Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

Hi! I'm a self-centered, machiavellian, narcissist.

 

[fridjonk]

@Zigzag Idiot Took this test yesterday, and it couldn't have been more off. 

Since it's measured only from the baseline of those who made the test. It can not be accurate.

I was honestly shocked and laughed out loud at how incorrect it was. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@fridjonk  That's reassuring. ? 

I know that I'm frequently self absorbed (self centered) and somewhat narcissistic in a way,,,,  but the Machiavellian label made me step back. I think I could have filled out the test too fast and may have marked some questions one way when I actually meant the other.

Thats neat about you having a farm and sheep to tend to there in Iceland. I've always been amazed at how tough newborn baby calves are. Like when they're born on ice covered ground in a snow and sleet storm and are up on their shaky legs and nursing in just a few minutes. I've lost count of the calves that I've had to help deliver. I always try to greet them by announcing "welcome to Earth". ?‍♂️??‍?

[fridjonk]

@Zigzag Idiot The people who created the results of these linearly measured tests would pass out if they saw Leo's newest video. ? And judging by your journal, they got you massively wrong too. 

Oh man, you're lucky to be tending to cows and calves. Cows are probably my favorite animal. My grandpa used to have a cow farm way back, I've many wonderful memories as a child shoveling shit and feeding them. They are such gentle giants and nothing makes them happier than green summer grass. After he retired, we started having sheep as a hobby, and to have any use of all those fields that would otherwise ruin if gone unmowed. We loose probably around 2k per year on having sheep as it does not pay well here unless you've got at least 1000 sheep, we've only got about 350 total. 

And yeah I hear you on these newborns being tough. When the lamb's head is not following the front feet, you usually have to put a string around their neck and pull on it while pulling the legs simultaneously. It's amazing how strong animals are, compared to little human babies. 

I'll make sure to start using your saying as well. 

Welcome to earth little one. 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I've actually taken to 5 meo dmt like a duck to water in the last few months. That stuff gets expensive!  If only I could be paid a decent wage for being a psychonaut, life would be even more perfect than what it is. And that's not all. The synchronicities of late have confirmed parts of my inner truth and intuition. Knowing the value of and appreciating long hot baths all my life and also having an undying great appreciation of beautiful naked women, I thought SHITFIRE MAN! ?? ?? I have totally got this thing down!!!!??? I never been one given to gratuitous swearing.  Excuse me for getting a little excited.  ??.

I haven't brought up, what follows, on the forum but if it has been brought up, I would appreciate it if someone would point me towards a link to any such conversation. That being about others thoughts and opinions about synthetic 5 meo dmt,,,, vs the genuine stuff. From folks with more experience than me.

I do know there's a difference and also a difference between different batches of synthetic 5 meo dmt from the varied sources that I've encountered. My gut tells me that Leo and others more knowledgeable than myself will say - Just don't go there. But, I don't know,,,,,Personally, I do find authentic, for lack of a better phrase, 5 meo dmt is not only more powerful but also more pleasant than the synthetic stuff. Please be careful also, especially if you're like me and buy el-cheapo scales. At least buy a second set to have around to compare and pay very close attention to what the dose sizes look like in the beginning. An inaccurate reading of 5 meo dmt from cheap scales have knocked me unconscious on two different occasions. Although I know for sure I had made it to the bed and was laying flat out after vaping, sometime later I woke up on the carpet with a bedside table knocked over and contents scattered everywhere. Both times. Even busted a set of prescription eye glasses the first time it happened. Both of those occasions involved synthetic 5 meo dmt.

I'm not what you could call an ideal example of being an actualizer at times, in this regard. That's one reason I stepped away from giving trip reports out in the forum.  I don't want to be a troublemaker. A few months ago, I was called out by a veteran psychonaut for my amateurish trip report with mistaken and incorrect dose measurements given. If the person who called me out happens to be reading this, let me say thank you and I apologize and also appreciate responsible people like yourself speaking out. At the time. What did I do? I got kinda sassy and told them something like that they needed to maybe lighten up a little bit. That insecure part of myself (ego) flared up became thin skinned and childish. A part of my ongoing work still involves trying to address those parts of myself that gets offended and manifests reactively. Maybe by outing myself about that, it will help me to remember,,,,,,

[fridjonk]

4 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

That's one reason I stepped away from giving trip reports out in the forum.  I don't want to be a troublemaker. A few months ago, I was called out by a veteran psychonaut for my amateurish trip report with mistaken and incorrect dose measurements given.

