The most honest journal you'll ever read !

[Shin]

When did I woke up ?

10:30AM

What did I do in the morning ?

I took a shower, clean the appartment a little bit and played Pokemon 

What did I do in the afternoon ?

I ate with 2 friends in a restaurant until 13:45, then studied with one of them until 17:00.
From 5PM to 5:30PM I played Pokemon () while discussing with the same friend.
Afterwards I ate a salad in a notsofastfood-fastfood until 6:10PM (while playing Pokemon ).

What did I do in the evening ?

I did a 40 minutes sitted meditation, a 5 minutes affirmations of being honest and 30 minutes of reading.
I also cleaned the appartment a little more (probably 10 minutes), posting a post on Actualized.org (5 minutes) and created this post (40 minutes)

Then the rest of the evening I either played Pokemon or watched The Two Tower and the new episode of Walking Dead.

What do I need to do tomorrow ?

• Waking up earlier
• Meditate more (2 hours goal)
• Working out
• Calling the plumber, the toilet doesn't work and it starts to smell (don't fucking laugh ok laugh )
• Study 3 hours in the afternoon from 13 to 16, and 2/3 hours in the evening with friends.

 

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Things I want to talk about from today:

I backslided by starting to play Pokemon (4 months of video game sobriety ).
I hope it does not get any further than that, I Don't have any money to put into this (it's an emulator game).
Was previsible though, no fun allowed in 4 months except watching movies and shows that I don't care about, at some point something was gonna crack.

I watched a Ted Talk today in which it explains what is the difference between top students and regular students, and the thing that was obviously obvious that wasn't so obvious until I hear it, is that top student plans their day to have both work AND fun.
Of course it you don't allow yourself to have fun you will hate working, and of course if you only have fun you will find that fun boring.

There needs to be a natural balance until there is a genuine desire to only "work", but at that point it would not be considered as work anymore I guess.
So from now on I will allow this, unless it screw with my grades, work Schedule or consciousness level.
If it does then I'll have to find something else that I find interesting to do as a recreational activity.

 

 

The best song you'll ever listen, if only you could understand French

 

 

Edited December 4, 2018 by Shin

[Sahil Pandit]

@Shin What are you doing today that will help you tomorrow? 

[Shin]

2 minutes ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@Shin What are you doing today that will help you tomorrow? 

What do you truly want to say ? 

[Shin]

Already working.

When I get the dopamine fix from having fun, the mind automatically starts to redirect its attention to do "productive" things (like taking notes of last Leo's Video).

It's like there is a vaccum that needs to be filled, then you can empty it more effectively after.

It doesn't really change the productivity of the day, but it makes it more enjoyable, less neurotic, an it flows just better.

[thehero]

which pokemon? is the new one? i really want to play the new one. i found a PC emulator so i can get it for free. im just going to observe the urge lol cuz im going to binge it <3 

[Shin]

9 minutes ago, thehero said:

which pokemon? is the new one? i really want to play the new one. i found a PC emulator so i can get it for free. im just going to observe the urge lol cuz im going to binge it <3 

No, just Pokemon Emerald on android Emulator.

I have never done it, and I can do other stuff like writing here at the same time  

Edited December 5, 2018 by Shin

[Sahil Pandit]

@Shin I'll trade you a Graveler for a Machoke? 

[Charlotte]

@Sahil Pandit ?.

@Shin I see the honesty affirmations are working ??

 Loved reading this (as comedic purposes) because I've seen you've been struggling with the whole game thing lately. I do agree with you though about finding the right balance. I have a few friends in college and they don't take time out for fun during their studies, they seem so stressed and pressured all the time. 

Last night I played 40 minutes or so of Super Mario World on the SNES and it absolutely amazing ? (I'd studied all day literally)

[Shin]

Things I did before going to bed last night:

 

 

20 minutes leo's video:

 

 

 

15 minutes Supreme Leader Bentinho enlightenment course

 

 

 

 

Not long before I've gone to bed !

 

 

[Shin]

Had to use this because my neighboor play guitar (and sing).

Highly effective ?

 

Edited December 5, 2018 by Shin

[Shin]

Forgot to share it, this is the Ted Talk I was talking about:

 

 

[Shin]

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I know it's boring to read, but I'm doing it for me you know

 

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When did I woke up ?

9AM

 

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What did I do in the morning ?

