Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

[Zigzag Idiot]

Jesus,, shit

People are tough these days.

I like to ponder epigenetics and the morphogenetic field, though.

Rupert is more than just pretty damned smart, I'd say,,,

[Zigzag Idiot]

The irony of Awakened Conscience is the felt experience of feeling one's own every-which-wayness.

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I can be such a dick.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I got confused earlier, which isn't that unusual. Incel community not excel.,,,, Jeez,, ?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel

The search I did on excel wasn't producing much. I've touched on this in the past but the phrase "incel" and it's meaning had become occluded. It's kind of a sad thing with these people. Earlier in life I would have put myself in this category for a period of time in my twenties. Or borderline anyway. I have felt that sense of alienation and loneliness and it's not an easy thing to cope/deal with. Life and people in general can seem more cruel and mean than they are. Although life and people in general CAN at times be cruel. 

Hurt people hurting people,,, It seems to be a common equation which shows up from time to time. Sometimes it's real and sometimes it's born completely out of imagination from my experience. Projection in other words, as being the cause.

The longer I live, the more I observe and experience how subtle this phenomena can be. Projection, once manifested, can go from subtle to extreme or blatant almost instantaneously. 

Life situations can certainly be a torture at times. Sometimes it has the effect of making one hurt and behave shallow which can create a downward spiral. Other times this kind of torture in life can create an inner seeing which leads to understanding and being more forgiving. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

This journal among other things is an exercise towards a more complete psychological integration and individuation. I've stated before that I have lived in the same rural community all my life. One day, word will get out about this Journal in my little corner of the world and a few people there will probably shit bricks for a time. I kind of plan on this eventuality and it's okay. That's why I say it's about integration. It's why I leave some rather unflattering things in here. We're all a mixture aren't we? Sometimes people will always take something out of context and 'run with it'.  In my experience, the more integrated one is psychologically, the more Teflon coated one is, as the saying goes. 

My interest in the Science of Idiotism is authentic as well. There's a subtlety as well as a depth to it. Like Gurdjieff's magnum opus- All and Everything, which he framed as a Legominism (Teaching) to hurl into the future, I take the Science of Idiotism also as a Legominism which he hurled into the future during the last phase of his life. Some people who tend to make a religion out of different Gurdjieff's lineages will claim the 'Toast to the Idiots' ritual ended and went into the grave with Gurdjieff in France in 1949. I simply disagree. Life, knowledge, and understanding sit there waiting for us to unfold these things and, perhaps, if they begin to unfold, a Mystic can come into being. We then become proper food for Archangels. Regardless, if you're born onto this planet, your life is inevitably a part of a chapter of human history.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Just now, Marc Schinkel said:

Yeah, to quote Jordan Peterson loosely: "Extremely high openness isn't an untroubled blessing"

If I'm ever a dick in your imagination, I apologize in advance. Unless you're into it.

?‍♂️ Likewise, You're good, man.

No worries and hopefully no projections. ?

[Zigzag Idiot]

I'm an Idiot and so My practice is to return to Ordinary Idiot and put on Beginner's mind as needed or required.

 

Almaas uses the feminine pronoun when reffering to the Soul. I can only partially remember why that is.

Quotes 1 and 3 of about 6. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/meaninglessness

Meaninglessness in Relation to Nonconceptual Reality Refers to the Transcendence of Meaning

At the stage of recognizing true nature, the soul realizes that it is the ultimate meaning of existence and of life. She understands that when she is not in touch with her true nature her mind thinks of it as absence of meaning, which she then tries to find, pursuing a particular style of life, philosophy, activity, or interest. As she realizes her essence she finds that the need for conceptual meaning disappears. She finds that meaning is being, the fact of her existence. But at the stage when the soul moves to the nonconceptual, even being is gone, for being and nonbeing are both conceptual. She may first see this as meaninglessness, as the sense that life has no meaning. Meaninglessness becomes the true condition of things, for any meaning is simply a story the discriminating mind concocts. But precise inquiry into this meaninglessness reveals it to be simply the transcendence of the concept of meaning. Meaning requires recognition, cognition, and now we are simply beyond that. Reality is simply thus, pure awareness without commentary. In other words, to see Reality as ultimately meaninglessness, even when this is idealized as total freedom, is to still view it within the concept of meaning. Reality is neither meaningfulness nor meaninglessness, neither the presence of these nor their absence. It is simply independent of anything that the discriminating mind can grasp. So when we use the term meaningless to refer to nonconceptual Reality we need to realize we are referring to the transcendence of meaning, not the opposite of meaningfulness.

