Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

[Zigzag Idiot]

10 hours ago, modmyth said:

What would be your ideal way of making your time count?

Uniquely expressing ideas from my own experiences in life which affect others deeply and help them to resolve the disparities in their own lives regarding transformation of being.

To connect deeply with others through the written word. I really have no interest in becoming a public personality other than maybe a having some degree of credibility with my ability to express through writing, ideas which connects with others on a deep level. Specifically others who struggle the greatest with resolving their own existential crises.

Its an idea which often feeds me inspiration. This is in spite of having no training in composition or of being a writer.

[tsuki]

@Zigzag Idiot You have influenced me a great deal and I'm thankful that we've met here.

[Zigzag Idiot]

14 hours ago, tsuki said:

@Zigzag Idiot You have influenced me a great deal and I'm thankful that we've met here.

@tsuki Me too.

✌️? Thanks, friend.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I get lazy about expressing myself. The inspiration seems to go in cycles. I feel ok about that. Quiet periods are ok too. So much of physical/relative existence is cyclical in different ways. 

In a lot of Gurdjieff styled Work schools, it's taught that if one isn't  expressing data from the Causal body then more than likely, one is just blowing egoic hot air. Work schools can be very harsh environments on particular kinds of people. By nature, they nearly have to be. But the Devils advocate in me asks. Is it so necessary for this kind of harshness? There has to be other ways,,,possibly?

Come to think of it, the Ridhwan Schools I believe have a softer approach.

The rule is about unnecessary talking. Unnecessary talking = unconscious/mechanical.

I freely admit to blowing hot air sometimes. I try to observe it.

Everything thing has its place, though. 

Even times for acting like a clown.

 

[DrewNows]

I’m the same way man. Actually exploring how creating habit allows for the spark of necessary enthusiasm/inspiration 

ive quit so many journals on here, second guessing, judging myself, never satisfied with the purpose haha 

shit doesn’t need to be so Gawd damn serious and it feels necessary to even give myself permission to share both the positive and negative struggle/emotions/guilt/shame/fear etc because it’s empowering and whole, just part of actualizing. How would this impact those who read the journal? It simply gives permission to be real, or even begin to release a suppressed emotion perhaps  

all right I’m done haha, I’d like to see you bring the clown out to play ? 

much love ?

Edited December 6, 2019 by DrewNows

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

1 hour ago, DrewNows said:

shit doesn’t need to be so Gawd damn serious and it feels necessary to even give myself permission to share both the positive and negative struggle/emotions/guilt/shame/fear etc because it’s empowering and whole, just part of actualizing. How would this impact those who read the journal? It simply gives permission to be real, or even begin to release a suppressed emotion perhaps  

 

@DrewNows I share your perspective.

 

1 hour ago, DrewNows said:

I’d like to see you bring the clown out to play ?

Being irreverent is one my coping mechanisms so It's just a matter of time. ?

[Zigzag Idiot]

Had a very deep and sound sleep last night and upon awakening immediately made the following list that I would like to tie together in an essay sometime.

• My fluctuating boundaries
• Normal Innocent same-sex encounters during puberty and adolescence which become shadow
• The growth and persistence of unchecked Sexual Shadow
• All three sexes as mentioned by Gurdjieff
• The different effects of alcohol and various drugs on Consciousness and sexuality 
• Being a 'hardwired heterosexual' but still labeled by others as suspicious and weird.
• Individuation
• Neptunium Love and Plutonium Lust during peak Kundalini flows
• The awakening of Conscience
• Culturally and socially encouraged homophobia and cowardice 
• and stuff

[Zigzag Idiot]

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Unconditional Love cannot be held as a behavioral standard. At times, I've observed guilt/shame feelings arise automatically. For no reason other than just reacting to my own automatic reflections.

We can only feel what we honestly feel. Guilt often shows up mechanically. This is where awareness is curative. Witness Consciousness does not feed on negative emotions. Self Observation without inner criticism is curative, eventually.

 

from The Oracle Of The Cosmic Way:

"The idea of both conditional and unconditional love comes from the collective ego, and reveals its thinking in terms of opposites. Giving love on conditions is the ego's way of withholding love until it gets what it wants. True love is a Cosmic gift to a person's true self, and is meant to flow from there to other's true selves, and back to the Cosmos, in a complete circle. This Cosmic gift is never meant to be thrown away at the ego because the ego is outside the Cosmic principles. The collective ego has invented the idea of unconditional love to rob the True self of its very life force, under the pretense that it is "spiritual" to extend one's love to everyone, regardless of the ego's presence."

