This life is FUCKED. IF there is a god fuck you for creating it

[SageModeAustin]

@non_nothing I do not have a PhD. I’m an undergrad. 

[TheAvatarState]

@SageModeAustin I feel you man. Life is hard. I'm also going through a really rough time. It seems like the distance between Nihilism and God-awareness gets shorter every day. One day I'll feel so happy and peaceful that I'm on the right path, the next I'll descend into egoic mind Chaos... There's nothing but suffering. None of this actually matters. What's the point? FUCK THIS!!!!! 

I know that these thoughts are illusion. I know this is a violent grasp of the ego to regain control of "reality." I know these emotions inside me are doing everything in their power to make me quit and fall back asleep. Despite this "knowing", I can't control my emotions and I'll still feel them. Emotions overwhelm logic 10 times out of 10. It's literally the most violent and savage battle ever conceived, and it's playing out inside my own mind. Perhaps it's the Dark Night of the Soul that everyone's talking about. It's like a dark vice grip, and I can't control it. 

Here's the bitter (or sweet?) irony of it: Everything you said was true. Not even Leo Gura can deny that. But he'd tell you that it's a perspective. "Nothing matters" is the fact. Is that the ugliness of it? Or is that the beauty of it? See, I can understand the infinite beauty of this infinite void/consciousness that evolved to where we are right now just so that it could experience and marvel at itself. It's mind-blowing how beautiful this universe is. Inexpressible.

On the other hand, I can also see the suffering in it. The grueling nature of it. The filth. The stink. This isn't just a human perspective, look out in nature and the universe. It's cold. It's heartless. It's savage. Everything that lives has to fucking struggle to stay alive. Death is inevitable. It fills me with sadness, disgust, and a little rage that we're trapped here with no say in the matter. I'm being as open and honest as I can, for you. 

I can see both perspectives so clearly, so fully. I can feel each on a cellular level. What's interesting is that they both make me cry, but for vastly different reasons. I cry with joy and wonder when I experience the beauty of nature. It's the most beautiful sensation one could ever have. Nirvana. On the other hand, I cry like a little child when I experience the anger and helplessness of existential defeat. It's the most palpable and sour emotion you could imagine. It's literally what it feels like to die and not have anyone else care about you or remember you; it literally rips your heart out. Imagine yourself as the man on the floor bleeding to death, still conscious, watching the credits of your life roll past your eyes. Helpless. Is this not the worst fate imaginable? That's because you're taking the perspective of someone who is dying. "Is dying" is an active mode of consciousness. Notice that. You can be locked in that mode while still physically "living." That's the tragedy. 

Notice how both of these perspectives seem to lie at the same point: Ultimate Truth. Remember Leo talking about the theme of things going full circle? You must go past the inflection point to get to what lies beyond. Life and Death are balanced at the same point. They are the same thing. That duality collapses. God and the Devil aren't on opposite sides of the spectrum of "goodness!" They actually wrap around to lie at the same exact point! God is the Devil. That duality must collapse.

But what lies beyond (inflection point), and is there even such a thing? Yes! Even though they're viewing the same thing, there's a very clear and distinct difference between these two perspectives. This may sound really strange.... but it's TIME. Yes, you read that right. "Wait, what? How does that make any sense?" Or if you've heard about this concept before, it really is that simple. That. Fucking. Simple. It's hilarious how simple it is. The difference between someone thinking the world is ugly or beautiful is directly correlated with how much they're living in the present moment. That's literally the only difference between the two perspectives. Now, notice how I'm not saying both perspectives are equally valid... One is closer to Truth, one isn't. One is illusion and ego-based. One isn't. In one perspective, you're trapped in your own mind and actively dying. In the other, you're actively living. I'm not going to spell it all out for you, but the more you contemplate this, the more you'll realize how true this is.

It's easy to delude ourselves into thinking it's more complicated or that there's some other way. But it really is that simple. Good luck my friend! I'm certain that I helped myself just as much, if not more, by writing this out.

And yes, I'm aware that you could have been tongue in cheek. Doesn't matter. Because this is actually a perspective one could have. I wrote it for myself and anyone else who might need it.

Edited December 4, 2018 by TheAvatarState
The Possibility of Sarcasm

[Haumea2018]

What if...YOU were the God that was creating it?

That means you could recreate it as well.

 

Edited December 4, 2018 by Haumea2018

[SOUL]

It seems you need to activate your sage mode, Austin.

If there is infinite suffering, that means there is infinite liberation.

[Mu_]

Ya SOUL has a good point, theres the flip side of the coin if your gonna accept one side.  Focus on that instead and see what shifts.....or not.

[Nexeternity]

We dont know whats up with life.

Seriously, we dont know.  Like really.  Really really.

Maybe this world is an infinite suffering machine so that we appreciate more the world that shows up after we die.  Who knows?

The important thing is... heal yourself.  Love yourself.  Do what you need to do to feel good.

Take it easy.  Relax.  Be easy on yourself.

Hope you feel better soon friend.

[luckieluuke]

@TheAvatarState Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I´m in a similar position but finally moved onto realizing the beauty rather than the horror of it all. But this battle is much more subtle in me.

