personal experiences, I think.

On 1/27/2019 at 6:31 AM, Girzo said:

I would love to randomly get bombarded with quotes from OSHO's "Love, Freedom, Aloneness" or Rumi's poetry by some chick. 

I'm doing this all the time! No one appreciates it!!  Sometimes I even write my own poems to men.

To my best friend I'm pretty sure I wrote more than 20 poems so far. And I was always bombarding him with cool gifts I handcrafted myself, also tons of quality art. He lost all of the gifts, didn't take care of them. He seems to consider my good heart a weakness though and is worried for me too much. He is probably butthurt and jealous of me being cooler than him. He says I disappointed him, yet refuses to explain why. Ugh.

You can only expect so much from some people, men and women alike. I love and accept him anyway, he's a decent man. Arrogant, but caring and fatherly. 

On 1/27/2019 at 2:31 PM, Wisebaxter said:

His heart won't start swooning or anything and he won't turn up at her place with a dozen red roses reciting more Rumi loudly at her window in between marriage proposals. 

Haha oops.  Shit happens I guess...........

 

Edited January 30, 2019 by Aquarius
deletion of personal details

[Aquarius]

On 1/28/2019 at 0:00 PM, Enizeo said:

@Wisebaxter Had to scroll way to far for that

Oh? I hope it worth your time.  Time's money, tick tock tick tock. 

jk lmao

Edited January 30, 2019 by Aquarius