I played Pokemon until 9:40, then I work out until 10:15, then took a shower and meditate for 40 minutes.
Until 11:50AM I played Pokemon and browsed internet abit.
I ate until 12:30AM while playeing Pokemon, was a 7€ vege pizza.

 

What did I do in the afternoon ?

After eating I walked for 20 minutes, stopped to a grocery to buy papers to take notes in order to study.
I got home and meditate for 40 minutes again.
At 2PM I got to the library and studied for 1 hour, then played Pokemon for 20 minutes, then studied again for 1 hour, then played Pokemon for 30 minutes.
I intended to study one more hour, but I started to get an headache  

 

What did I do in the evening ?

At 5PM I got to a bakery to buy a nutella croissant for 1,20€
Got home and called the plumber twice, but he wasn't there. Could have called the mobile number but were too lazy for that  
Then I meditated the last 40 minutes.
After that I think I played Pokemon for 90 minutes while watching the Two Towers, then ate while watching a One Piece episode.
I read "The Art of Peace and Happiness" from Rupert Spira for 30 minutes and did the 5 minutes affirmations of being honest.
Then I also did the Bentinho course for 15 minutes.

 

 

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What I have not done that I said I would yesterday ?

I missed 3 hours of study because of the headache, but it still counts.

 

What do I need to do tomorrow ?

Waking up even earlier 
Working out and meditate before class (10AM)

If I'm fine, 1 hour of study after the afternoon class
Study with friend in the evening

Calling the plumber again, and this time on the mobile too.

 

 

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Habits tracker

2 hours of meditation
30 minutes of working out
30 minutes of reading
15 minutes of Bentinho Course
20 minutes of walk
2 hours of study
5 minutes of affirmation of being honest
50 minutes making this post

6h30 of habits
9AM to 10:35PM = 13,5

8,20€ for daily food (supposed to be around 4).

 

 

 

 

Things I want to talk about from today:

In the Bentinho course, it was about looking at past and future events, and noticing we were both present in them.
In the past, even if we were totally unconscious, we were still there registering everything.
In the future, and this is funny and scary, it looks as if it was as real as the past event.

I was a bit shocked to realize this again for a second time, I never really thought about it before that clearly.
The past is as real as the future in our mind, which is the same thing as saying they are both unreal 
Oh and by the way, that also means that you can't be sure, and never will be that what happened in the past is real or not, no way, 0 proof from your perspective 

 

 

My dick is on fire too, like almost literally on fire, I need to learn to channel this shit it's starting to get seriously hot 
It's so hot that I sense my pants being warm, not the dick, the pants, yes, I'm not kidding  

 

Edited December 5, 2018 by Shin

[Shin]

Secondary reason to do this journal is to show what real self-developement works looks like.
Without anything minimized, and not just the pretty things highlighted.

It is messy, full of backslides, and with lots of inconsistency.
The ones who says the contrary are either full of shit/not pushing themselves enough or already full buddahood  

 

[Shin]

There is one thing that troubles me a bit, I think my best friend starts to have feeling for me, and I hope I'm wrong  

She gave me a kiss and a hug that is quite weird, looks in my eyes quite a lot, tried to hug me a few days ago and says randomly she loves me in emojis.

Please don't 

 

 

Also, I can't stop seeking, I really can't.
I have to know, but everything I read or hear about it all points to the fact that seeking is the very cause of not realizing it.
It's not like I didn't know both intellectually and experientially (not fully apparently ) that seeking leads to nothing, yet I still can't stop … 

It's like Morpheus says, "like a splinter in your mind".
It's so obvious now that I'm not aware of what I truly am, every second I'm not distracted or working on something I can feel it.

Yet I can't and won't find anything, because the path is not a path, the thing that needs to happen is the exact inverse of a path.
I got to backtrack into what I essentially am, and there is no direction to it, I got to realize what I already am, in this exact instant.

The ultimate frustration  
 

 

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Morning:

Wake up at 8AM, played Pokemon for like 30 minutes.
Took a shower then meditated for 40 minutes, then played pokemon for 20 minutes ().
Call the plumber which redirected to my landlord, which tried to redirected me to my plumber ().
Read for 35 minutes and did the 5 minutes affirmations of being honest, then played pokemon for 15 minutes ()
Then I go to eat a vege sandwich for 3,60 for something like 40 minutes and did a 20 minutes walk.

