Has anybody gone through this? (emotions)

[MM1988]

I denied that I even have emotions and was depressed my whole life since a teenager. Ive started my daily meditation practice 1 1/2 years ago (now yoga) and I saw that I was slowly but steady able to recognize bad emotions but I was still not able to do anything about it. About 3 weeks ago it seems like I broke some threshhold and it finally clicked and I now understand what it means to allow emotions. Im easily conscious of my emotional state the whole day and whenever I feel bad I lay down or find a quiet place and work through it.

The thing is, ive been doing this for 3 weeks now and the bad emotions just keep coming and coming. I can work through an issue and feel really good and like im done with it for good - and about 1 hour later its back and I have to do it all over again. I can go to sleep feeling relaxed and I wake up feeling miserable all over again. I swear on the weekends Ive been lying on my couch for hours without distractions working through depression just to have it reappear the same day. At work I have to suck it up for a while or I wouldnt get any work done but I still try to allow the feelings whenever possible. 

 

Has anybody gone through this? Does it get better? I dont know if its the built up shit over the years, or if this is just my life now.

Edited December 3, 2018 by MM1988

[purerogue]

You have to find cause of it, it is some kind  of idea that bothers you , I do not know what it is, you have to find it and solve it. 

 

[youngshinzen]

@MM1988 My bioenergetic therapist said that once she started, she kept on crying for 7 years... It could take a long time, but I don't think that it will always be as hard as now, just like no one can be happy for a few years straight. 

[purerogue]

It comes and go, thinking mind will find its sorrows. 

[Barna]

Do you have emotions? Or are you just aware of them? 

If you don't have emotions, then why are they a problem? 

When you're watching a sad movie, do you feel like you have to stop the movie to work through your emotions? Probably not because the events in the move are not happening to you. Do you think that you're living your life and it's happening to you? 

It's okay to have emotions and if you have time feel free to fully focus on them. Just don't make a problem out of them. 

If you have a solution for the cause of your emotions then use your emotions as the energy to solve the cause of your negative emotions. 

If you don't have a solution for the causes then use your emotions as a spiritual practice. Just sit with them. Don't focus on the story of your emotions, but focus on the awareness of the emotions. 

If your emotions are too strong then let them destroy you. Die to your emotions, but keep on breathing. That's how masters are born.

[ground]

2 hours ago, MM1988 said:

I denied that I even have emotions and was depressed my whole life since a teenager. Ive started my daily meditation practice 1 1/2 years ago (now yoga) and I saw that I was slowly but steady able to recognize bad emotions but I was still not able to do anything about it. About 3 weeks ago it seems like I broke some threshhold and it finally clicked and I now understand what it means to allow emotions. Im easily conscious of my emotional state the whole day and whenever I feel bad I lay down or find a quiet place and work through it.

The thing is, ive been doing this for 3 weeks now and the bad emotions just keep coming and coming. I can work through an issue and feel really good and like im done with it for good - and about 1 hour later its back and I have to do it all over again. I can go to sleep feeling relaxed and I wake up feeling miserable all over again. I swear on the weekends Ive been lying on my couch for hours without distractions working through depression just to have it reappear the same day. At work I have to suck it up for a while or I wouldnt get any work done but I still try to allow the feelings whenever possible. 

 

Has anybody gone through this? Does it get better? I dont know if its the built up shit over the years, or if this is just my life now.

Now that you have experienced this think  about the innumerable sentient beings who suffer from such kinds of emotions like you do. Try to develop compassion towards them wishing they get rid of their suffering forgetting your own situation for the time being. The more compassion you will be able to generate for these innumerable sentient being the less you will be plagued by such emotions. Cultivate the selfless wish that they be free from suffering. That will release you from your own suffering.

Edited December 3, 2018 by ground