Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

[Zigzag Idiot]

Most of the time I consult the I CHING in the morning and it seems to often provide a framework for the day. Every once in a while I'll consult it at the end of the day, like I did today. Well, actually about 5 hours ago. This is what I got- 

First Hexagram 30; Attaining Clariy   with only 1 changing line; line 5 creating a second hexagram 13;Associating with People

I feel asleep. Now it was over 12 hours ago that I did this I Ching consultation.

 

I feel good this morning, well, it's almost noon. I may do another reading shortly.

[Zigzag Idiot]

There’s something really bizarre happening outside my house right now. 
A lot of people,,,,

Ill report back, I hope,,,

[Zigzag Idiot]

It was just that darned ole schizophrenia cropping up again. I'll comment more later about this . The worlds of the mystic and the schizophrenic are the same I've heard say. Intuitively It seems there is some kind of inner insight about this that's starting to develope. That is, if I don't lose my marbles in the meantime. Who knows though, it may be part of the neccasary process.

[Zigzag Idiot]

                                                                      Having Schizoid tendencies 

This is from the Mayo Clinic website.

Overview

Schizoid personality disorder is an uncommon condition in which people avoid social activities and consistently shy away from interaction with others. They also have a limited range of emotional expression.

If you have schizoid personality disorder, you may be seen as a loner or dismissive of others, and you may lack the desire or skill to form close personal relationships. Because you don't tend to show emotion, you may appear as though you don't care about others or what's going on around you.

The cause of schizoid personality disorder is unknown. Talk therapy, and in some cases medications, can help.

 

This describes me to an extent for a good part of my life. More so in the category of Schizoid splitting off as a coping mechanism. It's that- lets Pretend what just happened never happened kind of thing. That should ring a bell with a lot of you because it's pretty common. The experts don't know anything except for just a few in developmental and depth psychology and those who go into Transpersonal psychology. The rest are just knotheads who get treated to lunch fairly often by pharmaceutical representatives.

If you get serious about shadow work, all that stuff has to get processed.

 

Defending Against Personal Contact

When we are confronted with impersonality in the course of letting go of ego identifications, if we neither posit it as the ultimate reality, nor reject it, but genuinely investigate the truth, we will ultimately come upon the personal element. The absence of the personal element, which is felt as impersonality, can be seen at such times either as an emptiness in the chest, or the presence of a hard impersonal shield over it. The emptiness is felt as almost physical, as an empty hole or cavity in the chest. The emptiness affects the individual by making him feel that it doesn't have what it takes for him to relate in a personal way. He is impersonal because he lacks the personal element. He feels the emptiness as a deficiency, a lack in who he is. This deficient emptiness is simply the state of the absence of the Personal Essence. The rigid shield is a defense against this deficiency, which gives the individual a sense of being a person that is not personal. In fact, it is what is usually referred to in depth psychology as a schizoid defense. It is a defense against personal contact, because of the vulnerability that it might expose. So the individual employs this impersonal defense of isolation and emotional detachment so that he does not feel either the vulnerability of personal involvement, or the sadness about the lack of it. This condition is much more common than is normally acknowledged, for it is usually hidden by the ego’s sense of being personal. 

Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 75 - A.H. Almaas

Ive also had grandiose coping mechanisms in the past but I won't go into that for now.

I think the saying goes- Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean someone is not out to get me.

It almost seems that getting these security cameras put in have aggravated my condition. There's at least 3 categories of 'hallucination' that I've been experiencing.  The most faint is like my iPad has been hacked into and someone is overlaying images of people doing absurd things. Another kind is where the wind is moving the branches of trees and my imagination turns them into people who act like their creeping on me. The third kind is images of people so real like that I'll sometimes run out and try to catch them. This happens most when the light is dim. 

I mentioned in an earlier post about nearly catching up to someone only to have them go translucent. That really messed with me,,,,

Well, last night I did catch-up to someone who was appearantly creeping on me. Actually I suspect a small group who are doing this. For sport, I guess,, go figure. I don't know. It was a young lady. I really think I would have had a good chance of tackling her but, I don't know. She had a fast walk down to an art and was smart enough to keep a tree right in front of her so she couldn't be silloqueted. Also, with a bad knee I really try to avoid extreme movements that could twist it badly. But I got close enough that I'm sure of this one. Both occasions have happened in really dim light. My eyes are getting worse every year. Maybe the guy who went translucent was real in physicality and between craftiness and my worsening eyesight my imagination interpreted him going translucent. I guess it's possible that their are Warlocks like on that old sitcom -Bewitched- Slim chance, though. I actually wanted to be a Warlock in the worst way growing up watching that show.

