How do I spark a thirst for knowledge? How do I truly start living?

[TheAvatarState]

OK, a little backstory. I feel like I'm in a really deep rut that I can't seem to pull myself out of. I'm in my early 20's and extremely addicted to suffering. Of all kinds, you name it: league of legends, PMO, vaping, a low-consciousness job I abhor, not reading, etc. My brain feels like it has turned to mush over the past few years, and because of all these bad habits, I have an inability to concentrate or create good habits. My self-esteem is at the floor. 

And yet, because of my journey with psychedelics, discoving Leo's channel, and doing quite a bit of Consciousness work on the side lately, I find myself in a very interesting position. I'm awakened, I've had many enlightenment experiences, and through much self-inquiry I've discovered so much about myself and about the world. I'm completely on board with Leo's teachings. And yes, I have made great strides lately that I'm proud of, but it's not nearly enough. I can t seem to lift off! I have the conceptual knowledge and understanding that I need to make the changes I want in my life, but I don't have the willpower or mental framework in order to embody them. I feel like I'm drowning still. The other issue that makes this difficult is that there's no one around me that understands the path I'm trying to take. My environment is pretty low-consciousness. 

Do you guys maybe have any tips in order to slowly form the habits I need? I've tried the all-in approach several times and it doesn't work. I'm too far deep in a hole to do that. Any words of advice would be much appreciated.

[Leo Gura]

There's no magic pill. You must slowly build one good habit at a time.

By trying to solve everything at once you end up not solving anything. Significant change takes months and years of work. You must build healthy, sustainable infrastructure in your life.

Maybe start by moving to a healthier environment. Then build up from there.

If you try to change too much too fast you'll just experience a terrible ego backlash. It takes time and patience to rewire the brain in a sustainable way.

[Mu_]

40 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

OK, a little backstory. I feel like I'm in a really deep rut that I can't seem to pull myself out of. I'm in my early 20's and extremely addicted to suffering. Of all kinds, you name it: league of legends, PMO, vaping, a low-consciousness job I abhor, not reading, etc. My brain feels like it has turned to mush over the past few years, and because of all these bad habits, I have an inability to concentrate or create good habits. My self-esteem is at the floor. 

And yet, because of my journey with psychedelics, discoving Leo's channel, and doing quite a bit of Consciousness work on the side lately, I find myself in a very interesting position. I'm awakened, I've had many enlightenment experiences, and through much self-inquiry I've discovered so much about myself and about the world. I'm completely on board with Leo's teachings. And yes, I have made great strides lately that I'm proud of, but it's not nearly enough. I can t seem to lift off! I have the conceptual knowledge and understanding that I need to make the changes I want in my life, but I don't have the willpower or mental framework in order to embody them. I feel like I'm drowning still. The other issue that makes this difficult is that there's no one around me that understands the path I'm trying to take. My environment is pretty low-consciousness. 

Do you guys maybe have any tips in order to slowly form the habits I need? I've tried the all-in approach several times and it doesn't work. I'm too far deep in a hole to do that. Any words of advice would be much appreciated.

Agree with Leo, plus theres a lot of research that shows that changing to much is not realistic to keep up.  Do a little, very little at a time but dont fall back from it.  Like cut back gaming by 20% for a month and vaping, then ask yourself, did I feel better doing that, can I do 10-15% more?  Can I add in maybe reading 1 book a month that will help me learn something that may help me grow or lead to another line of work that will pay more.  Everyone can do something, find what you can do and stick with it no matter how small.  Maybe if you can meditate 5-10 mins a couple times a week, very simple, put it on a schedule.  If thats to much dont include until later when you've made some progress with something very easy.

[winterknight]

50 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

OK, a little backstory. I feel like I'm in a really deep rut that I can't seem to pull myself out of. I'm in my early 20's and extremely addicted to suffering. Of all kinds, you name it: league of legends, PMO, vaping, a low-consciousness job I abhor, not reading, etc. My brain feels like it has turned to mush over the past few years, and because of all these bad habits, I have an inability to concentrate or create good habits. My self-esteem is at the floor. 

And yet, because of my journey with psychedelics, discoving Leo's channel, and doing quite a bit of Consciousness work on the side lately, I find myself in a very interesting position. I'm awakened, I've had many enlightenment experiences, and through much self-inquiry I've discovered so much about myself and about the world. I'm completely on board with Leo's teachings. And yes, I have made great strides lately that I'm proud of, but it's not nearly enough. I can t seem to lift off! I have the conceptual knowledge and understanding that I need to make the changes I want in my life, but I don't have the willpower or mental framework in order to embody them. I feel like I'm drowning still. The other issue that makes this difficult is that there's no one around me that understands the path I'm trying to take. My environment is pretty low-consciousness. 

