The most honest journal you'll ever read !

[Shin]

Quote

My path was the path of Failure. Everything I tried failed.
It doesn't mean that the trying didn't play an important role. The trying did play a role. the effort did play a role. The struggle did play a role.

But it played a role because it got me to an end of that role.
I danced that dance until it was extinguished. But I failed.

I failed at meditating well; I failed at figuring out the truth.
Everything I ever used to succeed spiritually failed.

But at the moment of Failure, that's when everything opens up.

Page 196 - The End Of Your World (Sounds True Edition) - Adyashanti

Funny how when you stop trying, when you just be yourself, when you stop doing the things that doesn't serve you, when you just appreciate the moment, and when you just enjoy life,

It all comes on its own.

There is nothing to do anymore, except living and being as authentically and kind I can be.
Being loving without expecting anything in return, just because I sense myself in everything.

Accepting that I know nothing, that the only thing I am sure of is that I exist.
Just fully experiencing what I experience.

How stupidly simple it is, 

Of course it is, since it is already there  

 

 

Quote

 

No Nut: Day 20

Walk: 50m
Affirmations: 5-5-5m
Meditation: 2h
Bentinho Course: 25m
Reading: 40m
Journaling: 30m
Work out: 0m

= 4h40

 

 

 

Edited January 6, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

 

 

I got again the Lucky draw, I got the exam on the only class I studied, again
From what I've seen, even in the worst case scenario I should have something like a 7/8 

 

There is one thing I learned this past year, it is that whatever happens, no matter how painful an ending ends, there is always Something great after it.
We can't see it because we wanted this Relationship or this job to continue to work for us, so bad.
The thing is, it's not about what we want, it's about what we need to raise in consciousness.

This almost never comes suffering, not that we should chase that, but it's through tough challenges that we grow, not in our comfort zone.
It should be obvious, but from what I'm seeing, lots of spiritual seekers thinks enlightenment is about pleasant expériences, while in fact it's just about raising your consciousness.

Which is done by seeing all the suppressed stuff in us, and facing all our fears in the real world, not just in our head.
So you can't expect it to be joyful all the time, it's not how life works.

Once you see and accept that though, the moments of suffering are accepted and goes away faaaar more quickly.

So my advice for anyone reading this thread, the next time something "bad" happens to you, try to learn what this pain tries to tell you.
Once  you finds the reason, and not the excuses your mind will try to give you,
Then you will be able to accept it, and let go.

If there is suffering there is always misconception of what you think reality should be.
You can't suffer and accept how things are, that's impossible  

 

Have a good day,
I love you baby 

 

 

Quote

 

Monday

 

No Nut = Day 21

Meditation: 2h
Walk: 40m
Affirmations: 15m
Read: 25
Course: 10
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 0m
Study: 15m (lol)

2h Leo video

= 5h45

 

Quote

Tuesday

 

No Nut = Day 22

Meditation: 2h
Walk: 20m
Affirmations: 15m
Read: 25m
Journaling: 35m
Work out: 0m
Study: 1h30
Exam: 1h10

= 6h15

 

 

 

 

Edited January 9, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

Does someone has non-dogmatic ressources to read online for free ?

About spirituality or self-actualization.

I forgot to buy my new book again ?

 

[Shin]

I ate meat !!!!!!! ?????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Pokemon ?????

Edited January 12, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

Finally can use the forum again, thank you Leo 

 

Today was great, I had a huge glimpse of how reality is a dream after reading the course of Bentinho.
I just walked in the city and realized it's all just a dream, and how it's already perfectly there, even when I forget about it.

I didn't really try anything, it just came, so I was right to follow my intuition, there is nothing to seek for, the only thing that make sense is just to be (present), which is effortless now.

It's the perfect analogy, it's like a dream, of course it is, it's all made of the same thing, which is me  
It doesn't what happens now, I'll welcome suffering with a smiling face if it ever shows up, it would be a great occasion to wake up again  

It's all just a silly dream
But not for every other being I see, suffering everyday
I wish I could help them somehow, but as of now the only thing I can do is to smile and loving them with my awareness 

 

Quote

 

Wednesday

No Nut = Day 23

Meditation: 2h
Walk: 1h30
Affirmations: 10m
Read: 0m
Journaling: 0m
Work out: 15m

Leo video 1h20

= 5h15

 

I thought I validate the edit, but apparently I didn't  
I Don't remember about Thursday, except I did something like 4 hours of habits, maybe less.
Friday I only meditate for 1 hour because I reset my sleep schedule and was soooo tired.

