180 Day NeverNut

[Igor82]

Day 2: 1/10

Literally no cravings. The only thing I did was visualizing approaching that 10/10 blonde leading up to me briefly visualizing intimate sex with her.

It has been a month since I started this journal, and I have been growing very rapidly, I do not know where im gonna be in a month, I have 5-MeO on the way, im implementing my schedule... A month has colossal potential.

Today I have been working really hard, I did consume some Modafinil, and this stuff works its magic, so I can't specifically credit NoFap for my current work ethic, but what I know is that being on track with a purpose is the best one can do when trying to abstain from PMO. Finding a purpose and staying on track with it counteracts the main problem of PMO which is the concealment of your purpose, making it irrelevant enough that you will pursue porn instead.

If I can really get in touch with my purpose, NoFap becomes effortless, and I can enjoy my masculine essence. All that's left is enhancing it, and now im ready to let go of PMO. 

I just know that en ego backlash will come rolling down on me like a boulder down a staircase. I hope I can handle it, I will wake up 8 AM regardless, so let's see if this waking up early keeps me safe. I will have to take a break day on Sunday (Im doing schedules until Sunday) or If I don't, I won't be able to do anything that day, or even the next due to a backlashing burnout. I really hope this works.

[Igor82]

Day 3: 2/10

As easy as yesterday, just with slightly more sexual content. (Morning wood, more fantasy etc)

I feel like my vision has improved, everything is so damn beautiful. You know when you watch a wall and think its white or something... now I can actually see that wall for what it is, like how all the colors are reflected, all the patterns and shit, I feel like im on some psychedelic. I don't know if it has anything to do with NoFap, but it's interesting.

I was practicing athletics today, and this 10/10 blonde showed up again.. she is distractingly beautiful irl:

After the session, I went through some emotions that came up during the training concerning that girl. I felt afraid to lose her. I have had success in visualizing infinite love by picturing her (or some other girl) every morning, and girls like her is a good reason why Im excited to go to the athletics house and get tested. But im approaching this with a scarcity mindset, this is why im afraid for her to stop showing up, and with the fear comes a need to approach her. I feel like I need to approach her, but the fear of doing so is very compelling because of my scarcity mindset.

At home, I checked her Instagram page, and I immediately went on and judged her, and after checking her Instagram and getting a just a little idea of what's going on in her life, I felt liberated from this need of approaching her and clinging. Why?? What did I solve by judging? Well, I think this was a decisive moment of if I would approach her or not, by getting to know her a little more. If I would check her Instagram and see that she is meditating, eating healthily and doing the same stuff as I do, being that 0.01% of girls, then I would happily approach her the next time I saw her. The purpose would be too strong for me to repress it (getting to know such a person is highly valuable), but now as this is not the case, I feel like I don't need to approach her, because I feel like there is nothing she can give me that I am not capable of getting myself. And after checking Instagram, my mindset shifted and now I feel like I should just do my stuff, the attraction is still there, but im just liberated of the need to approach her, of being needy. 

But the problem is not solved. Im afraid of approaching. I need to work on this, but why approach? Im too committed to my life purpose than having to deal with committing to a relationship. Ofc, I do want to experience that Thao-style intimate nonejaculatory sex, but I really don't need it, and I'll have to abstain from it for now as I need to find my life purpose (which is my current LP) and align myself with it, before even considering a relationship.

Other than that, the awesome feminine essence will keep empowering me through my athletics sessions, and It keeps reminding me of the importance of NeverNut.  Its a testing chamber im entering 2 times a week that tests the strength of my masculine essence. And within these chambers, NeverNut will draw the fine line between me being a weak wimp or a superior man.

Edited January 4, 2019 by Igor82
Corrected the failure of the video link embedding

[Sahil Pandit]

@Igor82 High jumpers have extremely beautiful slim but lean bodies 

Look up Amy Pejkovic 

Edited January 5, 2019 by Sahil Pandit

[Igor82]

Day 4: 3/10

NoFap news: I didnt make a schedule today and I woke up a little late, I got caught up in having very valuable conversations with my mother about her relationship with a guy. We did some work together, but now as im writing this at midnight I have not even dont my Kriya yet. Im a little out of touch with the aliveness of my daily schedules, and this hit me as a reason for me to fantasize while sitting in the toilet, ”as an experiment” to see if It would be something special. The fantasizing wasnt that special, and it led up to me beginning to touch my dick, but I didnt edge, I didnt orgasm, but I touched the thing. Luckily I had stuff to do so I snapped out of it. 

