The bond between children and women - Spiral Dynamics

[billiesimon]

I've had this sort of dilemma/insight these days observing some of my female friends around my age (22 - 29 range), and I've noticed that the way they conceptualize children and bonding between girls and children is very very different based on their spiral dynamics stage.

I've noticed, at least in my acquaintances, that:

1. Stage blue - mainly blue/orange girls tend to have a very deep bonding with small children. They are very sharp and quick to empathize with them, and have some kind of natural affection for them

2. Stage orange girls tend to be very detached and indifferent towards children. They see them as boring small noisy people.

3. Stage orange/green girls (which are a lot of college educated women) are very far away from the nurturing and caring concept of blue girls. And even though they are NOT indifferent and cold towards children, like oranges are, they are somehow... awkward. Like kids were some kind of important human being worthy of respect but something that's also very far away from their femininity. 
It's so weird! Green should be all about caring and nurturing, and paradoxically all these green girls in college have zero connection with their "motherhood" instincts. 

While I completely understand the position of the first two stages, I don't understand green's position. I think it may be the result of all the green propaganda for abortion and contraception (I'm in favour of both if used properly).

What's your opionion on this? 

[thehero]

There are different lines of development, because Green is caring and loving to their children. So my guess is that in that aspect, they are not Green

[Emerald]

Orange was all about bringing women out of the traditional role that women were previously prisoner too. And this Orange anti-traditional femininity and anti-motherhood idea that takes a while to get over. It comes from a subtle misogyny that disguises itself as empowerment by telling women that they can be powerful like men if they divest themselves of the feminine in all but appearance. And this includes anything from wearing pink, wearing bras, being a stay-at-hom mom, etc. Second wave Feminism had a lot of this type of rhetoric that was well-intentioned by still very steeped in the anti-feminine ideals that it reacted against.

So, for many women who are Green, there is likely still some of this mindset that hangs out. Plus, Green has different reasons for mistrusting traditional gender roles that comes along with their acceptance for people in the LGBT community. 

And for Green, instead of being cold toward children, it's generally an awkwardness and not knowing how to act. Or just still being disconnected from the feminine, as Green is like the training wheels of the full integration of the feminine that has been repressed, likely since late early-Purple. 

Basically, in an Orange society, it's going to prefer the masculine as the society is ruled by the masculine principle. And women are socialized to be more masculine to be seen as worthwhile. This is what enables them to climb higher than Blue on the spiral. Otherwise, if they accept the traditionally feminine role, they won't be in the mind space for that kind of growth. 

So, it takes quite a while to outgrow. I used to be very awkward around children myself.

But being a parent and substitute teacher, I feel like I know how to interact with kids of all different ages. And it doesn't feel foreign to me. 

I used to think babies were ugly, until I had one of my own. And now I think babies are super cute. I even see babies as being cuter than the cutest of baby animals... which I never thought would be the case. 

But I suppose it's just the tension between the idea of a baby/child and interacting with a real baby/child who has a complex personality and way of being  just like an adult does. 

 

Edited December 6, 2018 by Emerald

[Athena]

Emerald gave a better explanation of my thoughts. 

I was very orange, I can now see the damage orange values are causing especially when it comes to children. 

I was so detached, it was all about looking proper, intelligence and manners nothing emotional. 

From the sterile florescent lit delivery room, the epidurals, the lack of breastfeeding support, the lack of bonding, the haste to loose the baby weight and go back to work. My doctor promoted letting the baby cry to sleep (this particular one hurts me so much when I think of it, how did I let her convince me?).

Just so much wrong going on. One of my goals is to create awareness about this. 

If only I could turn back time. Seems all I am doing now is correcting issues I know for sure stemmed from their first years. 

If we are not attuned to ourselves how can we become attuned to the needs of children. 

The ppl I know in stage blue come from a very religious background and say things like "give birth like the Hebrew women" that sentence drives Orange nuts. 

[billiesimon]

19 hours ago, Emerald said:

Orange was all about bringing women out of the traditional role that women were previously prisoner too. And this Orange anti-traditional femininity and anti-motherhood idea that takes a while to get over. It comes from a subtle misogyny that disguises itself as empowerment by telling women that they can be powerful like men if they divest themselves of the feminine in all but appearance.

Excellent explanation, I appreciate it.

Yes, I've noticed that fully ingrained feminine orange values tend to be very detached and alienated from children, because of the "need to achieve".
Well, to be honest all the range from purple to blue/orange transition is very accepting of motherhood as a strong feminine value. It's just that the other feminine values, like freedom, sexuality etc. are condemned. But some values like motherhood were always appreciated, except in orange of course. 

I think that stage green, once fully integrated, brings back this concept of motherhood as an empowering aspect of female nature. A big problem I see in feminism is that motherhood is seen as somehow evil and old fashioned, while in fact it's just a part of female nature. There are some many "awkward" women nowadays who end up without kids and full of regrets. Feminists don't understand that it's just part of our natural instinct to procreate, and it's not a regression to stage blue.

But I guess that western society has to grow a little bit more to understand this.

[billiesimon]

A very inspiring example for this lost blue value, reintegrated in stage green, is Adina Rivers. A sexuality teacher on Youtube.

She has a very open sexuality and at the same time she's a very loving and nurturing mother. She is in my opinion an excellent example of a fully integrated stage green starting to move into yellow (she is very aware of psychology, social dynamics, and very good with different perspectives, zero reaction towards orange/blue).

A very inspiring woman! Both for sexuality and relating with people!