Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

[Zigzag Idiot]

22 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

 

Hell is only terrible first few days,,

 

That came from John Bennetts diary. He was quoting Gurdjieff in a conversation.

JG and Elizabeth Bennetts Diaries were made into a short book about the environment around Gurdjieff while he was in France. The book is called IDIOTS IN PARIS.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Everything is 'grist for the mill' In Inquiry. 

Another one of those 'easier said than done' situations. Like no self criticism.

Im watching part 2 self deception. More beautiful descriptions of Kundabuffer.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

There are ongoing blips of enlightenment in the slow and fitfull awakening process. It can trigger ego backlash. Good news Bad news. It happens to everyone repeatedly, eventually.

We experience perspectives of enlightenment all the time but until integration of knowledge and Being create continuity, we remain susceptible to a unique amnesia that divides the personality against itself. The personal essence or Pearl beyond Price is discovery of Being and its continuity and the nothingness of personality.

A continual return to Ordinary Idiot is a part of the method.

The horizontal pendulum path and the vertical ladder occur simultaneously after a time

 

Motion in Path of knowledge is on horizontal Pendulum plane of personality

Ordinary Idiot

Super Idiot

Arch Idiot

Hopeless Idiot

Campassionate Idiot           

Squirming Idiot

Square Idiot

Round Idiot

Zigzag Idiot

 

Motion on Ladder of Being is in vertical dimensions resulting in yo yo of Being

Enlightened Idiot

Doubting Idiot

Swaggering Idiot

Born Idiot

Patented Idiot

Genial Idiot

Polyhedral Idiot

Master Idiot

Perfect Idiot  (Fully Realized Idiot)

 

Holy Idiot

Cosmic Idiot

Unique Idiot - God

 

All of this is true, if you're a striving Idiot. If you're not, it's not.

The ups and downs of life are observed on the yo yo.

The ups and downs of life are identified with on the pendulum.

 

Edited January 4, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

Self actualization journal pertains to sharing ones inner world.

In my first experience doing this with a group, I didn't trust myself. It helped me when I made a commitment to try to only speak from my being. Also in the beginning and sometimes still, I write out a post in notes and just set with it and ponder about the different aspects of myself and how these aspects will view the post. Will they feel the same?  Be embarrassed? Be affirmed? My Being has different aspects as my ego/personality does.

Ive discarded a lot of potential posts. I've also posted a few that I wished I hadn't. If I'm  sincere, I can get over mistakes easier.

Being is spontaneous.  Ego is reactive

Being is not negative.   Ego expresses negative emotion

Jesus in the Course in Miracles defines ego as any attitude other than peace and joy.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I'm still trying to give up cynicism. It's difficult because cynical remarks are often taken to be cool. I want to be cool. I want to be liked. 

I saw the price of it though and I'm grateful for that. It trashes my inner world. Being cynical. That's why I have to keep trying to let the last of it go. When my inner world is trashed with negativity, the plague of guilt is on its way. Giving up cynicism doesn't mean I have to become a complete square. I think I read where people in Red level of SD simply don't feel guilt.

I consider A Course In Miracles as a part of my path of actualization. Boil ACIM down to one thing - FORGIVENESS.

You can't really forgive someone and still hold a grudge. I've tried in the past. Forgiveness is neither sexy or cool and so I've had to work at not giving a shit what people think. I can curse and still not be expressing negative emotion. We gots to have these fucking adverbs and adjectives to relate a certain tone, sometimes. I don't have to be a square.

A Course in Miracles encourages teaching to learn. That's one reason I sound like I'm often proselytizing and a lot of the time I probably am, in a way. But for the most part I'm rattling on so I can integrate what I've read in a more complete way for myself.

The majority of inquiry and inner work is about purifying the emotional center. Same as ACIM. We don't have to take things in a negative way. That's a huge Realization.

