Codependency

[Irina Irina]

Please share with me material and information that works for codependency, cause I'm such a codependent. It sucks, I'm drainned of energy every day. I'm in  such a misery and suffering because of this and not only that, but I attract all sorts of other wounded people, like narcisissts. 

[Irina Irina]

@Socrates thanks I'll read it

 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

I just got the "codependency no more" workbook (second-hand).... but unless you are religious, I wouldn't recommend it.... it uses a 12 step thing with "god" and "higher power" like AA. I have been trying to gain anything I can from it by replacing "higher power" with "universe", but another book/tool would be better. So besides that book, these 5 steps to mental strength help:

1. Evaluate core beliefs (especially ones based on past, things that may have led you to this)

2. Expend mental energy wisely (limit those narcissists etc, focus on productivity/creation, helpful topics, etc)

3.Shift thoughts to productive too (mindfulness, stopping negative before it really spirals)

4.Tollerate discomfort (cold shower therapy, stepping out of comfort zones as much as possible on purpose)

5. Emulate your higher-self, behave as closely as you can, to the person you would be without co-dependency (how would you respond, how would you re-direct your thoughts, even visualize your mannerisms, and how you would dress, eat, walk, etc,... then check that you're on track daily)

Please let me know if you find any other tools/ books too!

[Irina Irina]

@Epiphany_Inspired No more Mr nice Guy is a great great book. thanks for your advice. Behaving as closely to the person I want to be, is really powerfull method.

I'm doing meditation ( from the book The disease to please- also good)

and eft. exercising, doing dental work and taking action to take care of myself, and I hope that these seeds that I'm planting will grow and offer me some power to recover

[Anicko]

Lisa A. Romano has some great videos to help give some emotional support. Her earlier ones are the best, her newest ones are going very much into spirituality and some new age type material, which is fine, but not as helpful to someone just beginning to realize codependency issues. 

I really liked 'The Everything Guide to Codependency'. There aren't many books on these topics at my local library, unfortunately, but that one was a quick and easy read, and it did really get me to think about things differently, which is always awesome. 

Don't forget, though, simply staying aware of your thoughts and of your behaviors is a huge step in the right direction. It's easy to discourage yourself, but even if you are still right doing stupid things you don't want to do, you are watching yourself do it, and you will learn how to stop it if you watch yourself enough times. Best of luck. 

[Irina Irina]

@Anicko I'm already following Lisa Romano thanks.

So what freaks me out, is not the suffering cause I'm used to it. Is the people I am attracted to and that I attract. I'm paranoid about this, as I believe my ex boyfriend is a covert narcissist. And i've met one of these before. The possibillity of meeting another in the future, and being in a relationship with one, scarres me, freaks me out. I almost don't want to be around people anymore. I'm so paranoic at this point.

[Irina Irina]

@Socrates I've been doing my researches about this recently, and I really don't want to believe that my ex never loved me and that he is actually a narcissist.

I'm codependent for sure. I've also wondered if I am also a narcissist. After research I found out that if you're codependent, you cannot be a narcissist too.

Codependent people attract by nature narcissists. As I've been listening to youtube videos about this, and read a lot, my boyfriend fits the descriptions.

I also know that in this 1 year and half I've been an emotional wreck. How could this other person be a healthy one? In No more mr nice guy it s said that where there is a wounded person there are 2.

And as I'm listening to these videos I recall some red flags during the relationship. I recall noticing at one point that my ex had no emphaty. I recall how at one point he started to get into my brain more and more and I thought I was going crazy, and that I must be wrong in my thinking even though I now know that I wasn't. I could see a lot clearly at the beginning. I'm so angry at myself. I gave all my trust from the beginning to a person that I didn't really knew. I asumed he must be worthy of all that I have, because of my neediness.  And I so red flags from the start, but I still went through. 

I'm angry at myself for having this condition, for being so vulnerable and easy to manipulate, and for the lack of value that I give to myself.

[Irina Irina]

I mean  you can be narcissistic but not a narcissist. That's what you are saying. That we all have narcissistic traits.

[Flower]

@Irina Irina I recommend 'Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child' by Thich Nhat Hanh

Very good book and will help with what is possibly the root of the problem.

 

 

Peace.

[Flower]

http://www.mindful.org/healing-the-child-within/ 

 

Very Good Article. A good summary of the book  

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Irina Irina Thanks, I will look for it. I wouldn't even worry about future relationships now though. I think Leo is right, that after codependency it will likely require about 2 years of personal development to ensure your next relationship is inter-dependent/ healthy! That said, you may be feeling this way with meeting new friends too, if you meet someone that is having an unhealthy impact on your life, it's ok to go your separate ways. Enjoy the journey to your awesome independent self!

[Irina Irina]

@Flower thanks i ll read it. i ll do anything

[Irina Irina]

@Epiphany_Inspired I'm not even thinking in getting in a relationship. That s what I set for me. At least 2 years of working on myself. I wouldn't have energy and time for another person. I'm scarred of the loneliness ahead. And I'm scarred that I won't want to date even after that, cause I don't want to be in a future relationship the way I was before