Life can be strange. I know that much.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

In this morning’s I CHING reading I received hexagram 34-Using Power line 6 changing into hexagram 14-Possession in Great Measure.

I’m having trouble downloading any of it to my Journal. Trying to do it with my I-Phone because my I-Pad has an illness. It’s some rich text. Maybe I can do it in a little bit,,, 

[Zigzag Idiot]

This is all it would let me upload.

It’s about time for another one.

[Zigzag Idiot]

More on hexagram 14,,,

There is still another page or so of the general commentary on 14 before it gets to interpreting each of the six lines but I'll stop right here.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Your Own Little Corner of the World
by Dr. Jim Rosen
©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen
 

    He was so upset because there are so many things wrong in this world.  “People just aren’t doing what they should.  Even the simplest things at work – people aren’t even doing their jobs properly.”  I showed him the Serenity Prayer and asked him to read it:  “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  The things you can change, what are they?  Those are just you, yourself.  And the things you cannot change?  Those are everybody else.  The most that any human being can fix or control is just your own little corner of the world.  If you concentrate on being true to yourself in your own little space, and accepting others as they are, no matter how small it seems, good changes will happen.  You will come to a place of peace.  And consider how truly valuable is your peace of mind.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Zen Devils have the bad habit of lining people out and setting them straight,,, for their own good of course. Zen Devils are sure of themselves and think they are the exception to the rule. This is a blindspot for them.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I still act like a dick sometimes and also still have some spiritual egotism periodically. I feel like I'm a better person for having once been a Zen Devil, though.. In the Work it's said that becoming man #5 before you've achieved balance as man#4 then there is no way to become man #6. Well there is but it requires enduring a difficult path in which you encounter the neccasary heat to bring about another recrystalization.

Normally I'll phrase it as human # 4, human # 5, human #6, etc. so I don't come across as sexist or patriarchical.

Human # 4 has their 3 centers or brains balanced as well as being integrated. Human #5 job is to begin expressing the individuality- data which is from the Causal body. This is called the second initiation and for this to happen we need to consciously incarnate in our two natured system. The first initiation is the realization that you are not IT, the body. Forgiveness and apologies are acts in which the heart as a perceptual tool becomes stronger because some individuality data from the Causal body Is being expressed. Because of this expression becoming freed-up we can then feel our nothingness.

So I see Human #5 as in addition to being integrated are also individuated which is synonymous with realizing one's presence and having our being and realizing  the True Self . In today's world this is as high as Actualization goes. 100 years from now it will probably be higher. People will be actualizing as human # 7 maybe. Jesus was human # 7 or #8 I've heard. I don't know but that may put things more in scale for some. Human # 1 likes eating, sex, and physical movement, instinctual things. They're the ones who can't stand still or stop for very long. Human #2 stays in the lower emotional center all the time being emotional and Human number 3's are the full time egg head's who most often never have inner quiet. Humans #1,#2, and #3 are all at the same level of spiritual sleep. Humans #4 is we awaken and leap out of our graves as Ocke de Boer humorously puts it. I would metaphorically put it that it's also when we have to become our own Fonzi and leave behind our imitation Fonzi. It's said you don't really understand something unless you can create metaphors about your understanding. I'm working on it. My Fonzi allegory will most likely exasperate more than a few but I'm going to stand behind it. It makes sense to me as well that our understanding increases only when we work on our knowledge the same as we work on our being. Apologies and forgiveness I would put in the category of work on being. 

I didn't aim to write this much.

The Science of Idiotism can help those who became human #5 before they balanced as human #4. That's my predicament as well in being stuck here on the ladder of reason. 

The question here is always- What kind of Idiot are you? Some stations of Idiocy are more difficult to endure than other stations but then it's different with everyone as well anyway. Some people won't require the Science Of Idiotism but for others, it will be an effective springboard.

[Zigzag Idiot]

My I CHING reading this morning. Hexagram 48- The Well - with lines 1&4 changing creating a second hexagram 28- The Preponderance of the Great.

Its a very relevant reading for me. I consider the changing lines as the most primary thing to focus on in a consultation of the I CHING. That is all that I've pasted below.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

A rogue student's paraphrasing of a primary Ridhwan School method.

Developing the capacity for being able to sit with different states or flavors of 'deficient emptiness' as Almaas refers to it. Easier said than done. There are a spectrum of these that can be encountered whenever our emotional pendulum swings into the negative side. We all have a pendulum to a degree. Even beyond emotional purification there are biorhythms which affect our states of consciousness. Normally we try to dissociate from these uncomfortable states through all kinds of activities. To not do that is more difficult than I thought when first encountering this method of what I would almost refer to as Contemplative psychoanalysis. That makes sound more complicated than it really is, though. In going about this, I'm just doing in a sense what Echart Tolle suggests. Also, what Cynthia Bourgeault instructs people to do when doing the Welcoming Practice. Below, I'll paste a YouTube about the welcoming Practice.

