Yesterday I saw the tail of the Ox...

[Lauritz]

Okay, yesterday I had this experience, which I would say can be described as the seeing of the tail of the Ox in Zen-terms. 

I focused on the present moment and then it suddenly dawned on me that I was dissolving. It felt physical. Difficult to describe... Or maybe the feeling was like a remembering that I do not exist, a melting into the moment. Complete absence of any concepts for a few seconds. But then I panicked, my heart took a jump and I pulled back. I realized that I didn't know anything. I saw that actually 99% of what I experience on a moment to moment basis is my story around the present moment. I always live in this story, it's constantly active in the background. But in that moment none of that existed, it seemed like an infinite moment, or rather a moment without time, very mysterious, unknowable.

Would this be called a Kensho? Did some of you experience something similar? And how may I be able to surrender and stay in that state? Why did I panic instead of feeling anything positive about it? 

[kieranperez]

I wouldn’t say that’s kensho. Kensho is more of a glimpse into your true nature. But you’re on the right track. Get you directly. You’re right there. It’s true right now. You seem to be realizing and accepting how much you deeply don’t know... and that’s a GOOD thing.

[Leo Gura]

@Lauritz You saw one dust particle that flew off the tail of the Ox

[cetus]

3 hours ago, Lauritz said:

Why did I panic instead of feeling anything positive about it? 

@Lauritz Because you saw there was no "you" in it and that scared the S&*T out of you. It tends to do that at first glimpse. But cheer up. Something positive did happen. Conscionseness awoken to conscionseness for a moment or two.

[Forestluv]

@Lauritz It is super common for the self to panic and pull back when getting it's first glimpses. It's a good sign that you are onto something deeper than your current consciousness level.

[Lauritz]

The thing is, I don't even know what I really before this insight. I was at the gym and after the workout thought "let's just relax and be present". Maybe it was the lack of any special attempt and the quick change from high ego state (strength training) to low ego state...

But I do meditation for almost 10 years. Almost daily. No such thing ever happened during practice. I hope next time I can relax into it more fully and it stays for longer. 

[Forestluv]

1 minute ago, Lauritz said:

I hope next time I can relax into it more fully and it stays for longer. 

That's a great attitude. I remember training for lucid dreaming. In one dream I did a reality check and became conscious that I was in a dream. I got so excited, that I woke myself up . I thought next time, I'm just going to be chill and relax into it.