Random insight: I feel like my higher self is starting to talk to me more. You know the voice that comes up when we are self-sabotaging, and it command you to do something? Like when you are about to eat junk food, it says to reach for the fruit, or when you are touching your dick, it says ”stop”, or when you are taking a comforting hot shower, it says ”switch to cold”. We tend though to immediately suppress this voice as it comes up, automatically disobeying it. It is a weak voice, it does not have the punch the the reward system has, but its there. I have started to obey this voice more and more, im hearing it. I feel like its connected to my purpose and tells me what to do to align myself again, and if I keep obeying the voice, I get into flow! This voice is very hard to obey, but at least listen to what it says. I feel like im starting to obey this voice more and more, and its really rewarding because it keeps telling me the right things to do.

 

[Igor82]

 

Day 5&1: 6/10 & 2/10

 

I relapsed on day 5, it was inevitable. I snorted a starting dose of 5-MeO, but I didn't feel much from snorting 3mg, two times. After that I was very out of touch with my purpose, as it was my break day and I was letting go of my attachments because I knew that I would physically die (I had to think this way for the purpose of surrender for 5-MeO) After this, I smoked a moderate dose of weed, enough to make me hungry, so in this state of unawareness and lack of purpose, I went and experimented on how it would feel like fapping while high.

Today was day 1 again. I had a very magical morning of being in the moment, almost like doing constant self-inquiry, and I went to the athletics house and did my training, it was empty in there and I had a lot of fun, but more people started coming. After I ate my lunch and meditated for a bit, the blond girl (my crush and my challenge) showed up. I decided to listen to some mellow music and watch all the people train as I sat on the second floor of the building, having a nice bird view of the whole thing. It was really beautiful, my eyes did water up. I had the idea that it would be useful for me to observe the blond girl doing her thing, so I can learn from it while trying something new. 

I ended up learning something new; Fapping makes me a whimp, it makes me more fearful with a stronger tendency to escape. Well, I ended up observing my biggest challenge, observing how she moved etc. I didn't mind if somebody would look at me while I sat there staring, but when she looked, oh boy. I tried to maintain eye contact as much as possible, but I got this strong feeling to escape. The worst came as I was on my way out of the building and saw her running a 100m towards my direction (although I was a story above her), and she decided to look back at me towards the end of the run, and I got this explosive emotional urge to just escape, it was not an uncomfortable feeling, it was not passionate either, it was something like never before, but it did make me walk out of the building with a smile of disbelief on my face, "how did that just happen? Am I really such a whimp? I do like observing poeple at the bus, and I don't really mind making eye contact, but this girl just shattered me" I intuit that if I would be streaking, I would have no problem approaching her, I intuit that all that fear would begone.

This will keep haunting me every time I go and practice in that building. I have to conquer my fear, and my biggest fear would be approaching her. I mean, I only see her when she is actually in the middle of training, and approaching her like that would be a real test. And I still have this strong fear of approaching girls, especially really hot ones. I will, of course, keep working on my life purpose, but this challenge will still haunt me.

Sooner or later I will strike the root issue, maybe I had some trauma, maybe its PMO, maybe its the scarcity mindset... but now I will come back with the strongest motivation for NeverNut, as I know that too many problems stem from PMO that I just can't tolerate anymore. 

[Igor82]

Day 2: 1/10

I had some cravings, but now my mind is just completely against the idea of even relapsing, every time I get a thought of touching my dick, the thought automatically gets replaced by the look of the blond girl as she ran by.

I solved some self-confidence issues this morning, I previously thought of myself as being awkward and weird, taking peoples looks too personally. But the looks of other people actually has nothing to do with who I am, so I should not assume false things, people gaze at me like im a tall hippie weirdo, but that is only because im dancing in public, or im trying to make eye contact but my face looks so handsome and out of the ordinary that you have to look away in shock and revolt, and there im sitting taking all these things personally without realizing that these remarks have nothing to do with my personality. 