Maurice Nicoll said we have a right not to be negative. He didn't say that we have no right to be negative. It a great big difference. ,,,,, We have a right not to be negative. Purifying the emotional center gives one a teflon coat.

Ive found it good to not get to lengthy in explaining myself because explaining myself leads quickly to the neurotic condition of inner considering. When that happens, I'm just kinda fucked. At least temporarily. So,,, that is all.

Edited January 5, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

Condensed Brief history of my Actualization unfoldment.

Sitting in the Nervous Hospital for alcoholism when I was nineteen. It was a dark night of the soul, kind of time. Suicidal, anxiety ridden, depressed, confused, shamed, etc.

When the Dianetics commercial with the volcano ran in my room about two days in a row,  I was BORN AGAIN! 

Growing up in the country, I never saw cable tv. to speak of. Just 1 CBS affiliate and 1 PBS station. 

Everything is grist for the mill in Inquiry. My ten years in Dianetics and Scientology were not wasted and actually laid the groundwork for Fourth Way inquiry.

We're all a multiplicity. Some way more than others.

Some Instinctive centered people embody whatever their doing. They can often have a natural ability for Immitating or mimicry. The other two types are the intellectual and emotional types.

Im an instinctive centered person as typified in Fourth Way work. It gets confusing because instinctive center is made up of three subcenters which make very different looking instinctive types. 

Scientology called being in a "valence" that condition where we pretend to be someone else. It can be very subtle or it can be very obvious and embarrassing to everyone around. But only because mechanical behavior makes it that way. The 'actor' can awaken and then after his face cools off, things are better. Observing Valences in myself and also in others laid the groundwork for understanding in part, the reality of everyone being a multiplicity according to the Gurdjieff Work.

The irony of Scientology,,,, I don't want to get into judgement over Scientology so I'm keeping it sparse.

Also conceptualizing myself as a Thetan, (basically a soul, who possesses a body) put me in the direction of becoming the watcher or the witness that I read in Eckhart  Tolle's PON later on which meshes with esoteric Christianity.

This gets me to about 30 years old in late 90's.

im going to add on in edits. Some time I will return to adolescent period and put together 'puzzle pieces' of my arrested psychological development.

Edited January 6, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

A poem by Red Hawk

 

Honesty

If you want to see what real honesty is

look no further than the dog.

The dog doesn't give a damn for looking good

 

but will hunch the leg of the Queen's mother

If it feels like it. The dog

doesn't care what the hell you think, it will

 

lick its balls in the presence of the Pope

If that is what it has a mind to do.

The dog does not stand on position, power,

 

wealth or fame of any kind. He will

bite the rump of the Emperor if he

tries to pick up the dog's food; the dog

 

will lift its leg on the whitewall tire

Of the Prime Minister's limousine or

shit on the Dalai Lama's Prayer rug

 

because he is a dog and that

is what dogs do and

in some secret uncorrupted part of the self

 

we admire this honesty in dogs, because

we see it is absent in ourselves and

we know that such honesty

 

comes with a terrible price in this world.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

2 videos.  Peanut butter and jelly

 

?

[Aquarius]

5 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

A poem by Red Hawk

 

Honesty

If you want to see what real honesty is

look no further than the dog.

The dog doesn't give a damn for looking good

 

but will hunch the leg of the Queen's mother

If it feels like it. The dog

doesn't care what the hell you think, it will

 

lick its balls in the presence of the Pope

If that is what it has a mind to do.

The dog does not stand on position, power,

 

wealth or fame of any kind. He will

bite the rump of the Emperor if he

tries to pick up the dog's food; the dog

 

will lift its leg on the whitewall tire

Of the Prime Minister's limousine or

shit on the Dalai Lama's Prayer rug

 

because he is a dog and that

is what dogs do and

in some secret uncorrupted part of the self

 

we admire this honesty in dogs, because

we see it is absent in ourselves and

we know that such honesty

 

comes with a terrible price in this world.

