The most honest journal you'll ever read !

[Shin]

Go for the greatest Jihad guys,

No news
No debate
No negative drama
No arguments

A great space within will arise and only one thing will be important

To know what you are without this body/mind

Concentrate really hard and feel it is inside something else 

 

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Wednesday

No Nut = Day 30

Meditation: 2h(0)
Reading: (0)
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 0m
Walk: 40m
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 0m

2h exams

= 4h10

 

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Thursday

No Nut = Day 31

Meditation: 2h(30)
Reading: (0)
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 20m
Walk: 40m
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 20m

20m college stuff

= 4h20

 

 

 

 

[Shin]

Edited January 19, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

Today I had a wet dream …

… With my cousin ...

… my MALE cousin ...

Yes, I fucked him pretty hard  

 

 

Oh yeah, wednesday I ate some fish burger,

Conveniently forgot until today 

 

I don't know what to say really, my life is so boring from an external point of view.
I do the things below then just be, watch a show or play a game, that's pretty much it.

On the inside though, there is no resistance to anything, there is no thinking about the past or the future, there is no worrying about whatever this person said or think of me, there is just this moment and that's it.

It's just fulfilling in and of itself, whatever experience arise it can't be more fulfilling than just being.
You can't even talk about being fulfilled, because at that point there is no desire for anything, so there is nothing to be fulfilled from.

Yet the journey isn't even started, I don't see reality as a gigantic dream "enlightenment of the level of the mind", or as a unified field of experience where everything is seen as yourself "enlightenment of the level of the heart".

Just a basic roadmap to remember that even if I get one of it, the journey is far from over.
According to some teachers, even if you integrate full non-duality, the journey is still on, there is no end to it.

 

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Friday

No Nut = Day 32

Meditation: 2h
Reading: Waiting to receive the book
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 0m
Walk: 1h
Work out: 0m (one day maybe )
Journaling: 0m

= 3h10

 

 

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Saturday

No Nut = Day 33

Meditation: 2h
Reading: Waiting to receive the book
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 20m
Walk: 1h10m
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 35m

= 4h15

 

 

 

[Shin]

I was quite lazy those past few days, I even lied by adding 30 minutes of meditation when I was doing Bentinho contemplation work.
All of the habits without a lot of focus too.

Having vacation doesn't really works for me I think, I need to be constantly on my edge, or very close to it, otherwise I'm just going back to be lazy.
I can't stress me too much either, or there is an ego backlash, so I need to find the right balance.

Leo is probably right, I don't know for sure now, but I might just hold off on psychedelics just to stall time.
If I'm aware right now that chasing mystical experiences is not what enlightenment is about, then there should be no problem with this.
I don't really see a genuine reason not to at least try them, all reasons I can come off are excuses or arrogance from the ego.

Had another wet dream, this time with a women ass (  ), the weird thing is that I was both awake and dreaming.
I didn't thought it was possible, but apparently you can. 
I was aware that I wanted to cum in real life, while being in the dream, so technically I fapped without touching my dick
I don't think that counts, because it happens so fast that you can't really take a decision (like less than 1 second), still show that subconsciously I wanted to unload instead of staying full though.

There is also this girl I like, but I don't know what to do about it because she clearly doesn't share the same interests and since I only do things that make sense on the long term, I can already see myself leaving her for someone else that is more in line with me.
I don't know either if I'm deceiving myself about that, you could say that most relationship will fail anyway, which I agree, but I just don't see a future happening with her.
I should take a decision about this, because I can't stop flirting with her and she clearly likes me too, but continuing to do this is kinda being an ass, it makes her think something could happen …

 

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Sunday

No Nut = Day 34

Meditation: 2h
Reading: Waiting to receive the book
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 15m
Walk: 45m
Work out: 0m ()
Journaling: 30m
Leo video: 2h

= 5h40

 

 

[Shin]

Had a hard time resetting my sleep schedule, I was dead tired until today  
 

Apparently I learned my lesson from the last semester, I effortlessly study now, right after every class.
I was lucky (or was I ? ) to get the class I studied for exams, but it may not happen again so  

I think I have something between 13 - 15/20, by loosely calculating the average grades,
And my mind was like "we won't make it, IT'S THE END, ALL IS LOST !!!"  weeks ago 

 

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Monday

No Nut = Day 35

Meditation: 2h
Reading: Waited to receive the book
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 20m
Walk: 30m
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 0m

= 3h

 

Tuesday

No Nut = Day 36

Meditation: 2h
Reading: Waited to receive the book
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 15m
Walk: 40m
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 0m
Class: 2h45
Study: 1h