[SageModeAustin]

@TheAvatarState you should write a book my friend 

[Roman25]

On 12/2/2018 at 10:18 PM, SageModeAustin said:

whats the point of it all? We all start as innocent children filled with joy and as life goes on it gets taken from us. Our views get distorted and we become rigid and in pain. We die with dreams we once had as kids, some of us fulfilling them some of us not, but in the end its all meaningless. THere is INFINITE SUFFERING its happening everywhere and its fucking bullshit! What's the point of me trying to get a PhD in neuropsychology?! Hah! Me pretending that I can help end this universal suffering by doing so is fucking NAIVE! HAHAHA what a fucking fool I am. A damned fool. 

Life does not bend to human concepts of fairness. I wouldn't say it is infinite suffering. The world will end.

Edited December 4, 2018 by Roman Edouard

[luckieluuke]

@Roman Edouard So why are you still alive?
BTW what kind of logic says that you need to be old enouf...what about jumping of a height, standing in front of a train, hanging so on and so on.
Please tell me you´re just trolling us....don´t even know why I feed you...

[lmfao]

1 hour ago, Roman Edouard said:

I don't see why people want to live so much. I only see logic in that if you're not old enough to buy things to off yourself.

@Roman Edouard careful not to cut yourself with all of that edge. 

[FoxFoxFox]

Why are we here? Just to suffer?

[AlwaysBeNice]

Pain also brings release, rediscovery and compassion.

If you can live with love, whilst keeping a respectful relationship with yourself, you can live happy.

-

So keep it personal, don't take responsibility for others, especially not when you can't take proper responsibility for yourself.

And you don't know how others experience their reality ultimately, truly, or how Life will help them transcend their pain and what comes out of that.

-

If there is one thing I actually learned on this path, aside from the fact how important love and honesty are, and what I did not foresee,

is how utterly different experience can be, even in apparent dire circumstances, some may be loving that, you don't know.

Of course, we can sense it rightly to some degree, but be careful with your assumptions.

[Roman25]

10 hours ago, luckieluuke said:

@Roman Edouard So why are you still alive?
BTW what kind of logic says that you need to be old enouf...what about jumping of a height, standing in front of a train, hanging so on and so on.
Please tell me you´re just trolling us....don´t even know why I feed you...

So apparently me telling what I actually feel from the type of life that I have = me being a troll + me getting a warning sign. Don't even know why I still come to this forum. I also answered your question already.

[pluto8]

On 12/3/2018 at 1:48 AM, Mikael89 said:

@EvilAngel I agree.

"Life is suffering." - Buddha

And there's no evidence that it will ever get better. It's probably just wishful thinking that there will be a happy ending.

Buddha says life is suffering, but are we able to overcome this with our minds. Also, I believe the Buddha also said he wanted to transcend suffering. What does that mean?

[pluto]

@SageModeAustin Create a new universe, you deliberately put yourself in this viewpoint of consciousness because you know you will eventually transcend it. I've had many moments of giving myself the finger but at the end of the day its all me, so if i don't change, the mirror will never change either.

You can't beat yourself, its impossible.

[Bal]

I once felt similarly to how you say you feel. Then someone pointed me to a story called The Starfish Thrower. I'll paraphrase it, but you can find it with your favorite search engine.

An older gent takes a walk along the beach. He sees lots of starfish that were thrown onto the shore by a storm and many of them appear to be dying. Off in the distance, he sees a small boy throwing starfish back into the ocean. His curiosity piqued, he goes over to the boy and asks what he's doing.

"I'm throwing the starfish back into the sea where they belong and can live."

The man points to all the starfish along the beach and says, "All your effort... It'll hardly make a difference before they're all dead."

The boy picks up another starfish and throws it out to sea. He looks up at the man and says, "It made a difference to that one."

***

I also recommend that if you are on Facebook you look up GMB Akash, a photojournalist, I believe out of Pakistan. He posts stories of people's miseries - really terrible stuff. But he also posts stories of some of them rising above their circumstances. And Akash is, himself, like the boy in The Starfish Thrower.

In Yiddish, the boy would be called a mensch. In Buddhism, a Bodhisattva. 

There are worse things to be... 

For whatever my opinion is worth, I do wish you peace and solace.

~ Bal

Edited December 26, 2018 by Bal

[Truth Addict]

On 03/12/2018 at 5:18 AM, SageModeAustin said:

THere is INFINITE SUFFERING its happening everywhere and its fucking bullshit!

Whoever said that is lying to you.

[Anton Rogachevski]

On 12/3/2018 at 8:48 AM, Mikael89 said:

@EvilAngel I agree.

"Life is suffering." - Buddha

And there's no evidence that it will ever get better. It's probably just wishful thinking that there will be a happy ending.

I'm afraid that's a common misconception of what he said. It's also out of context.

Life is suffering! Simply let go of it. No life = No suffering

[Anton Rogachevski]

3 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

Suicide?

If not: it's not possible to simply let go of it. If I sit down and put 100% effort in letting go absolutely nothing happens.

Let go of letting go too.

Accepting of reality as it is = letting go of it = letting go of self = no desire = no suffering