Whatever is felt in this present moment,,,, bring it on,,. Let's feel and experience it completely. Taste it and start eating on it until your full or the plate is empty. It may take days or you might find transformation in 20 minutes. 

Dessert in this case will come with it a felt sense of letting go or having seen it through. That is, whatever the reason or state that the felt sense of deficient emptiness is all about. This dessert in this case, you're felt sense of the present moment, will be connected to an aspect of essence which is fulfilling. If you investigate further you may find that it connects with a very alive Red energy or a sense of felt solidness of Will that's grounded in the hara (third chakra) or the back of the neck (fifth chakra energy). Maybe it's empathy for all beings or loving kindness which emanates from the chest or peaceful quietness which is accompanied by a slight pulse from the prefrontal lobe area.

Another practice I learned about 3 years ago. It's good when in stressful situations especially. Just sense the physical sensations in the feet. Lots of nerve endings there,,, pressures moreso when standing up or walking. The feet are furthest from your head and at times, nonstop neurotic noise if your like me. Simply get out your head by putting attention on the sensations in the feet. Maybe good for staying present if you have to speak in front of a crowd,,,

[Zigzag Idiot]

Leo talks about the Mastery of awareness in his latest talk. Castenada wrote about the Mastery of Awareness in his book Power of Silence. Just below, I've taken some excerpts from Power Of Silence. Just add salt,,

 

      The guide in the lives of sorcerers is called "the nagual." The nagual is a man or a woman with extraordinary energy, a teacher who has sobriety, endurance, stability; someone seers see as a luminous sphere having four compartments, as if four luminous balls have been compressed together. Naguals are responsible for supplying what sorcerers call "the minimal chance": the awareness of one's connection with intent.
      Naguals school their apprentices toward three areas of expertise: the mastery of awareness, the art of stalking, and the mastery of intent. These three areas of expertise are the three riddles sorcerers encounter in their search for knowledge.
      The mastery of awareness is the riddle of the mind; the perplexity sorcerers experience when they recognize the astounding mystery and scope of awareness and perception.
      The art of stalking is the riddle of the heart; the puzzlement sorcerers feel upon becoming aware of two things: first that the world appears to us to be unalterably objective and factual, because of peculiarities of our awareness and perception; second, that if different peculiarities of perception come into play, the very things about the world that seem so unalterably objective and factual change.
      The mastery of intent is the riddle of the spirit, or the paradox of the abstract--sorcerers' thoughts and actions projected beyond our human condition.

 

      Warriors are incapable of feeling compassion because they no longer feel sorry for themselves. Without the driving force of self-pity, compassion is meaningless.
      For a warrior everything begins and ends with himself. However, his contact with the abstract causes him to overcome his feeling of self-importance. Then the self becomes abstract and impersonal.

 

      There is a threshold that once crossed permits no retreat. Every sorcerer should have a clear memory of crossing that threshold so he can remind himself of the new state of his perceptual potential. One does not have to be an apprentice of sorcery to reach this threshold, and the only difference between an average man and a sorcerer, in such cases, is what each emphasizes. A sorcerer emphasizes crossing this threshold and uses the memory of it as a point of reference. An average man does not cross the threshold and does his best to forget all about it.
      Sorcerers say that the fourth abstract core happens when the spirit cuts our chains of self-reflection. Cutting our chains is marvelous, but also very undesirable, for nobody wants to be free.
      What a strange feeling: to realize that everything we think, everything we say depends on the position of the assemblage point.
      The secret of our chains is that they imprison us, but by keeping us pinned down on our comfortable spot of self-reflection, they defend us from the onslaughts of the unknown.
      Once our chains are cut, we are no longer bound by the concerns of the daily world. We are still in the daily world, but we don't belong there anymore. In order to belong we must share the concerns of people. And without chains we can't.
      What distinguishes normal people is that we share a metaphorical dagger: the concerns of our self-reflection. With this dagger, we cut ourselves and bleed; and the job of our chains of self-reflection is to give us the feeling that we are bleeding together, that we are sharing something wonderful: our humanity. But if we were to examine it, we would discover that we are bleeding alone; that we are not sharing anything; that all we are doing is toying with our manageable, unreal, man-made reflection.
      Sorcerers are no longer in the world of daily affairs because they are no longer prey to their self-reflection.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I've been pondering the schizophrenic experiences that I've been having the last few months. There is no blatant discontinuity of consciousness that is experienced.  That's why I phrase it schizophrenic experiences rather than schizophrenic episodes.The experiences are technically schizophrenic. If I don't open my mouth and speak about them, I appear fairly normal ,,,.  Only in the last couple of weeks have I verified that these experiences are not just visual but include the auditory senses as well. I have an idea of why they started happening. It's actually a combination of things but the realization of the how and why remain pretty much in the realm of patchy intuition which as yet I'm unable to put into words. If I tried it would only be crude notes as it stands. As odd as it may sound my emotional stability is as good as it ever has been.