 

Woof!  

[Zigzag Idiot]

 Woof!

Condensed Brief history of my Actualization unfoldment.

Sitting in the Nervous Hospital for alcoholism when I was nineteen. It was a dark night of the soul, kind of time. Suicidal, anxiety ridden, depressed, confused, shamed, etc.

When the Dianetics commercial with the volcano ran in my room about two days in a row,  I was BORN AGAIN! 

Growing up in the country, I never saw cable tv. to speak of. Just 1 CBS affiliate and 1 PBS station. 

Everything is grist for the mill in Inquiry. My ten years in Dianetics and Scientology were not wasted and actually laid the groundwork for Fourth Way inquiry.

We're all a multiplicity. Some way more than others.

Some Instinctive centered people embody whatever their doing. They can often have a natural ability for Immitating or mimicry. The other two types are the intellectual and emotional types.

Im an instinctive centered person as typified in Fourth Way work. It gets confusing because instinctive center is made up of three subcenters which make very different looking instinctive types. 

Scientology called being in a "valence" that condition where we pretend to be someone else. It can be very subtle or it can be very obvious and embarrassing to everyone around. But only because mechanical behavior makes it that way. The 'actor' can awaken and then after his face cools off, things are better. Observing Valences in myself and also in others laid the groundwork for understanding in part, the reality of everyone being a multiplicity according to the Gurdjieff Work.

The irony of Scientology,,,, I don't want to get into judgement over Scientology so I'm keeping it sparse.

Also conceptualizing myself as a Thetan, (basically a soul, who possesses a body) put me in the direction of becoming the watcher or the witness that I read in Eckhart  Tolle's PON later on which meshes with esoteric Christianity.

This gets me to about 30 years old in late 90's.

im going to add on in edits. Some time I will return to adolescent period and put together 'puzzle pieces' of my arrested psychological development.

Edited 22 hours ago by Zigzag Idiot

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Condensed Brief history of my Actualization unfoldment,,, continued

I happened to buy The Power Of Now right when it came out in 1999. I continually read and reread it. It took away a lot of my cynicism from being a disillusioned ex Scientologist. It caused me to look at Christianity in a new light as well as Buddhism.

On the 'spiritual high' I got from the Power Of Now, I became more curious about Zen Buddhism and after digesting a couple of books, I was a Zen devil for a time.

Yeah! In spite of my knowledge of "valences". Looking back now, that's the power of Kundabuffer.

Didn't take long until life, herd of cattle, Mother Nature, relationships, etc.,,started handing my ass back to me.

Around this time, I began getting drawn into the world of the Castaneda material and the ideas Shamanism / Sorcery.

Edited January 7, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

Me too!

Im watching now. @ about 41:00 Leo mentions how people in rehab are really susceptible to cults.

hmm.

 

I've never been interested in the Gurdjieff Foundation. I don't think it's a cult.

Its always seemed from the outside as a little bit Church of George, though ,,,,,,, George Gurdjieff.

When I read that Red Hawk had given a talk at the Little Rock Foundation, it took me back a little. I'm a big fan of Red Hawk's books on Inquiry. I'm still not interested in the Foundation, though.

Besides being a Zen Devil for a while I had a little bit of a Messiah complex or a taste of it, also.   Kundabuffer 

Kundabuffer  self deception  Kundabuffer  self deception consequences of Kundabuffer self deception 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

"Get off your ass"

Act. Don't talk about it.

"Think about your death."

 

“Death is the only wise advisor that we have. Whenever you feel, as you always do, that everything is going wrong and you're about to be annihilated, turn to your death and ask if that is so. Your death will tell you that you're wrong; that nothing really matters outside its touch. Your death will tell you, 'I haven't touched you yet.” 
― Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan

“A man of knowledge lives by acting, not by thinking about acting. ” 
― Carlos Castaneda

“Think about it: what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.” 
― Carlos Castaneda, Fire from Within

“The aim is to balance the terror of being alive with the wonder of being alive.” 
― Carlos Castaneda

“The average man is hooked to his fellow men, while the warrior is hooked only to infinity.” 
― Carlos Castaneda

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[Zigzag Idiot]

I'm pondering if helping unfold the Science of Idiotism is a part of my life purpose.