 

Recognizing that Meaningless and Emptiness are Actually Expressions of the Lack of Self-Realization

It is important to understand this significant juncture in the maturation of the normal self for what it is: a spiritual juncture. The sense of meaninglessness, pointlessness, and emptiness in one’s life is not due to being in the wrong life situation, like the wrong job or marriage. The soul is
becoming aware of its inner existential emptiness. Changing external life situations will genuinely relieve our inner emptiness only if this change is part of a larger and deeper change. Recognizing that this meaninglessness and emptiness are actually expressions of the lack of self-realization makes it possible to begin looking in the right direction, so to speak: to begin one’s inner search for deeper truth. Various religious or spiritual ideas, therapeutic approaches which “explain” one’s emptiness as a lack of gratification in one’s history or relationships—or even more external factors such as new work projects, new relationships, even new possessions—are all too available to fill the hole of meaning in a person’s life. But if this emptiness is filled, even with notions of spirituality, it is not possible to penetrate the emptiness and become available to the arising of one’s true nature. In our work, we approach this—as all questions—with open-ended inquiry, in which the student is invited to investigate his feelings to discover their truth within his personal experience. The teacher guides him only to inquire sincerely and points out his assumptions and defenses regarding his self-awareness.

The Point of Existence, pg. 225

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Don’t impose a property tax
on a burned out village. Don’t scold the Lover.
The wrong way he talks is better than a hundred
right ways of others.

These lines are from Rumi's poem - Moses and the Shepard

I really appreciate them. They often come to mind.

 

 

[DrewNows]

13 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Don’t impose a property tax
on a burned out village. Don’t scold the Lover.
The wrong way he talks is better than a hundred
right ways of others.

These lines are from Rumi's poem - Moses and the Shepard

I really appreciate them. They often come to mind.

 

 

Wow really enjoyed this, thanks Dave! 

[Zigzag Idiot]

It's one of my favorites. ?

Glad to hear that you enjoyed it, Drew!

[Zigzag Idiot]

I really enjoyed and benefited from Cynthia Bourgeault's Teaching about the Yo-yo of being. It helped me to slow down and understand how that particular amnesia takes place. The forgetting of the beauty of life whenever I go into a state of deficient emptiness. Also, how the quality or degree of our being fluctuates during the day.

The works and articulation of both Almaas and Bourgeault at times compliment one another.

 

The State of No Self

The narcissistic emptiness sheds its deficiency and reveals its truth, as an emptiness that has no sense of self, but is spacious and peaceful. The deficient emptiness is actually nothing but this inner spaciousness, experienced through the judgment of deficiency. The state of no self is actually a pure manifestation of inner spacious reality, Being in its openness, we experience it as empty space, immaculate and pure, light and clean, empty of everything structured by the mind. However, the self reacts to the sense of no self in many ways—as a loss, as a deficiency, and so on, plus the associations, memories, and feelings that go with these interpretations. All this psychic content pervades the inner spaciousness so that we lose sight of its lightness, purity, immaculateness, and freedom. Instead, we feel it as deficient emptiness, dull and flat, heavy and dark. Only when we allow this emptiness to be, without judgment or rejection, without reaction or opinion, does it shed its obscurations and reveal its inherent truth: the state of no self, the freedom and openness of our Being. We experience ourselves then as a luminous night sky, transparent and pure, light and happy, cool and virginal, deep and peaceful. An emptiness, yes, but a stillness, a silence, where we recognize the absence of the familiar identity as the absence of agitation. This is black space, an inner spaciousness that manifests naturally when we accept the absence of self with no reaction at all. It arises when the self is free from identifying itself through representations. We experience freedom from the familiar identity and its structure. We experience ourselves without any structure, as openness, spaciousness, as boundless and infinite space.

The Point of Existence, pg. 337 

 

I enjoyed Leo's latest video and find that what he says most often will mesh with what Hans Wilhelm says in his videos. In some instances though, what they relate, SEEMS to be at odds. There seems to be more gain than confusion so I'll continue to watch and listen to both.

Ive been binge watching Hans Wilhelm this morning.

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

If I decide to run for the Presidency of the United States, I'll have my cabinet picked before I announce. The secretary of defense will be someone who is all for reducing the amount spent on weapons manufacturers and who is for radically rearranging the military. Basic infantry will be shifted to being goodwill ambassadors, street clowns, and Helpers of the elderly. All necessary combatants will be Navy Seals, Army Rangers, and such. 

If elected, Multinational corporations will get their ass handed back to them in some way. Yet in such a way that most of them will get a case of the giggles over it.

Black Sabbath's God is Dead? may be the campaign theme song. Maybe,,,not sure yet,,,,

Imaginative conjecture is another expression for when  one is engaged in thinking big and outside of the box.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Started the day watching Hans Wilhelm videos.

Pondered solving some world problems and also running for President of the United States.

Tried intravenously injecting NN dmt in fumarate form around mid day for the first time ever. Amount- .17 msgs Very interesting,,,, Noted a high pitched sound,,,,  I may try this again tomorrow and up the dose a bit.

Ended the day watching 3 more Wilhelm videos.

Taking these with a grain of salt. Like a skillet full of fried squirrel. I've quit killing squirrels and living creatures in general long ago, though. Still not against eating them when they're cooked right! 