During the worst of my mental and emotional upheavals, at around 19-20 years old, some 30 years ago, I experienced a reoccurring visual hallucination that took place in the same location of my parents home. So far as auditory hallucinations, I don't recall any that were linked with times of upset or trauma. There have been a handful of times that I experienced what I would categorize as paranormal auditory episodes but mostly in childhood and seemingly haphazardly random in occurrence. 

Where I am, here later in life. There is no doubt that having re established a connection to my belly center or hara as it's called in the East, plays a big role in my staying grounded. If not for that, I intuit that both my mental and emotional stability would be much worse off than it is. This idea occurred to me this evening as I listened to an old favorite from Ted Nottingham narrating on the life of Karlfried Graf Durkheim.

I've made some new friends over the last few months. One of them has a similar coping mechanism as mine in which he cracks jokes more as his stress level rises but also when he's just in a everyday lighthearted mood as well. Our sense of humor is slightly different from one another's but there seems to be an unspoken understanding that we share. His wife seems to be near Sainthood.

An old joke about schizophrenia came to mind to me today.

Roses are red 

Violets are blue

I'm schizophrenic

and so am I.

This triggers an associative memory of the lyrics in one of Roger Millers old songs called - Dang me.

Roses are red?

Violets are purple?

sugar is sweet?

and so is maple surple ?

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Good morning fellow Journalers

For those with children

The Adult Should Decide
by Dr. Jim Rosen
©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen
 

    Her kids are 8 and 10 years old.  And Mom has a big decision to make for them.  She leans one way; her friends and relatives are pressuring her the other way.  She knows what her kids want, and they pretty much agree with what she wants.  That’s not the problem.  The problem arose when she gave away her parental responsibility.  Mom said, “I’m going to let my kids make their own decision.”  It is good for children to make small decisions (e.g., what outfit to wear or which friend to play with today), but not the big ones (e.g., who to live with, or whether to attend school virtually or in person, or should they change to a different school district).  You should always ask for your kids’ input (i.e., their feelings and thoughts), but the big decisions belong to you.  You are the adult, and your judgement is better and wiser than a child’s judgement.  Furthermore, children need someone stronger and with more life experiences to guide and direct them.  If you make the adult decisions, your children will feel more secure, and they will develop better self-esteem.

[tsuki]

@Zigzag Idiot This is actually helpful in taking care of my zoo. Thanks ?

[Zigzag Idiot]

Being that we've just been issued a tornado warning and are supposed to be seeking shelter. I thought it would be a good time to share Bruno Martins description of a Zigzag Idiot. Some of it applies to me and some of it I've worked through. I picked it as a screen name just because I liked the name. I am serious though about adding to The Science of Idiotism in some way. At the least, I hope to be carrying the torch for a little bit anyway.

I haven't gotten around to making contact with Bruno Martin yet because I have too much of the Zigzag Idiot about me. Bruno was a long time student of J.G. Bennett who was a student and friend of Gurdjieff. J.G. participated in a great number of Gurdjieff's Toasts to the Idiots which was a ritual carried out after the evening meals. 

 

[fridjonk]

9 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Being that we've just been issued a tornado warning and are supposed to be seeking shelter.

Stay safe!  

[Zigzag Idiot]

Thanks @fridjonk

The tornado ended up being about 15 miles away. In this area severe fall storms have been on the increase in during the last 30 years.

 

This is a little bit of my numerology based on my name.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

A part of my practice is to not express negative emotions. This doesn't mean repressing anything. Actually it usually means feeling whatever it is more intensely This has been and at times, still is, very difficult. It's a practice towards purification of the emotions.
My father was a great example in how to suffer fools graciously. Not all the time though. On one occasion he got so angry that he thru his hat on the ground and then started jumping up and down on it with both feet while conveying some choice words. He definitely mellowed with age as most of us do. I noticed this with myself at the Saturn return we all have at 29 1\2 years old. Then some more at around 40-45. I just turned 53.