Do you guys maybe have any tips in order to slowly form the habits I need? I've tried the all-in approach several times and it doesn't work. I'm too far deep in a hole to do that. Any words of advice would be much appreciated.

I'm like a broken record on this forum in recommending psychoanalytic therapy for this and so many other psychological issues. 

Google "psychoanalytic institute <your city>" and find the nearest one and call and ask for a referral. PM me if you're having any trouble.

[luckieluuke]

@TheAvatarState  Apart from what has been said I´d like to add something that helps me:
Accept that part of you that wants to game, vape etc. Don´t try to hate that part or distance "you" from it.
Do this by prior to for example gaming take a moment and feel yourself, ask yourself: is this really what I want to do? If yes, don´t deny it but go ahead and game. During and especially after gaming take another moment and feel and ask yourself how you feel.
This will feedback next time you ask if you really want to do what you are going to do.
Might be good to do it when meditating as well as a comparison.

Simply, do whatever you want as long as you are aware of what you are doing

[Hellspeed]

Spleen and Heart...

[TheAvatarState]

@Leo Gura You're right. I've been through a few false starts, and the ego backlashes are very real and predictable. I understand the message that I need to start slow. 

What I was looking for was a tip or technique on how to implement some basic good habits and KEEP them. For instance, my goal is to start with 10 minutes of meditation per day, read 30 minutes, and do the simple Wim Hof method each morning (cold shower and 5-10 min. of breathing). And that's it. I understand that's basically nothing to most people, but at my current state that would be a good step. Consistency is the key. So in times when my ego wants to drag me down, when it connives and tries to convince me in every way possible, is there anything I can try to keep focused on the task? In my case, just having awareness of these egoic urges isn't enough. If you possibly have anything more to share with me, I would greatly appreciate it! And I do apologize, I wasn't thinking and posted this in the wrong sub-forum ?. All I'm looking for is a little "leg up" on my psyche to give me the confidence to snowball that. I'm basically at ground zero. 

@Mu_ thanks for the response! I'm going to start very slow, and see if I can maintain that. 

@winterknight thanks for the reply. I don't think a psychoanalytical institute is right for me right now. My psyche isn't FUCKED... I'm still functional. I haven't tried a more strategic and calculated approach yet to overcoming this shit. I'm going to try that first. If I find that I have some MAJOR issues below the surface that's preventing me from helping myself, then I'll try it. 

[winterknight]

20 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

 

@winterknight thanks for the reply. I don't think a psychoanalytical institute is right for me right now. My psyche isn't FUCKED... I'm still functional. I haven't tried a more strategic and calculated approach yet to overcoming this shit. I'm going to try that first. If I find that I have some MAJOR issues below the surface that's preventing me from helping myself, then I'll try it. 

Doesn't matter. You don't need a "fucked" psyche to do psychoanalysis. Far from it. It is by far the best means for seekers to simply understand themselves better.

[TheAvatarState]

1 hour ago, winterknight said:

Doesn't matter. You don't need a "fucked" psyche to do psychoanalysis. Far from it. It is by far the best means for seekers to simply understand themselves better.

OK, I'll look into it more. Thank you. My financial situation is currently really bad. So I'll see what they can offer. Are there any other things I should know? Things they're looking for?

[winterknight]

1 minute ago, TheAvatarState said:

OK, I'll look into it more. Thank you. My financial situation is currently really bad. So I'll see what they can offer. Are there any other things I should know? Things they're looking for?

Not really... though you should know if there's an analytic institute nearby, there's a good chance you could get analysis with a candidate-in-training (supervised by someone very experienced) at very reasonable prices, particularly if your finances are bad. And even if there's isn't an institute nearby, many analysts have sliding scales that vary based on income.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, TheAvatarState said:

For instance, my goal is to start with 10 minutes of meditation per day, read 30 minutes, and do the simple Wim Hof method each morning (cold shower and 5-10 min. of breathing). And that's it.

That's a lot of stuff.

It's gonna be too hard to do all of that a once.

Start with 1 thing.

Counter-intuitively, by trying to go fast you end up going slow.

[Mu_]

@TheAvatarState
Leo beat me to it, it does sound like a lot at once.  Go for one for a bit, or maybe 2 of the 3 you listed. Although wimhof + meditation is giong to bring up a lot of shit possibily, so I'd just do one of those and read.

