Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

[Zigzag Idiot]

Greg Braden's talk I posted in High Consciousness Resources reminded me of the Work being done at Heartmath.

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

In rural places of the U.S., people of blue and orange worldview might say of someone who is backsliding in some way -"he went to shit and the hogs ate him". Feminine not excluded- "She went to shit and the hogs ate her." 

They don't notice their own judgements.

I didn't notice my judgements and it's still ongoing.

It takes vigilance not to fall back into spiritual sleep.

[Zigzag Idiot]

"We are all warriors carrying a shield so we maintain a blindspot according to the way we carry our shield. This is done to defend the integrity of a personalized image of ones own identity. The realized christian contemplatives first imperative is to lay down the shield. This is turning the other cheek to pride and vanity and of being somebody. If you successfully become a nobody, that means that your Kesdjan body is formed. As long as we are divided beings, we cannot let go of the shield."

Zigzag Idiot

Ive never quoted anything from this character before now.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I am not right.

I am not wrong.

I just am.

[Zigzag Idiot]

In the past week I've realized that maybe I have boundary issues,,,

It struck me that I have no middle ground. I'm either engaging the world with no boundaries or retreating too much into my own world and keeping people at a distance. I took the initiative to buy some coaching/counciling from Emerald and then watched myself crawfish on the deal. I don't want to be held accountable maybe,,,, or I just want to be told what I want to hear. Nothing new there,,, but it was the intensity of it all that struck me. It was kinda surprising in that way. The idea of nowhere to hide spooked me, in a sense. I'm trying to observe this more,,,

[DrewNows]

Easy goes it, this resonates with my experiences as well. Often cannot even trust my mind because I realize how far off it goes with over-analyzing and obsessing. 
The “all in” or “out” mentality, black and white thinking, avoiding uncertainty, holding onto self in whatever way possible. Does this sound like it? 
honestly reading what you wrote reminds me of how vigilant I need to be with awareness of boundaries. 

Edited October 8, 2019 by DrewNows

[Zigzag Idiot]

17 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

 

Easy goes it, this resonates with my experiences as well. Often cannot even trust my mind because I realize how far off it goes with over-analyzing and obsessing. 
The “all in” or “out” mentality, black and white thinking, avoiding uncertainty, holding onto self in whatever way possible. Does this sound like it? 
 

Yeah, ? Sounds similar. So you too huh,,, ?

[DrewNows]

25 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Yeah, ? Sounds similar. So you too huh,,, ?

Hehe yeah ? but not always, it comes and goes, it’s not even like we are that special, it’s common for most egos. It’s a pattern that gets reinforced 
I believe self love/responsibility is the answer, if something is needed allow, give permission to yourself, watch and reflect, I think it’s a healing process

But can be very painful ? 

some or the majority, I should say, are never willing to endure such pain and live most of their life in survival mode 

im learning how important it is to do reality checks lmao because it’s easy to self deceive continuously until nothing is possible anymore 

Edited October 8, 2019 by DrewNows

[Zigzag Idiot]

@DrewNows  I found similarities with how you framed it and the Ridhwan Glossary. Also seems to echo some of what Leo said in his last video.

 

Without the Presence of Essence it is Very Difficult to Tolerate the Loss of Deeper Boundaries

As the process of the deepening dissolution of boundaries and the related experiences of space goes on (which we mentioned above need follow no absolute sequence), it usually happens that all manner of experiences and realizations not directly involving space intervene. We refer particularly to the experience of essence in its various aspects and dimensions. In fact, theexperience of essence contributes greatly to the deepening experience of space. Without the invaluable presence of essence, it is very difficult, almost impossible, to tolerate the loss of the deeper boundaries. The experience of ego death and annihilation is too frightening to allow without the experience of a reality beyond the ego, the reality of Being, our true essence. And in turn, the realization of emptiness in its various grades contributes to the discovery and development of essence, and ultimately to its actualization as the real life.

The Void, pg. 149

 

The Resolution of Separateness

The resolution of the separateness has to do with going from ego to non-ego, from individual to cosmic, from human to divine. We realize that our deeper nature is God itself. Realizing divine nature means not being an individual; it means being totality, universality, infinity. Nothing is excluded from your sense of self. You realize then that whenever you talk to someone, you are talking to yourself. True love, true compassion, and true generosity arise now because there is no separation between you and the other. You could still feel yourself as an individual who sees how you are unique, but you know too that you are fundamentally connected. At a more intrinsic level, that separateness is not there. The moment you go from ego to non-ego you experience not only that you are one with all human beings but that you are one with everything. You realize that the consciousness that has been compacted within boundaries has no boundaries. It is everywhere. Consciousness is the basic substance and nature of everything. The truth you realize, then, is that who you are is not the product of your childhood, is not your body, is not a sense of limited individuality. You are something that is everything, and you are seeing now the nature of everything, not only on the essential level, but on the level of Being itself, on a non-differentiated level, a non-separated level.

Diamond Heart Book Five, pg. 108

[DrewNows]

ahh cool yes I’d agree and ive yet to see Leo’s new vid, sort of turned me off with the title and I’ve been so preoccupied in other things lately. 

