Am I deluded or am I right. (understanding consciousness)

[inFlow]

(not a native English speaker)

Can anyone help me with this contemplation?

How am I me? Why can't I be you? That question rose up a few weeks back when I and my wife were vaping weed and then that thought lead me to my awakening. This was a super strong experience, later about 5 days after that I was in total non-dual awareness. But a few days back it disappeared. It lead me to an emotional fall in my psyche. Well cmon it felt bad loosing this. Then yesterday I just contemplated why did I had that experience. What was the breaking point to it. And it was understanding what consciousness is. So I kinda thought my way back to awakening and here are my ideas which kinda makes me feel deluded:
Consciousness is not a human (biological) "property". It's a universal thing, to infinity. Consciousness always is, was and will be. Consciousness has no memory or matter, but it can be conscious of things that has perception (awareness, sight, feel, smell etc.) it "feels" everything and it is also "nothing". Ultimately i'am consciousness thinking that it is the body. Everyday that this body goes to sleep and wakes up, it remembers everything up to this day, because it has memory and it "feels" like im always still me. Why can't I be you? I'am you. But when this consciousness looks through your body, through your mind it thinks that he is him, because of memory. It is conscious of everything that the mind has in it, bad memories, good memories. But whats behind this body, whats behind this mind, who is actually aware of this body? It's consciousness! The tricky part is that the mind doesn't want to see it.

This makes sense to me, but it makes me so dizzy. It fucks with my mind. Also today I reviewed Leo's video on "What is consciousness" and I understood everything, listening to him and saying "yep thats right, mhm yep that is also true". So my question would be, did I loose my mind or am I on the right track? Maybe I'am wrong?

[inFlow]

Also by thinking this through it gives me non-dual awareness, but not a permanent one. It fades away because of distractions and the minds resistance to it.

[non_nothing]

10 minutes ago, inFlow said:

How am I me? Why can't I be you? 

When you experience "you colliding into nothing" and feeling what it means to be "empty", you'll understand this unity of one.

10 minutes ago, inFlow said:

vaping weed

One shall to be not rely on these kind of falseyhood experiences. It could work. But cannot match with a strong desire committed from the heart to seek the truth of "who you really are".

10 minutes ago, inFlow said:

kinda makes me feel deluded:
Consciousness is not a human (biological) "property". It's a universal thing,

As I understand from your lines, you're trying to capture this with your mind which is almost impossible. Your mind is not your enemy. I'd say your mind is like your child. And you teach your child to do things. You would with "your heart and best wishes" guide it, focus it to the truth. I'd say, use your mind as a tool to discipline yourself.

Quote

is not a human (biological)

The thing you don't understand is neither you are human. You begin to fall right after creating this duality. And I, as writing these lines pushing you towards that pit you're falling through. You should experience it yourself. Discover the unknown, that noone knows about. For your own good

10 minutes ago, inFlow said:

Ultimately i'am consciousness thinking that it is the body.

You're not consciousness when you think that "you think"

10 minutes ago, inFlow said:

It fucks with my mind.

Stop smoking weed and bashing your balls. Seek the guidance within your heart. Many blessings and speed for you.

Edited December 10, 2018 by non_nothing

[inFlow]

6 minutes ago, non_nothing said:

One shall to be not rely on these kind of falseyhood experiences. It could work. But cannot match with a strong desire committed from the heart to seek the truth of "who you really are".

I didn't intend to make that experience, that was just a chill out night with my wife.

9 minutes ago, non_nothing said:

As I understand from your lines, you're trying to capture this with your mind which is almost impossible. Your mind is not your enemy. I'd say your mind is like your child. And you teach your child to do things. You would with "your heart and best wishes" guide it, focus it to the truth. I'd say, use your mind as a tool to discipline yourself.

Makes sense.

12 minutes ago, non_nothing said:

You're not consciousness when you think that "you think"

The mind thinks that way, consciousness is just aware of those thoughts.

[non_nothing]

7 minutes ago, inFlow said:

I didn't intend to make that experience, that was just a chill out night with my wife.

Makes sense.

The mind thinks that way, consciousness is just aware of those thoughts.

Who even sees that "X is aware of those thoughts"

[inFlow]

Just now, non_nothing said:

Who even sees that "X is aware of those thoughts"

Itself

[non_nothing]

Just now, inFlow said:

Itself

Where's that "itself" you're talking about? No answer needed, try to find it

[inFlow]

2 minutes ago, non_nothing said:

Where's that "itself" you're talking about? No answer needed, try to find it

Thank you.

[Nahm]

 

54 minutes ago, inFlow said:

So my question would be, did I loose my mind or am I on the right track? Maybe I'am wrong?

If there is only consciousness, then the I proposed as potentially losing a mind and being on track would be the same as the the mind and the track, so of course there could be no I, no mind, no track. Or, there is you; the I, the mind, & the track. But if that’s right, you’d be wrong in identifying any of it, and if that’s wrong you couldn’t ever possibly be right.

