I found being. I found the eternal everlasting present moment. I thought I had in the past but that was bs. I was still identifying with the present moment.  During this stillness the odd thought arose but dissolving before they had to chance to develop which brought 'me' back to stillness. I found myself involuntary going meta on the thoughts so to speak. Witnessing their illusory nature in real time which propelled me deeper into being. Witnessing that thought itself can go meta, it literally is self propelling.  I closed my eyes, smiled as I sank deeper into this absolutely blissful... Aura (only word I can use to describe). And that's when it happened.  I identified with a thought... Fear arose. Panic came. I felt my arms and chest heat and tingle. The beating of my heart hammering away. I was able to deescalate it through distraction which I know is not good, using the fear to distract myself from fear is like going in through the front door which is also the back door which then leads back in through the front door.  What's happened this morning has shown me ego (me) is petrified. I thought I wasn't afraid of truly letting go but I am. I've taken this panic attack as a form of distraction. What else is distracting me? What else is subtly a form of fear? Other insights from the week  I've been contemplating topics daily.  When I am bullshitting myself or directing myself further from truth my intuition lets me know. It pops up subtly throughout the day. If you dont listen, you'd never know it's there.      The insight is I do feel a small sense of inferiority towards others. Why? Because I feel I know how their minds delude them and trap them. In a nutshell I feel I know them better than what they do... What an absolute load of shite ? I don't know jack shit! I am no 'better' nor different to any other, if anything... I'm more deluded. Just because I have some knowledge on how the mind tricks itself does not make me inferior. This is just further identity for ego. Or is it fear? Am I afraid of being deluded by my own mind and it's trickery that I have gained this belief of control? FUCK! ? I suddenly feel a sense of zero control... Lost. I HAVE been deluding myself!!! ???? Oh my god! ??? I'm actually laughing at this.  I need to go and process this.