In my mind, I had a conversation with the blond chick, and it went pretty well! I explored my humor, I explored being humble and authentic, and I got in touch with the lost confidence and potential that lies in me. I know that NoNut will take me to this wonderful potential making me much more independent. If I would be streaking, I would be so confident that I would not even care about looks or about how hot a chick is, I would forget about that in the midst of my vigor, confidence, and purpose... but now I just find myself getting attached to things, especially the blonde chick. She has been on my mind for a long time... Okay, let's connect the dots:

Today I have felt unusually connected to my purpose, but with the emotional reason (I assume) to "do it for the blond chick", as a picture of her come into my mind along with a strong sense of purpose. With a strong sense of purpose comes a strong motivation for Nofap. What if my mind is actually attached to the blond chick, but actually is pointing me to my purpose, in order for me to get the blonde chick!? But ultimately my purpose will make her insignificant, the constant thoughts of her will disappear, and my attachments will be released. 

In the end, the athletics and all of that is a very very good challenge. It's uncomfortable, its hard, but it sure grows me. Im shooting for accumulating the motivation to surrender my addiction into awareness itself, choosing awareness solely above the addiction. And getting motivated to do so is a tough staircase, but day by day, im getting there.

Its hard, because I have to give up all my attachment in the end, to ultimately transcend the addiction, I must release my clinging of all the benefits that I may receive from staying abstaining my addiction as well as releasing the addiction itself into awareness itself. I have to let go of the blonde girl, while I see her 2 times/week

[TheAvatarState]

You got this man! Cannabis and psychedelics are also a trigger for me too. So I'm taking a complete break from these things until my 90 days are over. It would be wise for you to do this same.

[Igor82]

@TheAvatarState Ill stick to doing 5-MeO and very low doses of cannabis (for meditation) in the future, thanks for the reminder!

Day 3: 1/10

Every urge got demolished, even though I felt out of touch with my motivations today, the last thing I wanted to do is fap. My reasons for fapping are becoming utterly weak.

I snorted 10mg's of 5-MeO today, and during the peak (which was just a stronger surge of awareness), I felt totally disinterested in giving into any craving/thought of doing something. During the comedown, I observed the cravings/thoughts rather than engaging myself with them, and so I noticed how ridiculous they were, the thought of the blonde girl is just a thought, just a thought! And the cravings always seem to show the absolute best scenario, but they as well are only thoughts and certain sensations.. the key is to stay aware of that. I even touched my flaccid dick during the comedown (I was taking a piss), and I was aware of the sensations with no thoughts attached to it, and it didn't feel attractive at all! It felt weird. Normally it would make me hard, but that would be because of all the thoughts being attached to the sensations, but this time they were gone.

Now I feel like I can much more easily make the choice of choosing awareness and emptiness over the addiction itself, as now, I much more intimately know what it feels like.

I need to recollect my life though, I have been slacking off the last few days (with not waking up early and doing a schedule)

[Igor82]

Day 4: 1/10

The urges got as demolished as they were yesterday, I woke up 9 am without much motivation to my schedule. I ingested about 75mg's of Modafinil and was ready to get productive, but I ended up spending the forenoon in an odd way.

I had a very genius idea yesterday, and it is to implement a piano into the athletics house! To actually get a piano into the second floor where there is a public eating space (really large room). I started elaborating on this idea a lot, all the reasons for doing it, all the reasons for not doing it, how the conversations would go with the authority of the house, etc, and this idea got stuck until this morning, and I started visualizing about going in there and having this conversation. Now after considering many possibilities, im absolutely certain that it is gonna go through, im so damn confident in this idea that im ready to do very very much to get it done.

I also visualized approaching the blonde chick! And through this visualization, I have regained my true sense of self-confidence. The reasons why I was very afraid to approach was that I thought it was gonna turn out badly, I wasn't certain that it was gonna go smoothly for me or the one im approaching, or for the surrounding people, I was also uncertain of my personality, my looks etc. I started visualizing having conversation with the blond girl, I started coming up with certain greetings, certain punchlines, certain things I would ask, and what I would do against resistance, for example:

• I walk up to the blonde girl and her trainer, and as im there, I say to the girl, ignoring the trainer:
• "Hello! You know, I really like you, no... I love you!(tongue in cheek) The way you sprint, the way you stretch, the way you jump the way you look -owh- you are a wonderful distraction... I may have developed some emotions towards you even though we have never talked before, and observing you here is very thrilling and inspiring... what is your name?"
• The trainer has a couple of options, either interferes with the conversation or stays quiet, I mean, what can he do? "This is completely inappropriate!" "Hey, being honest and open about my emotions is very healthy!", and so I would turn to the girl again and ask some more stuff... 

