Will enlightenment ruin a part of my loved ones identities?

[traveler]

So this is the area of thought where my ego keeps its hold of me. I've woken up to the truth about a week ago, and went straight into a spiritual void (Dark night of the soul, kind of thing). I'm 19 years old and my parents are on vacation. Therefore I've been home alone with my sister this whole week. After I woke up (because of a LSD flashback when I smoked weed), my ego totally shattered. I could see everything, and it didn't go away the following days. I realized that I was a lot more compassionate towards my sister and my friends. It was like every thought that held a barrier between us before was removed, and I could feel a sense of connection I didn't have before. But most of the time it was dark. I felt really alone, knowing that I was a part of everything, but seeing that everyone was trapped in their mind, that constantly plays with their energy/emotions. My sister began to notice my changes more and more as the days went by. I tried to tell her that I wasn't the same anymore, that my ego had shattered into pieces and that I saw things other people didn't see. But she didn't get it. Of course she didn't, why would she. I also tried to tell my friends this, but it seems that everyone has a reaction of fear when I talk about these things, as if I'm threatening their ego. Okay, so back to my question. I feel that I'm stuck. I am a really empathic guy, I feel everything. Because of that I know, from my experiences with my family, especially my mom, that a really big part of their identity relies on me as a son and a brother. Playing the role that I have always played. The big change in me made my sister cry because she was worried. She said it's like I'm not even me. My biggest worry is my parents though, especially my mom. I know that they both feel incomplete. My mom relies on vacations, weekends and her children (me and my sister) for happiness. My dad is lost in the constant search of hidden agendas as in conspiracy theories and is agitated about his life situation. I don't know how they are gonna be happy without me and my sister living at home. It's hard for me to see this deep incompleteness in everyone around me. Okay, so finally my question: How do you deal with family and friends (especially family) feeling like they are loosing you after enlightenment? This is the hardest question for me. Some people would probably say "you are not responsible for other people," or "you are a part of the divine, therefore everything and everyone is your family," but this is the biggest and hardest illusion for the ego to let go, isn't it? The illusion that you have a group of people that you identify yourself with, as a part of your blood. If I let them go what do I do then? You still have to participate in the illusion to live in this world, but how do you do that when every problem or entertainment is for the lower consciousness? And how do you give up the illusion as a son, brother and friend?

I know this is a very long and unstructured post with a lot of questions. I hope some of you have some useful perceptions of this. Thank you!

[Shin]

17 minutes ago, traveler said:

 How do you deal with family and friends (especially family) feeling like they are loosing you after enlightenment?

Are they ?

What I noticed is that I'm more loving and caring, so when I see them they actually have a better time with me.
They might not like that you change, but this is inevitable, and temporary.

Once they will feel (inconsciously) how much more present and open you are, they will love you more (so as you).
They may think they are loosing you, but in reality it's the total opposite.

This is the hardest question for me. Some people would probably say "you are not responsible for other people," or "you are a part of the divine, therefore everything and everyone is your family," but this is the biggest and hardest illusion for the ego to let go, isn't it? The illusion that you have a group of people that you identify yourself with, as a part of your blood. If I let them go what do I do then?

You will do what you want to do, for real, without shackles that are only there because of fear and attachments.
Most likely scenario, you won't abandon them at all, and still see them at least once a Week.
There may be a time where you will want to be alone for quite a long time, but usually this doesn't last.
Unless your have no bonds to your family, or they are so toxic that for your sake you have to stay away from them, you probably won't ignore or leave them.

You still have to participate in the illusion to live in this world, but how do you do that when every problem or entertainment is for the lower consciousness?

This is true on a certain perspective, but when you understand that the Absolute wants to express itself and create as many experience as possible, there is no such thing as low-consciousness activities, just activities that you enjoy or not doing.
Some of them are not healthy for the body or the mind  (and that depends of your level of consciousness/realization for the later), but it's not low-consciousness per say.
If you're really addicted to an activity, that's an another thing though, but it still doesn't mean the activity in itself is low-consciousness.
Don't think like that, it will only strenghten duality as in "not spiritual"/"spiritual activity" etc ...


And how do you give up the illusion as a son, brother and friend?

This isn't an illusion on your level.
Even if you were to awaken, on the level of the person you would still be a brother or a friend.
You would see life on a much bigger perspective, but nothing would really change practically, your life would be the same.

 

[Forestluv]

To me, this seems like a major crack into your ego's shell. It's a significant insight, yet it's just the beginning of transcending the ego. 

After the first big crack is set in, there can be a major ego backlash and the ego can fight like hell to avoid the process. I had a similar experience. After my first really good look at the illusory nature of the ego, it freaked out. My mind was flooded with all sorts of scary stories of uncertainty. "If I give up control, who would gain control? Horrible things could happen!! This whatever thing in control could cause harm! I could lose my job! My girlfriend! My family! We better NOT go down this path!! You need me to survive and be happy!!"

It can feel very destabilizing and anxious. One thing that helped me: you are realizing that the ego is an illusory entity. Well, it didn't start being illusory today, this ego has been illusory your entire life. It never existed and you've done fine so far. The ego wants to create this dramatic life situation. It will throw all sorts of delusion, fear and anxiety at you. If that doesn't work, you may get tempted with ideas of pleasure to keep the ego around. It happens to us all, including Buddha himself while he sat under that tree.

As you observe and deconstruct the ego/personality more of a sense of your "true nature" may arise. Things will start making sense and there will be lots of "ah-ha" moments. If you continue to practice, you will realize the egoic way of life is not very appealing.