 

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Saturday

No Nut = Day 26

Meditation: 2h30
Walk: 50m
Affirmations: 10m
Read: 0m
Journaling: 35m
Work out: 0m
Course: 1h
Eckhart Tolle video 20m

= 5h25

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 12, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

Hi guys/girls,

I hope you're all ok

Today I again had an intense fear when I meditated, It was when I noticed that my chest was breathing all by itself.
I had a really hard time to start the Bentinho Course after that, because we are at the point when we have to realize we're not the body.
 

It's about switching attention from I AM to the body sensation and seeing you don't have to feel the body at all, like in deep deep meditation.
There are also questions like "what was I before I was born ?" "What will happen when I die ?" "What was 60 years ago ?"
 

There is so much fear underneath, I know it's there even though I don't experience it.
I can stall all I want, one way or another I will have to face it.

I'm so afraid to die,
I don't want to die
Oh boy …

 

 

 

Quote

 

Sunday

No Nut = Day 27

Meditation: 2h(30)
Reading: (0)
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 50m
Walk: 30m
Work out: 20m
Journaling: 20m

= 4h40

 

 

 

 

 

[Shin]

Let's see what will happens ?

 

[Shin]

Last night I freaked out pretty bad.

Until 4AM I think I couldn't sleep, because I had energy in my chest and heart that wanted to go out.

I don't know if it's me and my mind making it all up, but what's sure is that it's the same thing as when I felt I was gonna die One year ago.
I push it back everytime, I fear to loose control if I do, which I logically know It would be better, but when it happens for real it's a whole different story.

I don't think there is anything to do, it's gonna work it out itself, either it's gonna happen full force and I won't have a choice, or it will subside and come back (or not).

This is I think what Adyashanti tells about, the enlightenment of the level of the gut, when you literally feel like you're going to die.
If this is it, I won't have a choice I suppose, it doesn't happen to everyone, so don't be scared.
If you read this, you're probably as fucked as I am anyway, so, good death  

I would have thought that after things like this I would go totally in the opposite direction, but apparently I can't.
I can't unsee what I saw, or unfeel what I felt, in both the waking state and the dreaming state.
I don't feel there is even a real difference between the two, except in the waking state I've never been fully lucid in it.

Ahah, this must be so funny to read from the perspective of someone who knows his true nature, I'm sure they would be like "just surrender you little brat "

 

 

Quote

 

Monday

No Nut = Day 28

Meditation: 2h(0)
Reading: (0)
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 10m
Walk: 30m
Work out: 20m
Journaling: 30m

= 3h40

 

 

 

<3

Edited January 14, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

[Charlotte]

7 hours ago, Shin said:

"just surrender you little brat "

???

[Shin]

 

The paradox is that even though I'm scared as fuck, I still inquire

Go figure 

[Shin]

What would I be, I f this body/mind dies right now ?

What would I be, I f this body/mind dies right now ?

What would I be, I f this body/mind dies right now ?

What would I be, I f this body/mind dies right now ?

What would I be, I f this body/mind dies right now ?

What would I be, I f this body/mind dies right now ?

 

?????

 

[Shin]

I know it may sound stupid,
But I thought about having a funeral ceremony about this guy called Shin.

 

Like remembering all his life, bury something that means something for him, and accepting it needs to go.
It may sound overly dramatical, but I don't know, I think I need it.

It will be probably be very funny to look back at this from the "other side", but right now it's not funny at all  
It may happen without any struggle or suffering and in an instant, but I don't know that, so I have to take every possibilities into account.

I studied enough to know what can happen if I don't accept that I need to go, and I don't want that for me or anyone close to me.

I might die for real too, I don't remember where I read this, but I think you can actually physically die from the shift, or go so mentally crazy that it's almost the same.

Leo isn't kidding guys, you're gonna die
 

It is worth it though, even right now I can see it is.
There is nothing else that matter more, and you can intuit this right now if you go deep into your heart.

If you ever met one self-realized person, you would know.
The love that you can see in their eyes, the attention and the tenderness that is in them.

Even if I truly die, as in having no consciousness ever again,
It would be worth it to give birth to an another being like this.

 

Quote

 

Tuesday

No Nut = Day 29

Meditation: 2h(30)
Reading: (0)
Affirmations: 10m
Bentinho Course: 20m
Walk: 30m
Work out: 0m
Journaling: 35m

= 4h

 

 

 

Edited January 15, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

[Igor82]

 

[Charlotte]

[Shin]

You don't know that ?

[Charlotte]

Oh I do ?

[Shin]

7 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Oh I do ?

I don't want to know more than that, thank you  

[Shin]

What would I be If this body/mind wasn't existing ?

What would I be If this body/mind wouldn't exist ?

Which is the correct sentence please ? ?

 

And btw:

 

Edited January 17, 2019 by Shin