[Zigzag Idiot]

                                                               Inner considering robs energy

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=DroppingthePain-body.html

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

?

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

My 'spirtual ego' is up on the stump shaking its finger at the unintegrated, yet identified pile of stuff in my collection of conditioned associations. Fueled by strong coffee/paint remover this morning. I'm preaching to the mirror in front of me,,,,,,,

. We need a healthy ego before we can transcend it or before transformation can occur. Individuation as well as integration are both required.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individuation

 

Personality is the synthetic unity of all personal traits. All the mental traits—intelligence, emotions and sentiments, impulses, volitions, native and acquired reactions, must be organized and integrated into a unity. The uniting of all mental traits into per­sonality is called integration.

Complete integration is the ideal of personality. A sound personality comprises reaction tendencies that are not loosely organized but closely related to integrated.

They are gradually reorganized and reconstructed according to more dominant interests and ideals. Although gradually changing during long periods of time, the personality usually possesses a continuity of pattern which the person himself and others recognize. In every person there is the primary or dominant self, which is his innermost characteristic self.

It has a special unity which tends to endure, and is expressed in certain familiar reaction tendencies.McDougall regards integration of personality as integration of intellect and integration of character all the conflicting reaction tendencies should be harmonized and organised gradually and integrated with the dominant trends.

A personality should be well-integrated and flexible. An integrated and inflexible personality cannot adapt itself to the- changing environment. An ideal personality should be integrated and flexible. It should reveal in some degree the characteristics of integration, consistency, persistency, and flexibility.

Disintegration of Personality:

The conflicting reaction tendencies in a person may not be harmonized and organized into a unity. The disturbances of personality are due to disintegration or dissociation. The term dissociation applies to all forms of disintegration of consciousness into separate parts.

It is a state in which certain activities are no longer integrated with the personality, but are split off from it and coexist with its other activities. It covers practically all mental abnormalities. There are sensory dissociation in the form of anesthesia ideational dissociation in the form of hallucinations and delusion, and motor dissociation in the form of automatisms.

Dissociated or alternating personalities are interesting phenomena. Insanity is due to mental disintegration. An insane person is torn between conflicting demands of reality and hallucinatory, unreal world.

From: http://www.psychologydiscussion.net/personality/integration-and-disintegration-of-personality-psychology/1683

 

and also a couple of quotes from Jana Dixon

http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=ShadowSabotageandSacrifice.html

 

The difference between prepersonal and transpersonal giving is that, prepersonal service is undertaken in order to find happiness through giving, while transpersonal generosity is enacted because we are already happy. The first is entropic or dissipatory and the second is syntropic and regenerative.

Presence-awareness is not a denial of any part of our being, but a sensitization to the whole of it.

 

And 3 quotes from Almaas 

Individuation is the Cosmic Conscious Presence Individualizing and Manifesting as the Personal Essence

We have been discussing the process of personalization of the Cosmic Consciousness, which shows the direct relation of the Personal Essence to the formless realms of Being. It indicates, in an actual personal experience, that individuation is really the Cosmic Conscious Presence individualizing and manifesting as the Personal Essence. This process is also the deeper resolution of ego inadequacy. It is easy to see here that ego inadequacy is not only a consequence of the loss of contact with Essence, but also due to the separateness of ego boundaries that isolates the ego individuality from the Cosmic Presence. The Personal Essence has no inadequacy because it is directly connected to, and hence completely supported by, the Cosmic Loving Presence. Ego boundaries leave the ego individuality without the inner support of the various aspects of Essence, and without the comprehensive support of the Cosmic Essence (Consciousness). So just as we saw before that ego inadequacy is due to a mistaken sense of self, now we see that it is also due to the presence of ego boundaries. Both intrapsychic self-structures, the sense of identity and the sense of separateness, although indispensable to ego existence, are the reasons for its deep and basic inadequacy. Inadequacy is the deep nature of ego, due to the mere presence of its structure.

Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 444

 

The Personal Essence is the True Autonomous Individuation

Not only does this process of developing “ego autonomy” put one in bondage to one’s past in the form of self-images, it also leaves one relating to the object images of one’s early primary caretakers, and therefore under their coercive influence, which functions as what the analytic model calls the “superego.” Thus even though the ego might be relatively independent emotionally from the love object, its sense of identity is definitely not. The sense of self of the ego, and its individuality, are fundamentally dependent on the traits of the objects in the inner world, and on the particulars of the childhood interactions with it. We will discuss in some detail later how the development of the Personal Essence is related to the ego development which occurs through identification. When one is the Personal Essence, one does become free of these identifications and of the influence of the early caretakers which has lived on in the ego’s object images. The Personal Essence is an ongoing sense of Beingness, completely independent of mind and memory, and hence completely free. It is the true autonomous individuation.

Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 58

From : https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/individuation

 

The False Pearl Developed According to the Ego Ideal

Very good—the relationship between the self and the personal essence, or what we call the “point” and the “pearl.” The false pearl is the personality which has developed according to the ego ideal. The personal essence, the personal beingness, on the other hand, which we call the Pearl Beyond Price, develops by living according to your essential self. This essential development can take place only when you are not separate from yourself. When you are who you are, when you are just precisely yourself, you are your “point.” Just that. This has nothing to do with any qualities, functions, capacities, and skills you may have. It has nothing to do with your status in the world, and nothing to do with living this life in a body or not in a body. It is your nature. The Pearl Beyond Price is the connection between this genuine center and all the capacities, skills, and understanding that are a part of your growth as a human being. It allows your capacities, functions and accomplishments to develop in a genuine way as an outgrowth of your spontaneous unfoldment. It is the result of living in the moment, living in a way that is true to who you are. This is your genuine personal life, your own development, your own growth. The pearl is the actualized individuation of your Soul. So the personal essence is connected with your unique function, your unique work in this life. To actualize your particular unique work in this life means to be your personal essence. It is the essence of all that you have developed and integrated in your soul as you live a real life.

Diamond Heart Book Three, pg. 66

From :https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/false-pearl

 

The Pearl is the Actualized Individuation of Your Soul

When you are who you are, when you are just precisely yourself, you are your “point.” Just that. This has nothing to do with any qualities, functions, capacities, and skills you may have. It has nothing to do with your status in the world, and nothing to do with living this life in a body or not in a body. It is your nature. The Pearl Beyond Price is the connection between this genuine center and all the capacities, skills, and understanding that are a part of your growth as a human being. It allows your capacities, functions and accomplishments to develop in a genuine way as an outgrowth of your spontaneous unfoldment. It is the result of living in the moment, living in a way that is true to who you are. This is your genuine personal life, your own development, your own growth. The pearl is the actualized individuation of your Soul. So the personal essence is connected with your unique function, your unique work in this life. To actualize your particular unique work in this life means to be your personal essence. It is the essence of all that you have developed and integrated in your soul as you live a real life. Everyone is born with the true self, with the point. Although we feel that the point is unique in each of us, the quality of the point is universal. Then how do people become so different in their personal lives? This is due to the particular development of their personal essence.

 

Excuse me please for the lengthy and varied copy and paste excerpts in this post. I got carried away,,,,,

It happens. It is being observed,,,, for the most part.

Still, in part I'm a loose cannon. ????

 

[Bill W]

I just clicked a link of yours from a post you recently made an another journal. This quote came up. It is very in tune with my AA programme in terms of handing your Will over to a God of your understanding and also having faith that a Power greater than yourself can help restore you to sanity. Actually I am aware Bill W had a fair bit of direct communication with Carl Jung.

 

Man is never helped in his suffering by what he thinks for himself, but only by revelation of a wisdom greater than his own.  It is this which lifts him out of his distress.

Carl Jung (1875-1961)

[Bill W]

It also reminds me of the Bible in terms of "lean not on your own understanding"

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Bill W I agree.

It quite a profound quote!

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

Attention of the heart,,,, 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Hugs back,,, @modmyth,,,,, thank you

My ability to glibly rattle on or articulate an inspired tangent is a thing which often comes and goes. In a book I read once but became confused over whether it was Larry McMurtry or Hunter Thompson. It was stated when in a particular physical atmospheres/locations,  at times the feeling of being tongue tide and not being able to properly explain themselves prevailed. I can relate to this idea. 
Pershaps this weird phenomenon expressed like this has some element of truth. I periodically feel tongue tied that seems somehow attached to the atmosphere of locations.

Close but not expressly related to this.

Today  - Go visit Ma (Grandmother 96) in depressing as hell nursing home. Go to Mothers house for a family Christmas dinner. Hoping there will be less passive aggressive button pushing this evening unlike Sunday family Dinners.
Going to try to observe my inner state throughout the day and stay present in the body/Conscious/Witnessing,, ,,

BillW shared a Ram Dass quote yesterday. - "If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family."