The battle between heart and the self (fear)

[DrewNows]

9 hours ago, Charlotte said:

@DrewNows no worries dude you thinking about doing it?

No don’t have access but maybe I will sometime 

modafinil does impact sleep. And for me sleep wasn’t possible on a shroom trip. 

Edited April 30, 2019 by DrewNows

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows ah right I see. Understand yeah. 

[Charlotte]

This week has been simply eye opening, insightful and profound. 

i feel I've worked through a lot egoic attachments and now the most deep rooted ones are showing themselves. 

A lot of this week has been about insecurities. Insecurities has been present in my life since I was a child so therefore it's heavily attached as a identity. You can feel the rigid'ness of them but they have surfaced even more so, to the point that they are screaming to be looked at and transcended. I'll book in with the therapist. 

Yesterday was extremely interesting. I had slipped back into an old unconscious habit but this time round it was different. I could actually feel the distance between the Self watching it happen and the self playing out the identification of the behaviour. It was fucking amazing ?

Also I'm booking the accomodation for my first (adult) psychedelic trip today. 17-19th may I have the pod booked for. Gives me plenty of time to get some camping gear together and that. 

 

 

 

[Charlotte]

Also I'm gonna be randomly writing dualities here which is just saturating my mind at the moment ?

The whole calender

Seasons (winter, summer etc including rain, wind etc)

Silence (I love this one)

Shapes

Sexual orientation

 

[Charlotte]

Dualities...

all the elements

Materials

[Charlotte]

2.4 microdose today. Observations... Feeling a bit 'fluffy'. 

Started a new term of philosophy Tuesday. P2_H01.pdf

[Charlotte]

 

More dualities I thought of:

Pain

Satisfactory and unsatisfactory

Suitable & unsuitable

Sunrise, sunset

Night and day

Tidy, cluttered, neat, untidy

[DrewNows]

Lovely pics. Happy for you having planned a trip! 

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows thank you ?

[DrewNows]

@Charlottehow do you upload multiple pictures without running out of space? 

Actually I think I’ve figured it out, they gotta be “live” and not from a library 

Edited May 2, 2019 by DrewNows

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

@Charlottehow do you upload multiple pictures without running out of space? 

Delete the old ones.

Profile -> Attachments

[DrewNows]

4 minutes ago, Shin said:

Delete the old ones.

Profile -> Attachments

Awesome thank you 

@Shinpictures are too big to upload from camera library?

Edited May 2, 2019 by DrewNows

[Shin]

7 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

Awesome thank you 

@Shinpictures are too big to upload from camera library?

Reduce the size using paint, and modify the extension to .jpeg.

If you're on mobile I don't know.

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows try reducing using a picture resizer app? 

[DrewNows]

Thanks haha appears to work  

[Charlotte]

@DrewNows ? thank you! 

[Charlotte]

Fucking hell. Got so much to update. Been through a heavy ego backlash.

I'll go into more depth tomorrow but I attended a TEDx talk Tuesday which was amazing. 

Will properly update tomorrow. 

[Charlotte]

Okay well it was clear the backlash wasn't finished  

Jesus wept... Never had one like it but at the same time I can't describe how much I've grown from it. During the Shamanic breathing workshop I think the shadow came up and out and that's what I've been dealing with the past 2 week's. I've found myself in situations where the shadow is so forefront. There's so much that's happened that I didn't realise was still lurking in the corner. Insecurities being the main one. That created all sorts of behaviour. Outstanding the observe but I have a lot of work to do. 

So my ego backlash came in the form of attention from a man. I wanted to have a flirt and go on a date. Basically stroke my ego. 

Met a guy, first date went okay. Second date went to absolute shit ? lots of lessons learned in the process. 

It's funny, I've had this backlash but at the same time I've still been aware af, other backlashes I've just gone completely unconscious. Interesting. 

So now I got the attention thing out of my system I'm ready to crack back on. 

Psychedelic trip this weekend. Need to go out and buy some shit for it. 

Got to say it's been one of the best opportunities for growth I've had this year and it's all been in the name of suffering ♥️ cheers ego ?

[Charlotte]

it's hit me like a ton of fucking brick's. 

I see what faceless was pointing to... I SEE THE MOVEMENT! 

 

 

[Charlotte]

P2_H02.pdf