100 Days Of Meditation

[TakeCare]

This was very interesting to read! I am currently setting a foundation for my self-development plan and this was really inspiring. One thing that I noticed is that you are quite critical about your meditations not being as perfect as you wish they were. Maybe you don't experience any hard feelings because of that but it is hard to figure from the written text. I think you are doing great and this is exactly the way it is supposed to go. I believe meditation is process oriented so therefore noticing how it has improved from day 1 to day 77 tells me you are on the right path. I think meditation does not have to be good or perfect it simply has to be because being itself is the essence of it. Once again it was very interesting to read and I wish you all the best !

[ZenBlue]

Days 78 and 79

35 minute meditation

I'm starting become more aware of how fucked up I really am. I'm noticing all the ways I hurt myself, and unintentionally hurt other people with my behaviors. I don't know why I do the things I do, but I will work on increasing awareness in my life so that my behaviors can be corrected over time.

[ZenBlue]

 @Darius Lt Thank you Darius, sorry I missed your post earlier. I'm glad this journal inspired you, I didn't expect anyone to be inspired by it, but that's great news! Since you mentioned about me being critical, I realized I'm actually very critical of myself in every single thing I do. I didn't even realize I was being that critical with my meditations until you pointed it out. I guess being critical of myself is what helps push me to do more and more. I realize now I need a better balance, and take it a little easier on myself from time to time. Yes, meditation is definitely a long process, so I just need to take it day by day, because it all adds up over time. Thanks for reading!

Day 80

35 minute meditation

I just watched Leo's video on patience. Now I'm beginning to realize just how impatient I've been my entire life. I've abandoned so many projects because the results weren't coming in fast enough. I need to have more patience because this whole process takes time.

 

[ZenBlue]

Day 81

35 minute meditation

I just need to take it all day by day. I'm working on my business start-up, and I'm not even close to where I thought I would be by now. A lot of things have slowed me down along the way, but I am pushing through to keeping up with it. This time I am committing 100% of myself to it. I have to apply the patience ointment daily so that I can soothe that itch. 

[ZenBlue]

Day 82

35 minute meditation

I find that it's hard to maintain awareness through out the day. I might only be able to do it for a few minutes at a time. Most of the time I am lost in my head with all kinds of content. I can feel some small results of meditation so far, and I feel that I will improve greatly over time.

[ZenBlue]

Day 83

35 minute meditation

The past few days I have been feeling a little more energetic, and I have less chaos in my head. My life has calmed down a bit, but I don't know how long it will stay this way. Usually my calm periods don't last, and at some point something happens that causes my life to become hectic, and stressful. Maybe I subconsciously get bored of the tranquility and create my own chaos time and time again. I do tend to get bored very easily, and I still don't know what triggers it.

I'm starting to understand myself a lot more now. I'm developing a better sense of the human body I am in, and what makes it tick. I still have no damn clue about who "I" am though. If I'm not this human body, and I'm not my thoughts, then what am I? I'm still very perplexed by this question.

[Lorcan]

If you want to get rid of some of the thoughts that keep popping into to your head, I would recommend meditating outside, it doesn't matter if its noisy, the noise is just one more thing to appreciate.

I am 14 and I live in the Ireland in the countryside, I been meditating for roughly a month, I dot no have as many problems with thoughts popping into ones head. Maybe because I am younger and don't have a corporate job (or whatever you may do  that you say exhausts you). Ive been doing 20 minute sessions from the start and in the past week being doing 25. I did do one 40 minute session because I had accidently missed a day of meditation. I found the 40 minute session quite interersting. Your up for a surprise when you hit 40 minutes.

I found to be aware is what it is be aware, notice everything but don't put your judgement's on it. Leo talks about this briefly in one of his videos on self actualization, something about what maslow said a self actualized person is, I cant quite remember.

You are doing well, I can see your mind is ailing , but do not break. Keep it up really great work, ;D

[ZenBlue]

@Lorcan Thanks Lorcan, you're young, but you seem to be pretty insightful about meditation and awareness. For me it's harder to be around noisy areas because I'm sensitive by nature so my physical senses are really strong. I can't tune out noise so it would be difficult for me to become relaxed and meditative public areas. I think having some of these thoughts are good for me right now because I am working through them and connecting the dots in my life as I work through these thoughts.

Great explanation on awareness! What you said about it makes a lot of sense to me. Can't wait to hit 40 minutes then!

Days 84, 85, 86

35 minute meditations

For the past 3 days I've only gotten 4 - 5 hours of sleep each night so I'm pretty tired today. I've always had a hunch that life was all connected somehow. I'm starting realize more and more just how connected we all are. Like there is some sort of invisible thread that links us all together. I've observed this in my personal life because everything happens all in clusters. There's either a wave of multiple activities all happening at once, or it just stops all at once as well. Life can be so strange and mysterious. Someone once told me that truth is stranger than fiction. Now I wish I knew more about what he meant, but I also get a sense of what he was talking about. Life can be quite bizarre sometimes.

 

[Evilwave Heddy]

10 hours ago, ZenBlue said:

For the past 3 days I've only gotten 4 - 5 hours of sleep each night so I'm pretty tired today. I've always had a hunch that life was all connected somehow. I'm starting realize more and more just how connected we all are. Like there is some sort of invisible thread that links us all together. I've observed this in my personal life because everything happens all in clusters. There's either a wave of multiple activities all happening at once, or it just stops all at once as well. Life can be so strange and mysterious. Someone once told me that truth is stranger than fiction. Now I wish I knew more about what he meant, but I also get a sense of what he was talking about. Life can be quite bizarre sometimes.

 

Have you ever watched this?  If not...do.

