No relationship with my family.

[Spiral]

I would definitely say that i'm mostly at fault here, because to be completely honest, they feel like strangers who raised me. I don't feel any connection with any of them and I do not feel any interest with spending time with them. Although they haven't really done anything wrong I've travel plenty with them and they definitely put aside time for me as a kid. Now a days I feel like I'm mostly a means to quench their loneliness and for instance when I turned 20 the only person who congratulated me on my birthday was a cashier at the liquor store (it's the legal age in my country).

I don't have any siblings and my parents are seperated, yet all my grandparents and so on are alive. My cousins are either 0-3 years old or extremely spoiled, one even had a crush on me once.

I've been told that, I acts as if I don't have any parents and never bring them up. I recognize that their are advances to having a good relationship with your family and it's not like we are fighting, or rather we never fight ever. We simply don't care enough.   

Generally when we do meet, which I intend to do so this christmas we small talk a little and that's about it. If I ask for advice they generally just brush it away with something like "i'm sure you'll figure it out".

Something I brought with me from my childhood was "It's better not to say anything", as most of the time I'll regret it.

What's your take on this, is your relationship to your family important? How would you go about improving it? 

Edited December 11, 2018 by Spiral

[ajasatya]

@Spiral hello there. i resonate with you here.

my relationship with my parents is very weak but it's been strengthening up since i left their home. it happens because i leave the door open for connection.

this is my plan: i don't want this pattern to go on so i'll do the opposite with my future children. i'll work really hard on honesty and empathy with them and as they grow older and older i'll let them know that they need to perpetuate this healthy practice of parenting.

in resume, i don't try to solve it asap with my parents... i just let it happen. my true effort is related to my future children. i want to see my family thrive!

Edited December 11, 2018 by ajasatya

[Sahil Pandit]

@Spiral Do you wish it was different? If so, you need to work on it, whatever that looks like to you. 

If you don't want to work on it because it doesn't seem beneficial, i would recommend thinking long term what you want from your relationships (regular and intimate) and your family (If you decide to start one). 

I say this because i'm kinda going through the same thing right now. 

Personal Development can isolate you from a lot of people. 

 

[aurum]

@Spiral

Yeah I can definitely relate to this. My relationship with my family was terrible for a long time, still is in some ways.

The biggest thing I’ve found beneficial is having those uncomfortable conversations. Asking the hard questions, really expressing what’s going on with you.

It can be brutual but at some point you just got to do it. Awakening is going to bring all that unresolved shit to the surface. 

Also, a therapist can really help.