[Zigzag Idiot]

                                                                 The Oracle of the Cosmic Way

Two excerpts from this morning's I CHING reading.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Paramahansa Yogananda pretty much said the second coming of Christ will be the widespread arrival of Christ Consciousness in Humanity. That would be fairly close to the idea of a Collective Consciousness. 

Ken Wilber wrote the forward to Jim Marion's Putting on the Mind of Christ.  It contributes to the notion of Christ Consciousness in the upper part of the Integral model. He even gives/names levels of  Consciousness beyond Christ Consciousness!

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

On another note. I'm just not relationship material. I've been single for too long. I have to admit, I like to flirt though.  Enjoy my solitude and living selfishly not worrying about making noise disturbing anyone anytime of the day or night. Don't have to coordinate anything with anyone. Go in any direction at anytime,,,,,,I like the freedom. There's a decent chance I'll die alone and that's ok. We really all die alone anyway. My Automaton will have a heart attack or a stroke or I'll choke on something. My great grandfather choked on a cracker sitting on the couch a year after my great grandmother died of mouth cancer.

He was born with a club foot in 1898 and she dipped and snorted snuff and cussed like a sailor. Born in 1900. I was about 8 years old when they passed. They never had an indoor bathroom or running water. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Well, I gave doing NN dmt intravenously a few tries here lately. By the way, (VERY IMPORTANt) it has to be in fumarate form for it to be done intravenously. The first time I diluted 17 mg in 20 ml of water. Afterward I went to 24mg, then 30mg, and then mid to upper 30's. Given my weight, this was beginning to go past the .5 x kg body weight formula that is often given as a maximum amount. 

I don't think this is really going to be for me because I'm not real adept at doing an IV push. One reason is that sometimes I get a case of the shakes. I've given shots to farm animals all my life but rarely was it done intravenous. Getting the shakes while putting a needle in your vein is unhealthy as well as unnerving. The stress this created interfered with me really fully experiencing the first 2 or 3 times in a staying present kind of way. The last couple of times though at the upper range was quite an experience. There was a high pitched kind of sound that I heard as well as a lot of pressure felt in the cranium and equally in the prefrontal lobe area. I can't say that I had a 'breakthrough' but it was very intense none the less. I may try it a few more times and then be done with it. 5 meo dmt is of more interest to me as is lsd as a tool for the psychonaut trips.

I've mentioned in the past this seemingly paranormal phenomena I have of hearing crickets at varying volumes most of the time. For about the past three years. It's actually a pleasant sound. This goes away when the NN dmt high pitch sound comes on. It is not really a pleasant sound either and It might actually be tinnitus or something close to it. I don't know...

[Zigzag Idiot]

Need help in returning into the flow? This is an excellent book.

 

My friends weekly mini-column- 

Taking More Control of Your Life
by Dr. Jim Rosen
©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen
 

    “Why are people always trying to control me?  Why don’t they let me be myself?”  Perhaps a more effective question is, “How can I take more control of my own life?”  It’s not enough to be assertive with just your words.  You can learn to state your preferences; you can learn to say “no”; you can learn to ask for what you want.  But if your behavior is submissive, if you don’t follow through in your actions, then your assertive words have no meaning.  Having control in your life requires that you take positive action.  Control cannot be given to you by someone else, because then the “giver” is the one in charge.  You must take control, the way a young child walks away from its mother to explore the new world.  Indeed you can do it.

[fridjonk]

@Zigzag Idiot Have you tried to smoke it?  I wouldn't completely put n,n off until you reach a full breakthrough dose, so you know its full capabilities. As Leo has stated, he'll only be working with n,n DMT from now on. So there must be something to it if you learn to work with it. 

I'll be trying my first hit soon, very excited to do so. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

8 hours ago, fridjonk said:

Have you tried to smoke it?  I wouldn't completely put n,n off until you reach a full breakthrough dose, so you know its full capabilities. As Leo has stated, he'll only be working with n,n DMT from now on. So there must be something to it if you learn to work with it. 

@fridjonk  You'll find it interesting for sure, I bet.

Yes, I've vaped quite a bit over the last year.  I'm going back to a form of freebase NN DMT that has trace amounts of DMT Oxidase and beta harmaline in it. I got breakthroughs into the chrysanthemum with this particular blend last year. 

My biggest mistake with vaping has been in scorching it and rendering it harsh and not as effective. It's a common mistake people often make I found out.

I just caught on to Leo's new enthusiasm for NN dmt recently. My first ever dmt trip was back in 2017 insufflating it and having a very intense and unpleasant trip. That first time, I broke through into the chrysanthemum but didn't get beyond that. I've found there to be a wide variety in the quality of different sources and mixtures.

I like 5 meo  dmt because it's so potent and takes such a small amount. No harshness plus mind blowing,,, ? I'll probably be a psychonaut of some form for the rest of this life. But then, who knows,,

Ive tried some of the dmt and salvia mix. I found it to be fairly unpleasant but some scorching may have contributed to that.

Im glad you're back to journaling,,,,