Why am I feeling this way? Is this a trap?

[lostmedstudent]

I think the more that I read about enlightenment, I meditate, and read on different books about spiritual development, I in a way “reduce” all problems to the ego. I “believe” that all problems are due to the ego and attachment and the image of self , and so on. But what I started to realize is that I tend to judge other people’s problems and also reduce their problem to : “ they just don’t understand ego and enlightenment , that’s why they are suffering”. I feel like it has a very negative play on me because I tend to Be judgemental of other people and think that I’m “beyond” their problems because I know of the ego... 

i find myself a little detached socially too. I tend to not be bothered / interested by the things my friends talk about, the colleagues talk about. I think to myself:” that’s not important, that’s a bunch of things that people have strong ego talk about. I have more important quests” But I feel like it’s not healthy for me because I’m just judging other people and not really doing self work. It’s again my ego doing that. I’m glad I realized this but I don’t know what to do... my tendency to judge is so strong ... 

Does it’s happen to you guys also ?

thanks 

Edited December 11, 2018 by lostmedstudent

[ivory]

I've gone through stages like this. These days I don't really judge people for their level of development. I enjoy making small talk and joking around with them. I will, however, state my opinion if I disagree with the things people are saying. Or, I'll call them out for being unkind. For people who have problems I empathize with them. For people who are toxic or highly negative I just avoid them. It took me a while to get to this stage though.

 

Regarding your current judgements, just notice them and see if you are guilty of the same thing you criticize others for (projection). Don't make a big deal out of it though like you are doing now. Over time you believe your judgements less and less. As you develop yourself further you will have fewer judgements.

[lostmedstudent]

Thanks a lot

Yes indeed I do a lot of projection. I will continue to be as aware as I can and work on it. @ivory I just find I’ve become a “sadder” and more “dark” person recently as my interest in personal development grows. I’ve lost interest in normal social conversations. I am in a really weird spot now. 

[winterknight]

10 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

Thanks a lot

Yes indeed I do a lot of projection. I will continue to be as aware as I can and work on it. @ivory I just find I’ve become a “sadder” and more “dark” person recently as my interest in personal development grows. I’ve lost interest in normal social conversations. I am in a really weird spot now. 

Go get some psychoanalytic therapy...very useful for seekers in your position to have that kind of insightful, supportive figure. Google "psychoanalytic institute <your city>" and see if there are any institutes in your city. Call them and ask for a referral. They often have low-fee options available if that is an issue.

[lostmedstudent]

@winterknight really? Why not Self inquiry and meditation and awareness. I tend to over analyze already 

[winterknight]

23 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

@winterknight really? Why not Self inquiry and meditation and awareness. I tend to over analyze already 

Psychoanalysis is a very special therapy (not all psychotherapy is the same) that is not about you analyzing, but about you feeling and expressing it in the context of a deep and special sort of relationship.

You've already talked about how you're having trouble in your social life. That sort of relationship can help you understand what's going on. Just more solo stuff isn’t going to cut it.

Edited December 11, 2018 by winterknight

[SgtPepper]

30 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

@winterknight really? Why not Self inquiry and meditation and awareness. I tend to over analyze already 

psychoanalysis is not a logical analysis, its like trying to understand present issues from the past, our relationship and experiences in early childhood, our parents, etc.

Its an approach that is opposite from the conventional therapy model which majority of the time is cognitive-behavioral therapy.

They attack the issues differently. 

----

I'd say those thoughts are part of the path in a way. Eventually, you just get tired of judging others, the act itself becomes counterproductive to your growth. Partly because whenever you judge someone, you are forcing them into a box, and human beings are much more complex and everyone has such a personal journey that other people do not consider because they are not that person. Thus I feel more humility and understanding behind why everything is the way it is.

In addition, do not mistake (occasionally I do), judging anything or any person is essentially judging reality, and reality is perfect, it is the ego that needs to condemn. 

This doesn't mean you don't give any criticisms, but our approach to creating growth in others needs to be considerate. Since we naturally think in a lens, we have to open our lens and allow for more complexities in our models of reality.

 

Edited December 11, 2018 by SgtPepper

[Emanyalpsid]

If you follow enlightenment this will make you have different interests then people who do not. However besides that, you could still have other common interests. The trick is to stay aware that everybody is different. So there are no better people or worse people. 

If the people you hang out with are not interesting for you, why do you hang out with them?

Keep self-inquiring

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

Interesting topic. Maybe you should do some research on spiritual ego. 

But anyway, I think it’s easier to sit back and judge others than to actually engage in life and be vulnerable. 

Cheers ✌️

[Strikr]

2 hours ago, ivory said:

I've gone through stages like this. These days I don't really judge people for their level of development. I enjoy making small talk and joking around with them. I will, however, state my opinion if I disagree with the things people are saying. Or, I'll call them out for being unkind. For people who have problems I empathize with them. For people who are toxic or highly negative I just avoid them. It took me a while to get to this stage though.

 

Regarding your current judgements, just notice them and see if you are guilty of the same thing you criticize others for (projection). Don't make a big deal out of it though like you are doing now. Over time you believe your judgements less and less. As you develop yourself further you will have fewer judgements.

The more angry & toxic it is, the best challenge it is for me to make it a friend.

 

[Forestluv]

@lostmedstudent I’ve been in similar spaces. The evolution process involves both the inner world and the outer world. How does one integrate the two into One? I find social interactions a bit awkward at times.

[lostmedstudent]

@SgtPepper thanks for the insight 

I didn’t think psychoanalysis was that drastically different from other types of psychothérapies. Maybe I’ll give it a try, for some reason, I am still leaning more towards self-inquiry, meditation, and using psychedelics as an aid. Have you gone through psychoanalysis?

 

Yeah it definitely is counterproductive. It makes my journey “one step forward, two steps back” . Just when I thought I am making some progress, my tendance to judge and envoy drags me back down to point 0

[lostmedstudent]

@Emanyalpsid 100% agreed. I have trouble keeping the mindset that there is no better or worse people. I tend to categorize and judge  

Thanks for the nudge, I will continue my work as diligently as possible

[ivory]

13 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

I just find I’ve become a “sadder” and more “dark” person recently as my interest in personal development grows. I’ve lost interest in normal social conversations. I am in a really weird spot now. 

Sounds like some combination of depression and spiritual bypassing. Don't hesitate to get professional help if things get too dark.

[lostmedstudent]

@ivory thanks. I don’t think I’m depressed, I don’t meet the clinical criteria and i do still have pleasure in life. But yeah like Leo said, we may encounter darkness, depression, all kinds of ego backlash in spiritual seeking. I’m sure the clouds will go sooner than later

[Tony 845]

@lostmedstudent just concentrate on yourself for now , once you're enlightened help others I'd say ?‍♂️ Good luck my friend?

[lostmedstudent]

@Serotoninluv I am not sure I can answer your question  

[lostmedstudent]

@Tony 845 I’m not trying to help others. It’s more my tendency to judge others ...

thanks  

[EternalForest]

@ivory I have a tendency to try and "work things out" with toxic people and it often backfires on me. Any strategies on how to make this work, since I really want to do it, or should I just leave them be, even in the case of family?

[purerogue]

1 minute ago, EternalForest said:

@ivory I have a tendency to try and "work things out" with toxic people and it often backfires on me. Any strategies on how to make this work, since I really want to do it, or should I just leave them be, even in the case of family?

Why would you want to do it, yes you can , but difficult people need proper way of handling, you will have to go out of your way just to make them respect you , I would not do it, it would be just manipulating and pretending to be someone you are not just to get them like you.