The purpose of this conversation would be that I get my message straight into her heart in a confident, friendly manner, subconsciously excusing her for maybe making her feel uncomfortable by staring at her kind-of seriously in the past.. and also the purpose is to set her up for a conversation in the future, maybe on the second floor where the piano resides. 

 

The thing was that im afraid of not doing it right and that I would attract pain and suffering through the interaction, maybe that she or somebody else would reject me. Now I realize that any rejection from other people can be welcomed and reasoned with, and rejections from her wouldn't really happen unless I fuck up completely, but getting my message through is all I want to do really, approaching her with my confidence and with my message&purpose will happen!! Getting rejected or accepted does not really matter at that point. Im not afraid for others to look at me weirdly, what of it? Im doing my thing in a confident manner, my mission is not persuaded by somebody looking weirdly at me, forget that.

Now, what are the action steps, what is the plan? I will definitely get the piano in there, that is step no1, and if I see her, I will give her the biggest smile, letting her know, but if it's not appropriate, then I won't approach her (maybe because of fear). To get more comfortable with this, I will get out on the streets and have random conversations with women, starting with "Excuse me, you look very pretty today, you really do, I would like to get to know you". I did this in the past, but I stopped doing it, and I miss the confidence that I had now lost. The visualization has been really helpful in me regaining my confidence through pinpointing my fears and clarifying a purpose.

I'll go to the athletics house tomorrow, and ill leave an update for you guys on what will happen. Fapping has never been as revolting as it is now, and Im on fire.

[Igor82]

Day 5&6 1/10, 1/10

On day 5 I planned to go and practice athletics, but I woke up late and ended up instead plugging 15mgs of 5-MeO with little success due to improper administration. I had no thoughts of pmo that day whatsoever.

Today (day 6) I still managed to wake up late, but I did my morning routine planning to go to the athletics and finally get my things in check... but the house closed earlier today, so I ended up going outside for a long run. I ran about 3km, and then I walked through the city oozing with confidence! You know when you are afraid of being socially awkward, and you have alot of self-awareness always trying not to do something wrong? Well, this was all gone! I felt like I could approach any girl or person (but none really caught my attention).. I was so confident that I proceeded to ask a couple for directions... across the street, somehow it worked!

The most profound thing was that I danced in public. In the city, there is a small area were there is a public trampoline (in the ground), and I love visiting this trampoline and playing around on it, more like a workout. Butthis time, I danced on it, dacing to the music I was listening to through my headphones. I visualized flowing with the music itself, and I tried to connect with love and gratitude while dancing as well, and people were looking alot. About every person turned their head, but I didnt mind, because my mission on that trampoline was to express as much love as possible through my body while dancing.

As I listened to the song “Paradise” by coldplay, my heart really filled up with love, there was no worries, I felt like a child, I danced, gesturing love however I could, jumping high in the sky, throwing my hand up there, hugging the air and covering my heart, you name it, I danced to the lyrics, I felt like I was giving a very tangiable message to the world, it was ver inspiring for me! At one instance, a family walked by, and their 2 young children could not stop staring at me out of curiosity, and even one of the wanted to approach me! Amd as I looked back at them, I felt soo much love that I just couldnt stop smiling. I gave the most lovley smile to that child for like 15 seconds as he walked by. It was very profound. I ended up dancing for at least 90 minutes and I will definently visit that trampoline again.

 

I realise how neurotically I have been thinking about what I said I was gonna do the last post. Today, I didnt let these thoughts grasp me, I just let them all go and so I found a much more delightful connection with the moment, recognizing that these thoughts are just silly thoughts and not even attractive. 

The takeaway of today is that what I really should be working on is embodying as much love and play as possible in my life, and only then I can share it with other people, bringing success to my purpose and relationships. If I approach the blonde girl due to fear rather than from a standpoint of genuine love, it is doomed to fail. What a test.

