What I Have Learned About Dating Women In My Age Range

[ajasatya]

as soon as we start looking for mistakes of "others" we dive deeper and deeper into ignorance.

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Loreena said:

A woman could have made a similar post about men and their problems. Men have problems too. But It's largely ignored and brushed under the carpet and a common phrase is used "Men will be men."

We live in a hypocritical world where it's okay for a man to make mistakes and have flaws. 

And If a woman tries out point out those, she is labeled a fucking feminist. 

 

I'm just saying that what you said is ironic, because it contradicts itself. You made a post that's criticizing men, saying that men are always the ones criticizing women. Women definitely do it too, in different ways. 

However, I would certainly agree that there are a lot of misogynistic viewpoints in the world... and on this forum due to a number of men in the dating/relationship section equating their value with female attraction and feeling like the preferences of women are real indicators of their personal worth. So, they lash out at women because they feel like they are in a position of lesser power than us. But this is the result of multi-facetted social conditioning that's part of the sickness of our society. 

But I definitely identify myself as a Feminist with a capital FEM!   It's really clear to me that the world has an imbalance that values the masculine principle (Yang) at the expense of the feminine principle (Yin). So, a Feminist in my eyes is someone who desires to fix this imbalance by valuing the feminine principle (in all its depth and breadth) as equal to the masculine principle, and desires the political, economic, and social equality of men and women. So, understand that I didn't accuse you of being a Feminist at all. I accused you of posting something that's a bit hypocritical and untrue.  

But to give a bit more of my thoughts on misogyny and why it's such a pervasive issue...

Everyone unconsciously represses their feminine side due to early social conditioning from living in a Yang-oriented society, especially boys who are expected to be only masculine. Most men are conditioned to vehemently attack and repress any sign of femininity in themselves from early childhood, so that they don't lessen their social value and get called a pussy or (fill-in-the-blank feminine insult). This is especially true for men who are pre-millennial. But even millennial men have had to deal with this social pattern. It's pretty difficult to escape. 

So, we end up with a lot of boys who grow into men who are very sexually obsessed with women because sex is the only outlet they can allow themselves for connection to the feminine. All other outlets to be in touch with the feminine are too painful and taboo. But the same guys who are obsessed with female sexuality usually also have very negative feelings toward women because that's how they feel about their own feminine side. Sometimes, this can even brandish itself as domestic violence in extreme cases. So, that's why you see a disproportionate amount of woman-hate. Men (and women in lesser degree) have been conditioned to hate their inner woman. So, women get the brunt of negative stereotyping and the brunt of obsessional focus all at once because they are the projection screen for all that inner turmoil.

Then, as a reaction to the misogyny which is quite constant in subtle ways and sometimes very apparent ways, women become jaded and develop reactionary misandry. So, you'll see that women tend to pigeon-hole men as well and have incredibly negative ideas about them. And it can get just as vicious as the misogynistic insults. Everyone has deep wounds about this issue so any amount of salt is going to hurt tremendously. 

[Loreena]

I'm not a feminist though. All I can say is that women like me  feel unjustified when they see hatred coming from men because it's already tough be a woman in this world and be constantly evaluated for being so. And as you said a lot of feminists these days show reactionary misandry,  that's true.  But I think a lot of misogyny arises out of a deeply patriarchal mentality,  blatant disrespect and disregard for women and a lack of understanding of the female nature.  

I hope the future generations are raised to respect women a little more which ironically is less likely. 

[Emerald]

15 minutes ago, Loreena said:

I'm not a feminist though. All I can say is that women like me  feel unjustified when they see hatred coming from men because it's already tough be a woman in this world and be constantly evaluated for being so. And as you said a lot of feminists these days show reactionary misandry,  that's true.  But I think a lot of misogyny arises out of a deeply patriarchal mentality,  blatant disrespect and disregard for women and a lack of understanding of the female nature.  

I hope the future generations are raised to respect women a little more which ironically is less likely. 