 

[SoonHei]

@inFlow trying to get this with your mind is impossible

 

you are the flashlight shining down onto the mind. all the flashlight is doing is illuminating the contents of the mind

the contents of the mind might be seeking, thinking about life, enjoying, fun thoughts, happy thoughts

you are just illuminating them

you are not THEM (the thoughts)

[Leo Gura]

If an ordinary person off the street was shown enlightenment for 5 minutes, he would think he went insane.

It's a very radical shift in perspective.

[SoonHei]

16 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If an ordinary person off the street was shown enlightenment for 5 minutes, he would think he went insane.

It's a very radical shift in perspective.

@Leo Gura / anyone else

can you confirm if i had an enlightenment experience?  (dropping of the self)

something you have said just clicked for me...

that nothing changes but there's an extremely radical shift in perception on enlightenment

and this can be seen as absolute bliss or absolute hell

 

for me it was absolute hell... this was prior to me knowing anything about spirtuliaty / ego death / enlightenment... i was just a regular guy...

now i did not get the "there is no me"

but everything in my room, including myself in the mirror all became WTF. normal life objects such as my perfume, a glass of water, my own "ears", "nose" anything i looked at... i would have to rememebr what we normally call it and then question/wonder... WTF is this.. 

this was after a mild synthetic weed doseage...

i rememeber saying to myself "please god, please let this be okay again, let everything be normal again

this lasted about 20-30 mins... and then i slept praying to God when i wake up everything will be normal again.. (i thought i had gotten too high... but there was a part of me which was saying... HOW CAN I UNSEE THIS!? ) thank goddness for homeostatic i woke up "normal" but still rememrbered what i had seen

 

my question is.. did i see the terryfying side of enlightement? is that why i did not get the no-self? 

leo has said, enlightement both shocks you and makes you extremely blissfull.. but either / or can happen as well..

 

so was this an enligthenment experinece for me? seeing the ox? seeing all without meaning?

or does it go much much deeper? i still had a sense of being in my room and all... maybe that was too broad to question... but i did question every single thing about myself, how we live. my job.. everything was WTF

 

i saw us/me as what we are... called us "mammals" it was literally like.. i am this animal who is wearing these clothes n shit..

 

and it was all of a sudden. one moment i was chillin being high n about to watch a movie on laptop and then next moment all the meaning of normal day stuff went away

 

i have previously asked about this experieince of mine on the forum, but i thought it was a spontanoues dark night of the soul...

but maybe this was seeing of the ox.

but again..  i call it an experience.. and enligthement is usually supposed to be a "non-experieince"

 

just wanna know what that was.. enligtenment expereiince but the shocking side of it (as i was unaware of this part of our existence at the time, did not know what to do except ask God for help)...

 

 

[ajasatya]

lemme help you

8 hours ago, inFlow said:

Am I deluded or am I right. (understanding consciousness)

deluded

related:

 

Edited December 10, 2018 by ajasatya

[Leo Gura]

@SoonHei Careful, psychedelics are not necessarily identical to enlightenment. Psychedelics can take you into all sorts of wacky dimensions of consciousness. You have to distinguish those from nonduality proper.

[Hellspeed]

Consciousness is everything and nothing. Cannot be grasped even if you chute everyday DMT. 

[Strikr]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@SoonHei Careful, psychedelics are not necessarily identical to enlightenment. Psychedelics can take you into all sorts of wacky dimensions of consciousness. You have to distinguish those from nonduality proper.

@Leo Gura

I read yesterday by some randomness, someone claimed to me, to have taken LSD everyday for 2 months and say it was a shit drug with no benefit, and that it was just a nice drug to hang around and doing things more easy. 

I just did a week and 2 trip, and for me it was life shifting and healing

the total proof that psychedelics can be useless for the one who doesn't want to heal anything.

It was a huge shift for me, total change in my path from my perspective.

I still believe LSD is great at the right time with the right intention, but not for everyone.

 

Edited December 11, 2018 by Strikr

[Leo Gura]

Psychedelics do not work on undeveloped fools.

[Forestluv]

10 minutes ago, Strikr said:

@Leo Gura

I read yesterday by some randomness, someone claimed to me, to have taken LSD everyday for 2 months and say it was a shit drug with no benefit, and that it was just a nice drug to hang around and doing things more easy. 

LSD tolerance skyrockets. It roughly doubles everyday. It would lose it’s effects after several days straight. It’s not like weed, which can be smoked daily. 

[Hellspeed]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Psychedelics do not work on undeveloped fools.

? 

Just now, Serotoninluv said:

LSD tolerance skyrockets. It roughly doubles everyday. It would lose it’s effects after several days straight. It’s not like weed, which can be smoked daily. 

For those like Leo and many others that are not fooling around can. 

[Baotrader]

20 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

LSD tolerance skyrockets. It roughly doubles everyday. It would lose it’s effects after several days straight. It’s not like weed, which can be smoked daily. 

does armodafilnil work like LSD, dude? I was a little bit rash overdosing on armodafilnil and my kidney has been suffering for 10 days. I now still have to drink gallons of water just to offset the amount of armodafilnil which is still staying in my kidney. I am not sure when i will feel normal again