[Igor82]

Day 7: 2/10

Ego backlash confirmed. I woke up without any motivation to do anything else than going back to sleep, even though I was relatively awake. Normally when I would feel like this a lot of cravings for PMO would hit me during the day, but laying in the bed I just ended up fantasizing about intimate sex with the blond chick and it got my dick hard, but actually, no urges or cravings arose.

1. My mind just knows that PMO won't lead me anywhere other than regret and misery (really shown as I experience my social capacities, my confidence and purpose heavily suffering from the addiction)
2. During my recent mild 5-MeO trip, I got in touch with how worthwhile it is to choose emptiness over an addiction even though the addiction will ultimately take everything away from somebody (all motivations, all pleasure etc). And now its much easier for me to abstain from perpetuating the addiction.

These two factors make cravings or thoughts about PMO much less frequent and laughably less compelling.

 

I need to get back on track for tomorrow, and to do this I need to strategize about taking proper action and what actions to take, because part of the reason for my motivations fading away is that I have too many directions to take (which is good)! That I can't align with any of them.

Edited January 13, 2019 by Igor82
Spelling issues

[Igor82]

Day 8: 2/10

NoFap: I didn't get any cravings or thoughts today, except just before taking a cold shower (this one was very emotionally difficult), where I actually touched my dick very briefly for comfort, and then I was like "Hell no, fuck off" and I pulled the lever and had a great and very painful shower.

 

Today: I was weak. I didn't sleep enough and my morning routine was a little off. I attended the athletics and I felt weak. I did the whole training, but it took a lot longer than I wanted it to. It was pretty empty in there, and I actually didn't find a good spot to place a piano inside the athletics house, so I shied away from approaching the staff to mention it, but I did mention it very briefly to my trainer as we were on the topic (he didn't wanna deny it, but he definitely didn't agree).

I was so weak that my confidence fell apart, I actually started laughing for a long time when doing some reps, as I thought of how I spent the last days thinking so much about how confident I am and how im gonna approach women etc, and there I sit when my trainer chats with 2 women about diet, and I comfortably observe their conversation from 15m away, even though I could've approached and given some tips.

 

Its all about the actions I take. If I come to the athletics house after sleeping 5 hours, eating an unhealthy breakfast, not have taken a cold shower for 1 week, fapped to porn 2 times the day before, procrastinated on my schedule for a month (im exaggerating), then, of course, I will feel very weak. If Im very aligned with my purpose and my schedule, I know ill be very strong and confident.

I'll go and attend the athletics on Friday, when im 12 days into my streak, with 4 great schedules behind my back.

 

[Igor82]

Day 9: 2/10

Nofap: I actually had some more compelling thoughts of Pmo'ing today, as though my motivations dwindled a bit. Yesterday, I revolted of the thought of relapsing, but if I thought about it today, the compelling reasons for why I shouldn't do it was actually not that present. Of course, I sat with the thought and it went away, but I feel like the addiction will keep creeping up to me.. only awareness can save me now;

Today: was a very good day overall, I did my scheduled tasks and I was much more aware than usual, almost briefly as much as I was during my 10mg 5-MeO trip. (I will trip tomorrow 17mg's and see how that goes). I had a cold shower breakthrough(habit breakthrough) were I fully surrendered into the sensations rather than trying to divert them or escape them. This gave me a lot of strength and awareness.

Im on track, and I feel like I will still do the stuff that keeps me on track even though my mind tells me not to, at least for now. And every time I come back like this from an ego backlash, I come back stronger. This time I will stay on track and streak on track. This time there will be a massive breakthrough, I can feel it. The LP course is going well, my routine is doing good, the 5-MeO is gonna be plugged and I've has some spiritual insights lately like never before (Today I got in touch with not being the body, and I got more aware of how the person I think I am is actually something separate from my true nature! Its like im observing someone else).

I'll just have to carry on and keep you guys updated. I love you all <3 

[Igor82]

Day 10: 3/10 & Relapse

This one was unavoidable, @TheAvatarState  probably predicted this.

