What I Have Learned About Dating Women In My Age Range

[egoeimai]

31 minutes ago, Spiral said:

@Cuzzo I wish girls/women would more confident and happy with themselves. Most of the qualities you mention is due to a lack of confidence.

Where do young women gain their confidence from? Looks,Guys(/girls),Employment, Social circle? I mean the once who are not into help-development.

Actually both men and women have horrible self-esteem these day  

I hate seeing people believe that girls = not confident. 

And there so many stereotypes.

Do you know what I wish for ? 

People stop with the stereotypes and we are all fucking equal. Men and women = the same !!!!! 

Just because some people are more neurotic, self conscious, sad, et cetera doesn't mean all people in this genre are the same. 

Στο τέλος το έσωσες λέγοντας ότι και οι άντρες Κ οι γυναίκες είναι ανασφαλείς. 

I agree with the last part which you said that both men and women R self conscious nowdays.

[Spiral]

@egoeimai 

Number 1. I did not mean all girls are like that, just like this Cuzzo did not. 

Number 2. Just because I say that a lot girls of aren't confident, does not mean I don't think men are.

Having that mentality of yours is not going to do you any good.

Edited June 25, 2017 by Spiral

[egoeimai]

24 minutes ago, Spiral said:

@egoeimai 

Number 1. I did not mean all girls are like that, just like this Cuzzo did not. 

Number 2. Just because I say that a lot girls of aren't confident, does not mean I don't think men are.

Having that mentality of yours is not going to do you any good.

I believe in all people. ? 

We can be good we can be bad.

Whatever that means for you.

But don't judge me you are not perfect.

I want equality for all.Men and women.

[egoeimai]

1 hour ago, Nichols Harvey said:

I believe in people.

But I'm single.

Lmao

 Have you heard about personal preferences ? 

[egoeimai]

3 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

Ok. You chose to be single.

What has that got to do with apparent mysognists on this forum?

You connected the two in the same comment. So it seems as if you have a problem with men and you chose to be single because of that problem.

 

There's nothing wrong about men.  I'm just hard on other people because of my ego and that's why I choose to be single.

I'm sure I'll figure all out once I mature a bit more.

Edited June 25, 2017 by egoeimai

[Spiral]

@Nichols Harvey@egoeimai Neither of you are sexist, can't you just skip the name calling and leave it be. 

[egoeimai]

@Nichols Harvey Ill take that and leave it. Thanxx

[egoeimai]

2 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

Ok. I'm fine with that.

It's ok you know to say "I'm offended by men"

It's not a bad thing. It's not ego. It's just your body mind expressing itself and learning about life.

There is no need to deny it and then make up a story about it.

Men are biologically different. In utero men are forst female but a process happens where the left and right hemispheres of the brain are cut and the hormonal expression changes the feteus into a male.

This process cuts the male off from being emotionally sensitive. It's just nature. Yet so many women think it's a choice that men and women are they way they are. It's not a choice. It's just how it's evolved over billions of years.

Perhaps some education is in order?

Oh, fuck you ! ?

[Will]

@Emerald Id add that there is a bit of judgement and labelling going on here.. dysfunctional and NON-dysfunctional.. To be fair if we where really in the now and really aware of ourselves and how much we really Dont know about things, I think we would be way more forgiving of peoples actions and our scope of possible partners would be significantly broader..

I mean if you where really accepting , youd see beauty in lots of things.. actually the limiting factor to seeing everything as amazing and beautiful is basically our own preconceptions..

Take some drugs in controlled situations and pretty much anything because beautiful, youll also understand that love is a give not a reciprocating door....

 

[Will]

4 hours ago, egoeimai said:

so many stereotypes.

yes there is.. it is what it is and it could be there for a good reason.. however theres no need for us to get upset about that.. live and let live??

[Will]

4 hours ago, Spiral said:

Having that mentality of yours is not going to do you any good

probably no need to comment .. either its a trigger for them in which case its only going to make things worse or your being baited to respond.. who knows.. it does not really matter.. could be an idea just to be aware of it and watch in yourself and how you feel compeeled to justify yourself or correct someone else.. remember.. this is mostly about us .. anyone who has been here for a while should be able to grasp the idea that pointing the finger is more a reflection of ourselves..

 

[Will]

@egoeimai youve been around the traps a bit here.. Suprised me, that  youd let this get you wound up so much.. Curious.. 

[Spiral]

11 minutes ago, Will said:

anyone who has been here for a while should be able to grasp the idea that pointing the finger is more a reflection of ourselves..

Exactly 

[Will]

@Nichols Harvey

5 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

let the body mind do what it does best and create patterns and associations from experiences

from the reference point of surviving in a physical body, yeah sure.. but we have this whole other side that could be better informed with our existential stuff.. It cant do us any harm to be at least aware of our mind body.. and just keep an eye on it

 

8 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

insight learned from hard earned experience

insight and knowledge can be interpreted so dfiferently between two people.. I personally dont really rate knowledge.. it can be a double edge sword..

Im kinda gathering your here because you want more from life.. more functionality, better faster fitter,more successfull.. I did too, but am now opting for something else.. exploring just for exploring sake.. and improvement in Functinality is just a secondary byproduct....

 

16 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

well earned intuitive capabilities

??? To be fair, kids can be enlightented. its not something that can be hard earned, but it could improve your chances..

