NEED HELP ! serious depression. fear.

[ivory]

Get help. Just don't talk about non-duality. A therapist can still help you. I would not rule out meds either. Meds are great as a short-term solution. You don't have to stay on them forever. Just out of curiosity, was there a specific event that led you to this place? Did something happen or was it a gradual darkening?

[Maccoy]

38 minutes ago, ivory said:

Get help. Just don't talk about non-duality. A therapist can still help you. I would not rule out meds either. Meds are great as a short-term solution. You don't have to stay on them forever. Just out of curiosity, was there a specific event that led you to this place? Did something happen or was it a gradual darkening?

It was gradual. 

This tought came to me once. And than it became bigger and bigger I think. Also changing my lifestyle. + My trauma and that I couldn't train. Than came little depression . Than starting job and not following my diet . Eating and guilting myself. Than stoping meditation and gulting myself. Than doubdting myself. And also this though than I have gone crazy and so on man

 

[purerogue]

Maccoy do not make self actualizing your life, you have to separate both, at least till you have confidence that it is something that you can bring into your life fully, make that line and put self actualizing as hobby, you do not have to think about Enlightenment, it is least of your concerns until you are well of and know  what you are doing, you are trying to theorize about stuff that you do not know what actually is, when you have to think about what you know works and is actual to you from experience, if you do not make that distinction , you will bring allot of suffering and might actually drive yourself crazy, or believe some silly things that mind made up by itself. 

 

[kev014]

On December 15, 2018 at 4:48 AM, Nahm said:

Dark Night: “Wait. Wait a minute. I’ve been lying to myself, this whole time?” “There was never really anything to worry about?”

Why does this cause so much suffering? Awakening to the illusions you've been living in is extremely painful, is this just because you are mourning an aspect of yourself that is dying or because you realize how wrong you were all along? The more you awaken from illusions, are you likely to experience a greater degree of suffering? Is this suffering inevitable?

Also sorry for the million and one questions but when you realize this, how do you relay this information to other people without triggering them? 'Hey by the way Dad, the stock market that you are freaking out, ha it's actually totally pointless.' Obviously much friendlier language but whenever I approach my father trying to show him how he lets things bother him excessively, he gets even more pissed and justifies his emotional response; 'Of course I'm stressed out and angry, how could I not be given all this?' I'm struggling to appropriately communicate my insights in simple terms that the average person can really grasp.

[Nahm]

On 12/16/2018 at 3:20 AM, Maccoy said:

I don't know guys. Now I am thinking that this enlightenment stuff is bullshit. I think that I have gone too far.  I want to live a normal life now but I can't do it anymore cause nothing matters to me Anymore. I was committed to this actualized.org way an now I think I have made mistake and I kind of regret .  And if this way is false I don't know what way to follow than.  I wish right now that I have not known all this stuff. Cause my mind is telling me that I have gone crazy. I think leo might be crazy too. Maybe he has believed all kind if stuped stuff using psychedelics and all this theory And now I have done it also. Cause u can believe whatever u want under this substances. 

You are expressing that you are believing and following. That is not the way. Enjoy the relief and humbleness in admitting & expressing “i don’t know”, for what you don’t know. You don’t know what psychedelic nondual glimpses , states, and stages are yet. Don’t adopt beliefs. It’s as if you visited Buzz Aldrin’s forum and now you’re depressed about the moon not turning out to be what you hoped - you haven’t been there. Let those beliefs go. 

And this thought that I have gone crazy and that I have fucked up my life is always in my mind.  And it is growing and growing. And I am afraid where it might lead. And I can't stop it. I don't know how to live anymore.

I can't even say to therapist what is wrong with me. I think he will not understand all this nonduality stuff and will think I am crazy and will give me some drugs. 

I can't say what is wrong with me to my parents and brother and friends cause I was alone in this work. Thay already though I was going crazy with souch meditation and non dual work. And they might be right. 

And I don't see any way how can I come out of it. 

Yes, you do. Just because you’re saying you can’t talk to a therapist, your family, because the topic at hand is nonduality - does not make it true. The depression is about your ‘regular life’ and the choice you are making, and the perspectives you are choosing. Talk to a therapist, I gauruntee you, if you stick with it, and by that I mean keep going, if the first one doesn’t click, try another, but keep going  - then you will not only get back to the energy you were at, but you’ll surpass it - and have some wisdom for it. 

So I am here. Daubting meditation. Non dual work. My growth. Leo.  This way. Enlightenment. My sanity. 

Get your basics in order. Look for work you’d prefer. Make healthier food choices - love yourself. Recognize the ego backlash in this, stop denying it. Sit and let it out. 

Hopeless. Have lost interest in everything. Afraid of staying alone. Afraid of thinking.  Ally values, meanings , purpose have gone. 

Very common for early & mid 20’s. I went through it roughly. It’s as if your losing your potential, or the ideal life. Hang in there though, you’ll see it is your fear and self doubt. Deal with those maturely and properly, and your life will be better than you can imagine it. 

It seems I am falling in darchness deeper and deeper and no one is helping me. And that no one really can help me. And I can't help myself  eather. I think it will just get worth and darcker and at some point i might end this suffering. 

You can talk here, to friends, family, therapists, etc. You can message me anytime you want. You’re not alone in this. You are worth more than you can see right now is all. You’ve got to start loving yourself, taking care of yourself, opening up and expressing how you feel. It only seems terrible from suppressing. Open up, let it out. You will have clarity again and feel so much better. 

 

 

On 12/16/2018 at 2:10 PM, Maccoy said:

It was gradual. 

This tought came to me once. And than it became bigger and bigger I think. Also changing my lifestyle. + My trauma and that I couldn't train. Than came little depression . Than starting job and not following my diet . Eating and guilting myself. Than stoping meditation and gulting myself. Than doubdting myself. And also this though than I have gone crazy and so on man

You let it snowball, like most twentysome year olds do at one point or another. It’s common.  Start shifting your perspective to getting help from all avenues available to you. You will fell better! Be willing. 

  

[clouffy]

@Maccoy

ego backlash? i don't know but i feel like i have the same issue

it's like relapsing at the time when you least expect it 

but i like teal swan's saying, that to see life as a spiral in a 3D dimension,

on a 2D dimension it's like you are circling back to square one, when in fact, in 3D view you hve moved one rung up

not sure if this helps

[Matt8800]

@Maccoy I suffered the same way. Psychedelics were the turning point for me. 

Research psychedelics and depression.