Plugged 17mg's of 5-MeO (not that intense), and on the peak I touched my dick by mistake and it felt good, so I kept doing that, eventually I relapsed. I was very aware of what happened, I have never masturbated while being this aware:

My motivations to stop fapping in that moment were not present. There was no "higher-self voice" that told me to stop, or no thought or emotion that told me to stop either. But, what was my motivation to fap at that moment? I kind of wanted to transmute the sexual energy from my dick into my heart, so I started breathing into the sensations. Eventually thoughts of reaching an orgasm started to overwhelm me, so I tried doing so while not breathing, and it was... intense.

In that moment, I had a reason to fap. It was like that in the back of my mind I deeply knew that just fapping and orgasming would leave me unfulfilled and that its not worth it, so my mind wanted to find a reason for me to actually make the orgasm beneficial in some way. Often, the motivation is to relapse in a different way than before (experiment mindset), and this time I had the good reason to actually transmute the sexual energy into my heart as I was much more aware of what was going in my present moment.

In that moment after the orgasm, I felt good, I felt calm and no worries, but I would very soon become aware of how weak and sapped I have become after the relapse, the mind then went and put me in a more negative state, and I got more thoughts about watching porn during the day, but I didnt give into them.

I feel like now after that relapse I have gotten more aware of the process that is going on, and the negative side-effects of a relapse, but this brute force awareness approach takes a very long time to be integrated, so lets be a strategic motherlover:

• I need to eliminate the reasons for why im fapping in the first place, so that I wont find a reason to continue fapping when I for example touch my dick while being unaware of my motivations, even better is to eliminate the reasons I give into cravings in the first place. One of the ways to do this is to constantly focus on my LP, so that my compelling reason is to not distract myself from my work + create suffering. 
• Another way is that I can start to actually study the real techniques of transmuting sexual energy so that one of my big reasons to "experiment with my dick" will be eliminated, and so that I can keep my sexual energy in check so that it does not accumulate in the head or genitals and make me horny and prone to relapse.
• I shall stop thinking about NoNut, thinking about it makes me attract it, and I normally worry about relapse. Like I did recently, I will automatically think about my purpose when a thought about NoNut appears, so that I dont attract a relapse. This is maybe why many of my days on the last streak were really easy ones.

Ahh man, life is hard, I should stop fooling around and go ham on life.

[TheAvatarState]

@Igor82 yeah I've learned through a lot of trial and error that drugs of any kind, even consciousness-raising psychedelics can trigger this. This might seem really weird, but yeah. Take a break from all of that shit until you complete your challenge. Or lower your challenge standards, I think 180 days could be too big of a goal for your ego mind to grasp, causing you to easily be able to convince yourself it isn't "really" achievable. You have to be able to listen to your body and adjust stuff accordingly. Also never beat yourself up about relapsing. You're not immediately starting from ground zero, you just had a 10 day streak! Being able to recover quickly and apply self-love and higher-perspectives can help keep your momentum in the right direction.

[Igor82]

@TheAvatarState I actually like that I have a 180day goal, it does not discourage me because I know I can reach it. What is required is that I shape my life and my mindset so that I can focus on other stuff with enough vigor for me to completely forget about PMO, and I know that breakthrough is coming. I have previously done this before about a year ago with a6 month streak and I know I can do it again. This is not anymore the hardcore do-or-die challenge that I initially signed up for, this is more like a journey and I gotta be strategic in order to succeed.

Day 1: 4/10

Today was one of those days. I woke up late, slept enough and felt good in my body. I had no schedule, so after I cleaned my room, I was supposed to do my Kriya yoga and then go fulfill and awesome day, but I got distracted by my laptop. Watching youtube got pretty boring after a while, but I still just wanted to escape the fact that I gotta do the difficult Kriya. I couldn't muster my strength sit down and actually do it and I would rather watch another video, then another video...

And so I started to get cravings for porn. I did sit with a couple of cravings, but I sat there on the couch ready to watch another video, so sitting with cravings didn't do much to change my situation, so they kept coming. Eventually I chose to go and watch some porn images, and after briefly watching 5 of them, I had enough, I felt like I have satisfied the urge, no need to watch anymore porn, so I went back to watching youtube videos.