 

[ZenBlue]

@Evilwave Heddy - Nope haven't seen that movie, but I'll check it out

Day 87

35 minute meditation

Mainly feeling tired today. 35 minutes still feels quite long. It's a very peaceful time period though, and when I am done with the meditation I feel so much more at ease. I'm going to keep pushing the time up little by little, and hopefully I can continue to make progress on improving with meditation.

[ZenBlue]

Day 88

35 minute meditation

I'm almost at the 100 day mark. I don't feel any drastic changes in me, it's all very subtle. It would be easy to miss these changes, but because of my sensitive nature, I can pick up on a lot of the subtle changes. I feel like I'm heading in a good direction. 

[ZenBlue]

Days 89 and 90

40 minute mediations

Wow, already at 90 days! Time really does fly by. Damn I can't believe I'm at 3 months already. I decided to bump up my meditation to 40 minutes. Right now, I seem to be working through a lot of my past events. A lot of thoughts about the past keep coming up and I'm just working through it. There are a lot of emotions coming up as I work through the past. I also recently remembered some memories I suppressed. I'm starting to gain a better understanding of myself. I'm developing awareness of my behaviors and how I am wired.

I also have a lot of wounds that I just buried. I've been suffering on the inside for so long I didn't realize it. I've been struggling with so many things. There are things that everyone takes for granted because it comes naturally to them, but it is a complete struggle for me. I suffered in silence my entire life and carried the entire burden by myself. I never could talk to my parents because they are emotionally unavailable. Also they are very critical, judgmental, and harsh so I also never felt safe opening up to them either.

I also push people away and keep them at a distance. I never really developed strong close bonds with any of my friends. I have good friends, but I'm not as close with them as I would like to be. I'm not that close to any of my family members either.

Also, I could never really put all these things into words. I'm starting to learn how to communicate these feelings better and to express myself a little better. Before I just had overwhelming feelings of frustration because I could never explain it. I just thought there must be something wrong with me and just left it at that.

I can't wait to see where this meditation journey takes me. So far it has been great, and has opened my mind just a tiny bit. I know I still have a lot of work cut out in front of me.

[ZenBlue]

Day 91

40 minute meditation

For my entire life, it has been a struggle for me to interact with people in group settings. I've always been good with one on one interactions in quiet areas, but dealing with multiple people has always been hard for me. I never could really put it into words. I couldn't explain any of it and didn't know how to communicate it. Since I started meditating I started to notice more things about myself, and I am able to put some of it into words.

I've narrowed it down to some possibilities as to why I am the way that I am. Over time I will dive deeper into it and keep learning more about myself.

[ZenBlue]

Day 92

40 minute meditation

Today's session wasn't very good. I had a hard time sitting, so I laid down for part of the time. My mind was wandering all over the place, and I didn't make the most out of the time.

I know it's not going to go perfect every time, so I can accept that and keep practicing to improve.

[Zane]

You have 8 days left of meditation! It's great that you've committed to your schedule so consistently even if it's difficult to meditate some days. I'm also proud of you for deciding to dedicate your life to master meditation. Keep in mind that plateaus are inevitable in any mastery process! I highly recommend Leo's videos on patience and the plateau and the mastery process. 

Edited July 11, 2016 by Zane

[ZenBlue]

@Zane Yup almost at 100 days! Thanks man, appreciate you following along! Yes, I saw the video on patience, but I will check out those other videos as well.

Day 93

40 minute meditation

I mentioned how it's always been a struggle for me to interact in groups. Even just interacting with two people at the same time has always been a big struggle for me. The other day, I was with two of my friends and I was able to keep up with the conversation for over 2 hours straight. Of course we were discussing things that really interest me, but it was still an amazing experience for me. I never would have been able to do that before. I wasn't perfect, but I have come a long way.

That shows me that meditation is definitely having positive results on me. For me it's very very hard to stay engaged during conversations. I would frequently zone out while people are talking and would always miss what is being said. I used to think that something was just wrong with me, and that maybe some psychological issues were causing it. Now I'm starting to suspect it may be a physiological thing. I will talk more about that in another post.

For now, I know that meditation is definitely helping me in my life, even in the smallest ways.

[ZenBlue]

Days 94 and 95

40 minute meditations

I'm practicing patience, by constantly trying to remind myself about it. I'm applying the "patience ointment" so to speak. I didn't become aware until just recently how impatient I really am. I'm just wired like this, because I have always been this way since I was born. Meditating, and developing awareness about my lack of patience is helping a great deal. 

If any of you are lacking patience in your life, watch Leo's video on patience and practice it daily.

[ZenBlue]

Day 96

40 minute meditation

During today's meditation I was so tired I had to lay down. I almost fell asleep twice, but I still went through with it! Overall, things are pretty good right now. It's not easy to have patience with my current project, but I just have to remind myself, I'm in it for the long haul.

[ZenBlue]

Day 97

40 minute meditation

Day 98

45 minute meditation

Despite the meditation, I can still become un-grounded quite easily. I had an issue with a customer this morning and it really struck a nerve for me. I don't know why exactly, but it really angered and bothered me. I also realized that for whatever reason, anger is my fuel. When I get haters, or people just being assholes and pissing me off, it feeds me. It causes me to increase my drive, and focus. I am just starting to learn how to harness that energy. Before, I would probably just use the anger in a destructive way. Now I am learning how to use it in a way that pushes me to grow stronger and to take the right action steps in my life.

So go ahead and keep pissing me off world. It's only going to feed me and help me become stronger than before.

[ZenBlue]

Day 99

45 minute meditation

Almost at 100 days!

Today I got sidetracked because I met up with old friends and decided to go bike riding with them. I ended up spending my entire day out instead of working on my project. Although, I didn't expect for this to happen, I think that it's good because I got to catch up with some old friends. I'll get myself back on track tomorrow and keep a steady focus on my goals.