= 6h50

 

Wednesday

No Nut = Day 37

Meditation: 2h
Reading: Waited to receive the book
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 15m
Walk: 20m
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 0m
Class: 3h
Study: 1h30

= 7h15

 

Thursday

No Nut = Day 38

Meditation: 2h
Reading: 30m (I saw that the book I ordered won't come until February 8th, so I started reading an old one)
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 20m
Walk: 40m
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 30m
Class: 2h
Study:2h

= 8h10

 

 

 

Edited January 24, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

[Shin]

[Shin]

Quote

 

With an engaging film, you may go for the full two hours without any awareness of yourself.

So the synchronization of sight and sound is very important if your consciousness is to become absorbed in the movie. 

And that's just two of your sense.

 

 

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Now imagine that movies are made that not only engage the five sense, but also make  your thoughts and emotions synchronize with what's happening on the screen. With this movie experience, you're hearing, seeing, tasting, and suddenly you begin feeling the character's emotions and thinking the character's thoughts.

The character says, "I'm so nervous, should I ask her to marry me " and suddenly insecurity wells up inside of you. Now we have the full dimension of the experience: five physical senses, plus thoughts and emotions. Imagine going to that movie and getting plugged in.
 

Careful, that would be the end of you as you know yourself.
 

There would be no object of consciousness that is not synchronized with the experience. Any place your awareness falls would be part of the movie. Once the movie gets control of the thoughts, it's over.

There is no "you" in there saying, "I don't like this movie. I want to leave" That would take an independent thought, but your thoughts have been taken over but he movie. Now you are completely lost. 
 

How will you ever get out ?

As scary as it sounds, that is your predicament in life.

Because all of the objects you're aware of are synchronized, you get sucked in and are no longer aware of your separateness from the objects. 

The thoughts and the emotions move in accordance with the sights and the sounds.
It all comes in, and your consciousness gets totally absorbed in it.

Unless you're fully seated in witness consciousness, you're not back there being aware that you're the one watching all this.

That is what it means to be lost.

The Untethered Soul - Page 34/35 (New Harbinger Publications) - Michael A. Singer

 

 

I recommend this book 

 

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Friday

No Nut: Day 39

Class: 3h
Walk: 25m
Meditation: 2h
Affirmations: 10m
Reading: 30m
Bentinho Enlightenment Course: 30m
Journaling: 25m

= 7h

 

 

[Shin]

Stop being constipated,

Let the shit out !

???

 

https://youtu.be/C4roZOhBMYE

Edited January 26, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

My father made a really interesting comment out of this negativity today.
Every living beings on this planet, and everything else that exist has a purpose, a position on the food chain or to sustain life in some ways.

Except us.
We aren't useful for anything on this planet.

Except for two things.
One is accepted and acknowledged by society : Creativity
It is only accepted if it can make money though, otherwise it is seen as useless (at least for most people)

The second thing is what I couldn't talk about to my father.
Obviously if you're on this forum you know what that is: Becoming aware of your true nature
No other beings on this planet can do it, cause none other can self-reflect as much as us.

This is actually not a luxury, a special thing reserved to a few of us,
It is what we are destined to do.

One way or another it has to be done, 
Either we climb up the spiral and realize we are all friends,
Or we continue to think we are separate and destroy each other.

 

 

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Saturday

No Nut - Day 40

2h meditation
10m affirmations
40m walk
20m reading
25 Betinho course
15 work out
1h Study
20m Journaling

= 5h10

 

 

 

Edited January 26, 2019 by Shin

[Colin]

yeah defining who we are as humans is a pretty interesting inquiry. We have some pretty amazing abilities and qualities

[Charlotte]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

No other beings on this planet can do it, cause none other can self-reflect as much as us.

What if they don't have to?

[Shin]

Just now, Charlotte said:

What if they don't have to?

They don't have the mental ability to be conscious of being conscious.

In a sense they are enlightened, but not to the level as we human can.

[Charlotte]

@Shin how do you 'know?'

[Shin]

32 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@Shin how do you 'know?'

I can't know that sure, that's an assumption.

Still, it doesn't change the point of the post ☺

[Charlotte]

Sorry for derailing your journal. 

My apols. 

Just intrigues me 

[Shin]

9 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Sorry for derailing your journal. 

My apols. 

Just intrigues me 

You're supposed to be a mod

?

[Charlotte]

It was still on topic 

 

?

[Shin]

Wtf is this ? ?

 

[Charlotte]