And so, more cravings came, there were no logical reason for me to give into the craving as I knew all too well of what was gonna happen as I remembered my last experience with porn and how it crushed my masculinity, but as I was in a cycle of distraction anyways, what more harm would it do to watch some more porn? So I gave in to the cravings again, and eventually I watched porn for about and hour although really mindfully. The porn really didn't resonate with me, I kept asking myself "what the hell am I doing?". As my lust to do any other activity was diminished by the constant urge to distract myself, I kind of felt sad about what was happening. I waited for my strength to return, for a strong calling to get back on track overwhelm me, but I really didn't want to do the Kriya! Eventually I stopped watching the porn out of being disgusted, and I instead went to the kitchen and had some conversations with my mother.

I do not consider this as a relapse as I didn't touch my dick, and watching the porn was a very eye-opening experience for me.

Strategy:

• My feeling of being productive really hinges on my schedule. I cant feel productive if I know I gotta meditate. Either im being productive or im distracting myself from being so. The meditation is key here because if I would have done this super-mandatory and quite difficult task of the day, then I would feel liberated and free to really be productive.
• Transmuting my sexual energy in that situation wouldn't really matter as I would just keep sitting around watching youtube anyways. The transmutation of sexual energy wouldn't do any difference as it would be directed towards distracting myself.
• My sense of being on track with life is not very present, and my passion is not strong enough. Im working on this, but unless im getting more passionate about life, days like these are unavoidable. This is why I sense a breakthrough coming, because im getting closer and closer to finding my true path in life.
• If I can completely focus on my lifestyle, I know that I can win this challenge, but how can I avoid situations like these, where the day has gone so bad that im prone to self sabotage?
  • If a day goes bad and I feel like distracting myself rather than meditating, then I will push the meditation up my schedule (maybe to the evening), so I can feel liberated to do something more productive instead.
  • I have to avoid sleep-deprivation. I suspect that I felt good in my body and ready to be productive today because I had slept enough the night prior.
  • I will learn the sexual energy transmutation so that I can combo the killing of my addiction with my life purpose even more.

Action steps: -  Implement these, and im unstoppable.

• Being more flexible with my meditation session in days of feeling unmotivated.
• Focus on going to sleep earlier
• Prioritise reading the sexual energy transmutation book

 

 

[TheAvatarState]

@Igor82 if that works for you, then great! Just suggesting things that might be helpful. 

While watching porn itself isn't a relapse, be extremely careful of doing that. It'll make you crave PMO like 10 times harder within the next few days. You're really just shooting yourself in the foot when you do that. Don't kid yourself it's the "P" in the "PMO," so it's like a mini relapse in itself, setting you up for failure. 

[Igor82]

@TheAvatarState Thanks for reminding me and thank you for the tips! Its really funny how I chose to not open myself up for the love you are gave me there, I kind of took the prior comment you wrote as an offence, like "I know this better than him, its my journey, who thefuck is this guy?"

Now this little shift happened as I actually noticed the impact of your words, and I greatly appreciate the time you have taken to give me your perspective on things and the love you have put into those words!

Why cant I receive your gifts with love, whatever those gifts are? Why do I sit here being negative? Lets say that my mother comes into my room and tells me to go to sleep, then I can either say "Fuckoff, im watching anime, stop bothering me" or I can say "Hey, thanks mom, I should actually go to sleep. Thanks for being so kind and reminding me of that, I love you, goodnight"

Really tricky stuff how you look at things.

Thank you man, I love you forever <3 I have really digested the love within your words (and the tips themselves ofc), and im grateful for your concern. I just wanted to let you know

[TheAvatarState]

@Igor82 wow, thank you for opening up to me like that. I really do care about you, and I want you to succeed in your journey! ❤️

Perspective is everything. The situations themselves, you cannot change them IN THAT MOMENT. Not even 1%... However, the way you move forward is based on your perspective and limiting beliefs, so those are everything. Everything boils down to inner game. It would be wise not to underestimate how powerful this knowledge can be if actualized. 

[Igor82]

@TheAvatarState Thank you for this insight! It has become very very useful<3;

Day 2 - 2/10: Relapse (Read the trip report, the juicy NoFap insight written at the "Insights" section) This was definitely the most worthwhile relapse I have ever had.

The 3 keys for killing off the addiction:

• Constantly being aligned with a purpose thus only thinking about how to live the best life
• Letting go of thoughts of the addiction by always looking forward in the direction of your purpose, never beating yourself up after a relapse aka not thinking about the addiction.
• Transmuting sexual energy to overcome hornyness.