I'm in a constant "state" of witnessing now... Woah...

[kieranperez]

I posted about this 2 days ago but this is becoming weirder and weirder now. 

I can word what I'm living day-day now a few different ways:

1. A constant "state" of witnessing (it doesn't feel like a state though) 
2. The falling away of self
3. Ever present not knowing
4. Witnessing the unreality of reality (basically how I'm seeing through the illusion of "wakeful" reality right now and the reality like when I'm dreaming)

I'm starting to have this thing of like "I'm either going batshit crazy and this is going to get a whole lot weirder or I'm right and this is still going to get a whole lot weirder". My mindfulness right now just walking around is on this whole heightened new level. I can feel more in my emotions, I can observe through an open unfiltered lens so much more clearly and effortlessly, I hear people at say Golden Gate Park around me and I can almost feel into what they're saying,.. like where they're really coming from... Like I can hear someone talking to someone they're with sitting across from me and I can feel them holding onto something... I don't know it's weird, in yet.. I'm not disturbed by any of this. 

Lately, for those that follow my occasional my all my emotional rants and emotional diarrhea that I post on here, whenever I started feeling like that, I go for a walk now for 25 min from my place over to Golden Gate Park and I find a bench by myself and just sit and do nothing totally motionless and locked in. It's pretty me tricking myself into doing the Do Nothing Meditation. I don't keep track of time or anything. I just sit there. I keep my eyes fixed and just sit there. Today I sat for a few hours (before this my longest sit was an agonizing hour which I haven't done since the beginning of this year maybe) and I sat until the sun set. After maybe 30 minutes of just letting my thoughts just barf out of my mind, I found myself naturally reach this state of heightened mindfulness which I'm describing and I just lock into the present moment with such an ease it's freaky as to how I struggle so much with this. Then I start kinda going deeper and more into the present moment to the point where every self referential thought just seems blatantly ridiculous to the point where I can't react and this brings even deeper into how my whole "waking" life is driven by concepts that I'm enslaved by and that this is all flat out false because none of it is real which brings me to a deeper state of not knowing. By the time all of this is done and I get up, every thing I look at, every thought that arises, everything I hear, everything and everyone I feel is all without assumption and life now has that mysterious "what is all of this?" 

I feel kinda close to something but I don't know what. All that remains with me though now is more mystery and a "state" of witnessing of how everything I deem "myself" to be experiencing (looking at people cross the street, the wall in front of me, traffic, the 2 naked dudes with police hats and holding whips I saw on Haight & Ashbury...) is no different than a dream like when I'm sleeping. 

Thoughts? Tips? Advice on how to go deeper?

[ZZZZ]

5 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

I found myself naturally reach this state of heightened mindfulness which I'm describing and I just lock into the present moment with such an ease it's freaky as to how I struggle so much with this. Then I start kinda going deeper and more into the present moment to the point where every self referential thought just seems blatantly ridiculous to the point where I can't react and this brings even deeper into how my whole "waking" life is driven by concepts that I'm enslaved by and that this is all flat out false because none of it is real which brings me to a deeper state of not knowing. 

This is essentially what you are after with all of these meditative practices. It sounds like you are getting pretty good at identifying the ego for what it really is. Have you been able to clearly and truly disidentify yourself with it entirely if you sit and focus? If not, I recommend basic self inquiry, that's what ultimately got me to that point, after a bunch of other work. If you're already at that point, then I would say you should be working on taking this state that you are able to achieve in a semi-formal meditative setting, and start employing it 24/7 in everything you do throughout the day. Taming the Ox (from stage 4 to stage 5), if you want to use Leo's video to conceptualize where you are at. This will help reduce the self referential thoughts and kill the ego entirely.

[Forestluv]

That's some nice consciousness- expanding experience. Thanks for writing about it to us? 

[kieranperez]

@Serotoninluv it's funny, the less structured I keep it now and start with Do Nothing, the easier all the other techniques are (concentration, mindfulness, contemplation/self-inquiry, etc.). I don't know how people start off meditating with concentration. For me I need to just totally and completely do nothing first, get all that mental diarrhea out and then everything comes after that. What's funny is that I could've kept going till I fell asleep. Every time a desire to just get up came, the more ridiculous and silly it seems because I can see it for what it is. 

@ZZZZ  no I still need to breakthrough on who and what I am. 

I think the most helpful tip I've been remembering that's been helping me is the tip "nothing is hidden. it's right here. it's not elsewhere. it's true now."