To be honest, it sounds like you're a Feminist but don't want the ridicule or self-image associated with it. But I would say that seeing this issue as simple or straight-forward in any way would be an oversimplification that would just lead to the demonization of men, who are just as innocent as anyone else in the equation despite being in a more privileged position relative to many issues. This imbalance itself doesn't stem from issues of gender as many people think. It's a much more global and non-gendered phenomenon that centers around how aware of and how much we value Yin and Yang. And currently Yin/feminine values, such as care for the Earth and all living creatures, intuition, stillness, valuing reality over ideas, non-hierarchical thinking, etc are not being recognized or valued as much as their Yang counterparts. So, I see issues of Feminism as being far more extensive than just being about man/woman issues, even thought this is one of the many negative effects of this Yin/Yang imbalance. 

[Loreena]

The reason I don't wish to be called a feminist is one - that Feminists in general are like advocates and I am not advocating anything, just an average girl in the building. The second reason is that a lot of feminists  have a negative stereotype these days as they  hate men and frankly I don't wish to be associated with them because I don't hate men. I love men. 

 

[electroBeam]

@Loreena dude you're forgetting this is a male dominant channel.

Go onto Teal Swan's channel, and you'll see heaps of male hating threads over there.

It's definitely not a social norm to allow men to have problems.

Infact men are always considered the bad one in domestic violence, even if the guy didn't do anything.

Men are always bullied for breakups, its always because men are assholes who only care about sex.

Men are disposable, we are encouraged to sacrifice ourselves for the wellbeing of women, be it going to war, or anything related.

Men are the ones who are suppose to be the bread winners. If we don't support a family we are losers.

If rape happens its the man's fault, even if the women was the one who raped him.

Especially with feminism, its becoming the social norm to attack men, not women.

This thread was made here because 90% of people in actualized are men.

[Loreena]

2 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

@Loreena dude you're forgetting this is a male dominant channel.

 

Don't call me dude. That's disrespect.  Did I call you a chick? 

4 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

 

This thread was made here because 90% of people in actualized are men.

I hope all of them are not like You. 

5 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

 

Especially with feminism, its becoming the social norm to attack men, not women. 

That's why I don't want to be called a feminist. 

7 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

 

Men are the ones who are suppose to be the bread winners. If we don't support a family we are losers.

 

Both have gender roles. Both help to raise a family. Women have to work as well. 

9 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

 

If rape happens its the man's fault, even if the women was the one who raped him.

 

Ridiculous. Could you read it again. Do you know what rape is ? So majority victims are men ? Man's fault ? Rape is a Crime. 

Get your head examined. 

[Guest Annetta]

It's a misconception that feminists hate men.
I hate men.  I'm a misandrist.  I think the best thing to do with these things is not to hide behind the hate or try to pretend it isn't there.

A lot of feminists are fighting for things like the right to have an abortion, equal pay, and viewing women in less of an objectified fashion.  These are totally understandable things.

Then there are some feminists who use the movement to fuel their hatred.  The reason for this is that a lot of women do not say outright what it is that they want and need, nor do they really know what that is.  It's like when a woman gets pissed at a dude and won't be direct about it and so she tries a lot of passive aggressive maneuvers, but on a much larger scale - and using woman's rights as a crutch.  

It would be like if I decided to go fight for woman's rights, but hiding behind that veil of hatred.  Feminism and the important issues have been diluted by those who do that.  But at the same time, women can't be like, "Hey!  What you did there!  That sucks!"  So there's really no outlet, because men feel shame too easily.  It's a multifaceted issue, I know more about it than I am able to really convey in text.

A lot of feminists are just very nervous women.  It is true that women mold themselves to the image that man wishes them to be.

Self acceptance is big.  A big thing.
Women need to empower one another; themselves.  That's a big step.  There are things in our culture that need to change.  Don't let the voices of say, women like me for instance, dilute some very important stepping stones in empowering women.  The media likes to use these women as examples in order to poison the well.  So when women like me run around saying shit like, "I hate men!  Rabble rabble!"  It creates a reaction of misandry = feminism.

It's a common manipulation tactic.  Use extreme examples to shape how people view the world.  No bueno.

[Loreena]

26 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

@Loreena dude you're forgetting this is a male dominant channel.

Go onto Teal Swan's channel, and you'll see heaps of male hating threads over there.

It's definitely not a social norm to allow men to have problems.

Infact men are always considered the bad one in domestic violence, even if the guy didn't do anything.