 

24 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

dysfunctional yourself

who isnt??   because guess what, nobody knows what this is all about.. nobody.. maybe we are all doing IT wrong.. And Ultimately if you can face all your fears and truly accept the now for what it is and not add any of our functional bullshit.. im pretty sure we would be sooooooo far from normal people probably would label you dysfunctional.. see what I am saying.. judgement is completely referential and pointless..

again I think you here cos you want better performance outa life.. thats ok, but im sure others are here because we know theres more than being functional and validated for all our HARD earned knowledge.. LOL 

31 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

He gives the story of his own awakening where he lost a job because he really did not care about his actions. 

Look I really here what your saying,, all this should be about becoming more functional.. I get it but there is a place you can get to with this stuff that losing your job may not really matter.. it probably a bit deep for you, and may scare you off a bit.. There is a small chance that your circumstances are you.. if you think about that for about a day.. youll be .. Oh shit. My circumstance is a reflection of me.. Its deep and out there but there is some reason to accept this as reality.. so running around and trying to OPTIMISE your external situation could be like lifting yourself up with your own shoe laces.. 

not sure if Im explaining this right. butt..

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Will said:

@Emerald Id add that there is a bit of judgement and labelling going on here.. dysfunctional and NON-dysfunctional.. To be fair if we where really in the now and really aware of ourselves and how much we really Dont know about things, I think we would be way more forgiving of peoples actions and our scope of possible partners would be significantly broader..

I mean if you where really accepting , youd see beauty in lots of things.. actually the limiting factor to seeing everything as amazing and beautiful is basically our own preconceptions..

Take some drugs in controlled situations and pretty much anything because beautiful, youll also understand that love is a give not a reciprocating door....

 

Everything is beautiful and perfect: the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, some people will make your life much harder to be in a relationship with them. It's much better to be with a psychologically healthy partner. 

[Will]

@Nichols Harvey  again , I get the grown up , mature, common sense paradigm.. Its no reflection of our entire existence..

its a tough pill to swallow. It possible we cant fail .. even if our life is a failure.... per say...

Feel how " freeing that is", but also, opens up a whole other can of worms that most  cant process.. "what now"

This is why I am here.. 

I too initially came here to have more success in life.. bit by bit though that's slipping away..

 

[Will]

@Emerald  may I challenge you on this point..

I totally 100% agree,, you  probably should not ride a horse you cant handle... so its totally appropriate to avoid those situations if you do choose to continue..

However, there are some here that could certainly take an unheathly plant and make it blossom.. In could actually be our responsibility to do that..

not in a,,," your broken and im going to fix you way", but in more of a, non judgemental compassionate, we are one kind of way...

Some people here have tremendous awareness and are the antidote for those who suffer terribly..

Again, im not suggesting the balance is wrong in the world cos we don't know that.. it could be in perfect balance at all times.. So only do it if you have the capabilities and the desire..

pointless trying if you don't know how and feel pressured to do so..

[Will]

11 hours ago, Emerald said:

some people will make your life much harder to be in a relationship with them

to be fair. your external situation  can be totally independent of your internal situation if you choose..

we all allow our external situation determine our inner state to some degree, but we don't need to..

In some situations we can use our external situation to bring about growth.. Who has never experienced growth after having there heart smashed to pieces??

in the big picture it may be that it does not matter if we are enlightened or unlightened as the universe may need to be in balance at all times.. But individually we can choose if we want to fill that role or not,, and we choose if living that way is acceptable or not.. lets face it.. some people love being selfish and or materialistic.. That's great too.. 

[Will]

11 hours ago, Emerald said:

It's much better to be with a psychologically healthy partner

Do we really know what is better?? could it not be that this terrible affliction could actually turn out to be a blessing..??

When I look back on my life. allot of terrible moment grew to be great seeds of opportunity..

Its just way too hard to pick what a good life is..

It is what it is..

I don't think anyone here would admit being actualised is better its just different and we can see things others cant. Some might even call us delusional overthinkiners...

Soo it makes no real difference.. but we are still drawn to it and that's ok cos we choose to live this way.. And we can go back at any moment if we choose..

[Emerald]

@Will In my view, being wise and what I call "spiritually mature" is about being able to determine which paradigm is most effective for proper functioning and expansion in a given situation. So, it means being able to hold higher truths such as "All is one." at the same time as using practical truths such as "I am a separate person and it's important for me to set proper boundaries and to respect myself." which seems to contradict one another.

The opposite of what I call spiritual maturity is to always reach for top shelf truths for all situations even when it puts you in a precarious situation that makes happiness, fulfillment, and peace impossible or nearly impossible. Understand that, at the root of all human action (including enlightenment seeking) is the pursuit of positive emotions. So, understand that enduring unnecessary emotional suffering simply for the sake of maintaining a relationship is very foolish because you got into the relationship to feel positive emotions in the first place. At that point, you've become attached to a means to get your desired emotions that won't produce to you the emotions that you want.

Now, you could feel positive independent of the situation, but this is a lot to expect of yourself. And chances are, if you were in a place where you could feel positive emotions unconditionally, then you would probably leave the harmful situation rather unceremoniously and put yourself in a situation that didn't have as much struggle and had more benefit for you and the other person. 

So, I understand what you're saying, but I do think would be foolish to live in the way that you're talking about. I was in a dysfunctional relationship for four years and I suffered immensely for it. And I stayed because I thought that I was helping him with his demons and loving him unconditionally. But this wasn't so. I was actually enabling him by accepting him and all his demons unconditionally simply because I didn't want to see him hurting. I was so attached to the relationship that I couldn't see how much harm I was doing to myself... and ultimately to him too.

So, my advice is to avoid dysfunctional relationships because it doesn't really do anyone any good. It's a waste of time and energy, and there's no need to make yourself suffer just to live by some insight from higher wisdom. Let your emotions as experienced in the moment (and not your remembered intellectual knowledge of insights from higher wisdom) lead you.