100 Days Of Meditation

[ZenBlue]

Day 27

Had a 25 minute session today.

I'm still confused and lost. It's frustrating as hell, but at the same time, I'm starting to enjoy the process.

[ZenBlue]

Day 28

Had a 30 minute meditation session today.

Sometimes staying positive is hard. Today I feel like what's the point of it all?

[Extreme Z7]

@ZenBlue That's why we have a concept called faith, man. This is why the rationalistic majority of the world do not do this sort of practice.

[ZenBlue]

Day 29

Had a 30 minute meditation session today.

I'm still struggling with a lot of self doubt. I also felt a sensation where maybe I should just be doing all of this for the pure enjoyment of it. Maybe once I can become present in the moment, I will be able to just enjoy it for what it is.

[ZenBlue]

Day 30

Had a 30 minute meditation session today.

Meditating for 30 minutes feels long, but I'm going to stick with this time until I start to feel comfortable with it. I am also moving on to stage 2. In this stage I'm going to practice letting go of my thoughts. It won't be easy and I'm sure I will fail at it many times.

[ZenBlue]

Day 31 and 32

Meditated for 30 minutes on both days.

I'm currently practicing letting go of my thoughts during meditation. It's not easy and I find I can only let my thoughts go for a minute or so before I start getting lost in my thoughts again. Being still and present is still very uncomfortable for me. When I am able to be present in the moment, I can see how restless I feel. I notice how I have such a large need for external stimulation. I'm starting to see how everything we do in life is designed to constantly keep our minds distracted. Society provides the greatest rewards to those who can do the best job distracting us. Think about why the giant corporations like Facebook and Apple do so well. They provide us with the greatest distractions. They also reap insanely high rewards for giving us these distractions.

Our basic needs are the most affordable. Anyone of us with reasonable intelligence and good health can at least acquire the most basic needs such as food, clothing, and shelter. Beyond that we spend the absolute most amount of our time, energy, and money with distractions. Now I wonder what is it really like to just be? To be able to spend an entire day without having the need to be anywhere or do anything. What would it be like if I simply wanted to just sit somewhere and do nothing for at least 5 hours straight? Why do we constantly feel the need to distract ourselves? What are we distracting ourselves from?

Even when I am alone and not doing anything, I still have an endless stream of thoughts in my mind. I get lost in my head and think too much about everything. Now I can see that the purpose of my meditation is to shut down my thoughts. To stop all the noise in my head and to simply just be. To not need anything other than to just be in the moment. That is the ultimate goal I want to achieve.

[ZenBlue]

Day 33

Had a 30 minute meditation session today.

I watched the video about free will vs determinism:

Now I'm even more confused about all of this. It's not easy to accept the idea that I have no free will. I'm open to exploring it, but it all doesn't make much sense to me right now.

[Zane]

What I'm loving is your observations about trying to sit still! To improve my mindfulness and sitting still, what I do is go to the theater, absorb myself in the experience, and turn off my phone. Going to the theater can flow by when you're so invested in the show! Another meditation technique i apply is in my creative writing where i try to focus on the writing process. 

[ZenBlue]

@Zane Going to the theater to practice meditation is an interesting idea. I never thought about applying meditation techniques to any of my daily tasks, but it sounds very interesting.

Day 34

Had a 30 minute meditation session today.

I couldn't let go of my thoughts at all today. I had so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I got very lost in them. The time went by very fast and the session was over before I knew it. I'm starting to get a very small glimpse of understanding. I'm not sure yet what the truth is, but I feel that I'm getting closer. I know I'm on the right path. I just need to keep moving forward.

[ZenBlue]

Day 35

Had a 30 minute meditation session

Day 36

Had a 30 minute meditation session

Still getting a lot of mixed emotions. I felt kind of depressed yesterday, and it all felt pointless again. I'm still very lost and confused. Today felt a bit lighter and the day went by very smoothly. I didn't even feel like meditating when I got home because I just wanted zone out and distract myself. I told myself to just sit there and do it. The time passed by more quickly than I thought it would.

Overall I'm still on this journey. I'm having a difficult time right now, but for some reason I don't want to stop. I want to keep going. I'm still searching for the absolute truth.

[ZenBlue]

Day 37

Had a 30 minute meditation session today.

I'm trying to get rid of the notion of self. I want to experience the nothingness that Leo talks about. It's very hard to push through the resistance. I think I need to do a lot more before I can get the feeling of being nothing.

 

[ZenBlue]

Day 38

Had a 30 minute meditation session today.

My emotions have been pretty unstable the past few days. Most of the days I feel low on energy and like utter crap. Then I get a few brief moments where I feel some sense of clarity. That moment is very brief though. Maybe a few minutes at the most. I guess you could say, I'm currently in a dark period in my life.

