The battle between heart and the self (fear)

[Zigzag Idiot]

3 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Starting to wonder if this quitting nicotine is worth it. 95% of mind time is literally consumed with food thoughts and it's becoming that bad like I'm crying as it's torture.... 

Around 1999-2000 I quit after smoking 1to 2 packs/day for 15 years. The first 8 weeks were hell. Living by the minute,,, I found truth in the three minute rule for cravings and just breathed through it. I felt like a rabid dog. After about 10 days I decided anything goes and ate pain pills for about the next 6 weeks to distract myself from the nicotine cravings. Not very orthodox but it got me through the first couple months.  Added a second thorn to help extract the first,,, Wiping off blood with blood,,,, The cravings were definitely less after 3 months. Not an easy time,,,,

Cravings finally went away completely after about a year. They do go away. 

[Charlotte]

@Shin thanks Shin. ❤️

@Zigzag Idiot pain pills? As in paracetamol? Jesus from what you said it sounded like you really did suffer greatly. I feel you bro ? it's horrid. I've just bought some suppliments to help with blood sugar levels recommended by a nutritionist. See how I get on with them. Glimpses of normality do shine through now and again and it's like being able to take a massive deep breath and filling the lungs. 

Like a rabid dog, exactly.

Well done on getting through it mate. That's a whole lot of addiction you quit! 

[Shin]

When I stopped smoking, I thought I had lung cancer.

?

[Charlotte]

@Shin really?? Bit backward ?

[Zigzag Idiot]

27 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

pain pills? As in paracetamol?

Hydrocodone.

At the time, I thought of it as 'better living through chemistry '.

[Charlotte]

@Zigzag Idiot ah right. Fair enough. 

[Charlotte]

Been a tough old few days. Starting to feel better again. 

Mock exam today, went as well as it could of done. 

Came home and I went shopping for paint for the house. 

Then tea time approached and I thought I'm not hungry, I battled with plating it up or not. 2 minutes later I thought fuck it I'm going gym. 

Just got back from the gym and I'm buzzing I went. 

[Charlotte]

Still alive 

Will update later ?

[Charlotte]

On my way to do some activism. 

Bring some stage yellow on their vegan asses 

(note to illusory self () don't get involved with testosterone riddled men, they're bad news) ?

[zambize]

14 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

On my way to do some activism. 

Bring some stage yellow on their vegan asses 

That's my kind of activism 

Have fun!  Or get yelled at and abused, which can be fun too if you're spiritual enough 

[Charlotte]

@zambize both happened ?

I also stood and spoke with a guy who's on his 8th Ayahuasca retreat, believes the government and queen are reptiles and we are all inside a matrix (no shit) ?

Guy tells me there's an Ayahuasca retreat 30 minutes drive from my home town ?? I think he was a zen devil.

[zambize]

5 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

I also stood and spoke with a guy who's on his 8th Ayahuasca retreat, believes the government and queen are reptiles and we are all inside a matrix (no shit) ?

You just aren't experienced enough to have those deep of insights probably   One day you'll understand, hopefully before the lizard people get you

[Charlotte]

@zambize I learnt so much from him. He does a retreat once a month. I thought wow that's a lot. He said he needs to purge. I am not gonna say he's mental or whatever because that's labeling from my personal perspective. I asked him who's it? Who he keeps referring to and he replied the devine. He was told through mother Ayahuasca to deliver these messages, to warm people that the time is coming. 

[Charlotte]

@zambize Not gonna lie though he did sound like he was reciting from some sort of cult. 

He's the highlight of my day though

[zambize]

20 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@zambize Not gonna lie though he did sound like he was reciting from some sort of cult. 

He's the highlight of my day though

That's awesome I always enjoy talking with someone who you cant tell of they are completely deluded or genius, or a bit of both.  How did the activism go?  You activate anyone?

[Charlotte]

@zambize exactly!!!! ? That was the exact scenario. 

Oh aye! About 21 between the whole group but it was pretty quiet in Manchester today to be honest. Do you do any? 

[Charlotte]

I've just realised something. 

Whenever I walk into a room to sit I always go into the corner. Something that just randomly hit me ?

[zambize]

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

@zambize exactly!!!! ? That was the exact scenario. 

Oh aye! About 21 between the whole group but it was pretty quiet in Manchester today to be honest. Do you do any? 

No I haven't yet, I definitely would consider it if the opportunity presents itself.  You happy you got into it?

[Charlotte]

I highly recommend it @zambize not only for the benefits of other beings but for personal growth also. It's mad how much growth (when managed properly) can come from this type of work. 

[zambize]

18 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

I highly recommend it @zambize not only for the benefits of other beings but for personal growth also. It's mad how much growth (when managed properly) can come from this type of work. 

I'll definitely keep that in mind, also I'm glad there are more than 2 corners in a room otherwise we wouldn't be able to be in the same room D:, love me some corners