Need external perspectives

[Shin]

I'm considering to stop the chase right now.

Not stopping in the sense of going inconscious by stopping focusing on the now and sitted meditation (I actually intend to do sds more) though.
By stopping I mean self-inquiry of all kinds.

I'm wondering if this is a defense mechanism or if it can be genuine.
Self-inquiry (whatever the form) just makes me sad, almost depressed in some case.
I understand that this is supposed to happen, but after years of seeking I come to the conclusion than it's a major issue for me (to seek).

Everytime I had a beautiful glimpses, or when I was extremely peaceful and content, was always when I was just meditating (2h+ sitted and 24/7 being just conscious) and doing my things without any sort of self-inquiry at all.
The only kind of inquiry that was there was about admiring reality as it is (mostly nature and sounds).

After reading several spiritual material the past few weeks, I've come to the point to experientially understand that there is literally no way to do anything to realize the Truth.
You could say meditation is a doing, but if youreally think about it, you aren't doing anything when you meditate, and that's the point  
Warning about the above line, I'm saying this in the sense that being (fully conscious) is what is our natural state, and if you're already there, if you see no difference between meditation and your day to day consciousness level, then there is no point to chase anything if it feels like work (or is forced).
Double warning, I'm creating this post because I'm still a newbie, so don't take my words for it, read the replies.

At the beginning you have to force yourself to meditate until meditation becomes your life, but after that I have serious doubt about forcing your way into it.
The only reason I would still meditate 2+ hours a day is because it feels amazing to have a mind that quiet, and because I feel physical benefits to it (general idea is that the body feels more alive).

I prefer to double check with you, because I remember how my shrink (when I was 21) told me how amazingly smart I was, to lie to myself.
She couldn't stop herself when she was laughing at me, that's how effective I was at that apparently 
 

Edited December 4, 2018 by Shin

[Solace]

You can measure your spiritual enlightenment by how quiet your mind naturally is, and how open your heart feels.

The heart is meant to always feel warm like a expanding bubble of bliss. When I did SDS or do nothing it didn’t awaken this, my consciousness stayed predominantly in my head where the ego identification is. 

Then I gave this up after a year of meditating and practiced Matt Kahn’s techniques to stay heart centered and love whatever arises. This lead to experiences of having no body, and feeling the heart blossom basically.

Yet I knew there was more, and then I found other teachers that lead me to feeling the movement of air in my chest cavity which is where I’m at. All practices will ultimately lead back to the heart. It’s the only way to reach full enlightenment. Nearly all spiritual teachers have not reached this place, and still have an ego (one that talks and walks in a spiritual way).

So I recommend you give up SDS, it isn’t direct. SDS has greatly increased your concentration levels so if you change your meditation to the rising and falling of the chest for 2 hours you would make massive progress.

Let go of your emotions, and thoughts right now. Simply feel the breathing chest. The reason people find this challenging is because a doubt will arise about the technique or a fear; don’t listen to it, keep focusing on the breathe even if it says SDS is more effective. This is the most effective technique. It is the gateway to becoming one with your true self which always experiences a steady stream of bliss and love.

Enlightenment and seeking begins and ends here. Don’t limit yourself, always stay in the breathing chest. It will reveal its magnificence very quickly.

https://channelhigherself.com/blog/types-of-higher-self-meditation-practices/

Edited December 4, 2018 by Solace

[Salvijus]

Self enquiry is only frustrating if you're doing it with your mind. Self enquiry is not a mental exercise. True self enquiry means simply looking. Looking at what is true. Questions are there simply to direct your attention. But the process is just looking. How can looking be depressing? Only if you're doing self enquiry with your mind. Then the mind will be frustrated and confused and it will hurt 

I wouldn't drop self enquiry if I were you. I'd rather learn to do it the right way with the right guidence and energy. Mooji is one of them. Being just mindful and present is okey. But you will not move very fast to enlightenment like this.

I don't know what kind of self enquiry you do. But the kind of self enquiry I saw that people do on this forum is just sad.(not everyone ofcourse)

Edited December 4, 2018 by Salvijus

[ground]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

I'm considering to stop the chase right now.

Great! That's evidence for your enlightenment.

[purerogue]

I am confused here, is Enlightenment delusion, just live your life best you can , without any effort or anything , be , enjoy the moment, without questioning anything, that sounds more like way of life , not finding of mechanic of this reality and existence as whole., because to find out that , you will have to be miserable for a long time, one could say this question has no answer, but how can you know if you do not try to find it.