Q. What would that mean?

A. To help Actualize a psychological path to awakening.

Q. Why does the world need another?

A. To make a way of liberation which can be utilized by Tramps, Lunatics and even Hasnamusses. 

Q. Metaphorically, what does the Science of Idiotism look like?

A. If someone is on one of the historical paths of spirituality ascending the side of Octave of the Sun and they were to open a window and look out. The Science of Idiotism looks like a fire escape that runs parallel the whole way. Also, it is a path that's entered into like a trampoline.

Q. God is Idiot 21 and Idiot 18 is as high as a human being can go, A perfect Idiot. Who are Idiots 19 and 20?

A. Jesus and his sister.

Q. Whats her name?

A. Hang on, let me ask.,,,,,,,

A. Thomas

Q. Is that really true?

A. For some Idiots, it is.

Q. Some Pillars of the Gurdjieff Work say that this Teaching died when Gurdjieff died and it was not meant to be continued. How do you address this.

A. Either in writing or in person.

Q. You know what I mean,,,,

A. J G Bennett and other early teachers of The Work encouraged thinking not from ones separate self but from ones Individuality. Then Bruno Martin produced a beautiful little book about it which revealed the organic properties of the Teaching.

Q. How are you going to determine if this is your life purpose.

A. Through this Actualization journal, I guess.

Q. Do you consider yourself as a teacher or messenger?

A. No, I'm just an Idiot.

 

 

Edited January 8, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

Rob Brezsny's - A Prayer For You.  

 

I am starting to pray right now to the God of Gods, the God beyond all Gods, the Girlfriend of God, the Teacher of God, the Goddess who invented God, and what I pray is:

 

Oh Goddess Who Never Kills But Only Changes: I pray that my exuberant, suave, and accidental words might move You to unleash ferocious blessings on all the beauty and truth fans who've tuned in.

 

I pray that You'll grant them what they don't even know they want. Not just the boons they think they need but everything they've been afraid to even imagine or wish for.

 

Oh Goddess, You Wealthy Anarchist Burning Heaven to the Ground:

 

The divine chameleons out there in sacred space don't even know they're crazy. Please use Your blinding magic to help them see they're all wildly creative geniuses too big for their own bodies. Guide them to realize that they're all completely different from what they think they are and more exciting than they can possibly imagine. And make it immoral, illegal, irrelevant, unpatriotic and totally tasteless for them to be in love with anyone or anything that's no good for them.

 

Oh Goddess You Sly Universal Virus with No Opinion:

 

I beg that You help all the personal growth-addicts that are reading this prayer to be disciplined enough to go crazy in the name of creation not destruction. I pray that You teach them the difference between self-destructive self-control and liberating self-control. Awaken in them the power to do the half-right thing when it's impossible to do the totally right thing. Arouse the Wild Woman within them ~ even if they're men. Give them bigger, better, more original sins and wilder, wetter, more interesting problems.

 

And, oh Goddess, You Pregnant Criminal Who Scorns All Mediocre Longing:

 

Inspire all the original sinners out there to love their enemies in case their friends turn out to be jerks. Provoke them to throw away things that make them believe they're better than everyone else. Show them how much fun it is to brag about what they can't do and don't have. Most of all, brainwash them with Your freedom, so that they never love their own pain more than anyone else's pain.

 

Oh Goddess, you Psychedelic Mushroom Cloud at the Center of All Our Brains:

 

These budding Demeters and Inannas and Buddhas and Christs deserve everything they need and much much more. Please arrange for a racehorse to be named after them, or a boulevard or river or thousand-year-old storm on another planet.