Fuuuuuuck that! There are no right or wrong ways for how trip reports should be. You just go with your heart. 

And although I've not done 5-MeO, I'd always stick to the synthetic stuff. The frogs themselves are listed as endangered in New Mexico. But if you like the authentic stuff much more, go for it. I myself don't have a problem with synthetic psychedelics. 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

1 hour ago, fridjonk said:

Fuuuuuuck that! There are no right or wrong ways for how trip reports should be. You just go with your heart. 

And although I've not done 5-MeO, I'd always stick to the synthetic stuff. The frogs themselves are listed as endangered in New Mexico. But if you like the authentic stuff much more, go for it. I myself don't have a problem with synthetic psychedelics. 

@fridjonk That's the spirit! I appreciate the feedback as well. 

At times, for me. The trouble with words,,,,,, Also at play in this is my own confusion about what constitutes authentic, natural, and or synthetic. This could easily get into the subject of sourcing and that is something I definitely want to avoid because of Leo's policy about it which makes sense and I agree with because of the can of worms it can open up.

I'll add a little more here. The natural 5 meo dmt that's derived from the desert toads has been probably my least favorite.

The distinction I need to make and understand better is probably more around the quality of the work with different chemists and their integrity with the process. There's just a lot of gaps in my knowledge. I have continued commenting partially about my trips here in this journal and will continue to do so from time to time.

Im not afraid to experiment. Typing myself or rather my personality as a counterphobic type six on the Enneagram probably has something to do with this part of my nature. I've been into experimenting with different mixtures and the effects of doing these mixtures. This is something that Terence McKenna pointed out that just never happens in the more orthodox researches that have gone on. Especially the closer one gets to academia or the government. Unless it's the CIA ( note the hypocrisy) The kind of things that cause the do-gooder types to jump up and down while blowing a whistle and pointing their finger. One of the inherent dangers of being someone who makes conventional people get all big eyed and shit their pants is their tendency to scapegoat us more adventurous types. 

To me, mixing NN dmt and 5 meo dmt and vaping doesn't seem scandalous at all. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. It's a gray area though because people who have real addictive type of personalities will do this type of thing simply for entertainment or dissociation from their troubled, shitty, inner life. In time I'll probably comment more about different mixtures or what I call marathon trips but I'm going to stop here before a tar and feather committee starts to form.@fridjonk , If you ever travel into the U.S., I hope you make a detour through Arkansas. You seem like a kindred spirit. ?

[fridjonk]

7 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

If you ever travel into the U.S., I hope you make a detour through Arkansas. You seem like a kindred spirit. ?

One of my favorite states in the U.S. I love small towns and cities, I'll make sure to visit there sometime. 

Nature there seems so amazing, I could even imagine living there. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@modmyth So true and I agree. A part of my work on self is seeing in myself what I don't like at times when I observe it in others. In the ballpark anyway.  ? Nowhere to hide really when I observe heavy self absorption so I just sit in the middle of it. 

Having trouble accurately expressing today,,,

Big storms rolling through the 'Natural State' today means internet signal very sketchy. ✌️??‍?

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I'm not depressed but I'm not really inspired either at the moment. It's been a few days since I've made an entry in this journal. I enjoyed Leo's last video, as always.

I wish I could remember all the details of a monetary system that Neal Donald Walsh had proposed in this Conversation With God books, years ago. It seemed fairly radical when I read it around twenty years ago. Transparency was a big factor, I remember that much. Reading other Journalers conjecture about this subject is probably what brought it to mind.

 

I have the memory of driving in Oklahoma a few years ago. I had glanced in drivers side mirror and saw a wheel had come off the trailer I was pulling. It was in the Lane rolling parallel beside me. There was nothing I could do. I thought it was going to pass me for a moment or so. It was a helpless feeling to be on this two lane highway with the potential of meeting oncoming traffic in this slight rolling hill country. Luckily the wheel and tire left the highway and went through some barbed wire fence before oncoming traffic was encountered. The trailer had tandem dual wheels and was empty and so I was lucky on that account. After robbing the other hubs of some lug nuts, I was able to secure the remaining wheel and limp back into Arkansas.

I associate this song with that memory. Willie evidently had a case of the red ass at Kris Christopherson and Rita Coolidge when he wrote this song. I guess we all have our days of behaving petty or being out of sorts.

 I'm in awe of this varied world we live in. At somber moments in the past when contemplating death, a particular thought or perspective would sometimes show up. The idea of meaninglessness I once heard expressed as - Life seems like something that just shouldn't have happened,,,,,

Its kind of a dim view.