[ZenBlue]

Day 39

Had a 30 minute meditation session

Day 40

Had a 30 minute meditation session

So far, letting go of my thoughts hasn't been easy. I still get a lot of monkey chatter in my brain. I don't notice any real changes to myself yet. I'm still going to keep my session at 30 minutes for now because it still feels a bit long for me.

[Extreme Z7]

@ZenBlue You're doing good! I'm happy for you!

[ZenBlue]

@Extreme Z7 Thank you I appreciate it!

Day 41

Had a 30 minute meditation session

Day 42

Had a 30 minute meditation session

I'm the type of person that needs a lot of alone time. I haven't had much of it since I first got with my girlfriend 2 years ago. We've been practically living together for over a year now. It's been really tough on me because I value my alone time so much. It's been killing me on the inside because in between working full-time, maintaining my girlfriend's needs, and fulfilling social obligations, I get little alone time. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. My life is fairly easy. I still feel completely exhausted. I don't know how other people manage to so do much and keep it all together. Life just keeps piling on a never ending list of things to do. Most of the biggest distractions in my life are related to social obligations. I recently visualized a life where I can live abroad for at least 2 - 3 months out of the year. That way at least I can get temporary breaks without completely cutting the important people out of my life. It's something of a dream, but there's still a chance that I can make it happen.

 

[Extreme Z7]

@ZenBlue That's okay, most of us struggle with dealing with distractions that seem to be out of our control. In my case, it's academic life. Still, we can always find the time to work on ourselves despite that. It's just a matter of trying to be strategic about it.

[ZenBlue]

@Extreme Z7 Yea definitely life distractions can be a real pain in the ass, but you're right there is always room to do my personal work. Strategy is a good point. I'm naturally strategic so I do have somewhat of a strategic approach, but I can also be very impatient and quick to rush into things on a spur of the moment. The thing that really helps me the most is when I tell myself that I will make a 100% commitment to something. That helps me push past the obstacles.

Day 43

Had a 30 minute meditation session

Today is a good day. I have recently realized something about me. I go through cycles of depression. The length of my depression changes. I might be depressed for a few weeks or even a few months. Then randomly I will have very brief moments where the depression is gone. Today is one of those days. I've been feeling depressed the past few months, but I feel amazing right now. Often times it's because something happens to me that will trigger the depression. It's not something I can control. I can only wait it out until the depression lifts on its own.

Today during meditation a new thought popped into my head. I realized that I have been blessed with wisdom beyond my years, and a very sharp intuition that helps guide me through this life. I have been trying to connect with my spiritual side for a few months now. I believe in God, but I still don't know what God is. I don't think God is how society portrays it, but I still do believe there is a God.

I feel so grateful for all that I have been given. Even the parts of me that I thought were deficiencies actually are the things that make me stronger. I have a healthy mind and a healthy body. This is something not everyone is so lucky to have. I have loving family, and friends. My life is far from perfect, but it's still pretty damn good. Feeling this gratitude gives me a sense of peace, love, and joy.

 

[ZenBlue]

Day 44

Had a 30 minute meditation session. 

Day 45

Had a 30 minute meditation session. 

I feel calmer today. I still haven't watched any TV since I decided to cut it out. I still do a lot of low consciousness behavior like browsing Facebook, watching movies made for cheap entertainment, watching mindless YouTube videos, etc. Eliminating TV though has been great for me. I don't move at a fast pace, but I'm still learning every single day. I either watch educational videos or read something new. 

Although I still have monkey chatter and negative thoughts in my head, I have begun to feel a bit calmer inside. So far meditation has been a  good practice for me. I don't think it's become an automatic habit yet. I still have days where I don't feel like doing it. But I just start the timer and just do it anyways. It's an easy thing to do because all I need to do is sit there and release my thoughts. 

30 minutes is all I can manage for now. I need to clear a lot of baggage both in my mind and in the physical world. Once I am able to start organizing my life and minimizing it, I will have more time and mental energy to increase my meditation sessions. 

[ZenBlue]

Day 46

Had a 30 minute meditation session.

I'm still in a calmer state. I've realized I've been feeling angry for the past 4 years. It started by something that happened to me, and I became angry inside. I didn't realize I had been carrying this anger for so long. The anger has been building up for the past 2 years because of all the things I was going through. I'm ready to move on from this phase of life. I can see now that holding onto this anger is not good for me. It is eating me up inside and causing me a lot of pain. I have to let go of this anger. I don't know how long it will take to fully let go of it. It might be years before I can fully let it go. Just being aware of it helps me to keep it under wraps.

[ZenBlue]

Day 47 and 48

Had a 30 minute meditation session.

Although my mind still feels chaotic I am still keeping up with the meditation. I think the changes in me are so subtle and gradual that it's very difficult to grasp. I'm still kind of questioning the real benefits of meditation, but I still feel like there is something I can learn through meditation. Just the very act of setting time aside to just sit and not do anything does help me to appreciate the moment, however brief.