As well, it's not like you have to get rid of your personality. You just got a shocking glimpse of awakening, yet the other side of the coin is development, which includes the personality. Yet rather than identifying with the personality, you will gain a meta view of the personality.

[traveler]

4 minutes ago, Shin said:

 

Thank you so much for the reply. This was a really refreshing perspective. I will use your comment when I get into these thought loops. I've been participating in unhealthy activities today because I missed the feeling of being me, but this made me want to keep going.

[traveler]

7 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

To me, this seems like a major crack into your ego's shell. It's a significant insight, yet it's just the beginning of transcending the ego. 

After the first big crack is set in, there can be a major ego backlash and it can fight like hell to avoid the process. I had a similar experience. After my first really good look at the illusory nature of the ego, it freaked out. My mind was flooded with all sorts of scary stories of uncertainty. "If I give up control, who would gain control? Horrible things could happen!! This whatever thing in control could cause harm! I could lose my job! My girlfriend! My family! We better NOT go down this path!! You need me to survive and be happy!!"

It can feel very destabilizing and anxious. One thing that helped me: you are realizing that the ego is an illusory entity. Well, it didn't start being illusory today, this ego has been illusory your entire life. It never existed and you've done fine so far. The ego wants to create this dramatic life situation. It will throw all sorts of delusion, fear and anxiety at you. If that doesn't work, you may get tempted with ideas of pleasure to keep the ego around. It happens to us all, including Buddha himself while he sat under that tree.

As you observe and deconstruct the ego/personality more of a sense of your "true nature" may arise. Things will start making sense and there will be lots of "ah-ha" moments. If you continue to practice, you will realize the egoic way of life is not very appealing.

Thank you for replying! 

Yes the ego sure has a lot of ways to scare you away from this path. It's lovely to have a community where you can learn from other peoples insight.

I already feel better knowing someone else has been through this. 

Another thing that I don't know if my ego does or if it's just the shift in consciousness, is that it seems like I'm not able to get totally involved in a movie anymore. The loss of identity seems to make it harder for me to relate to what is happening on the screen. This is not a gigantic loss, but it was still a thing I really enjoyed before, getting lost in another world on the screen. What are your thoughts on this? Is it possible that it is my ego who is tricking me into thinking that I won't ever be able to enjoy a good movie again, unless I lower my consciousness? 

Also, last question, did you also have a huge loss of appetite when you went through this? When I'm in a higher state of consciousness, it seems that I'm never hungry.

[Forestluv]

10 minutes ago, traveler said:

Thank you for replying! 

Yes the ego sure has a lot of ways to scare you away from this path. It's lovely to have a community where you can learn from other peoples insight.

I already feel better knowing someone else has been through this. 

Another thing that I don't know if my ego does or if it's just the shift in consciousness, is that it seems like I'm not able to get totally involved in a movie anymore. The loss of identity seems to make it harder for me to relate to what is happening on the screen. This is not a gigantic loss, but it was still a thing I really enjoyed before, getting lost in another world on the screen. What are your thoughts on this? Is it possible that it is my ego who is tricking me into thinking that I won't ever be able to enjoy a good movie again, unless I lower my consciousness? 

Also, last question, did you also have a huge loss of appetite when you went through this? When I'm in a higher state of consciousness, it seems that I'm never hungry.

Many people on the path have gone through similar. 

What I would suggest is to get in touch with this "observer". You've said things like "My ego" , "I really like". So, you have realized an awareness that is observing the ego. What is this awareness? Can you settle in with it? . . . I think many people entering this stage think "The self is an illusion! It is bad and I need to get rid of it". Instead, why not be this observer of the ego? Rather than fighting against it, why not get curious about this ego and observe it. What the heck is this ego? It's fascinating. You mentioned watching movies. Imagine yourself watching the ego. . . This is much easier to do if the ego mind is relatively quiet. If the ego mind goes into full-on chatter mode, well it's quite unpleasant as you have found out. When the ego mind is in hyper-chatter mode, not much good arises. So, I try to settle it down a bit with yoga, meditation, listening to nonduality teachers, going for a walk or run etc. 

When I first went through this, it was like I didn't know who I was anymore. Should I do the same things? Should I enjoy the same things? Who am I and what happens now? Some interests faded away and some of those returned. Some new interests arose. I didn't have any issues with appetite. Perhaps you could increase exercise / activity to increase appetite? 

[traveler]

yeah you are right with observing the ego. I have to get better at that. Thank you. 

My appetite was lost because of the feeling of the void I think. The sudden change from everything feeling familiar to really unfamiliar. I feel like I have to participate in non mindfull things in order to gain appetite, so today I've tried to do a lot of things that is "bad" (bad food, nikotin, etc.)  for me, to gain my appetite and the feeling of familiarity back. But as I do this, I feel deep inside that it's not the right thing to do. I like the familiarity, but my old self belongs there, and I can feel it in the silence between youtube video or other things I occupy my mind with, that I'm not content when I'm trying to forget about my true nature. I'm not able to go back to the old me as I was, as I know deep down it would cause more suffering than good. 

[Leo Gura]

@traveler Why make it so complicated?

The situation is simple: Either there is Truth or there isn't. If there is Truth you want to know what this Truth is. Pursue the Truth regardless of whatever. Truth is Truth is Truth. If knowing the Truth is wrong then you shouldn't want continue living.

Let nothing stand in the way between you and Truth. Period.

Truth can only be found if it occupies #1 priority in your heart.

What use if family if it means giving up Truth? Can you see that without Truth nothing else matters? Nothing matters if you cannot distinguish it from falsehood.

[Hellspeed]

Yes.