Men are always bullied for breakups, its always because men are assholes who only care about sex.

Men are disposable, we are encouraged to sacrifice ourselves for the wellbeing of women, be it going to war, or anything related.

Men are the ones who are suppose to be the bread winners. If we don't support a family we are losers.

If rape happens its the man's fault, even if the women was the one who raped him.

Especially with feminism, its becoming the social norm to attack men, not women.

This thread was made here because 90% of people in actualized are men.

With that comment, you took mental distortion to a whole new level. 

Is this the male version of Teal Swan. 

That probably is the worst comment on actualized so far. Well done. 

Edited June 28, 2017 by Loreena

[electroBeam]

20 minutes ago, Loreena said:

Don't call me dude. That's disrespect.  Did I call you a chick? 

I hope all of them are not like You. 

That's why I don't want to be called a feminist. 

Both have gender roles. Both help to raise a family. Women have to work as well. 

Ridiculous. Could you read it again. Do you know what rape is ? So majority victims are men ? Man's fault ? Rape is a Crime. 

Get your head examined. 

I'll call you a dude if I want to lol. Is it disrespectful because men is a name for a dude, and dudes are bad according to you?

So you're ok with a woman raping a man, and then the man going to jail for it? Don't think it doesn't happen, it does. And you're the reason why. Women who think that rape doesn't happen both ways. It does. That's why gay men have gone to jail for rape before.

You are a feminist if you think falsely sending men to jail for rape is ok, you're just being a wolf in a sheep's clothing.

[Loreena]

9 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

I'll call you a dude if I want to lol. Is it disrespectful because men is a name for a dude, and dudes are bad according to you?

So you're ok with a woman raping a man, and then the man going to jail for it? Don't think it doesn't happen, it does. And you're the reason why. Women who think that rape doesn't happen both ways. It does. That's why gay men have gone to jail for rape before.

You are a feminist if you think falsely sending men to jail for rape is ok, you're just being a wolf in a sheep's clothing.

If I am not a dude, you shouldn't feel the need to call me that. Dudes are not bad.  That's your projection. 

Are you okay with a man raping a woman. 

I'm not okay with a woman raping a man. Do you read properly. I didn't mention that. Rape is a crime. That's what I said. So any woman who rapes a man must go to jail. 

Falsely sending a man to jail - not at all okay. Using that to defend all other real rapes is not okay at all. Misogyny at its best. Pure narcissistic defense. 

Stop projecting 

Learn to read better next time. 

Edited June 28, 2017 by Loreena

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

@Loreena 

If rape happens its the man's fault, even if the women was the one who raped him.

51 minutes ago, Loreena said:

Ridiculous.  

You said it in one word. You think it's ridiculous that I think a man is stereotyped as being a rapist.

Even though you conjectured that

51 minutes ago, Loreena said:

majority victims are men?

If you want to solve the world's problems, you need to stop assuming (as you clearly showed above) that its impossible to be raped by a woman.

Not make smart ass comments about who the majority gender is.

Why is that smart ass comment above important? Because it shows you clearly care about who the majority of rapes are from, it's just there to stereotype. It doesnt matter who the majority is. Rape is rape no matter who the majority gender is. That just causes division.

Edited June 28, 2017 by electroBeam

[Loreena]

Just now, electroBeam said:

You said it in one word. You think it's ridiculous that I think a man is stereotyped as being a rapist.

Even though you conjectured that

If you want to solve the world's problems, you need to stop assuming (as you clearly showed above) that its impossible to be raped by a woman.

Why is that fact above important? It's not, it's just there to stereotype. It doesnt matter who the majority is. Rape is rape no matter who the majority gender is. That just causes division.

A man is not stereotyped as a rapist. I never said all men are rapists. Why are you having this terrible habit of making things up. 

Like I said before,  rape is a crime,  and therefore a woman should be sent to jail if she rapes a man.  

It does matter what majority and minority does. It's all about facts and statistics. Have you ever read stats.  That's why we have those subjects. Facts don't stop being facts just because they are difficult for you to digest.  Facts are important to solve crimes.  Those who use it as a weapon to demonize the gender are the ones who are dividing. I wasn't the one to mention rape in the first place because Its irrelevant here.  I just wanted to show you the fact because you appeared to be selectively ignoring a lot for your own interests. 

