Coming to terms with recent realizations

[KMB4222]

Lately I’ve had some deep realizations. The first was that I was being lived as opposed to living. I never had a choice in being born or where I grew up, etc. So my entire life is conditioning, even my choices are based on conditioning. 

Soon after that I realized that when I die I will go back to being the nothing that I was before I was born. 
I don’t feel connected to anything lately. I feel completely unlike myself in almost every way.

Is this nothing that occurs after death THE Nothing that is supposedly my true nature? 

All I can figure right now is that I could be going through a Dark Night, and that if my entire existence is hollow (for the most part), then I have to build from the ground up again. This, of course, means leaving much of what I used to be behind.

I know there is still a feeling of “me”, but I don’t take it to mean what it used to. “Me” is just whatever this thing (body) is going through life like a conditioned robot trying to pretend it isn’t conditioned. There is a lot of emotional pain and disillusionment. I'm also going through some very stressful things in my personal life, so I have to figure out how to engage this process without disassociating or using it as an escape mechanism from my anxieties.

So, basically, what can this conditioned self do?
Any tips or insight are greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

[Sahil Pandit]

@KMB4222 Important realizations indeed.

Console yourself and give yourself self love.

This might not sound like what's needed right now, but realize that you just had a massive insight and are now about to begin going through a transition phase to figure out and decipher what it really means. Unraveling this is gonna take some time, so take care of yourself.

The "Nothing" you are talking about isn't as bad as it seems. It's the nothing that allows "everything else"/form to be. It's the primary substance to of reality. 

This emotional pain you are dealing with, remember that all feeling's are visitors, and this moment shall pass. You're on the right track, just give it some time and keep pushing through.

Good luck to you. 

[KMB4222]

@Sahil Pandit Thank you for the reply. Self-love is hard to keep in mind at a time like this, but it's definitely needed. All the best, take care.