Mastering emotions trough exposure? Hlp

[MacAye]

LEO HELP!
it seems like me and my girlfriend are going to break up. She will probably want to stay friends. I want to be there for her even after a breakup and help her as I can. So she comes for my advice when somethings wrong. But that would hurt as hell if she found another guy. Should I bite trough and master my emotions by this exposure of my first love not being mine anymore, or should I just see her from time to time only when she needs someone to talk to, or should I cut her out of my life? She's my first love, things are not working out after 14 months. I love her so much and she loves me, but  we're not sure if we can be together anymore. Pls help, guys too.

[korbes]

Maybe figure out why it doesn't work and try to fix it?

If it just doesn't work, personally I would cut the connection.

But I am sure you can learn a lot by dragging yourself through shit like "mentoring" her, when she comes to you and asking about that new guy etc.

Up to you man - Do you want to mentor here? Do you want to hear all kinds of stories from her? 

My advice: If it just doesn't work, move on and cut her out, as she is (most likely) distracting your life. But first of all, try to figure out why it doesn't work now, and have a real honest conversation with her, spit out your feelings, be 100% honest and transparent.

Edited December 9, 2018 by korbes
words

[MM1988]

Life gives you enough shit anyway, why make it harder?

If you can handle it sure, but this is most likely a sneaky excuse to see her more often because you are addicted.

I think your job is to break that emotional attachement, but dont be a dick to her or anything.

[CreamCat]

Are you sure she was really your girl friend? It was quite possible that she wasn't dating exclusively with you and she decided to keep you around just in case after juggling between many men. This kind of thing happens often.

Edited December 9, 2018 by CreamCat

[universe]

If you can handle it, by all means stay connected! It will be tough but also very rewarding if the friendship can flourish!

[MacAye]

@CreamCat yes I'm certain. We were each other's firsts. We are in a 14 months relationship, everything is good, sex is great too. The thing is that we both changed. And neither of us likes the way the other one changed. While she became more laid back, I started pursuing self development more actively. She doesn't like that I'm always trying and working on myself and want to solve and fix every issue asap. I don't like that she's a lazy immature kid that doesn't do shit with her life. 

[CreamCat]

I can't help you much with dating. Assuming your relationship will fail in one way or another, I can tell you a few things regarding personal development.

• Don't avoid emotional pain. Exercise being aware of pain. Don't run away from pain.
  • Running away from pain results in procrastinations such as masturbation, watching movies, and so on.
  • Awareness of pain makes you really learn from experiences. For example, you are watching TV and eating ice cream without brushing your teeth for hours. Try to be aware of the pain in your mouth in the moment. Awareness will make you grow sick of not brushing your teeth as soon as possible.
• You don't have to martyr yourself by exposing yourself to random pains.
• Let your relationship run its course. Feel the pain. Maybe, you will gain a lot of insights by being aware of pain.

Edited December 12, 2018 by CreamCat