 

Help them win the battle against time, and learn to talk the language of the most scientific angels, and master the zen of temper tantrums, and get a fabulous mommy and daddy in their next incarnation.

 

Teach them to push their own buttons and unbreak their own hearts and right their own wrongs and sing their own songs and be their own wives and save their own lives.

 

Bless them with lucid dreams while they're wide awake and solar energy-operated sex toys that work in the dark and a vacuum cleaner for their magic carpet and a knack for avoiding other people's hells [!] and a secret admirer who's not a psychotic stalker and a thousand masks that all fit their face perfectly and their own 900 number so that everyone has to pay to talk to them.

 

Oh Goddess, you Dumb, Fast, Infinitely Wide River of Electricity, You Smart Slow Smoldering Lump of Angel Fat Left Over from the Big Bang, You Ghostly Snake Who Loves Inventive Tragedy and Sophisticated Superstition, You Cool Furnace That Incinerates the Props of Our Nightmares Much Too Slowly, You Creator of Happy Purgatories Where Impeccably Unironic Apocalypse Salesmen Preach Christian Satanism and Rosicrucian Baseball Players from the Middle Ages Dream Politically Cracked Dreams That Reveal the News in More Exact Metaphors Than Any Newspaper:

 

I pray that You provide all the global village idiots that are reading this prayer with a license to bend all laws, rules, and traditions that keep them apart from the things they love. Show them how to purge themselves of the wishy-washy wishes that keep them distracted from their divine desires. And teach them that they can have anything they want if they'll only ask for it in an unselfish tone of voice.

 

Oh Goddess Who Gives Us So Much Love and Pain Together That Our Morality is Always on the Verge of Collapsing:

 

I beg You to cast a spell to nullify all bad spells that have ever been cast on all the beautiful love geniuses out there. Remove, banish, annihilate, and laugh into oblivion any jinx that has clung to them no matter how long they've suffered from it, and even if they've grown accustomed or addicted to its ugly companionship. Conjure an aura of protection around them so that they will receive an early warning if they're ever about to act in such a way that would attract another hex or plague or voodoo into their lives.

 

And now, dear God of Gods, God Beyond All Gods, Sister Lover of God, Mother of God, Goddess who invented God:

 

I bring this prayer to a close, trusting that in these mysterious moments You have impregnated the dream glands of all the beauty and truth fans out there with the most compassionate lust and smartest love You can imagine. And if there is anything I've forgotten which will help their cause, please flash it into my imagination in the coming days and months and decades, and motivate me to perform any tricks or carry out any project that will encourage an abundance of sweaty creativity to flow through them, inspiring them to become more wildly disciplined, erotically feminist, aggressively sensitive, demonically compassionate, ironically sincere, lyrically logical, insanely poised, orgiastically lucid, macho feminist.

 

Amen. Awomen. Ommmmmmm and halle-fucking-lujah.

[Zigzag Idiot]

This isn't for everyone. If I'm annoying or you find this offensive, just ignore me.

 

Back to unfolding Science of Idiotism and focusing on the bottom of the ladder of Reason. Only Seekers and Strivers of Being and becoming can be called True Idiots.

Narcissistic Experts, Know-it-alls and people of violence fall into the subcategory of Objectively hopeless Idiots.

In the Ritual meals Gurdjieff held, an often very drawn out and sad oratory was given and a toast was drank to the Objectively Hopeless Idiots who, being born with only a part of an Astral Body and being self satisfied or hopelessly confused, most will die like dogs. Dogs also only have part of an Astral Body and often times more of an Astral body than some people. Gurdjieff could make it so solemn and sad, people would sometimes cry when this Toast was made to the Objectively Hopeless Idiots.

In life we have our strong suit. Where we are at most of the time.