[Jack River]

Embodiment is the result of seeing holistically the falsesnss in freedom(ending of suffering) being brought about through cultivation/progression/time, through habit which actually causes more fear/conflict/suffering. 

Conceptual/intellectual understanding will not bring about this embodiment you speak of. Seeing the fact of what is, and not moving away from it does. To see the truth of the fact without fear preventing that seeing does. 

The conceptual/intellectual accumulation and the mechanical self are really one unit of Time which looks to apply its very own structure to end the problems that structure/mechanism has brought about. 

No amount of knowledge/habits will end suffering. The habit/accumulated knowledge/experience is all the movement of the entity/self/ego/conditioning. To look to that same entity/conditioned movement of the past for help sustains that conflict/suffering and divison between the “me” and “my” problems. 

Nothing wrong with cultivating routines/knowledge/experience(thought) practically to solve physical survival problems; like skill development and such. But when it comes to ending suffering(the psychological field), we may soon see that to depend on habit/knowledge/experience to do so actually sustains divison/suffering, and keeps that conditioned action of disorder(fear/anger/isolation and image projection alive). 

Do we really need any outside agency(map) that offers answers to end our suffering, or do we already have the only map we need right here in plain site(the self/ourselves/thought)? 

Instead of looking to any outward authority can we instead just watch/observe/see what-is in ourselves? 

To try and cultivate our way to psychological freedom implies a resistance to die. And it’s only in psychological death that there is actual harmonious living.  Embodiment comes about with holistic action. An action that is not the product of divided action(two or more step process and then action). 

Anyway that’s the way I see it my dudes?

Edited December 7, 2018 by Jack River

[Jack River]

Once we start observing/leaning about ourselves we will see we are not only conditioned to follow outward authority but conditioned to conform to our own imward authority as well (knowledge/experience as memory-thought). The authority of the self(psychological time). 

This is the beginning of freedom dudes. ?

Edited December 7, 2018 by Jack River

[RichardY]

Few thoughts.

Awareness: I suppose you could feed your awareness. Audiobooks, looking at all points of view. Going for "a bigger boat". I like audio because you can turn off the sound if you're a bit of a gamer and listen to books instead.

It might be possible to have limited awareness and more consciousness, which may decrease & increase respectively. Strange glimpses of future places in dreams, could be brain damage or some glitch. Or knowing the next song on the radio. I fairly sure it is possible to have vast awareness, but a lack of consciousness, like skynet from terminator.

Yeah going for one thing is pretty important. Kundalini/meditation, Gym, More knowledge, Relationships. Suppose keeping a commonplace to organise as you go, is fairly useful.

Leviathan, (or Behemoth(The Bull)): Personally though I think the serpent, can takeover, like in many religions, symbol for the unconscious I think. The idea that there is no price to pay for such an increase in consciousness unearned, doesn't strike me as right. Still curious though. People before and after psychedelics or perhaps kundalini are not the same, subtle twitches and flinching. It's not like adding more books to a library.

Hermeas Mora, from the Elder Scrolls games.  Yog-Sothoth, Lovecraft, Proteus, from Shakespeare. The creature out of LOTR in the pool. "do not disturb the water". Serpent from Dragon Age Origins. Deep Rising. Spectre and so on.

 

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Yog-Sothoth is coterminous with all time and space yet is supposedly locked outside of the universe we inhabit. Its cosmic nature is hinted at in this passage from "Through the Gates of the Silver Key" (1934) by Lovecraft and E. Hoffmann Price:

It was an All-in-One and One-in-All of limitless being and self—not merely a thing of one Space-Time continuum, but allied to the ultimate animating essence of existence's whole unbounded sweep—the last, utter sweep which has no confines and which outreaches fancy and mathematics alike. It was perhaps that which certain secret cults of earth have whispered of as YOG-SOTHOTH, and which has been a deity under other names; that which the crustaceans(Jordan Peterson fans) of Yuggoth worship as the Beyond-One, and which the vaporous brains of the spiral nebulae know by an untranslatable Sign...

Yog-Sothoth sees all and knows all. To "please" this deity could bring knowledge of many things. However, like most beings in the mythos, to see it or learn too much about it is to court disaster. Some authors state that the favor of the god requires a human sacrifice or eternal servitude.

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NO NOT BILLY!!!!!!!! GET TO THE CHOPPA! oh wait wrong movie, same movie.