An I-CHING reading would probably yield me something insightful.

[Zigzag Idiot]

                                                                        More on Science of Idiotism 

This evening I saw depression as a condition where there is a disconnect from being. Last night I was having the conceptual remembering of a deficient state connected to grief and death that I had experienced in the past. The experience was basically that of meaninglessness in connection with life. To face death with never having had a mystical experience. 

The mystical experience is a revelation of higher degrees of being. Its ontological, powerful, yet subtle. The Science of Idiotism is also the Science of Being. Gurdjieff said the Fourth Way was the way of the good Householder. No Tramps, lunatics, or hasnamusses were allowed into the groups. By tramps, he meant bums. Not sluts. A lot of us are sluts to some degree or another. That's no big deal,,,, A householder is someone who is capable of taking care of a small group of people along with themselves. A family for instance. By Bums, he meant lazy people and by lunatics he was reffering to people who distort everything and are always going off on tangents. There's a wide variety of hasnamusses. He also referred to the Fourth Way as the Way of the Sly Man.

There's the three traditional paths or ways.

• The way of the Fakir who masters the body.
• The way of the Monk is the path of the heart or devotion.
• The way of the Yogi is the path of freeing or liberation of the mind.  

The Fourth Way combines the three traditional ways in a balance to create the Fourth Way. I see the Science of Idiotism as a large dust pan in which the possibility lies for everyone to be swept up into higher degrees of being, regardless of weather they're in a Tramp, Lunitic, or  hasnamus cul de sac or a good Householder. Good Householders will always help lead the Way. The Science of Idiotism resolves the disparities between low states of being and mystical experiences which are high states of being.

This is a truth for me, although a slippery one. Its not a belief. It can be a belief but then it's not worth very much if it just stays a belief.  It's not a truth for you unless it is. This idea and experience is that there are existing higher and lower degrees of being which are degrees of consciousness which lead to the awakening of Conscience.

Lower degrees of being create an amnesia around our previous higher states of consciousness or being. This requires time and effort to resolve. It takes Work.

A return to Ordinary Idiot is a return to Beginners mind.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

My beloved ex-brother-in-law used to say- "I'm not laughing AT you, I'm just laughing NEAR you. ?

[Zigzag Idiot]

Just did an I-CHING reading. I got one unchanging Hexagram.

Hexagram 64 - Before Completion

The Oracle of the Cosmic Way is way more than just a cool book. I recommend it for anyone that's drawn to it at all.

I view the Helpers as similar to that of Nature Spirits,,,,

My understanding is always transforming by coming and going. Back and forth through degrees of both opaqueness and clarity.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Hell is only terrible the first few days.

Gurdjieff  paraphrased from diary/book- Idiots in Paris.

 

My deepest connection with others is often paradoxical in nature.

It fluctuates in unexpected ways.

 

I'm a continual student,,, or try to be.

 

[DrewNows]

@Zigzag Idiot Hey man I’m staying in Memphis tonight. Let me know if tomorrow works to visit at some point. Can’t seem to figure out how to bring up the Forum messenger on my phone after I deleted it lol 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@DrewNows That's cool!

Im leaving contact info. In private message for the time being and hope you can access it at some point.?

[Zigzag Idiot]

I was pondering a Work idea earlier today.

What in the Work is called 'Inner considering.' I periodically get this disease of naming my "stupidity" which then keeps the cyclical thought loops going. This was the particular perspective I was having about it. How it develops a magnetism about it.

There's been a magnetic persistence in this process/phenomena of neurotic thought in my past. It's good to be able to put a stick in the spokes of this turning wheel. Easier said than done kind of thing,,, which it seems everyone wrestles with to some degree. 

In the category of letting go, perhaps. Connected also with ones tendency towards obsessiveness.

Ive shared these before, which I enjoy re-listening to, for my own work towards Self Remembering.

Inner considering also seems to be connected strongly to Superego and childhood conditioning. ?‍♂️

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

https://youtu.be/2_SfD5cdrnw

Mary Tyler Moore plays her character so well as someone shut off from her feelings, it's spooky. 

The Movie Ordinary People put out about 1980

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I use humor as a coping mechanism when I'm under stress.

Bumper stickers that have made me laugh-

• Mean people suck
• I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling
• I'd rather be jacking off
• Don't tell my folks I'm working in the oil patch. They think I'm a piano player in a whorehouse
• My child can kick your honor students ass