Afternoon:

Got back to my flat and meditated for 40 minutes, played Pokemon for 20,
Did the Bentinho course for 15 minutes and browse internet a bit/pokemon for 10 minutes.
Got to class at 14 then at 15 played pokemon () for 30 minutes then studied for 1h30 (bought a muffin for 1,40)
Got back to the appartment and worked out for 20 minutes, took a shower again then meditated for 15 minutes.

Evening:

Got to a friend flat to study , but like I thought we didn't ().
Was fun anyway, kind of needed that because from now on I'll have to study quite a lot.
Got back at home by walking for 25 minutes and meditated for 25 minutes.

 

 

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What I have not done that I said I would yesterday ?

Didn't work out before going to class.
Didn't go to the morning (useless ) class.
Didn't study at night, but at least now I know I can't count on those people to study in the evening.

What I have done that I said I would yesterday ?

Waking up earlier
Meditate before going to class
Study 1h(+30minutes) in the afternoon.
Calling the plumber again

What do I need to do tomorrow ?

Waking up at 10AM at the very least (exception because of night out)
Working out and reading/affirmations/Bentinho before taking the train
Meditate in the train (1 hour), because this shit is too good.
Study for 3 hours in the afternoon.
Call the plumber again before lunch (they say they would call me but I don't trust them )

 

 

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Habit tracker

Meditated for 2 hours
Studied for 1h30
Class for 1h
Journal for 1h10
Walked for 45 minutes
Read for 35 minutes
Working out for 20 minutes
Bentinho for 15 minutes
Affirmations for 5 minutes

7h40

Awake from 8AM to 1:50AM = 17h20

6€ for food (acceptable but not 4€)

 

 

Edited December 7, 2018 by Shin

[sarapr]

your life is so baffling 

[Shin]

5 hours ago, sarapr said:

your life is so baffling 

That's mean ?

[Shin]

Going back to 2 hours of meditation a day feels amazing.

So calm and peaceful, crystal clear mind and an ability to live in the moment clearly enhanced.

Today I got some non-dual glimpses, like, I watched my hands at different time without perceiving them as my hands, but just hands.
Also, I got some very subtle and short glimpses of oneness, when I was talking to my parents, like we were intimate without even talking, and linked into some transparent field (I like a 3rd person character like in a video game).
Same thing when I was going from my flat to the train station, the people and the buildings where so "Impossible to describe ( ).

There is definitely a dream componant to this, it really feels the same in a lot of ways 

 

 

 

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I won't say exactly when I distract myself/have fun, that's redundant.
I will only do it if I notice that I'm doing it at an inapproriate time or to procrastinate.
You can easily guess how much time just by looking at the difference in time in the habit tracker anyway 

 

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Morning:

Woke up at 9:AM and played Pokemon for 30 minutes. 
I really should stop this, it's not a good habit to wake up and instantly reward yourself, it can make you even more lazy if you feel tired.
I did 20 minutes of work out after that, then 20 minutes of meditation, 20 minutes of reading and 10 minutes of Bentinho course.

Afternoon:

I took the train at 12:16AM, then meditate for 1 hour in the train.
I walked for 20 minutes and get a vege sandwich for 4.60./80 then got home.
Studied for 2h30 in the afternoon.

Evening:

40 minutes of meditation and 15 minutes of Bentinho course, and later at night the remaining 30 minutes of study.
5 minutes of affirmations before doing the journal

 

 

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What I have not done that I said I would yesterday ?

Forgot to call the plumber
Affirmations at night, but I actually like to do it just before journaling

What I have done that I said I would yesterday ?

Waking up at 9AM
Working out and reading/Bentinho before taking the train
Meditate in the train (1 hour)
Study for 3 hours in the afternoon.
 

What do I need to do tomorrow ?

Study for 4 hours
Walking for 1h
Taking 1h of notes of Leo last video

 

 

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Habit tracker

Meditated for 2h
Studied for 3h
Journal for 30m
Walked for 20 m
Read for 20 m
Working out for 20 m
Bentinho for 25 m
Affirmations for 5 m

7h

9AM to 1AM = 16h

4,70 for food

 

 

Edited December 8, 2018 by Shin

[sarapr]

8 hours ago, Shin said:

That's mean ?

I don't mean it in a bad way but like why would you meditate that many times a day?

[Shin]

50 minutes ago, sarapr said:

I don't mean it in a bad way but like why would you meditate that many times a day?

Why not ?

[sarapr]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

Why not ?

i think i got it.  you wanna meditate for two hours a day but can't do it in one sit so you split it up in the day. is that it