[ZZZZ]

7 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

@Serotoninluv it's funny, the less structured I keep it now and start with Do Nothing, the easier all the other techniques are (concentration, mindfulness, contemplation/self-inquiry, etc.). I don't know how people start off meditating with concentration. For me I need to just totally and completely do nothing first, get all that mental diarrhea out and then everything comes after that. What's funny is that I could've kept going till I fell asleep. Every time a desire to just get up came, the more ridiculous and silly it seems because I can see it for what it is. 

@ZZZZ  no I still need to breakthrough on who and what I am. 

I think the most helpful tip I've been remembering that's been helping me is the tip "nothing is hidden. it's right here. it's not elsewhere. it's true now."

You are very close.  That tip is very true; I found it fairly meaningless/confusing until I finally had my definitive awakening experience, but now I look back and laugh at how simple it has been this entire time. It should be encouraging, even if things still seem hidden right now. 

Just ask yourself, "who am I?" and if you are aware of whatever it is that you're observing, or able to "witness" it as you put it, then that isn't you. It may take you some hours until it finally clicks. Try other practices if you start getting frustrated, or just sit there and think about how that thing choosing to be frustrated isn't you 

Edited December 3, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Forestluv]

@kieranperez You’ve been doing a lot of self exploration. It’s cool that you are finding which practices and tweaks work best for you.

[kieranperez]

@Serotoninluv @ZZZZ thanks guys! 

[Nahm]

@kieranperez Great to hear man ❤️

[AleksM]

@kieranperez

Be carefull to not fall into the observer ego trap.

You are doing great and for now you don't have to worry about this trap, its not relevant for your integration process right now but you'll have to resolve it one day...

[Shin]

I'm giving you all the power I have.

But let me finish my newspaper first.

[kieranperez]

@AleksM thanks! Yeah I’m going to take advantage of this whole thing to go deeper into my Contemplation and self inquiry because it feels like I’m catching fire with it now. 

Good post though btw!

[cetus]

15 hours ago, kieranperez said:

• A constant "state" of witnessing (it doesn't feel like a state though) 
• The falling away of self
• Ever present not knowing
• Witnessing the unreality of reality (basically how I'm seeing through the illusion of "wakeful" reality right now and the reality like when I'm dreaming)

@kieranperez You too? The not knowing is really prevelent today for some reason. The undescribable depth of absolute emptiness is all pervasive. The unreality of reality. The unreality of self. The "dream" world.

All this a dream we dreamed one afternoon. -The Greatful Dead

[kieranperez]

23 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

@kieranperez You too? The not knowing is really prevelent today for some reason. The undescribable depth of absolute emptiness is all pervasive. The unreality of reality. The unreality of self. The "dream" world.

All this a dream we dreamed one afternoon. -The Greatful Dead

It’s like “yes this is all a dream, all an illusion but... what is the illusion? What am I?” Where I’m at now I imagine is where a lot of people mess up because they can start to intuit and even be aware of the unreality of all of this but that doesn’t answer the question of what this dream/illusion even is. This “state” leaves more questions than answers because it’s like I’m unobstructed by assumptions and answers (hence why I bring up the not knowing). 

I was going to make a whole separate post on this but the not knowing component is so powerful not only because you recognize that no matter answer you get or come up with isn’t what you’re after, but you’re left with that deep “state” of wonder and that alone, at least for me, has been powerfully motivating because now everything seems mysterious and more motivated to investigate and I can spend more time doing this because everything is so unobstructed and no answer does justice to the actual nature of the very thing in question. So yes I’m more open, the possibility is more readily accessible because I have no assumptions in the way, blah blah blah BUT not knowing for me has created this huge fire in me that’s actuay excited to meditate and sit for a long time. I look forward to this. Not knowing powerfully enables this work. 

[cetus]

33 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

Where I’m at now I imagine is where a lot of people mess up because they can start to intuit and even be aware of the unreality of all of this but that doesn’t answer the question of what this dream/illusion even is.

The question itself is part of the illusion. The illusion investigating itself when there is nothing there to find. And by whom could it be found by?. Stay in the emptiness. Put all love into no-knowing. There is no one who needs to know anything.

[purerogue]

5 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

The question itself is part of the illusion. The illusion investigating itself when there is nothing there to find. And by whom could it be found by?. Stay in the emptiness. Put all love into no-knowing. There is no one who needs to know anything.

Wise words,  what you get further is  disappointment and you realize that none needs to know anything, now you have to unlearn. 

Edited December 3, 2018 by purerogue