       Intellectual dominance 

       Emotional dominance 

       Instinctive Center dominance 

Belly as it's used here implies instinctive center. Which means people whose life revolves are food. Food is how they dissociate. Preparation and eating. 

Or 'moving centered' people who can't stand still,,, always on the go. Dissociating from life through movement.

Most people don't notice they are out of balance. The triad only "delivers the goods" when they are balanced. Fulasnitamnian Awareness or 3 Centered Awareness. 

Higher Consciousness are the goods that's delivered.

 

This can be seen as ascending triads. The center of gravity of each Idiot gives a clue about each particular form of idiocy.

 

1 Ordinary Idiot.                     Belly

2 Super Idiot                          Heart

3 Arch Idiot.                           Mind

 

4 Hopeless Idiot                    Belly

5 Compassionate Idiot.         Heart

6 Squirming Idiot.                  Mind

 

7 Square Idiot                        Belly

8 Round Idiot.                        Heart

9 Zigzag Idiot                         Mind

 

I'll add to and then rake everything together from time to time,,,

 

Edited January 9, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

I've been unable to access the last few days.

Testing,,,

ok, having read a few I see I'm not alone.

Edited January 12, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

"Everything is being."   "Being is infinitely more profound than meaning."

 

When I'm stressed out, I'm nearly always 'stuck in my head'. Unnecessary thinking creating little doom scenarios.

When this happens I'm more susceptible to  being reactive and going even more out of balance in emotions for a time as well. Vicious feedback between emotional center and intellectual center has in the past kept me perpetually out of whack. I was completely ungrounded and didn't have a clue about it. If someone would have told me. It probably wouldn't have meant anything. It would have been just another mental idea.

So an ongoing daily practice besides Centering Prayer is sensing the feet or sense the 'hara', periodically through the day, as often as possible. I can nearly always sense my feet while I'm doing something else. Sensing my feet also keeps me more 'present' and relaxed when I'm around other people.

The more grounded I become in the body, the quieter my mind becomes. Being is more easily experienced when mind is quiet. In Being, I find meaning.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I copy and paste my post put on The DiamondNet.org forum:

This is a case in point. My projection. Sharing my inner world in print with others helps me to see things like my projection. In the  Actualization.org 2 day website glitch, I projected that someone had put some kind of malware in my system and at times seriously considered that I had been banned from the site.
Gurdjieff's Kundabuffer (imagination/self deception) - Even though I can name it, Projection still creeps in. It's not flattering to admit but it is what it is. Having a journal can help me see/admit/work through,,,, deal with my issues that might normally might be dismissed.
Awareness is curative.

 

Edited January 12, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

The people who push your buttons or annoys you the most is someone you share  a shadow personality trait with. After reading about this phenomena in Nicolls' Psychological Commentaries I recognized partially in hindsight the truth of it. Over time through inquiry, I've observed it in myself and others. When people project at us in some way, this phenomena is often involved. I don't have to take it in a negative way and make it worse. 

Its difficult to just 'sit with it' and not react.

"Become an emotional superconductor"

 "Breathe down into your belly"

Edited January 13, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Zigzag Idiot]

Waking up to a number of ‘button pushing’ passive aggressives in my life a few years ago gave the painful recognition for the need to integrate split off aspects of myself and do some shadow work to become a little more thick hided and resilient among miserable people who feed on negativity. This was an understanding that developed over time culminating with Maurice Nicolls’ articulation of what makes the world go around,,,, negativity, he said, and not sex. The more I saw this aspect in myself, of being an unhappy button pusher the easier I could forgive other people who did this to me. 

Mmmmm coffee

Mmmmmm cheetos

Im not the thoughts that pass through

I'm not the emotions which come and go

I'm not the body with bad teeth, torn rotator cuffs, a hard on, cold feet and a blank facial expression.

I am my understanding

I am

            I feel others and their being to the extent in which my emotions are purified of negativity 

                        am senses the Automaton 

The witness observes

Edited January 13, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot