Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

[Wisebaxter]

 

On 11/08/2022 at 2:35 PM, Zigzag Idiot said:

My father passed on when he was 66 yrs old from kidney cancer. When he passed I just set that as my possible time of departure. He pushed himself in the extreme attempting his life aims. Though I haven't accomplished as much as he, we have much in common. I don't take care of myself, eat badly and have been exposed to carcinogens to an outrageous degree. In the number thereof and volume.

Given the commonality of our genetics, me and my father. I placed my departure from this planet at 66 years old just to add some sobriety to my overall perspective instead of thinking I'm going to life forever. At almost 55, this gives me 11 years hypothetically and quite arbitrary too I suppose. I don't want to be caught off guard. When my day comes, I want to be ready for it. Maybe even enthusiastic for the oncoming event.

Hope your day is good,,,

David

@Zigzag Idiot I'm sorry to hear you haven't been well mate. Have you read any of Joe Dispenza's stuff? His book Becoming Supernatural outlines a way we can naturally heal ourselves by connecting to relaxation and peace as a practice. If you're experiencing emotions relating to survival mode a lot, this will stress your system and leave you open to illnesses. He has a couple of good guided meditations on YouTube that help you reprogram your body to be more used to feelings of connection and positive emotions. He says we unconsciously create the situations that give us the chemicals we're craving. In other words, we get addicted to our pain. He recounts story's about people coming back from stage four cancer, all sorts of shit, just by creating a habit of reconnecting to source, or just relaxation or love. If you're in fight or flight mode a lot, or feeling stressed, your body can become hooked on these emotions. It sounds overly simplistic I though, but he really does go balls deep into the science. I love the guy. I've emailed you a morning and evening guided meditation of his if you're interested. They're a good way to get started reconnecting on a more regular basis. I see it as using the power of intent to create a new body and mind. God can do this, it just has to do it in a more limited and drawn out fashion when disguised as an ego

Saying all of this you do seem like a positive guy so I hope you don't think I'm suggesting otherwise. I just know how the mind can get me trapped. Conceptual stuff, images of this or that. Ideas, beliefs, assumptions.

Is there any way you could clean up your diet a bit, or take better care of yourself? I'm wondering what you meant by not taking care of yourself. I'm thinking that self-love might be an issue, as you've mentioned shadow work to me before. Matt Kahn is great for that. It also sounds like you're good at accepting parts of yourself, acknowledging your bullshit etc. You've probably come across all or most of these ideas too, but worth a shot  This might be beyond Matt Kahn even though  

Sometimes I'm confused between the two spiritual paradigms of 'create your experience consciously and choose not to suffer,' and love and give attention to the neglected parts of yourself. The two approaches seem at odds. Ralston says change it, Matt Kahn says shine a light on it, love it and give it a voice. I've certainly been able to switch off things like fear and sadness, just through my intent. But am I burying things and not healing deep wounds? I might make a thread about this. I can't help thinking that shadow work begets more shadow work. When is it done? Aren't we just creating more habitual experiences, of 'healing,' The I need healing paradigm. Just a few musings  

 

Edited August 15, 2022 by Wisebaxter

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Wisebaxter Please pardon my tardy response. My mood has not moved far from apathy the last few days. The sickness I've had has not let go. Looking at the symptoms.  I'm fairly sure it's Covid.  

This morning I felt good enough to go outside and do some strenuous physical labor. I wasn't as careful as I should have been and got a catch in my lower back,,,,, Oh well,, Sometimes having two problems are better than having just one. It might just be my twisted reasoning. A phrase I learned years ago of having "problems of comparable magnitude."

On 8/15/2022 at 3:24 PM, Wisebaxter said:

I can't help thinking that shadow work begets more shadow work. When is it done? Aren't we just creating more habitual experiences, of 'healing,'

I agree with your statement. I encountered that situation in my own life in the past. Through Self Inquiry I realized my own unnecessary suffering in the form of complaining.  I still catch myself sometimes. I also think that unavoidable suffering does exist but if met with equanimity or conscious attention, It can be endured better than when it's a source of mechanical complaining. 

I still fairly often observe my own reactivity.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Good documentary on Chogyam Trungpa. Run out of his home country Tibet by the Chinese. Eventually ended up in U.S. where he founded Naropa university in Bolder Colorado in the mid 1970’s. Had sex with students. Stayed drunk and high most of the time. Go figure ?‍♂️?‍♂️Paradoxical character,,,,,

He authored this spiritual classic. I highly recommend it.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I finally recovered from my illness. It was probably Covid. I had all the symptoms. Even though I felt dramatic and expressive in pondering the possibility of my death. I don’t really feel foolish now that I’m back to enjoying good health.

I enjoy most of Leo’s lectures but I don’t agree with everything he says. Especially when it comes to our existence after the body konks out. Whether it’s 5 years from now or 20 years. I hope that I’ll actually be anticipating the occasion with at least some sincere curiosity instead of fear or dread.
You don’t usually see people approach their death filled with peace. Most of the time there is a definite amount of physical discomfort.

Because I never had children and a family I was able to go into part time retirement at about 50 years old. It’s usually the last thing that people really want to think about but I feel that seriously contemplating our inevitable death is a worthy endeavor. Being prepared for the death of my body is my top priority. 
One of my concerns is the scattered quality of my attention and consciousness when I’m in the dream world. I would feel a little more secure if I had some more lucid dreaming experiences under my belt before I make the transition.

People are so resistant to thinking about their inevitable death. We’re all going to die and it’s just too easy to mix in imagination and fanciful bullshit on the subject of the afterlife. I’ve just not had whatever experience that others have had which translates into confidence concerning one’s experience after death of the body. I know one thing for certain. I don’t want a visitation at the funeral home before or a traditional funeral service either. Just let the crematorium make ashes out of my body.   Maybe if some of my old friends and family members felt like getting drunk and burning my body up in a brush plié on the ranch. That would do. There’s always dead tree’s here and there scattered over the ranch that requires a fire anyway.  I think that would be great. It would be similar to an Irish wake,,, 

[Zigzag Idiot]

                                           Homemade colloidal silver

I been making my own colloidal silver for the last 20 years or so. Mine is industrial strength. I’ve had many a tooth go abscess. ( I’ve never taken good care of my teeth).  My Dentist was cool with what I was doing. She would give me a script for a few pain pills and let me worry about the antibiotic. If my jaw swelled up and started to throb the mixture of colloidal silver I made would have an immediate effect. It’s an excellent topical antibiotic. It would work a little faster than pharmaceutical stuff. Amoxicillin, penicillin, etc.,,

I tried drinking it for kidney infections but it didn’t work as well in that kind of application.
It’s true that using too much will cause a persons skin to actually turn into a blue/gray color. I think that’s where the European nobility got the nickname “bluebloods”. Probably why they enjoyed a longer life span. Eating off pure silver trays and using real silverware. I could be wrong on that. I just read that hypothesis years ago. 
I wire 3 ordinary 9v batteries in series and have alligator clips at each end. I buy a heavy silver wire that is very pure, .9999 silver. I cut the 2 wire pieces about 6 inches long and put them into the alligator clips. I take 1 quart of distilled water and heat it in the microwave for 6 minutes. Then just put the 2 wires into the heated water for about an hour and a half. Near the end of the process I have to remove the silver wires from the water and wipe off a black corrosion with a paper towel.

A friend of mine helped me figure the ‘recipe’ years ago. How long to heat the water. Time required, etc.,, The process just works faster when the water is heated.  He was like the local Johnny Appleseed of Do-it-yourself colloidal silver manufacturing. The stuff they sell at health food stores is so watered down weak. It won’t attack an infection like good stout homemade colloidal silver. It’s important to use distilled water in making your own.

It works great on an abscess tooth, ear infection or any infection on the outside of the body. Cuts and scrapes that get infected. 
 

The following story has nothing to do with colloidal silver.

I remember when I was about 4 or 5 years old. My father made some toast one morning and had the dial set too far on the toaster resulting in half burned toast.  For some reason this was more than I could take and I escaped away to my closet where I started crying. I was half ashamed that I was crying when he came and found me. Asking me what was wrong, I just shrugged my shoulders and followed him back to the kitchen.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Do you wish people well? 

Even people who get on your nerves? How about those you know who have gossiped about you? Maybe someone who owes you money or have brought harm to you somehow. 

Having a cynical attuite comes with a high price. You probably do not genuinely wish others well and carry around chronic low grade guilt because of that.

 This is something I've been working on. It's a difficult aim and I probably sound self righteous.  Well,,,, I can be at times. And a hypocrite too. Most people are at given times and many choose not to observe that part of themselves.

Self forgiveness can initiate a lot of healing.

If you have an ax to grind with someone or you're carrying around a grudge or a grievance.  Forgive them so you won't hate yourself.

Lightheartedness is a wonderful healing balm.

I've found all this takes practice. Continual practice. And sometimes I backslide for a time. Letting go is a major component.

 

What does the word kenosis mean in Greek?

the act of emptying

In Christian theology, kenosis (Ancient Greek: κένωσις, romanized: kénōsis, lit. ' lit. 'the act of emptying'') is the 'self-emptying' of Jesus' own will and becoming entirely receptive to God's divine will.

What is self emptying?

Self-emptying is the core spiritual practice in contemplation. The word in ancient Greek is kenosis, as in “Christ Jesus… emptied himself.” In contemplation, one empties oneself of ego, anxiety, resentment, judgment, logistics, desire, you name it. And then one extends self-emptying into all aspects of life.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Finishing my morning coffee now. It’s a cool sunny morning. Thinking of making a small brush fire where I’ve been doing some clearing. 
Might do some glass busting as well,,,, I’ve got a bunch of assorted glass jars and bottles that have accumulated.

Playing with fire and busting glass. Two good therapy’s for bolstering the red energy. Lower chakras, hara, red Latifa,,,

 

The Red Essence is the Quality that Will Keep Our Inquiry from Collapsing

So when the going gets tough and we start thinking, “I don’t know if I can continue this inquiry; it’s too difficult,” our true nature can manifest what is needed. In this case, it is the quality of our true nature that we call the Red latifa. It gives us the sense that “Yes, I can do it, I’ve got what it takes,” so we don’t feel overwhelmed and give up. The Red Essence is the quality that will keep our inquiry from collapsing. You have probably noticed that even when you’re not confronted by blocks or challenges to your inquiry, simply engaging this subtle process of observing your experience and investigating it requires energy. If you’re tired, it will be difficult to effectively engage the process; the most you can do is be aware of what you are experiencing. It takes energy to go beyond that basic awareness—to understand the truth that lies hidden within our experience. Inquiry takes a lot more energy than doing your job because it takes all of you, all of the capacities of your psyche. Even when you’re not tired and not avoiding difficult issues, you still need energy to inquire. You need energy in order to be open and interested enough to remain engaged with such a subtle process, to allow such a subtle capacity as our inner guidance to function. That’s why it is important to practice inquiry when you feel energetic and robust, when you have vitality. That is also why you need to live in such a way that you have sufficient energy for inquiry, just as would be needed for doing any other inner practice. So if you’re really serious about engaging this work, you need to conserve your energy and balance your life so that you can be effective in your inquiry.

Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 270 

The Red Latifa Enables Defense Against the Superego

Is relatively easy to see that much of our opaqueness, much of our lack of openness, much of our stuckness, is due to the attacks of the superego– ours and other people’s. These are the criticisms, the putdowns, the comparisons, the judgments, the devaluations, the blaming, the shaming, the rejection, and the hatred that the superego levels at you in all kinds of situations. Here the Red latifa can specifically be used in the service of inquiry, by giving us the strength to defend against the superego.

Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 279 

Taken from: https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/red-latifa

 

Everyone have a good day!

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Addiction and shaking hands with the Devil

Sounds dramatic.  It is and it's not. I interact in my day to day world with people who are straight laced and square yet their emotional volatility can be intimidating while their opinions are close minded and sometimes harsh. I allowed myself to become a habitual user of methamphetamine and find myself looked down upon by the  materialist and conventional minded. Years ago I would have viewed someone like myself as so full of self deception that my judgements would have gave them near zero credibility. The intensity of sensation from methamphetamine  intravenously injected is nearly beyond description.  This statement could be seen as glorification. The other side of the coin is a reduced level of mental acuity and physical coordination as well as an increase in clumsiness. this increases with degree of use. Methamphetamine users are about on the lowest rung of the ladder. Heroin users look down their noses at meth-heads,,,,, but that's not really an across the board accurate statement. I really didn't want to give this confession for a number of reasons. It's going to cost me in terms of credibility. But looking at it in those kind of terms I find myself shaking hands with the Devil{ego/self image} concerned with looking good by the collective ego and it's approval.

I have experiences to discuss that concern drug induced schizophrenic psychosis. I do not recommend that others experiment with this drug. Unlike psychedelics, methamphetamine is a highly addictive narcotic. A friend and fellow addict who grew up in foster care. Someone I met when I first started using made a distinction. He said "I'm not just an addict. I'm a dope fiend and that's someone who will steal from others in order to support my addiction".  There's a story I may continue here later if I can do so without betraying a certain kind of trust or causing harm among a few individuals who  I consider friends but have caused me some distress.

There are a couple of Actualized forum members that I outed myself to in the past about my habit in order to hold to some semblance of being authentic. I appreciate that they allowed me this trust without making me feeling judged.

Can someone like me even be taken serious as an someone working on actualization of Being/Presence. I realize it's not often put that way.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization

https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/actualization

I wish everyone well,,,,

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I am a passionate deadpan man.

Beware: Infatuation is an elixir. It’s wonderful intoxication leads to an Institution called marriage. Who wants to live in an institution? And one that is also of patriarchical dominance. Be careful.

Have fun!

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

If something is self evident. It speaks for itself most clearly when neurosis and stuff are not included.

This is the nature of Being.  The activity of the mind distorts the simple experience of being or non-conceptual awareness. Irreverence can be included to make understanding more difficult only to make the difficulty less so because of the light heartedness added to the mixture, 

Similar to the aggravated chicken pecker syndrome which I've written about in the past to that of scapegoating present in our world today is spoken of below in this YouTube podcast.

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

It is simple

then becomes complicated 

Understanding happens when it becomes simple again

 

Goddamn I’ve always hated most of Donovan’s music and here I am posting this cringy song. 
I had the very real experience of the -simple - complicated - simple-  process of understanding  as an adolescent. It was a realization.

 

 

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Gurdjieff wrote about the transalpanian perturbation that coincides with the Younger dryas event that is now being referred to in today’s archeological findings. 
Gurdjieff wrote that that the Atlantean civilization was basically destroyed by the transalpanian perturbation but that a number of these beings were able to make it to mid Africa and eventually to Egypt where they oversaw the construction of the sphinx and other megalithic monuments. After the last of that tribe died out the Egyptians reverted back to being a bunch of complete dumb-asses again having lost the ones that were good influences.  Read all about this in Beelzebub’s Tales to his Grandson if you’re masochistic enough to attempt reading the damn thing. 
  

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Younger_Dryas

 

 

 

This song always reminded me of Joe Pesci asking if anyone wanted a leg or a wing in the movie Goodfellas. It was something like that,,,

Becky Ann was an astral being who was floating above my bed one night with her uncle named Carl James Parker. It disturbed the hell out of me when I observed them literally eating the flesh off each other’s face and gradually disappearing. As they were eating I asked if I could maybe have a leg to chew on. I had had experiences with Becky Ann in the past as an astral being and also Carl James who I didn’t really care for. My irreverent request was received with a burst of howling laughter. It was indicated that Becky Ann  , a 24 year old with Dwarfism and had died from mouth cancer in the fairly recent past. She constantly lied to me though also. Once saying that she was somewhere in a hospital on life support and in a coma. She once scolded me and told me to never take a vow about anything unless I was absolutely sincere about doing so. She was so sweet and also funny. My eyes tear up now thinking of her. 
I’m sure this story will really bolster my credibility,,,,

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I don’t know whether to shit or wind my watch or to take a flying fuck in a rolling donut.

This is at the present moment. 

I’m misunderstood by people I care about.
 

 

Edited October 17, 2022 by Zigzag Idiot
I had to correct the expression,,,

[Zigzag Idiot]

Take everything here with a grain of salt,

[Zigzag Idiot]

Advice given to Gurdjieff from his Grandmother.   

 

From Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson. 

“Eldest of my grandsons! Listen and always remember my strict injunction to you: In life never do as others do.”

Having said this, she gazed at the bridge of my nose and evidently noticing my perplexity and my obscure understanding of what she had said, added somewhat angrily and imposingly:

“Either do nothing—just go to school—or do something nobody else does.”

 

I interpret this simply as- do your own thinking and not follow the group think of the collective ego.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I took a friend to a Doctors appointment away in a neighboring city. While waiting on them I stopped at a Little Caesar’s and got some crazy bread.

I feel like I’m on the verge of going bananas. It's a little different than going bat shit dookie do crazy or berserker crazy. Maybe middle of the road low on the crazy scale. Pleasurable on the inside yet deadpan in appearance.

 
 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

What I write is just a hodgepodge of my inner world. Not really biographical but more of a hyperbolic release of random thoughts, viewpoints concerning ideas and concepts philosophical, psychological, or having to do with actualizing as a human being. Added also is bullshit and stuff in general. That should cover about everything,,,,

I'm sharing an email Emerald sent out to those on her mailing list. I like the way she makes a point about how repression plays an ongoing active element in maintaining the shadow material.

 

When I speak about integrating the Shadow on my channel, I frequently get questions about what it actually means to INTEGRATE the Shadow.

In my videos, I often speak about the Shadow being like a dark closet where we put all the parts of the personality that we don't want to face with.

With the dark closet analogy in mind, it illustrates that the Shadow is more like a dark "place" within the psyche where we store the rejected aspects of ourselves in order to make ourselves unaware of them.

It's important to note that the aspects of the personality that end up in the dark closet (the "place") that is the Shadow are NOT the Shadow itself.

They are the contents of the Shadow.

Just like the 'dark closet' and the 'contents of the dark closet' are two different things... the 'Shadow' and the 'contents of the Shadow' are also two different things.

So, we're not ACTUALLY aiming to "Integrate the Shadow"... We're aiming to Integrate the CONTENTS of the Shadow, which are all the parts of the self that we've shoved into that dark closet of the psyche.

Now, to truly understand Integration, you must first understand what Repression is.

REPRESSION is the opposite of INTEGRATION.

Repression is the process we use to push parts of the personality into the dark closet of the Shadow in order to forget about them.

Integration is the process we use to allow those parts of the personality back out of the Shadow and into our conscious awareness to re-remember them.

Notice that both of these are processes.

One mistake that is frequently made in thinking about Repression is thinking that it's a one-time thing where we just Repress something once and it just stays Repressed. The reality is that Repression is an ongoing process that must CONSTANTLY be maintained to keep the contents of the Shadow... in the Shadow.

Repression requires a lot of effort!

The aspects of the personality that we Repress away into the dark closet of the Shadow are NOT like inanimate objects that will just stay there. Your Shadow contents are just as alive as you are... because the ARE you. And they are ALWAYS trying their hardest to be reintegrated into your conscious awareness!

And so, when you put those parts of yourself in the dark closet of the Shadow, they will CONSTANTLY be trying to escape and to reintegrate. And likewise, in order to keep them repressed, you will have to apply CONSTANT EFFORT (that's usually unconscious) to maintain their captivity in the dark closet of the Shadow.

Repression is an additive process that we must constantly engage in to maintain our Repressions.

Integration is a a subtractive process... where we unwire and let go of our Repression Processes.

The tricky thing when it comes to letting go of our Repressions is that they are things we're doing as part of our normal behaviors. Repressions are thought process, mindsets, behaviors, and feeling states that are seamlessly woven into our mundane activity that are designed to keep us distracted and resistant to the Shadow's contents. And they are usually VERY difficult to spot.

So our Repression Process is like a dam that must consistently be built up in order to not break. And Integration is what happens when the dam finally breaks and the water naturally seeks its level.

Once we dissolve our mental and emotional Repression Processes, we can allow the aspects of our personality that are held captive in the dark closet of the Shadow to escape into the light of consciousness.

But one caveat I'll give here is that, there is always a reason why we repress aspects of the personality. So, every Repression Process that we have is rooted in the ancient wisdom of the mind/body complex. And we (as the conscious aspect of ourselves) must respect that deep wisdom... and find ways to resolve the issues that cause us to engage in our Repression Processes.

Have a great day!

Emerald

P.S. If you would like to have help with spotting these patterns and repression mechanisms, you might enrolling in my (1-on-1) 13 Week Shadow Integration Program. In this program, I act as a coach and consciousness work facilitator to help you become more aware of your unconscious patterns. This can help you notice stumbling blocks that are standing in the way of your goals in your career, relationships, lifestyle, and life in general.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Making entries into my journal is a way to remember myself. It is also a form of expressing from my subtle body and causal body perhaps,,,

Resolving disparities can be a way of saying I’m taming my freak or please excuse me while I’m trying to integrate all of this bullshit in the midst of the collective ego while on this painfactory of a planet. 

To be continued later perhaps maybe I dunno,,, 
 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

 Chaos Theory and trivial math nerd philosophical questions.

If I’m more open minded than usual. Does ambiguity in regards to my certainty increase or decrease?

If I’m living near the Arctic circle and have an adjustable home mortgage rate. If I move below the equator. Does my mortgage rate go lower also or possibly lower at a tangential degree of angle?

[Zigzag Idiot]

Don’t make unconditional Love a standard that you want to live up to as a station of consciousness. The vast majority of us are incapable of doing that and it actually becomes a stumbling block. Be open to experiencing it as a state of consciousness that shows up unexpectedly. 
Forget the idea of making love. Fully embody your lust. It’s more honest.

Edited November 16, 2022 by Zigzag Idiot