Good stuff man, it’s weird, like it’s hard not to be hard on myself for not following through with plans to satisfy beliefs but in essence I guess we are all always doing exactly what is needed now despite the expectations, and unfortunately the consequences lol

[Zigzag Idiot]

Good Set and setting for psychedelic voyaging in a darkened room on big screen tv. Laying in bed.

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Internet outage is likely as this line of thunderstorms approaches. 

I clubbed hundreds if not thousands of animals to death. I ran a small line of steel traps targeting small fur bearing animals before school during winter trapping season. I realized my compassionate non violent self didn't follow through with the swing of the club. This only increased their suffering. I had to train myself to swing hard all the way through. In order to kill swiftly. This was 35 years ago.

I think I may have karmicly glued those beings in some way to my life.

I'll try to have a follow up post after the thunderstorms pass.

I wanted to be Grizzly Adams so bad. A violent Grizzly Adams. I didn't notice the contradiction at the time.

Internalized image kind of thing. I was just a kid. A child.

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

Know Thyself 

Socrates exhorted His disciples to do so;
every Master including Jesus, who called it witnessing, has taught his disciples to observe themselves, 

so they might come to know themselves. On the other hand, I am no Master and I say, Don’t do it for God’s sake!
They never tell us the terrible trouble it brings, 

how we will never sleep easily again
in our unconscious selfish mad habits, how what is now unconscious, hidden in us 

will be revealed, like
opening a locked cellar door, turning on the light and what you find down there 

is the county asylum crawling with inmates,
some wrapped in torn filthy sheets, others
naked and drooling; they are clawing and scratching 

to gain position on the stairs, to escape, and standing calmly in their midst, dressed
in robes of Light, is an Angel around whom 

most of them huddle weeping, whose gentle touch upon their fevered brows calms and soothes them. This is what I am warning you about: never mind 

the swarming lunatics, they are everywhere, but once you have seen that Angel in your midst the sorrow and longing will tear at you and 

trouble you all the days of your life. (Red Hawk) 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I've had many experiences with psychic entropy or cognitive dissonance 

or 'Dark nights of the soul' and so this is a part of the path I'm on

Beginners mind allows for possibility 

Which I also read about between the reoccurring occasions of dissonance 

At one point it became a part of the dread which drove the mind wild in increasing cycles of intensity. The it.

A spiraling down in fear which is no problem in the end 

Distant territories of the mind make connections 

Inner quiet knows when it knows and doesn't challenge the Cosmos 

Hell becomes more real with every recurring visit

The fullness turns into a desert again and there's no oasis in sight

I'm so tired of this routine

 

If I allow for the possibility of it in an impersonal way

I'm not as likely to freeze up or become possessed if it comes my way

This is inner quiet felt as a mild knowing 

Understanding people becomes understandable

I have no idea at all what other people should do though

I'm steadily losing interest in other people unless I can see a way to be a friend

A friend doesn't get in your space unless he forgets himself

This in itself can become a jarring sensation or plant the seed for an unfolding realization 

Because it's plain to see how this kind of an idiot is innocent of malice 

That's the source of its power with remembering that going against the way is an invitation to being completely humbled again

 

Jesus is the archetype of the friend.

 

I know I'm an idiot without out doubt or regret

I just gave evidence. Only an Idiot would say that

There's no negative connotation in my felt experience 

And so it's not a spell I'm putting on myself

This kind of Idiot is intimate with the Witness

Idiot is something completely different from how the rest of the world puts a negative frame of reference around it.

My ordinary idiot is good friends with Beginners mind

Beginners mind is just watching

There's inner quiet with trust and appreciation 

 

I'm pretending to be a poet also

[Zigzag Idiot]

I've watched my painbody get 'infected' from other 'painbodies'. 

Eckart Tolle introduced me to that word. Observing my negative emotions has been a long ongoing War until it's not.

I have to watch myself around other people. Sense my feet to stay grounded in my body. My Automaton. The it. It eats on fear. Everyday I have to watch myself. Watch myself fail. Watch myself react. 

It doesn't act up if I'm watching it. Taking vigilance as nonstop practice will yield good interest eventually.. I've had a taste of being awake all day long and eventually one day after another. It's probably my painbody that is helping to write this post. One of  my inner circle of friends/relatives came into my atmosphere this evening. They had a really active painbody. They've just left so I finish this post and will do 20 minute evening Centering Prayer.

letting go of thought.

nonconceptual awareness 

spacious inner quiet 

objectless awareness 

Peace

?

[Zigzag Idiot]

Leo's last video reminds me of a Teaching from Ocke deBoer.

Conscious human has to learn to run and go hide.

So that he doesn't get pecked to death. 

? I know it probably sounds unencouraging but I've noted the phenomena.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Hans Wilhelm has an interesting message and map of the spiritual territory. Angels, Ascended Masters, chakras, Christ, and the Absolute (Father/Mother-God). Same message as ACIM pretty much. Forgiveness is not a very popular message, though. 

He stresses the power of thought and word. Law of Karma. 

Im not in 100% in agreement on everything he says but think his model is useful for holding things, temporarily, as if.

 

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

 

[Bill W]

Good stuff my brother. I needed to hear that today