[electroBeam]

2 minutes ago, Loreena said:

Those who use it as a weapon to demonize the gender 

 

1 hour ago, Loreena said:

So majority victims are men ?

Yes. Please stop using it to demonize a gender.

Thankyou have a nice day.

[Loreena]

11 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

You said it in one word. You think it's ridiculous that I think a man is stereotyped as being a rapist.

 

Not only you don't bother to read, you misinterpret a lot for your own good. 

I said ridiculous for a lot of reasons.  

First is the stats.  

Second you are yourself stereotyping a man as a rapist.  

Third You are kind of trivializing rape by using the word fault when it's a crime.  

Fourth you're saying it's a man's fault when she does it.  Is that even logical. How does it make sense.  Isn't that victim blaming.  How is it a man to be blamed if she is the perpetrator.  And how do you just go about assuming that I will be fine with it.  All assumptions ?

Can't you clearly see that the one who does it should go to jail. And why do you think others will think otherwise. 

How do you automatically assume that men were stereotyped as rapists when such a blanket statement was never made in the first place. 

Say it to those who say it.  But Don't just assume it for those who don't. 

[electroBeam]

@Loreena the reason why a lot of academics say rape culture exists on university campuses is 1 example of how society thinks men are rapists. 

It's right in front of your eyes.

[Guest username]

Since there's so much emotional baggage around this topic, it would probably make a good serious contemplation question.

"What issues exist between genders?"

I'm not targeting anyone in particular when I say this since it applies to all of us. Let's make sure we're looking internally when discussing this, like we would with anything else.

If something is disturbing ,try becoming directly conscious of what that is, and also try to find the limits of your own knowledge to prevent yourself from becoming an ideological crusader.

Essentially practice:

-Mindfulness

-Holism

-Multi-perspectivism 

- Not Knowing

-Systems Thinking

 

Like we would with anything else.

 

Edited June 28, 2017 by username

[Guest username]

@electroBeam To be fair, it's fine to make such a claim if there is evidence for it.

Now, I'm not saying there is or isn't evidence.

The discussions that have been going on in this thread have lots facets and can easily branch out onto new issues. There are a lot of emotional triggers a long the way, too.

 

[Guest username]

Something I will say from what I've studied on this topic is that men and women are both extremely guilty of using social issues as an unconscious means to serve their ego/self-agenda (surprise, surprise).

As a man, I've been trash-talked by feminists and accused of being sexist when I wasn't even trying to antagonize women, or even when I was doing my best to be a decent human being. Not all are like that, but I've certainly had my share of those who absolutely didn't care about my issues and only addressed my problems in terms of how it made them feel.

I generally received more empathy from men in this regard. However, I've noticed that while men tend to relate to my problems better, women are much better at being open and agreeable. That is, I've met more women who are at least willing to listen to different perspectives on gender dynamics and be friendly about it than I've met men who were willing to do the same.

I've spoken with just as many men who shamed me and called me a sellout or a cuck for even considering women's rights as I have women who called my a patriarchal moron for asserting that men also have serious issues and face unjust discrimination.

Both sides are ridden with egoic delusion though, and like with all things, lack of consciousness is the primary issue.

 

[Will]

4 hours ago, Loreena said:

 feel unjustified

dont we all.. its more our own battle than it is the world being unfair to us thou..

4 hours ago, Loreena said:

already tough be a woman in this world

for men too.. besides that point, we have labelled our situation tough, because of our identifications, brain, and ego ect.. we mostly make things tough , because we judge , remember, don't let things go hold grudges, unfairly forecast, and hinder ourselves in soo many ways... I would say its also possible to consider we make our lives hard, and that life is intrinsically ,actually pretty easy. I guess that's what we are trying to embody here.. we all get that and understand but we don't live it yet.. Well I don't...

 

4 hours ago, Loreena said:

misogyny arises out of a deeply patriarchal mentality

In my perspective this is a somewhat superficial issue, id say that there are underlying issues that would be more effective to work on.. These superficial things ( I don't mean to undermine this issue) Can tend to distract us ??