Emotional and Physical Collapse + Saying Hello

[STMAP]

Hey. I'm new here and want to introduce myself with some history and problems.

I used to be very confident in my abilities for nearly anything, new or old. Things just seemed to always work out and I was always confident that it will. Even after I got diagnosed with a chronic disease that ended in me loosing my job.

I quickly set out building my own teaching business and within a year earned more from that than I did from the job I lost. Two years ago however I suffered a stroke as a result of my disease and since then I wasn't able to pick myself up again. This led to great financial stress which led to relationship problems... and all leading to deep dark depression.

I thought the first step would be to get my depression under control. But then I heard Leo say learn how to hunt first... be the provider... get your finances under control first. I really am trying.... I've applied for numerous jobs I didn't get... and I really want to pick up my teaching business again.

Besides the physical stuff brought on by this disease and the stroke, I know there's a lot of mental stuff holding me back from starting over. Starting over is one of them. It's easier to start from nothing than to have had and lost.

Another thing is loosing it all again. With this disease I have a 60% chance of having another stroke. And for a while I thought there's no use in starting anything now as it won't be long and I'll loose it all again. The stroke didn't come in the time frame I imagined and now I want to, as much as I need to get going on building my business again.

Yet another thing is... I feel I let down a lot of clients. Where most were understanding I had one call up my wife in anger screaming at her because I missed our appointments. Even her explaining that I'm in ICU, unconscious at that moment didn't change his mind. He kept saying how unprofessional I was and he'll never recommend me and would warn family and friends against me. I know this is all a reflection of him and nothing I did... still there's the feeling that I let a lot of people down.

I'm not even really sure what o ask in this forum. I'm going through the videos. Only just started... 4 videos in. I just need something to help get my life back in order.

Thanks to anyone that read this..... and any that has advice to follow.

[ivory]

9 hours ago, STMAP said:

I thought the first step would be to get my depression under control

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I went through years of depression and it was one hell of a time. I don't claim to know how to help yo but depression can manifest for a number of different reasons: self-esteem, needs not being met, traumatic life events, health reasons, etc. If you don't know what's depressing you it can be really difficult to treat. This book may be a good starting point but I would highly recommend getting help from a good therapist. Lastly, be careful about the advice you follow. Pick solid references.

 

Best of luck. Keep us posted.