Feeling unsafe/loneliness

[Healingheart]

Hey guys,

Would love your opinion.

I grew up with a narcistic single mother. I had to switch homes to my grandparents every year a few times. 

Now I'm an adult male. I feel lonely even when I'm with people. 

 

The thing I crave is someone to cuddle me. But cuddle for a long time. So I can feel safe. This is a problem.

 

Advice please.

[Martin123]

@Healingheart Hi Healingheart.

Not to be worried about the pain and fear within you. I hold great compassion for your healing. May you embrace love for your own heart as the healing remedy and best friend that over time will settle the feelings unsafety and unwinds the nervous system, and may you take time each day to breathe slowly to let your body know, that contrary to the trauma in your past, you are safe now.

You are safe to feel all that is within you, and the only thing required is to take the next breath. I hope you have a wonderful evening.

[Charlotte]

@Healingheart Have you done any sort of therapy on your past?

[Eric Tarpall]

These affirmations might help you.

''Safety is boring''

''I love being alone''

[universe]

Growing up with a narcistic mother is not that uncommon. You dont need the past, the present moment has everything you could wish for.

Go to a prostitute and cuddle with her instead of having sex. I hear that thats pretty common.

Also when you are with people, hug them when saying hello and saying good bye. This is normally accepted.

[Healingheart]

@Charlotte

Hey Charlotte, 

I've been going weekly  to a therapist for over 3 months.  It has helped a lot. I discovered my real youth and not what I made up in my mind.

He's telling me now that I need to realize that I live in the moment, but I'm forgetting it always.

 

The only thing I crave is validation from my mother and her saying everything is oke. (it feels like I'm 5 years old atm)

 

@universe

I've cuddled with past girlfriends, but it never seems enough. I just want it from one person, my mother (eventhough she abused me).

The thing you said about the present and about cuddling is true. Thanks for the advice. Have a great weekend.

[Pilgrim]

Hey there, 

you know the answer already, it's self love. But like you stated you probably are your 5 year old self right now. This is so common, everyone has that.. those are the patterns that run deeply in us from our childhood experiences and when we encounter similar situations in the present we go back to our infant selves. Everyone has different psychological patterns with different origins, but many feel like they are not enough (me too). That is a very common pattern, millions of people struggle with it. You came already very far to know that this is your pattern.. and it will probably be a task for your whole life to work with this pattern. 

But healing from this does not only come in solitude.. if you make yourself vulnerable (like now) and creating intimate connections with others in your life, cultivating your self worth with genuine actions and a sense of knowing who you are, you will get this feeling of unconditional love. Did you feel that in your past relationships you could be totally you? Or did you hide certain aspects of yourself that you felt were unlovable? 

Edited December 9, 2018 by Pilgrim

[Charlotte]

@Healingheart  Well done man for attending!! Continue, it will only benefit you in many positive ways ???

I wish you inner peace and true self love ❤️

[Seed]

Hi @Healingheart :-)

I recommend the book 'The Anatomy of Loneliness' by Teal Swan.

And just so know, you may 'feel' like the only person in the world with this much loneliness, but that's what loneliness does. That's it's forte, It tricks you into thinking you are the only one and everyone else has connection. But, I can assure you, we all feel this. You aren't alone. It's the human condition. 

[Healingheart]

Thanks everyone,

The thing I try to do with actualized with org is to focus on my defecits/weaknesses and try to feel them and get them out of my system.

This hasn't worked so far, cause I don't accept these feelings and I don't want to live with them. Just want them away asap.

@Charlotte

Such a kind person. The love you give others is superb. Thanks.

 

@Seed

That is true, I always feel like I'm the only one in this world who suffers even when I logically know other people suffer aswell. It's crazy what loneliness does. Thanks for the advice.

 

@Pilgrim

Thanks for your point of view. So many people struggle indeed..

And Yes, I would be this very nice guy, acting all different, not being authentic. 

The crazy thing now is, when I observe this behaviour, I realize that this is so automatic, it's like BAM! I act like a different person.

 

A lot of gratitude towards this forum.

[Charlotte]

@Healingheart No need to thank ❤️

[non_nothing]

On 12/9/2018 at 2:28 AM, Eric Tarpall said:

These affirmations might help you.

''Safety is boring''

''I love being alone''

Cut it to most plain:

"Safe"
"Love"
"Worthy"

"Blessed"

 

Just repeat these words. No need object, subject, sentence or anything else.